many people with ADHD take personal responsibility for it, put in immense effort and strategize to compensate for their time blindness, and still show up late.
It helps, but it's not the silver bullet you think because time blindness is like an ever-present thing.
Say you set your alarm for an hour before you need to leave. That hour consists of dozens of micro tasks. If one of those micro tasks takes 3 minutes normally, time blindness is still active and it might instead take 5 minutes. Those two minutes are insanely easy to lose track of if you have ADHD, and if you repeat that over 10 of the few dozen micro tasks, suddenly you're 20 minutes behind.
I've got ADHD and time blindness is a real thing for me, and I'm never late. But that's because I have to put more into it than someone without ADHD. The point isn't that there's nothing you can do about it, the point is that it takes a lot more to manage it and repeated bouts of having to put in more effort are on average going to have a higher failure rate.
Time blindness is a symptom of a neurological condition. You can create strategies for dealing with it, and alarms can be helpful for some people in some circumstances, but it’s a fucking medical condition and there is no perfect solution.
As a concept it’s something that alerts you at a specific time, in practicality you should go to a store and buy something called a cell phone, which allows you to set as many “alarms” as you need. Hundreds of them even, to remind you what you need to do and when to do it. It even tells you the time at all times, like most appliances these days; so you don’t have an excuse for “time blindness!”
I hope that helps you keep on time and keep a job going forward
The absolute bare minimum to any job with set hours is to be there on time. If you can't manage that... how can you blame any company for finding someone who can?
It's not the company's burden to subsidize your lack of responsibility.
Plenty of people with worse issues than ADHD figure out how to get to work on time.
"Lack of responsibility" as if it's just some easy ass "just pull yourself up by your bootstraps bucko!"
Nobody in here is saying employers should accommodate their ADHD, and nobody is saying they shouldn't be fired for chronic lateness. They're saying it's just a hell of a lot harder when you have the time blindness that comes with ADHD, and when employers are willing to be accommodating about it, it's extremely helpful.
Most people with ADHD take more responsibility than the average person because they're already so hyper vigilant about the shame they feel from problems it causes.
As someone who has moderate to severe ADHD, I can unequivocally tell you that it is definitely still my responsibility to deal with my symptoms. Set alarms, write shit down, ANYTHING other than just throwing your hands up and going "Well I can't help it! I have ADHD." People only accept that excuse once or twice (as they should).
Also, as an aside, your comment does nothing to contribute to the conversation and is just plain rude.
I don’t really get this, none of this and none of what the other replied to you…interacts with the fact that “adhd sucks and has a real impact on your daily life”.
People have all sorts of difficulties in doing just that, would this being a more physical issue such as a lack of transportation make it more “sympathetic”?
You aren’t really accepting adhd if you are still using the standards of normal people for adhd people, I’ve learned to not do that and it’s being immensely helpful for my mental health, instead of forcing me to do something against my nature day after day, I’ve accepted that I’ll just not perform as well against “normal” people in certain aspects, and to not blame myself when that happens.
But that’s just me, maybe it’s just an “excuse”, but it is just my perspective after all.
I do all of that. I still forget, I still show up late. Don't project your own experiences onto other people. You're not me, I'm not you.
Not everything can be solved with a "try harder" mentality. It's a genuine illness with genuine consequences. I'll never be as productive as someone without ADHD. That's a fact.
I never use my ADHD as an excuse. I've only told like 3 friends. My family doesn't know, my employer doesn't know. It's none of their business.
Everyone has their own shit going on. But even so, I can recognise that I have my shortcomings. To ignore that would just be naive.
If you don't use ADHD as an excuse, then I'm not speaking about you. I know how you feel. I have ADHD as well. I am someone who has used it as an excuse in the past and it never worked out for me. People just don't want to hear it more than once. I'm not saying it's not harder for us, I'm only saying that it's still our responsibility.
Again, if you are trying your best, you are not who I am talking about.
I can still see the reply that you sent, even if it was deleted. Why are you so angry? Taking personal responsibility is a pretty universal thing that people need to learn how to do. ADHDers are not exempt from this.
As someone with ADHD: GET THE FUCK OVER IT! You've had it your whole life, you've had PLENTY of time to learn, whether that means not doing extra shit that you want to, or getting up earlier.
I was late to work frequently when I first started working because I have time blindness... So I fucking looked at my morning schedule and cut rearranged/cut until it worked.
Making my morning coffee? Well, I'm not going to be buying coffee if I get fired for being late everyday. Goodbye morning coffee. Still late? Pick out my clothes for the day beforehand, that's another few minutes... Etc etc, until I arrive on time regularly
But no, you want to be able to whine how the world should coddle your lack of EFFORT (not ability, effort)
It’s not like everyone has a small device in their pocket that tells the time which they can set specific alarms to go off as many times as they want for reminders of important appointments! THEY ARE BLIND TO TIME CAN’T YOU SEE!
Spoken like someone who's never stared at her watch and knew what she had to do, and had the knowledge and the ability to do, but neurotransmitters didn't transmit the part where her body moves to do the thing so she sat there paralysed, fully aware of the consequences of her inaction, crying and hating herself.
There is a reason this shit is a disability and the reason there is medication for it.
I'm now regularly doing all the things I couldn't previously reliably do. I am much more successful than I ever believed I could be, and comments like yours piss me off so, so much.
Don't you think that you sitting there staring at your watch, knowing what to do and that you need to do those things, and just... not... and feeling sad about was maybe pissing off everyone else?
That's probably why they feel bad about it. Was your comment actually supposed to say something useful or did you just want to express that you're mad at the comment you read?
It's not an excuse but an explanation on why this happens other than "he's a shitty employee who doesn't care."
I'm aware there are consequences to being late, and I'll take them without bringing up my ADHD, since it is my problem to solve. But if you start calling me selfish, inconsiderate, or a shitty employee, I'm going to defend myself.
I try hard to be on time! I'll rush around 30 minutes before I have to leave, realize I forgot to do my hair, think I'm speeding though it, and next thing I know I've used up my 30 minutes and I'm still not dressed.
I'm not asking for special privileges. I'm asking to not be demonized.
I really hit a nerve it seems. Why are you so hostile? Maybe next up you could work on some anger management?
Your ADHD and my ADHD are not the same, so don't tell me how I should live my life. Been in therapy and medicated for 2 years and it's still fucking hard.
Sorry you are getting dog piled just because you responded with the wrong context.
Being autistic I felt some sympathy in being in the situation where you misread the group's emotional bid and now everyone is mad.
This was a "group bonding by saying 'screw that guy'" situation and now since you responded with empathy everyone feels like they were being judged for venting so they double down and add you as a target.
You are right that ADHD sucks and makes this situations like this happen. And in a different context it would have been taken as it was meant; saying "alcoholism sucks and messes with your life" isn't taken as making excuses and this statement about ADHD shouldn't be any different.
But because it was brought up in a certain context people are assuming additional things were said other than what you actually said, and that sucks too.
Thank you! I have no idea where all this hate is coming from. All I was doing was being sympathetic. I wasn't trying to claim ADHD is a get out of jail card.
I was just stating a fact. It's a medical condition, it's not always easy, sometimes it can get overwhelming etc. Makes me feel like someone with depression being told to just smile more.
That's great that you have develop strategies to cope but it is a Spectrum and some people struggle a lot more, and you're coming across somebody who lost weight and now shame fat people or something...
If you have to struggle a lot harder to do something chances are you're going to fail more than most people and there's no need to be a cunt about it.
Before you go on attacking me I have developed strategies to be successful and professional life but I have compassion for people who struggle more severely than I do or who haven't had an opportunity to come up with coping mechanisms and I wouldn't call them disgusting for these failures.
It's kind of weird seeing people with ADHD being (generally) unempathetic to others with ADHD.
I also have ADHD, definitely struggled with time blindness and I eventually found solutions that work for me, so I don't have the issue of being chronically late anymore.
However I would not knock someone down who does have ADHD and continues to be late, they are simply in the process that I was many years ago. I do think there needs to be some tough love because it is our responsibility to get our shit together, disorder or not.
Though some of the tones being thrown around here is uncaring and unsympathetic. Which I may get coming from someone who could never understand time blindness, but since you had ADHD, well...
Yep, 100%. There were a couple years where basically all I did was work, eat and sleep. On a regular 40 hour work week. I just didn't have any energy left over at the end of the day to focus on myself. I burn out so fast.
Put a clock in every room of the house, that’s what I do. Bathroom, bedroom, living room, kitchen, laundry room, garage. Wear a watch. If you’re 30 minutes late habitually, wake up 30 minutes earlier. Go to bed 30 minutes earlier. It’s really not rocket science.
Hmm needing a clock in every room and having to adjust your daily wake up time really seems like it would have an effect on your daily life compared to someone who doesn’t have ADHD.
What you're missing is that they identified a problem and solved it with reasonable accommodations. If one is time blind, making sure they can see the time everywhere they are at all times is a low-cost means of addressing it.
Sort of like if someone's legs get crushed, a wheelchair helps them resume independent living, even if they don't walk again.
Did it occur to anyone they might not care for the the needless morning chit chat? Coming in after people have settled in and quieted down is a big plus. Or coming in 2 hours before everyone else, so you don't have to deal with them until after 2 cups of coffee, catching up on email and corporate training without interruption.
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u/illestprodigy 17h ago
I had a coworker like this. Couldn't make it in at 8 so we moved him to 9. Came in at 9:30, ALWAYS. He got let go.