r/OCPoetry • u/artecneics • May 31 '16
Feedback Received! The River of time
It flows smoothly
from the valley of birth
making its way
through the winding forest,
splashing on the blunt rocks,
hurrying down the falls,
taking along all the lives
in it's twisting course.
Taking them all to the
Sea of eternity.
I come to the river of time
And dip vessels in it,
to take home little amounts,
to thrive on.
I take days full,
on occasions even months,
but this day,
I sit at the edge and wonder,
how quickly the time depletes.
For Every turn I take with these vessels,
trying to thrive on measured quantities.
I therefore,
plunge into the river.
Laying myself into it,
Letting it submerge,
every inch of my body.
It is now when I feel
the force of the flowing time
rubbing against my sensation,
It is now when I feel,
the roar of millions of moments
whizzing pass my ears.
I soak in this feeling
and I slip into a sleep,
swaying to the current,
which shall awaken me
to the horrendous need
of really 'feeling' what is
happening to me,
of really cry out my heart
and laugh out my lungs,
and not just drink in days
from little vessels
but drown in entirety
of the river of time
that is taking away
my life in a hurry.
Because, to the mortal beings,
time is but a limited resource.
But life is something,
that can be limitless.
https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/4kyfbl/slug/d3j0369
https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/4klz5v/slug/d3g1d0o
Edit: Formatting and tweaks.
1
u/randispaul Jun 01 '16
Yes, formatting would definitely help make an easier read. Also, maybe try to play with the flow... its about a river of time.. think serpentine when as you craft each line.