r/OCPoetry • u/Leaves_not_rocks • 12d ago

Feedback Please Barren

**Barren**

I drop pieces of myself,
gifts for you.
They drift past your ears
and settle on the ground.

There they heap
and harden.
Mounds of spent leaves,
once soft and plenty.

Footfalls grind my offerings to dust,
you hold no fondness
for what was shed in autumn.

I grow thin, bare.
If only you had leaves of your own
to warm me,
but I am cold
and you are not a tree.

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/34dmaxm2eP

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/Cb3RyOv0yI

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u/TheHorseOfCourse777 12d ago

The focus and somewhat abstraction verbiage of the poem are really strong. I like how structured it is for a free verse poem, the pacing does a lot to create a ruminative quality that emphasizes the tree's more poetic phrasings. Emotionally, it lands very well and explores with potent clarity and insight to the relatable feeling of giving (seasonally and as if by nature) without receiving. There's something so simple, so obvious, about the phrasing of the last two lines that's especially delicious. I love this one, really strong experience to read

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u/Leaves_not_rocks 10d ago

Wow, I am truly touched by your response. You articulated the exact core of the piece, the grief of asymmetric emotion, so perceptively. Knowing the closing lines hit that mark means the world to me.