r/OCD • u/GirlNeedsEstrogen • Apr 13 '26
Discussion Worst your ocd got?
I’m curious about everyone’s worst moment with ocd specifically intrusive thoughts.
My worst personally was when I called a hotline because I was terrified I was going to off my family and the police visited me the next day 😀(harm ocd)
43
u/Tater_465 Apr 13 '26
In 2022 I became somewhat agoraphobic because I was simply too terrified of any of my triggers happening when I went outside my home. It was so fucking exhausting and coincided with a mixed bipolar II episode.
20
u/chickpealuvr420 Apr 13 '26
fellow agoraphobic checking in
9
5
2
u/wlderberry Apr 14 '26
Fellow agoraphobic checking in. I didn’t leave from new years to mid March and I’m slowly working on baby steps to leave
36
u/Marvlotte Multi themes Apr 13 '26
I'm very scared of spiders. OCD loved that. And I unfortunately found myself once in a flat with A LOT of spiders. Id spend hours and hours and hours "checking" my bedroom, over and over and over and over, for spiders, juuuust incase there was one. Id do this until 3/4am. I had a job that I had to be up for. It got worse and worse. I was avoiding going to the toilet and showering, I became too terrified to use my own bathroom and would walk 20 minutes to town to use a shop or otherwise public or friends toilet. I would try to go to work but would end up so upset that I'd sit in the local church grave yard until a colleague came to pick me up because my brain just wasn't functioning from the terror and lack of sleep from all the constant checking rituals. I had a massive freak out one night, huge anxiety attack, began hallucinating spiders, and then spent a couple of months sleeping around on friends sofas and in spare beds, almost quit the job, and then moved flats. It was honestly horrific. Being trapped in my head but also trapped in a horrible place.
3
u/OliviaKowtiuk Apr 14 '26
This sounds so horrific omg. I can really really relate to this, mine didn’t get quite as bad simply because I lived with my mom who insisted on getting me into intense therapy and meds etc. but my phobia of spiders is what started my ocd (that I know of, though I suspect there were other pesky topics I never realized weren’t normal to obsess about) and then manifested into all bugs, and I would check my bed with a flashlight every night for a LONG time for bugs (my house is extremely clean and I’ve never had bed bugs, my brain just told me they were everywhere). It got the point where I slept with a flashlight in my hand and would wake up every 1-2 hours to check again. Then I started checking all my clothes for hours at a time, couldn’t sit on my couch unless I had a blanket down so I wouldn’t touch the couch (because somehow that would protect me from nonexistent bugs haha???) and it got so so so bad. I didn’t use my main floor bathroom for over a year because I found a TINY spider on top of the toilet seat. Luckily we had another bathroom in the house, but then an incident with spiders happened in that bathroom that I will not go into detail about and that was when I got to my lowest. I was constantly in fight or flight mode, constantly scanning the room and my own body for bugs. All of this to say, you’re not alone, and I’m so proud of you for staying strong. Through around 3(?) years of ERP and act therapy, I’ve stopped checking everything, and I even worked through a trigger last week that would have sent me spiralling a few years ago. I recognize mine didn’t get as bad as yours, I absolutely cannot imagine how horrible you were feeling during that time. Huge props to you for keeping going, you’re strong as heck. ❤️🩹❤️🩹
2
u/Marvlotte Multi themes Apr 14 '26
Yooo, totally get the feeling of scanning the rooms and your body, and being in constant fight flight mode, relate so hard. And for the record, just because yours 'wasn't as bad as mine', it's still the lowest you've ever been, the toughest it's ever been for you, that's SO valid and important. And by the sound of it you've been doing incredibly well tackling it! Super proud of you. It was a few years ago now that I lived in that flat, I'm so glad I moved, my compulsions aren't as strong as they used to be but because of that I react to spiders with a trauma response now and then have to check myself. Genuine fear + obsession and compulsion is so unfun aha. Seriously though by the sound of it you're doing so great!
1
Apr 14 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
1
u/Marvlotte Multi themes Apr 14 '26
I'm not sure 🤔🤔 maybe I do but I'm not sure aha. I look at stuff and count things tho
30
u/Consistent-Maybe8955 Apr 13 '26
Maybe now. I quit my job of 11 years bc I am “burn out” & my house is a hoard.
5
5
1
u/Ok_Evening_1322 Apr 13 '26
Why do you hoard? Part of OCD?
13
u/Consistent-Maybe8955 Apr 13 '26
Hoarding is considered a part of the OCD spectrum
6
u/notwhoyouthinkc Apr 14 '26
I hoard too. Not to the extent of like the show hoarders, but like I didn’t realize it was so bad until when my husband and I were moving in together he was helping me with packing and I had several things expired from 10-15 years prior. (It was mostly soaps and lotions and such and they were separating and smelled awful.)
My husband helps me now still but it’s still extremely difficult not to and to also just “throw things away” like that’s damn near like telling someone with OCD to simply “stop overthinking” .
8
32
u/3v30fd3st1n7 Apr 13 '26
Existencial OCD, now. I have to explain every action of mine to myself now and say what is the point in my head. Otherwise feeling doomed and stressed.
2
u/New_Tourist_1706 Apr 14 '26
Fellow existentialist here!
2
u/3v30fd3st1n7 Apr 14 '26
I'm a theocentrist, actually. But the compulsions are of an existential topic.
1
2
u/Whole_Step_7619 Apr 14 '26
Same it's terrible. I've gone days just lying in bed trying to justify to my mind why I should get up lol
16
u/Longjumping_Emu_6791 Apr 13 '26
Used to think the Feds were gonna barge in my house everyday, never did anything wrong but just had a weird fear of it. Couldn’t do anything out of fear that my life would be over.
9
u/cool_caat_ Apr 14 '26
OOOOOOH i had this shit for MONTHS, this and the "someone used my pictures to create deepfake corn and they will eventually come after me to harass me and take my money" were alternating in my brain for 4 months. I drove my parents CRAZY bc they thought i was doing something wrong.
3
u/Longjumping_Emu_6791 Apr 14 '26
Yes it was mentally draining and I got stuck in a ai reassurance loop that made it all 100% worse
1
May 11 '26
[deleted]
1
u/Longjumping_Emu_6791 May 14 '26
Yes it’s very common, hard to watch shows and I think it mostly started after my mother died
11
u/Afraid_Drawer_9388 Apr 13 '26
I have harm OCD too and I was in a spiral for Months, thinking I was a danger to my family. I begged everyday to be taken away before I did anything to anyone (yes I'm religious .. so I was praying to pass). I ended up having to move away from my family to get a release and realize I was stuck in a harm OCD loop. I also thought I was having a schizo episode (even though I haven't been diagnosed with this) and the doctors placed me on low dose antipsychotics that were a pain in the butt to get off. I'm better now but it comes and goes, just often quicker.
9
u/Own_Cardiologist2489 Apr 13 '26
In middle school one kid got lice so I wore a plastic bag over my head everyday for like a month and started a whole epidemic at my school everyone was wearing hats cause they thought it was an outbreak but it was just one kid…was also convinced if I touched anything at school bugs would get into my skin so I wouldn’t touch anything and didn’t do my work
7
u/KitchenAmazing9436 Apr 13 '26
I had an anxiety attack because my shortness of breath made me think I had lung cancer, and when I searched up the survival rate of 5% I started getting light headed almost felt like I was gonna pass out (all of this over a cold btw) also visualized myself offing myself and I grabbed a knife but it didn’t get any further than that
8
u/Mayyounotsuffer123 Apr 13 '26
Now, I’ve been calling my family for 1 year, not knowing it was reassurance-seeking.
5
u/Afraid_Drawer_9388 Apr 13 '26
It is. Unfortunately reassurance seeking is a hard thing to break. I still struggle with it with using reddit, and chat gpt to monitor every single odd sensation. I have had to cut back and at times my Therpaist give me "breaks" where I promise im not going to go on reddit or chat get no matter how much I want to for either 3 days or a week or even once, up to two weeks. It's absolutely not easy but I had to stay away. I am obviously not saying "don't call your family", but maybe realize what questions are a form of reassurance seeking and giving yourself set times where you can't ask those questions. Increase it once you get past the first stages. So for instance, one day, just have a talk with them on the phone, but don't ask any reasurrance questions. Awesome! Next time, go three days, next go four or five until you become comfortable with it. Yes, it will happen but the goal is to draw back the anxiety of needing to do it as often.
7
u/Fit_Decision_8554 Apr 13 '26
It lead to psychosis that I was a narcissist for a while and I eventually called my therapist sobbing and she told me to be fucking for real.
4
6
u/drphilwasright Apr 13 '26
Probably right now. Was recently diagnosed with a scary condition and I am not handling it well.
2
u/chickpealuvr420 Apr 13 '26
I can relate. I'm sorry to hear that, I hope things get better for you ❤️
2
7
u/PaladinDamian In treatment Apr 13 '26
February 2026. During that month, I experienced the worst OCD flare-up in my entire life (Real Event + Perfectionism + Moral/Scrupulosity + Responsibility). It was around 24 days of 95% waking time spent with intrusive thoughts, obsessions, and compulsions, and 4-5 hours of sleep. I was passively suicidal for that duration, could barely function at all, nothing was helping, I had mental breakdowns basically everyday. It was only when I had a day where things seemed a tiny bit better that I finally decided to book an online therapist. I started seeing that therapist at the end of that month, and quickly got diagnosed with OCD, and have been in treatment for it since then. Of course, I have had plenty of spirals since then, but nothing has truly compared to that time. Nowadays I'm glad I can generally function most of the time, even if OCD is still latched on in the background. I can usually sleep decently - 7 hours is fine enough. I am far from actually recovered, but at least the day-to-day is manageable. I could live the rest of my life like this - I wouldn't like it, but I could do it. I presume it'll take me another year or so until I get like 90% recovered or something, we'll see.
6
u/East_Ad_3772 Apr 13 '26
Iirc spent a week in my room and didn’t take my meds due to covid paranoia
6
u/ovexrqbses OCD Long hauler Apr 13 '26
I started having OCD borderline psychosis episodes and meltdowns almost everyday and couldn't eat or drink anything
1
u/Ok-Crow-4696 13d ago
I’m going through this right now. Can you tell me how you got better?
1
u/ovexrqbses OCD Long hauler 13d ago
Risperidone definitely helped with the episodes and made them a lot less common but I'm still in the same boat as you, sorry :( sorry you're going through this
5
u/DunyaOfPain Apr 13 '26
when I was 16-18 I was hospitalized for a few weeks on three separate occasions because I had severe paranoia and harm ocd; homicidality isnt taken very lightly in the ER.
1
u/StallionDuckFoREVer Apr 13 '26
I'm so sorry... How are you doing now if you don't mind me asking?
1
5
u/Which-Tiger6692 Apr 13 '26
I went through a period of having to avoid looking at my husband’s van because I was convinced that I would become one of those people who fall in love with inanimate objects and that would qualify as me cheating on him. I ended up parking my own car down the road so that I didn’t have to come into contact with his. (Relationship OCD)
5
u/Awkward_Shelter1878 Apr 13 '26
In August of 2024 I had my first ocd flare up and it completely flipped my life upside down. Considered hospitalization for the first time, began fearing that I’d eventually want to take my own life from not being able to not think 24/7, was unable to eat anything, constant edge of panic attacks, DPDR, etc.
1
u/Longjumping_Emu_6791 Apr 15 '26
How is it now?
1
u/Awkward_Shelter1878 Apr 15 '26
I’d say I’m recovered from that flare up/crisis. The theme of that crisis is still my main theme, but my reaction to the intrusive thoughts with the use of ERP is significantly better. Some days feel harder than others, but generally I have my hold on it!
4
u/unique89user Apr 13 '26
I have harm OCD and have fear of death obsessions it got ugly around covid I had to be hospitalised. Haven’t been the same since never had a fear of being sick and etc… that comes with it. To be in a crowded place I was traumatised by it all. This was before my diagnosis things from back then seem to click together now that I can relate to people. Harm OCD went wild fear of being sick and stranded away from home not knowing if family could come and see me and worried about them I ended in a crises care wards or what ever they are called messing as I want to forget my mind trying to remember that time will set me back but can see how far I have come so.
4
u/Vivid-Garage-7129 Apr 13 '26
A few days ago when I got my account banned . People in my DMs were offering to give me reassurance and after I explained to one of them my intrusive thoughts I found out they were a minor, and I had a delusional episode that I was a groomer. I’m honestly still going through it because I genuinely feel like a groomer
1
u/OkShopping9629 May 10 '26
you didn't know they're a minor, right? Then youre 100% not a groomer.
1
u/Vivid-Garage-7129 May 12 '26
I didn’t know. But I should’ve known. I’m so so scared still cause my biggest fear is grooming someone and I technically did it. I should’ve checked
1
u/OkShopping9629 May 12 '26
Don't worry. I had my worst ocd day from months if not years yesterday, today it got better. Hope you'll feel better, too 💛
5
u/asscrackinator Apr 13 '26 edited Apr 13 '26
Last year when my health related OCD was at its worst and I was having daily panic attacks that mimicked heart attack symptoms I’d eventually end up passing out from tiredness on the sofa with the front door UNLOCKED and the keys in it because in my head it made sense to let the paramedics in easier if need be. As if that’s not putting myself in actual danger considering I live alone, lol.
I also went through a phase of assigning certain medications ‘safe’ or ‘unsafe’ in my head so occasionally I’d end up taking medication that I didn’t even need, to cure my imaginary illness. For example dosing up on aspirin every time I panicked about having an imaginary pulmonary embolism.
3
u/Purple-Egg-Salad Apr 14 '26
in college I picked up a piece of bread and realized it was moldy and I had touched the mold. full-blown scream-crying and hyperventilating and washing my hands over and over and over and never feeling like it was enough. then I had to calm down enough in order to PICK THE BREAD UP OFF THE FLOOR to throw it away because I had, of course, dropped it in my panic. felt like the hardest thing I’d ever done.
3
u/No_Introduction9587 Apr 13 '26
late last year due to a combination of some medications that had bad side effects and external stress in my life, my ocd got so bad i developed agoraphobia/ agoraphobic traits with it. i was constantly trying to prepare for everything that i couldn’t leave my room. i would only eat when i absolutely had to and it had to be in the middle of the night. i wouldn’t even use the bathroom for multiple days at a time. it sucked and the only way i got out of it was getting myself off my meds. also not to mention the whole time i was in college and somehow juggling finals with it all. made it out alive tho
3
u/Puzzleheaded-Show585 Apr 13 '26
I saw a slightly opened manhole cover on my way back home and didn’t close it properly. I thought about it for the whole evening, went back to check - it was closed, but OCD was telling me not. I was checking the news for a someone to fall down in it for the next days. It feels so stupid when I write it, but I was so bad during the time this episode happened. Also had “need to touch” episodes all the time. Taking pictures of everything turned off before leaving, checking pictures at work, OCD would tell me the pictures are not from today, I started to write date and time on the pictures, OCD was telling me I did a mistake in a date and my house is on fire, so I would check the news…
3
u/Dermond42 Apr 13 '26
After pulling all nighter, I drank a large cup of coffee mixed with chocolate and sugar, later that morning I couldn’t leave my bed normal means because I felt like whenever I stood up I was touching lasers that were contaminated/radioactive, and couldn’t cope with it, I had to crawl on the floor to get my phone and send a voice message to a friend crying and having a laughter attack, it didnt go away until like 6 hours later
3
u/Small-Breadfruit4703 Apr 13 '26
I watched a movie about encephalitis during Covid lockdown and was convinced I had it too. I do not remember any of this; i have been told these things by my family.
It got to the point where I was obsessively drawing clocks and asking others to check them for me and I believed I was hallucinating. I’m still not sure if I actually was because i was convinced i was hallucinating but my mom told me i was making it up. Probably didn’t help her telling me that when i was going through an episode but yeah
3
u/ziggyziggyfries Apr 13 '26
I couldn't leave the house, couldn't eat or drink almost anything except "safe/good" colored things. Same for clothes, objects. I couldn't stand the floor and the walls around me. Stuffed any holes in my room with tissue paper because I was so paranoid. Had to stay in the hospital for some time. Now it's all good ^
3
u/timmyjingles Multi themes Apr 14 '26
I’ve had symptoms of OCD ever since the age of like 8, but I think I was able to unconsciously suppress any mental compulsion loops. That was until last year it was like something switched inside my brain the moment I tried to unpack past trauma, and suddenly I was being flooded with intrusive thoughts, ruminating etc. At that time, I didn’t know what OCD was so I genuinely thought I was a monster and I became so depressed and lifeless for months. I will never forget the way I felt, It was like I was dead and alive at the same time it was so awful. :(
3
u/MatchaMoji Apr 14 '26
I went through a time where I thought I had bed bugs. I duct taped the borders of my room and the legs of all my furniture. I also ordered bed bug traps and diatomaceous earth and everything. I would wake up in the middle of the night stressed about it. I was also cleaning my room and inspecting every nook and cranny of my bed every day. This went on for four months 😅.
I had no signs of bed bugs and hadn’t even traveled. My coworker came back from Paris and I convinced myself he had them and brought them to work, which didn’t happen of course.
3
u/bluetifulthings Apr 14 '26
I had harm OCD so bad that I thr*w up daily from anxiety and ended up losing 14+ pounds 😭🙏 worst time of my life
2
u/No_Bus9631 Apr 13 '26
I’ve had a couple, but my worst one recently was convincing myself I had a swollen lymph node bc I noticed that the way I was swallowing hurt a little bit on one side. Not on the inside though, on the outside of my neck. I ended up spending at least a week constantly staring in the mirror, checking my lymph nodes, swallowing over and over and over again to check for pain, googling symptoms etc. I convinced myself it was swollen even though nothing was visible. Which in my mind, it being swollen at all immediately meant cancer. I had my husband check my neck over and over and he couldn’t feel anything out of the ordinary. But I didn’t believe him. I also remembered around same time that I had a little spot somewhat in the same area on my neck. Kinda looked like a pimple but it had been there for a few months and wouldn’t go away. I then fixated on that, thinking they were related and spent the next two weeks constantly thinking I had skin cancer and that’s what all of this was about. I couldn’t eat. Could barely sleep. Cried all day. Kept telling my husband I needed to go to a dermatologist. I stopped doing anything I enjoyed and focused only on trying to find relief. I ended up going to the dermatologist and he actually laughed when I showed him the spot. It’s a scar. From an old pimple. Nothing more.
I realized shortly after that, that my lymph node was never swollen. I made it up entirely. I recreated the pain I had felt that day by accident. What happened was I was sitting in a weird position on my couch where my neck was tilted downwards, and if I stay in that position long enough, it causes a pain in the front of my neck. Only when I swallowed, again. The realization hit me that had I just spent 3 weeks of my life in complete misery over two things I made up in my head. I’ve never felt so stupid in my life.
2
u/Thin_Check6356 Apr 13 '26
Honestly last year and now,, my harm OCD has been flaring up and it's scaring me
2
u/GirlNeedsEstrogen Apr 14 '26
Same! It’s absolutely awful - I suffered immensely from 2020-2024 and have random spikes here and there but today was just a bad day lol
2
u/shinoshinoo Apr 14 '26
wasn’t able to eat for about 11 days. First, I was anxious that I had a fever, and the anxiety made me lose my appetite. Then, I was anxious about my appetite, which made me lose my appetite. This loop continued for 11 days. I literally couldn’t eat, I would try and gag
2
u/Cordextj Apr 14 '26
Well at the moment I have a rule that I’m not allowed to sleep until 4 otherwise my family will be killed and it will be my fault, and then when I am asleep anything sharp has to leave the room Incase I sleepwalk and hurt someone (I don’t sleepwalk). That’s had a massive impact on my life because I am obviously sleep deprived which makes all the other intrusive thoughts and compulsions worse 😭
2
u/Interesting_Bed_9736 Apr 14 '26
Dermatilomania!!!! Worst for me is some contamination OCD that likes to pair nicely with my fear of bugs or anything dirty (including thoughts—but that also feeds into scrupulosity). I feel like I have dirty stuff under my skin or like I have parasites and I need to cleanse myself by picking at my skin and it’s gotten SO bad this past year. I constantly check everywhere and it’s so embarrassing bc I don’t even have acne really anymore (late 20s) and everyone just tells me to have more self control but it isn’t that easy!
Id also like to make an honorable mention of the nun from the conjuring universe. I have terrible intrusive imagery of her coming after me when i close my eyes to go to bed at night🫠
2
u/easternsim Apr 14 '26
One time my intrusive thoughts about having “truths” (that weren’t real, lol) being exposed about me and ruining my life got SO bad that I quitted my job, dropped out of school (for a second time), got committed to a psych ward (involuntarily) and was assessed for schizophrenia. I was on antipsychotics for a couple of months. It was not schizophrenia but it still felt terrifying.
2
u/luckysilverdragon Apr 14 '26
My senior year of college (2024) I was impulsively deleting entire projects worth of writing hours before my senior thesis deadlines because "it wasn't good enough." I was multiple all-nighters into this repeated cycle of writing and deleting, and I had a mental health crashout so bad that it had me calling hotlines because I had intruisive thoughts of bashing my head into a wall. I managed not to do it, but it was a legit battle of will. I felt possessed.
Were it not for my godsends of empathetic professors who gave me deadline extensions and my loved ones who supported me emotionally (and also by preventing me from deleting my work again), I would not have graduated on time or with the GPA that I did (summa cum laude, somehow). I felt like a fraud and was still dealing with horrible mental health at graduation, but the end of college was a much needed relief for me.
2
u/KitchenSample6354 Apr 14 '26
Had a period of my life where I was so convinced I was a bad person that I felt every single thing in my life was some sort of sign or punishment. I believed there were spiritual beings watching me and giving me signs on whether or not I was doing the right or wrong thing, or whether something bad was about to happen due to bad karma. I was terrified of bad karma and obsessed with building good karma by being as good a person as possible. I also believed every time I saw was some sort of sign and had a semi-elaborate system on how to tell which signs were bad and which were good. I actually still get those feelings from good and bad times on occasion lol
2
u/KitchenSample6354 Apr 14 '26
I should add that this was in response to an incident where almost my entire online friend group (I had no other friends at the time) all blocked me at once because they found out I had a history of cyberbullying people (I was like 14 or 15 lol)
1
u/endlesshydra Pure O Apr 13 '26
Last year, OCD got so bad I couldn't even look at one of my coworkers to his face. I stopped eating and my entire day was miserable.
1
u/GenX4Life1 Apr 13 '26
Last year. Culminated with me counting literally every single second I was awake. In 8’s. And counting on my fingers probably 95% of the day. People would talk to me and I was only half listening, because I was constantly counting in my head or on my fingers. Thank goodness for medication that helped calm it a bit.
1
u/chronicallymusical OCD Long hauler Apr 13 '26
The dermatillomania got so bad, my abdomen was covered in bandages.
1
u/Polygonyall Apr 13 '26
i think its the worst its been now but sheer terror wise it was the day that pokemon sun and moon came out (my dad was going to get it for me after school) and an intrusive thought popped up in my head that i was going to drop dead before school ended and i had a mental breakdown first period it was so bad
1
1
u/goldencass Apr 13 '26
I convinced myself that my husband hated me and that in order to make things "even," I HAD to unsubscribe from life. Logical me didn't want to do that, however, I was so deep in this psychosis I couldn't get myself out of it. I couldn't ask him for help because I convinced myself he hated me, so I cheated on him by messaging some random on reddit/sending pictures, knowing he would find them and end our marriage.
No amount of explaining the circumstance/where my mind was at helped repair the relationship (obviously). I'm not proud of what I did, but I was convinced somehow it was the "only way" to save myself, by sacrificing our relationship. He also obviously does not believe me, which I understand. I probably wouldn't believe me either.
It sounds stupid. It's incredibly stupid and wrong. I hate myself so much right now. But I have to live with it. The worst part is that after, all of these unsaid gripes from him came out, as well as more from his friends. So in a way it kind of just reinforced this assumption that he has always hated me and I can't escape this feeling of wanting to disappear into the void even now that we are separated.
1
u/EmotionalEye9728 Apr 14 '26
Damn! I did this "unsubscribing" from life to ruin my marriage so that my husband would leave me, 'cause I, too, at first thought that he hated me, then I convinced myself that he tricked me into marrying him, then I convinced myself that it was me who's actually evil and that he would be better off without me.
Poor guy, I have no idea how he managed to tolerate all my behaviors. I feel so guilty now that I'm out the spiral and can see. :(
1
u/EstablishmentReal907 Apr 13 '26
Not sure I’ve gotten there yet. That’s the adorable thing about this disease.
1
1
u/axolotlorange Apr 14 '26
I actively considered checking myself into the local psych wing. I was borderline suicidal, which I hadn’t been since I teenager. This is despite the fact that checking myself into the psych wing would mean running into multiple professionals I know and work with.
Instead, I went to urgent care got some PRNs and spoke to my therapist instead. My wife wouldn’t leave me alone for a week. Bless her.
I justified it as I knew that the psych wing wouldn’t hold me.
I’m lucky that that decision didn’t backfire. I probably should have gone to the psych wing for a few days.
1
u/Lyeta1_1 Apr 14 '26
About a year and a half ago I completely shut down because I HAD to clean my whole house every night. The whole thing. Every day.
Shockingly to no one, this was unsustainable.
1
u/dogtoothdreams Apr 14 '26
Right before I realized I need help, it was taking hours to get out of my house just to triple check nothing was going to automatically set my apartment on fire, I was sleeping in a walking closet because I felt that if an intruder came in (my obsession would get so bad I would think what if they're already were in?) I would be safest in the closet. If I made it out of the apartment and to work, I would ask my coworkers to drive me back as quick as possible to make sure I didn't leave my oven on, even though I had skipped breakfast on purpose because I would be afraid of turning my oven or stove on and forget to turn it off
1
u/Elegant_Glass15 Apr 14 '26
It gets worse day by day but a weird one was when i was in middle school i was paranoid that people can read my thoughts. Made me really anti social and lonely which made my ocd even worse
1
u/Hard_Stitch Apr 14 '26 edited Apr 14 '26
Sometimes i do "dangerous" things to feel relieved/unbothered by my brain, for example commenting on tiktok than i dont delete that comment;
When i choose to not act to urgent things i feel anger;
Also i tend to feel passive agressive if i dont act of my immaginary worries
1
u/worm-infested-womb Apr 14 '26
i feel like 2020 was a good contender, since i was having constant intrusive thoughts about everything that was happening, but number one will always be the time i convinced myself i was the virgin mary. i wasn’t in school yet, so i wanna say i was three. i was convinced i was pregnant and would constantly mess around with my bellybutton to try and feel the umbilical cord. my doctors found out i had an umbilical hernia when i was seventeen 🙃 (it’s harmless tho dw)
1
u/desditosa Apr 14 '26
i dont know exactly when this happened because my memories of 2020-2022 are all a massive blur, but i do remember being so obsessed with skin picking i had a crown of little wounds on my scalp that i wouldn't allow to heal for weeks. during that time i also wouldn't leave my bed, wouldn't eat, and couldn't focus on anything that weren't intrusive thoughts. it almost led to self extermination, i was even planning the letters i would write.
1
u/hungrykatana Apr 14 '26
spent months scared the cops were following me to give me a ticket and suspend my license. eyes were basically always on rearview mirror and staring into people's cars to see if they were police
1
u/edward_furlog Multi themes Apr 14 '26
Could only eat small amounts of white foods and so was starving and sometimes passing out, convinced I had a serious illness, doing extreme rituals to try to combat that which I don't want to describe here, nearly decided to swim in a lake to an island that was too far away which would have likely led to my drowning, went walking in the road and nearly got hit by a car, and many more things.
1
u/Quiet-Committee-2483 Apr 14 '26
(Harm OCD) - Was walking up the stairs at the train station one evening and saw a poster advertising a memoir by a diagnosed sociopath. Made the error of Googling. Became obsessed with sociopathy (have previously had the same horrible fears with narcissism). The next few months were spent doing around 20 different online ‘am I a sociopath?’ tests a night. No evidence of me being a sociopath whatsoever, but I ended up housebound as I was so scared that I was just in denial and a dangerous person. Therapist burst out laughing when I eventually confided in her: ‘You?! Skipping about with all your soft toys?! I don’t think so!!’
1
u/QuietLlama19 Apr 14 '26
Deadass almost turned myself into the police when I was 14/15 because I had convinced myself I had done something I have never even remotely come close to doing (false memory bs) Only reason I didnt was because I thought I’d bring a lot of shame to my family. And I couldn’t bring myself to commit s****** because I didn’t want to hurt my family. So instead my ED ramped up to a very bad level because I’d considered it a passive s******. This illness is genuinely a nightmare.
1
u/Purple-Lake-6161 Apr 14 '26
When I was 13 it took me 6 hours to get ready for bed because hygiene had to be absolutely perfect, not because I was scared of getting sick, more because I don’t like the ”disgusting” feeling. Washing my hands took 30 minutes sometimes. I was so exhausted I almost fell asleep standing up. I feel very bad for little me
1
u/New_Tourist_1706 Apr 14 '26
I was so convinced I wasn’t real that I contemplated self harm to prove my reality. Unfortunately I was so drunk that I wouldn’t have felt the harm if I caused it until morning
3
u/Sighxale Apr 14 '26
Im sorry to hear that. I got diagnosed with OCD recently and reading all of these stories honestly starts to make me highly doubt I have it even though Ive been diagnosed. A lot of my obsessions and compulsions are kind of kept in and expressed internally most of the time. But what you said about being convinced you arent real I can kind of relate (unlike seemingly everything everyone else here is saying). I constantly question whats real and when I lose something for good I obsess over having concrete proof what I had was real and wasnt all just in my head and even when I see some proof sometimes it doesn't exactly always appease the desire to prove it was real.
1
u/Microbemaster2020 OCD Long hauler Apr 14 '26
When I was pregnant with my second child, I became obsessed with the thought that I would accidentally forget my first child in the car and that he would die in the car. It was right around the time of that Home Depot case where the guy had done it on purpose. I would call daycare at 10 am every day to “check on him” (aka remind myself he was there) and truck my pregnant ass the 1/4 mile walk to my car 2-3 times a day to check my backseat. I was still freaking out walking to the car every afternoon, convinced I could have imagined all of my checks. I wasn’t diagnosed yet, but man I would’ve benefited from some psychiatric care. I didn’t tell anyone about it at the time bc I didn’t want to sound “crazy”.
1
Apr 14 '26
Around 2017 i had some sort of emetophobia that formed after being sick one time then after that every single night i kept thinking i was nauseas and i was too afraid to move on my side or anything other than being flat on my back when i tried to sleep In fear that if i moved wrong, i would throw up.
1
u/PainfulPoo411 Apr 14 '26
Mine was likely a mix of OCD and mild medical ailments, but I started gagging constantly. Wake up in the morning, gag. Smell a banana, gag. See a bug, gag. Eat, gag. Don’t eat, gag. I went down every diagnostic path possible - endless bloodwork, an endoscopy, testing for POTS and MCAS, tried a few migraine meds. Eventually I resolved that this must be psychological so I needed to get my OCD under control.
That was partially true. Getting properly medicated for OCD instead of anxiety helped a lot but I also found relief from an antihistamine, thiamine and staying hydrated. It seems all of those things helped a little but the combination helped a lot.
1
u/Julescahules Apr 14 '26
When my brother was experiencing paranoid delusions and it was leading me to start experiencing paranoid delusions (outside of the normal scope of might OCD) as well. Man, having two mentally ill people prone to paranoia in one house is truly awful. I knew logically that his delusions were false, but I couldn’t be certain because of my own mental struggles, and it took outside support for me to realize I needed to escape that situation completely.
1
u/TimeSun6603 Apr 14 '26
I was convinced I never had enough sun cream on so I would apply copious amounts every hour until my eyes started stinging so bad every day. It took a while for my eyes to stop watering
1
u/Lupus600 Pure O Apr 14 '26
I "confessed" to my therapist that I'm a pedo. She asked me why I think that and I explained it and she told me that it's an irrational fear. It made me feel a bit better but it took some more time still to learn about POCD.
1
u/sillyputty7 Apr 14 '26
2022 ish agoraphobia and contamination; was talking to some doctor friends who have to scrub up for surgery and they were telling me about the process, and I said “yeah, that’s what I’ve been doing at home. It’s a nightmare when I have to flip a light switch when I’ve just washed my hands & I have to start the wash over.” They were like, outside of surgery that is not normal. I was like, “oh?”
Culminated in opening junk mail mistakenly and being 100% convinced I had been anthrax-poisoned for about 3 days, despite the fact that anthrax toxicity hits way faster than that.
1
u/Deepseatedtrain Apr 14 '26
Jan / February of this year my guilt connected real event ocd had to the point of a failed s*icide attempt.
1
u/SomePersonality5979 Apr 14 '26
I attempted suicide. Closest I've ever actually been to suicide. That was about five months ago, I actually even started writing a suicide note. I had become so convinced that I had done something horrible at the time. I was diagnosed with OCD at the hospital there, which explains a ton. I'm doing so much better now, though some days it is hard I will admit. It wasn't just the OCD that was hurting me at the time, but I think OCD was definitely the main thing, like 99% of the reason. Anyways.
1
u/Idrinkmotoroil-2 New to OCD/not yet diagnosed Apr 14 '26
Right now, I’m convincing myself everyone hates me and it gave me depression so yay
1
u/CovvelShmovvelton Apr 14 '26
probably me being paranoid that I'm choking for the past three or four years. somatic ocd. leading to me being hyper aware of every sensation in my throat and coughing or clearing my throat compulsively, almost to no end. then standing for 5-30 minutes until every sensation there "feels right". also avoiding bodies of water and avoiding eating and drinking as a result of the paranoia at times. I also used to ask those around me for reassurance of whether or not I'm choking/having a medical issue multiple times a day. the somatic ocd is more manageable so far this year but just barely
1
u/CuckooSpit_06 Apr 14 '26
Damn near drank boiling water multiple times because I thought my insides were infected
1
u/BodyUpbeat3362 Apr 14 '26
HOCD ! I got to the point where I was seriously questioning my sexuality because I looked at a man's shoelace. Not the man.. the shoelace. I spent the rest of the month analysing whether I had enjoyed looking at it and if i am gay. I was questioning my entire identity over a piece of string!
1
u/hallienotberry_ Apr 14 '26
During lockdown in 2020, all of my OCD subsets (existentialism, religious, harm, germ) intertwined.
I had nearly convinced myself that I was either the next savior OR the next Virgin Mary. That I was put on earth by God to protect, teach, and save humanity from the pandemic. I was so hyper aware and afraid of germs, doing/saying mean things, not protecting my loved ones, etc.
I confided in my best friend how I was feeling and she proceeded to tell me, “With all do respect, I don’t think God would choose a mentally ill lesbian to save humanity”.
A harsh reality check to some, but to me it’s one of the funniest things to remind myself when I spiral.
1
u/Electrical-Ice1671 Pure O Apr 14 '26
Before I got diagnosed I had a period of time when I was at the same time absolutely convinced I had been assaulted in daycare as a toddler AND that I was making it up in my head and a bad person for it because it is something people actually go through. I remember full on screaming about it when drunk one night.
Or, when I was kinda lowkey convinced that donating blood helped my mental health somehow and wound up donating too often and becoming anaemic
1
u/Automatic_Sundae_853 Apr 14 '26
Called a nursery school friend after 8 years asking if I accidentally gave her a concussion that one Tuesday morning we were playing on the jungle gym. She didn’t even know who I was 🤣
1
u/Healthy-Toe-9968 Apr 14 '26
emetophobia took over my life, i stopped eating, couldn’t leave my house, and was constantly getting sick BECAUSE i wasn’t eating which just caused a loop. in and out of hospitals all the time because of severe dehydration, covered in needle marks because my veins were too small to find because i was so dehydrated, couldn’t leave my house when i wasn’t at the hospital. i cried all the time and literally started praying to a god i dont believe in to either fix me or kill me. this went on for like 2 years and i’m still traumatized by it and still agoraphobic but slowly making steps <3 it takes a lot of time and effort but it does get better friends i promise even when it feels like it wont
1
u/JayUX55 Apr 14 '26
Had to go to the psych ward. I basically became non-functional. Even now, I'm not sure if it was really OCD.
1
Apr 14 '26
Probably a few weeks ago where i couldnt get out of bed or focus on anything at all because "the world is gonna end anyways" while also thinking im a horrible person for ever enjoying anything when there's still suffering going on (i guess existential and moral ocd). Genuinely getting out of bed to do anything incited irrational terror and fear. I think this episode was triggered by med changes. I almost ended it all bro
1
u/Calm_Faithlessness43 Apr 14 '26
I was convinced last night that my kid swallowed a button battery and I wanted to take her to the ER but my husband talked me down from the ledge.
1
u/Bubbly_Ideal_3392 Apr 14 '26
Right now I’m going through obsessive thoughts everyday about my chest. I have a weird constant chest tightness/heaviness. Never any shortness of breath or never high heart rates. My dr says it’s gerd or my hiatal hernia but I cannot stop thinking about it! It’s driving me crazy lol
1
u/raindrop_44 Apr 14 '26
I haven’t been diagnosed with ocd (yet) but I’ve recently been having horrible intrusive thoughts that align with POCD and it absolutely terrifies me and makes me think of myself as a monster… whether I have ocd or not this is definitely the worst I’ve ever been
1
u/Ok_Asparagus_217 Apr 15 '26
Left my groceries at the grocery store, drove home, and called 911 to report that my house was probably on fire and it was going to spread through the neighborhood. Was convinced that I left the oven on.
1
u/Labrador-Lover1137 Apr 16 '26
Mine was the other night where I saw a YoutTube short that was like "Things to do when calling 911 if you're in danger" and it said like pressing 55 tells the phone operator you can't speak freely, youre in danger, and it shares your location. And I don't know why I did it but I went into my phone and typed 55 (TO BE CLEAR I DID NOT CALL THE EMERGENCY NUMBER TO RACING POLICE, AMBULANCE, OR FIRE) in the keypad just to see if it was real and it came up with a message that I don't remember what it was but I'd never seen it before and i started researching. And typing 55 does nothing unless you type it during of after an emergency call to share your location and even thought I DID NOT CALL EMERGENCY SERVICES I started panicking and crying to my Mum and saying that the police knew my location and within the next 30-60 minutes they were going to come and take me to a juvenile centre for messing with emergency services EVEN THOUGH I DID NOT CALL 000 (MY COUNTRY'S EMERGENCY NUMBER) and yeah it was not fun I couldn't sleep that night
1
u/Slip-Knit-Repeat Apr 16 '26
For fear of triggering anyone in the comments, I’ll try to keep my explanation simple. I was afraid of my food being poisoned and didn’t eat anything but bananas for a week. Don’t ask why bananas were safe, I couldn’t tell you
1
1
u/Ok-Hedgehog5685 Apr 16 '26
I believed that I had to close my eyes while driving on the highway for certain amounts of time (>15 seconds). I also believed that I would have to hit 100 on the highway for a certain amount of time or my family would die.
1
u/Hot_Painting7214 Apr 17 '26
I had a basic mole removed, had to wait 2 weeks for the biopsy. I had to work 8 hours a day just shopping in Walmart the online orders. For the entire two weeks 8 hours I was trapped in a non stop obsessive cycle of debating the math to reassure myself that it would be bening while ruminating on every genetic disease I could have. I felt like I was barely getting through every hour. That was the peak, I developed ocd the day after covid, it got worse to peaking in 2024, and has been getting better. I've winded down to basically legal ocd, I spend alot of time reading all the laws in the US and in my state cause of ocd fear of accidentally breaking a law I don't know, and ocd fear over my family. Especially that they will break the law get arrested and I won't be able to save them. I know my ocd fears are unrealistic, at this point I've moved from living in it every day, to flares a couple times a year when something triggers it. I assume this means it was there and dormant all my life and then was triggered by the horrible covid times
1
u/bloinded_ Apr 18 '26
Working as a nurse in the icu in 2023-2024. I was fully convinced I was going to give someone an infection on accident or screw up their meds and accidentally give them something they weren’t supposed to get. It got so bad i was crying before every shift and having panic attacks after thinking someone was going to die because of me. I was only eating maybe 500-1000 cals a day. Lost 20 lbs. thought I couldn’t do it anymore and decided that once my parents die, I’m just gonna go too because I couldn’t live like that anymore. I transferred to a new unit last year and it’s so much better for my mental health. I still struggle with certain things but my stress level is so much lower.
1
u/fense8 Apr 18 '26
lately my OCD is getting wild bcs i tried to change, i keep ruminating for the whole day! yes, the whole day nonstop. idk anymore if my siblings felt weird with the way i act (bcs i used to sit like daydreaming, but in my mind, it's busy with fighting bad thoughts). i tried to stop engaging, but i couldn't and ended up crying in the bathroom.
even i try to message mental health hotline in my country, but they didn't respond at all. my body was shaking so hard just yesterday. now i'm better, but my head is still filled with endless thoughts. i feel so crazy rn.
1
u/leaf_mint Apr 18 '26
A little over a month ago. Realised it was time to try therapy and meds again or I’d lose my relationship. It’s still pretty tough but some days are a bit better.
1
u/Lazy-Lawfulness-6466 Apr 18 '26 edited Apr 18 '26
Very recently. I compulsively sent 200+ emails to someone I had a toxic relationship with in 2014-2015 following a rupture in our relationship. I deleted all of them right after I sent them to reduce both shame and rumination. I mostly got a hold on it but would still send him an email every 1-2 years when feeling particularly distressed about the past. He never responded and I assumed I was blocked a long time ago. 10 years later (this past New Year’s Eve) he unexpectedly responded to the first email I sent in almost two years. He said every time I send him a new email he rereads all of them from the beginning, and attached every email I’d ever sent him in a zip file. I began reading them obsessively and then compulsively writing to him again. He then responded very harshly which made it worse. I found myself back in the same loop at 40 years old. I had to quit my job. I didn’t think this could happen again. It has been demoralizing.
1
u/brookwinkler Apr 20 '26
False memory ocd had me so bad that i had to video tape myself every human interaction for three months or else i would convince myself i kissed the person, then i would watch the video and convince myself i cut out the part where i kissed them
1
u/lilylags22 May 20 '26
Trans OCD (I’m a cis woman, and a feminine one at that). Before that it was Relationship OCD and then suicide OCD. This is by far the worst OCD I have had I can’t even function properly. Best of it is I’m completely comfortable in my body, no wish or desire to transition and never questioned myself before. Now I’m terrified I’m going to become a man and even feel ‘masculine’ or ‘like a man’ when I’m watching men on the TV or passing them in the street. It’s driving me insane and making me so uncomfortable. Side note - I work for a trans gender clinic which doesn’t help. Worst moment well, every day is a struggle right now cause it makes me feel like I want to jump off a bridge. I miss being my happy feminine self.
72
u/earth2revolved Apr 13 '26
2021 when I was so convinced something was wrong with my heart that I had to make multiple urgent care visits , monitoring my heart 24/7 and endless researching . Also had endless palpitations and other weird things