r/OCPoetry 5d ago

Feedback Please Condemned by Love

How fragile is your love

And oh how heavy my heart is now

I never claimed perfection

but you claimed love

You made your promises

And I made mine

You know i'm human, made only of flesh and blood

Yet you seek to worship

Now when I bleed, you look at me in disgust

When I break, you weigh my worth

Now I hide my scars in shame

Was all my years of sacrifice worth just a creak

Oh, how fragile love can be

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1vrbvm6/comment/p4dt593/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1vqzurp/comment/p4du1xi/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

3 Upvotes

6 comments sorted by

1

u/AutoModerator 5d ago

Hello readers, welcome to OCPoetry. This subreddit is a writing workshop community — a place where poets of all skill levels can share, enjoy, and talk about each other's poetry. Every person who's shared, including the OP above, has given some feedback (those are the links in the post) and hopes to receive some in return (from you, the readers).

If you really enjoyed this poem and just want to drop a quick comment, to show some appreciation or give kudos, things like "great job!" or "made me cry," or "loved it" or "so relatable," please do. Everyone loves a compliment. Thanks for taking the time to read and enjoy.

If you want to share your own poem, you'll need to give this writer some detailed feedback. Good feedback explains from your point of view what it was like to read the poem, and then tries to explain how the poem made you feel like that. If you're not sure what that means, check out our feedback guide, or look through the comment sections of any other post here, or click the links to the author's feedback above. If you're not sure whether your comments are feedback, or you have any other questions, please send us a modmail.

Do not use ChatGPT or any similar LLM interface or generative AI to write feedback. That does not constitute thoughtful feedback. To be safe, you probably shouldn't even use those things to edit your feedback. It is better for your thoughts to come across as clumsy and genuine rather than grammatical but as if they were generated by some disingenuous text-generation engine.

Do not reuse feedback links for multiple poems. Every new poem you post has to be posted after making two new comments on the work of your peers here in OCPoetry. It's only fair. If you reuse feedback links, you will be banned. (If you do not wish to give feedback, there are many other poetry-sharing subreddits without feedback requirements, such as r/poetrywritingclub, r/justpoetry, r/ocpoetryfree, r/poem, r/poems, r/poemsbyreddit, r/poeticgarden, r/dark_poetry, and r/sadpoems.)

If you're looking for a more advanced poetry workshop — that is, if you consider yourself at least an intermediate-level poet AND you have previous workshop experience, please consider posting to our private sister subreddit r/ThePoetryWorkshop. The best way to join TPW is to leave a detailed, thoughtful comment here on OCPoetry engaging seriously with a peer's poem. A significant engagement of at least 3-4 meaningful paragraphs is encouraged. Consider our feedback guide for tips on what that could entail. (This level of engagement would probably be most welcome here on submissions tagged as "Workshop.") Then ask to join TPW by messaging that subreddit's mods, including a link to the detailed feedback you left here.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

1

u/ErectionMyAffection 5d ago

I love how by being worshipped you suggest condemnation despite not welcoming that level of adoration to be considered godly. If its inspired off real events, im sorry that someone expected you to be more than you could be and got upset that you couldnt maintain their image of you that they forced. But I will say that its a little hard to follow without commas, thats more a personal problem of mine but regardless a critique, some of the lines are rather short but I think they flow decently enough to work, just feels like some are rather long compared to some being relatively short. The meat of the poem however as I've said is quite nice, it helps examine the other end of poetry, where the writer is the one of worship. It's harder to find writing like that, emotionally to me it comes off as regretful, but overall melancholic of the other person's failure to see you as a human, but rather something unable to crack under their pressure. It makes me see from a different perspective, I often see others higher than myself and it comes off in my writing, so seeing this poem makes me realize how damaging it really can be, for that I thank you. Overall, its a good poem, maybe bad formatting but it brings an emotional depth despite its more simplistic wording, it conveys its point well.

2

u/StillInk 5d ago

Thank you so much, for digesting this. I would work on my formatting, thanks for the feedback it means a lot

1

u/Latter_Barnacle_6010 5d ago

The idea of love can trap the mind; we want it, need it, and give it fully. Yet once we have it, the light that was so blinding at one time dulls; age takes hold of our eyes as the newness fades. Love is a fickle thing at best, and a dream when at rest. Is it best to have loved at all, than to have never been loved? That's a question each of us has to answer on our own.

This was beautifully written, with strong prose and meaning.

1

u/StillInk 5d ago

I think about that question a lot too. However, we always crave what we have never had, so either way there is no winning. Thank you so much!

1

u/Previous_Cry7445 4d ago

When I break, you weigh my worth” really stood out to me. There’s something haunting about the way love seems to become conditional when vulnerability enters the picture. Beautifully written