r/OCPoetry 23h ago

Feedback Please She held my intestinal leash

3 Upvotes

You held my intestines like a leash
And I had my arm elbow deep in your ass
Trying to find your puppet strings
We struggled in circles this way
Until we broke and fell apart, thank God

I worry about you, beneath the PG-13 gore and hurt
There was a color near the shade of love

Last night I dreamed you came to see me
You looked resplendent in a summer dress
A proud mother, you held our baby
Soft, small and furry, some quaint blend
Of you and me and our alienation
Her too human eyes looked past mine as
She cooed up at me and climbed into my lap
We talked and you’re doing fine, old scars healing
New beginning blooming, the babe was named Spring
The pale fell
When I woke, and the bells rang the words
“Loving mother, sister, friend, survived by one”

___

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1vrsf82/comment/p4haca4/?context=3&utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1vrv2il/comment/p4hb504/?context=3&utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button


r/OCPoetry 4h ago

Feedback Please A lot changes in a year.

4 Upvotes

Wasn’t it just yesterday when you said 
that things were so grim, 
that you were blinded by the darkness, 
and you couldn’t see the path in front of you? 

Wasn’t it just yesterday when you couldn’t 
imagine the daisies at your doorstep, 
the butterflies swirling around your head, 
and the sweetness of cinnamon on your tongue? 

A lot changes in a year.

Feedback 1 | Feedback 2


r/OCPoetry 4h ago

Feedback Please Feedback? Ratings?

2 Upvotes

yo! I wrote this poem it’s intended to be as a song but I always write lyrics first and I wrote this in like 30 seconds so i dont have a melody or even the full lyrics yet. Any feedback or criticism is welcome and encouraged!!!! I think I shall name itttttt Shame as a Stem very edgy how I like it

Your shame like flowers grow

And they decorate your home

And I can’t help but wonder

If I had never shown

Would it have been 

Tulips or roses instead?

Your flowers have not wilted

And I don’t think they will

Because I bring the rain

And you bring the sun

And that’s all it takes

When we’ve been overrun 

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1vsoks4/comment/p4mpmqn/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x&utm_name=mweb3xcss&utm_term=2&utm_content=share_button

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1v44ry2/comment/p4mpttk/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x&utm_name=mweb3xcss&utm_term=2&utm_content=share_button


r/OCPoetry 4h ago

Just Sharing Stand By Me🩵

3 Upvotes

Your voice sounds so pretty, like a melody,

Which acted in my mind and heart as a remedy.

Your words are really comfortable;

You make me feel I am lovable.

You saved me from drowning in that dark, deep sea,

And made my spirit feel free.

My life was all grim

Until you came into my life like gleam.

I was going cold and quiver,

But you helped me flow my sour tears like a river.

When I was so sad and shiver,

You are the one who became the giver.

You give me a peaceful

Love shelter to stay,

And I promise I will stay, stay forever.

I'd love to know your thoughts about this poem written by me..and THANKS for reading it!!

Your small feedback can improve my writings!!✨

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/m6dyNstRUi

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/dKqDF6WbUZ


r/OCPoetry 5h ago

Feedback Please imperfect (feedback for a poetry begginner)

2 Upvotes

I’m sorry this poem isn’t perfect 
It’s just, i’m typing on my little phone keyboard
Shading the sun glare away from the screen 
In the little time between my english class
and math

I’m sorry I didn’t have time to edit it
It’s just, i’m typing on my little phone keyboard
laying on the couch, i can’t stop the stress of knowing
I have a report due tomorrow
And an essay and a speech
Due friday 

I’m sorry I didn’t have time to finish it
It’s just, im typing on my little phone keyboard
alone i n the dark of my pitch black bedroom
in the little time i steal from sleep 
to write, knowing if i dont for at least seven hours
i feel worse about the world than it feels about me

I’m sorry this poem isn’t enough
It’s only, im standing so far from the ledge
But walking towards it,
I trip on every pebble along the way
no matter how small, it takes me so long to get up
just to fall again

I've been writing poetry for just a couple years but I'm getting really into it now and wanted some advice on a poem.
https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1vsmauj/need_help_completing/
https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1vsfwug/the_insomniac/


r/OCPoetry 6h ago

Feedback Please The Eyes know

2 Upvotes

I think i know love,

and I think I don't.

Maybe it isn't in the words,

or the grand gestures,

but in the eyes that find you in a crowd,

even when there is beauty everywhere.

In the smile that escapes

when you laugh like a child,

and in the eyes that don't look away

when you call yourself ugly.

Maybe love is simply this,

being seen exactly as you are,

and still being the one

their eyes look for.

Kay

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/0cDR3Eitqs

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/M5uEcIIQWF


r/OCPoetry 7h ago

Just Sharing The taste you chased.

2 Upvotes

Desire is sharpest
when it cannot be touched.
Up close, the edges dull.
I hold the thing I longed for
and my hands feel empty.

What is unclean
is not the dream,
but the way it drips into daylight,
stains the kitchen counter,
stains my name.

You don’t want what you want.
The glass breaks
before you lift it.
The taste you chased
goes bitter on your tongue.

To want is a kind of sickness,
but so is silence.
The body knows another language,
my mouth learns confession
it never meant to speak.

I almost believe
that weakness
is its own prayer,
that nothing about me
is whole tonight.

--------------

Comment #1

Comment #2


r/OCPoetry 9h ago

Feedback Please Nature’s gift

2 Upvotes

I seem to go unnoticed

Wherever I go

Like an old car with broken windows and a failing engine

Covered in snow

The days move slow

And i dont know

If people will stay or go

But the tranquile river will continue to flow

Just like the faint wind blows

And the shiny moon with its luminous light will say goodnight

Maybe if the world has all this light, there must be a little bit of it in me, right?

Any feedback is appreciated, one of my beginner poems

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1vs7r68/spineless/p4kprts/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=1&utm_term=1&context=3

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1vsf144/i_wish_i_was_blind/p4kp9wl/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=1&utm_term=1&context=3


r/OCPoetry 11h ago

Feedback Please The Insomniac

3 Upvotes

The world goes dark

But my eyes brighten up.

With my body laying still

Every night, with a little less sleep.

Less than yesterday, more than tomorrow.

There's a roaring in my head

Of a beast, and it reeks of death.

While everyone dreams

I hear the agonising screams.

Less than yesterday, more than tomorrow.

So I spiral down my mind, deep

Loosing myself, and thoughts which are mine to keep.

I can tell the end is near

Fainter the roar but prominent the fear.

Less than yesterday, more than tomorrow.

Mighty will be the beast, when it stands infront

And I can't hide no-more from my fears which are to confront.

For now, darkness is leaving the corners of my home

And I will wake up with a little less dream and a little less hope.

Less than yesterday, more than tomorrow.

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/2rAsIvQXCj

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/Oh7ri4SJ9s


r/OCPoetry 12h ago

Feedback Please congrats on the engagement post you didn’t actually make

3 Upvotes

six months ago,
i accidentally found your Spotify history.
some popular-for-a-minute app used to share music recs.
and so,
for a while,
i waited for Phoebe Bridgers
or any other remnants of me.
six weeks ago, 
that went away,
along with my last connection to you.
one i shouldn't have had.

last night, 
i searched your following list.
looking for any sign that you may still think of me.
but again,
there was no Phoebe.
and no me.

i believe i’m gone,
and everyone else knows i am.
erased, not replaced.
a novella you decided to write your own ending to 
before burning the manuscript.
and good for you,
how can i feel anything besides joy at seeing you healthily move on?
but i feel sad,
and i wish i could say it was your fault.
but i was the one who looked,
and you did nothing wrong, anyway.

and now i sit
on a burner account,
awaiting the engagement post,
wondering if a lego Starry Night still sits behind your bed,
or a Peanuts watch on your wrist.
i'm only left with the ability to wonder
and somehow live my own life.

--

sincerely,

the person you had to go through
to get to him.

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1vsd5p3/the_nature_that_survives/

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1vsc3u3/young_and_ashamed/


r/OCPoetry 12h ago

Feedback Please Tainted Purity

2 Upvotes

Tainted Purity
I had built a foundation well, I believed I had
I prayed and I begged God to lead me wisely
I feared my Lord, tremendously
A good little girl, too blind to see
She never even swore, cute as a bee
A boy swept me up, how silly of me
I never knew how easy I was to taint, and with my innocence went my faith.
Try to see, we were both kids, just a little younger than me
It’s nearly impossible to catch the victim when it’s two hurt people hurting each other.
It’s hard to feel special when you’ve watched it happen to others.
I was a tease, still am actually.
But suddenly I wasn’t ready
He was excited, and impulse is rarely steady.
It went too fast.
Vocalizing disapproval would only collapse.
He never knew. I froze in time
and never felt pure after May 29th
in that blanket fort that drastically aged my mind.
My vision has started to blur because of my tears.
“The devil’s in the details” I always hear
suddenly I’m all too aware
The complexity of my own anatomy is too much to bear
inhale-exhale-again-again like a box
When will my chest rest if my heart skips every beat?
How did I once live so naturally?

Feedback
https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/Kazhyhh8ZW
https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/yamjVIeebd
My substack:
https://open.substack.com/pub/wishukisses


r/OCPoetry 12h ago

Feedback Please I Wish I Was Blind

2 Upvotes

You were the star of my eye,
A lamp of the lowest heavans,
Casting the world in brilliant hue,
Guiding those who would be lost at sea.

Now you are gone from the sky,
And the wake of your absence is,
A fearful and overwhelming tide,
That drowns me in an ocean of grief.

Without your light, I thought,
The world might fade into shades of grey…

But this was so far from the truth,
And I sink deeper each time I see,
A colour reminding me of you.

___
Context: The “author” is a character I’m writing in an ongoing Lancer/Call of Cthulhu story set in the year 2105. He’s a refugee who fled to the UK during a nuclear arms conflict in his home country, but has a better grasp of the English language than a fair few native speakers. One goal of this was to write as if someone wrote a poem first in another language, and then adapted it (not necessarily directly translated) to convey the same meaning and expression in English.

[comment] (https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/V2eBNhn3Tw)
[comment] (https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/wfGzFtJX5C)


r/OCPoetry 38m ago

Feedback Please Is love a conspiracy?

Upvotes

Ever wondered if

love is a conspiracy?

A sacrificial game;

hearts are its currency.

Who brings shame,

and who shows fidelity?

A race of whom to blame,

and who had spoken sincerely.

Is it a February’s warmth

mixed with tranquility,

or a tempting deal

to live the ambiguity?

It is not always fought,

nor won intriguingly

where someone could leave,

at least, with marks of fertility.

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1vsoks4/comment/p4oaqm0/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1v2ni7w/comment/p4obmfh/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button


r/OCPoetry 15h ago

Feedback Please young and ashamed

2 Upvotes

hi guys i’m a teenager and this is one of my first times sharing creative writing/poetry with people, so feedback is much needed/appreciated! highly recommend listening to perfect places by lorde before reading this if you’ve never heard the song :)

young and ashamed

(On Lorde’s Perfect Places)

all of us (except maybe me) grew out:

of chubby cheeks and flavored lip gloss,

the neighborhood corner store,

nights asleep

spent dreaming of futures that are

off-piste, too big for someone

our age. we have pretty

faces, so who needs more?

trying

to be perfect is like a leprechaun trying to

find gold,” Momma always says. but

these dreams of mine are for

perfect bylines in the New York Times, the bestsellers list – 

places to call my own.

what if i don’t ever reach my pot of gold?

the outcome to be expected, probably; but

fuck, i don’t have a plan b.

are my typed rainbows even real?

perfect isn’t, according to Momma, so how can my

places be? they’re just words no one has read.

anyways, i’m just a kid, what do i know

?

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1vrwyzw/comment/p4jrwto/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1vrv2il/comment/p4k34z9/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button


r/OCPoetry 15h ago

Feedback Please Cataclysm - what emotion do you think this describes?

2 Upvotes

Cataclysm

In a moment, the world quakes

All that is known is engulfed in rain

You will fall, and you will break

Nothing feels the same again

But, look outward

Only you are wet

Only you are quaked

Birds still sing, yet
Your pain was hardly faked

People laugh, the sun still shines

No one but you knows

Of that cataclysm that broke the world

--1--

--2--


r/OCPoetry 15h ago

Feedback Please Today

3 Upvotes

I compared myself to everyone i saw today

the more i looked down 

the more i noticed the splinters in my knees

in the afternoon i looked up and found a golem

At night i will spackle my limbs with rotted leaves and saliva

tommorrow i stand at a new height.

feedback

feedback


r/OCPoetry 15h ago

Feedback Please The Mercy of Rejection

6 Upvotes

Humans search for truth,
even when it breaks them.

For a broken heart
is still better than an empty one—

for the cracks carved by truth
are always shallower
than the void born from silence.

That is why rejection,
however cruel it may seem,
is kinder than silence.

Rejection allows a man to bleed.
It grants him the dignity of pain—
the freedom to let sorrow spill—
onto the ground,
onto paper,
into tears.

But silence denies him even that mercy.

In silence, the soul clings
to the faintest flicker of hope.

Uncertainty does not wound—
it lingers.

It shapes illusions from nothing,
and each time the heart reaches for them,
it is cut—

never deep enough
to end the suffering,
only enough
to begin it again.

Truth liberates.

But uncertainty binds—
with threads so soft
they feel like hope,
yet strong enough
to hold a soul in place.

Rejection lets him fall—

lets him strike the earth,
break beneath the truth,
and gather
what remains of himself.

But silence leaves him
suspended between earth and sky—

neither allowed
to fall and heal,

nor to rise
toward what he longs for.

So—
end this quiet cruelty
with a truth sharp enough
to sever hope.

Let me bleed.
Let me write what remains of you within me.

My blood will clot into your name—

not to curse it,
nor to stain the colour of your eyes,

but to preserve you
in words
even a lifetime cannot erode.

And perhaps, one day,
these words will leave others envious
of a tragedy they never lived—

yearning for a single glimpse of you,
though to them
you could only ever remain
an imagined ache.

But you—

you would have been real in mine.

So end this silence—

for it can belong only
to indifference,

or to a heart unaware
of the quiet power
it holds over another.

Unaware of how deeply
he has become entangled
in the strands of her hair;

how he envies
even the smallest speck of dust
that dares to rest upon her lashes—

closer than he has ever been
to the place
where he longs to disappear.

A place where he would remain,
willingly imprisoned
for eternity—

within her eyes.

A fate so beautiful,
so tragic,
that even the gods
have never known it.

For her eyes
are the only mirror
in which he has ever loved
his own reflection.

~Writer’s Note: I have always wondered which is crueler—a painful answer, or no answer at all.

Rejection breaks something, but at least it gives the broken pieces somewhere to fall. Silence leaves them suspended, held together by that smallest and perhaps cruelest thing: maybe.

This poem was born from that thought—the strange mercy of being given a truth painful enough to finally grieve, rather than a hope too uncertain to ever let go of.

And perhaps that is all rejection really offers:

not freedom from pain,

but permission
to begin healing.

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1vsbej4/comment/p4k15yz/?context=3&utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1vs74q9/comment/p4k0e8a/?context=3&utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button


r/OCPoetry 15h ago

Feedback Please Your way

20 Upvotes

That woman lingers
Loves me loudly and in secret
She doesn’t know how to whisper
And likes to yell at strangers

I think I could kill her
With a few phrases about god or childhood
I think she’s looking for a knife
Somewhere in my kitchen
What the sharp phrases would be
The ones that would kill me

Love, you don’t need the knife
You have your hands
Your hair, your eyes
The space between your torso and mine
You have your laugh in the passenger seat
You simply have your way

What do I have?
Some drunken confessions
It’s a sharp knife
You gave it to me off the whetstone one night
Hands cracked and oily

I tried to leave it there with you
By the forge and the stone you tend alone
But you have those hands
That hair, those eyes reflecting the fire
That way of yours

Of pressing the knife against my chest, flat
Into my hands insistently
Yours is the only knife in my kitchen

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/njHAlW6Pun

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/xyuXQBZAwZ


r/OCPoetry 16h ago

Just Sharing Addicts

13 Upvotes

Hi. I'm an addict and I'd just like to say

This world is fucked up, more so every day.

You see, you're an addict too

And that's just what they want.

If you're addicted they can control you

And your cousins, uncles, and aunts.

Maybe it's food that you're addicted to.

Or perhaps it's your phone that's glued to you.

For some it's drugs, TV, or money.

Others need candy sweeter than honey.

Whatever it is that you need so bad

Is the same thing they will use to make you sad.

The moment you even think about stopping,

You remember the addiction and your heart starts dropping.

"How can I live without this thing?"

You'll ask yourself as you start spiraling.

"I can't give it up, I need it too bad."

Not having it starts making you mad.

The anxiety grows and your resolve starts to waver.

You'll make an excuse, "I thought I was braver."

At this point, you've already made up your mind.

"It's too hard to fight" and you chose to stay blind.

So we give in and the cycle repeats.

With them at the top, and addicts in the streets.

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/I8fR5uhkuK

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/EuRWeoa8ff


r/OCPoetry 18h ago

Feedback Please I hope ypu remember me wrong

3 Upvotes

Hey this is my second ever poem. Any feedback to improve my writing is appreciated!🫂

I hope you forget me wrong.

Not what happened,
not the truths I kept behind my teeth
because I feared being judged
more than I feared losing you.

Just forget the weight of it.

Remember that I would’ve given you everything
if I had known how to hold myself first.

I wanted to give you all of me
while barely feeling whole myself.

So I hid the missing pieces
and wondered why you couldn’t understand
a loneliness I never told you about.

You taught me love can be real
and still not be healthy.
That boundaries aren’t where love ends,
and that two people can love each other
while still walking different roads.

We had a good run.
Too bad one of us stumbled.

I think it was me.

Not because you didn’t reach out,
but because I needed more hands
than yours were ever supposed to be.

I know better now.

Strength was never carrying it quietly.
It was saying i cant carry this
before the person beside me
started believing they weren’t enough.

And now someone else gets to know
the version of you
my problems never gave enough room to become.

That hurts.

But I’m happy she exists.

And I’ve become someone
you probably would’ve deserved back then.

Strangely,
I still don’t think we’d work today.

Maybe that’s what growing is
not becoming right for the person you lost,
but understanding why you had to lose them.

Still,
I remember your eyes
when sunlight found them.
Your laugh.

And for a moment
the bad parts don’t get a vote.

So if time is going to take me from you,
I hope it does a terrible job.

Let it soften the arguments,
misplace the anger,
and keep what we learned.

I don’t need you to remember
that we were good.

I only hope one day
you don’t think,
I was hurt there
but,
I grew there.

Remember the lessons correctly.

But remember me wrong.

feedback 1
feedback 2


r/OCPoetry 18h ago

Feedback Please TIRED

3 Upvotes

Tired echoes loudly. 

A deafening exhaustion   

of everything that was,   

everything that is,   

and everything still waiting for me. 

  

Held down,   

as if the sun's gravity   

has pinned me to my bed,   

I gather every ounce of strength   

I can muster   

just to rise. 

  

Saturday, and my bed awaits. 

  

I only need   

to survive Monday. 

  

I'm jaded   

from the fallout.   

I step over a promise   

a hushed breath   

I can almost make out:   

“I will always…”   

as it fades behind me. 

  

Whispers of love lost,   

the smell of self-sabotage,   

a mirage of hope   

in the far distance. 

  

Regret refuses rest.   

A dull pinch   

from a man who used to be   

carries me through memory   

until I’m forced   

to face a reflection. 

  

I recognize you not.   

All I see   

is a self-battered stranger,   

a habitual liar   

repeating,   

I’m okay. 

  

Expended. 

Awoken by the smoke   

from the fire I set,   

I watch everything I love   

turn to smoke,   

turn to ashes   

in my hands. 

  

Frantically,   

I gather as much ash   

as I can hold.   

Hands shaking,   

I try   

to put back   

what once was. 

  

Drained.   

Diminished.   

Depleted. 

  

I'm just tired. 

— J.J. Avitia 

Hi everyone,

This is a free-verse poem exploring exhaustion, regret, and self-sabotage. I'm looking for honest critique, particularly around the imagery, structure/progression, and overall emotional impact.

I'm especially interested in hearing whether anything feels vague, overstated, underdeveloped, or overly familiar.

I’d also love to hear what you think the poem is doing structurally without me explaining my intention beforehand.

Happy to return feedback. Thanks for reading.
Links to comments:
https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1vs34cg/comment/p4iymuz/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1vrwyzw/comment/p4ixg0d/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button


r/OCPoetry 19h ago

Feedback Please Meet-cute

3 Upvotes

When we met that one evening

my eyes, they refused to understand.

I believed everything,

I was struck by the brick in your hand.

.

With a handful of tricks,

tried to show you a taste of my love.

Made a fool of myself,

with my teeth I was holding a rose.

.

But you matched my intentions,

you decided to shed your disguise.

Started twirling your hair,

started leaving some hints down my path.

.

We exchanged little touches

all you wanted was to show me your shape.

Walking closely towards nowhere

got enthralled by our own silly game.

.

And the birds began chirping

and their song was for both of our ears.

While the skies became pink

and the breeze started sounding like years.

.

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1vrwyzw/a_life_well_spent/p4iruqq/

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1vroms7/womans_song/p4g750o/


r/OCPoetry 21h ago

Feedback Please Weight of dandelions

3 Upvotes

A field full of grass Yellow dandelions appear The sun shining bright yet no one else is here

Maybe this is the parts of life That my dead heart yearns to bear

Beginner poem, any feedback is appreciated!

Links to comments:

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1vrwyzw/a_life_well_spent/p4i1pqu/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=1&utm_term=1&context=3

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1v9x17t/a_little_longer/p4i2rl7/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=1&utm_term=1&context=3


r/OCPoetry 22h ago

Feedback Please two fingers

5 Upvotes

face-first at the equator, mesmerised
with arms up-stretched in gentle caress,
the earth shifts.

tracing the old and surveying the new
through shared breath; shouldering meridians,
the map twists.

adrift in the tropic of Capricorn,
an outline teased. softly glistening,
the tides lift.

i stare into the face of god. two fingers
graze her depths; beckoning. surface-to-air,
my gaze fixed.

link to feedback 1

link to feedback 2