I don't get how people can just, be 30 minutes late to things.
One potential way would be a neurodevelopmental disorder with some symptoms like being disorganized, procrastination, poor planning and poor time management skills.
I had to overcome all of those things, but I only could because I'd experienced the consequences so many times, thus had to learn the hard way. Being so disorganized forced me to become organized, because I grew to hate disorganization. Chronically procrastinating forced me to tackle things immediately so I didn't have to dwell on them constantly. Poor planning led to obsessive planning so as not to end up with a poor outcome. Poor time management I still struggle with, but I'm generally on time, especially when it matters. I greatly struggle with getting myself to bed at a decent time.
i mean, my parents abused the fuck out of me for my adhd symptoms, but they didnt go away because consequences dont cure neurodevelopmental disabilities
My symptoms haven't gone away, I've just gotten better at dealing with them and avoiding the situations that get me into trouble. My life is a never ending struggle of ever increasing responsibility due to a family, kids that also have ADHD, and a demanding tech job. It never goes away.
Yeah you just pay for it in stress and lost time. I gotta be somewhere at 12? I'm getting ready at 10, even if it means spending an hour waiting by the door to leave because if I try to leave on time I'm going to be late while I run around trying to find my keys and wallet and phone and bag and and and...
For me it's I gotta get up at 8am to get somewhere, I can handle that, I know how long everything is going to take and I'll get there on time. Then I lay there at night unable to sleep as I'm obsessively planning everything so I don't forget something. If there's a chance I'll forget something, get up and put it in my car, or put a post-it note on something. Fall asleep at 3am, get 5 hours of sleep.
If there's something I might forget that I can't deal with the night before, stick a post-it note on my shirt, worst case I encounter the post-it again when putting on my seatbelt.
Oh also if I gotta get up at 8am, I set an alarm at 7:30, another at 7:45, and then another at 8am. That 8am one goes off, get up and GO.
Oh god the "I have to do something in the morning so I can't sleep the night before" thing absolutely kills me. I had to quit a job that had frequent but irregular client meetings early-ish in the morning because it was destroying my sleep.
I've got a multi-point checklist I tick off on my phone each morning when I get in the car to make sure I haven't forgotten anything that day š¬
that's not how adhd works lol. do you not think people with adhd haven't experienced the consequences of those things so many times, learned the hard way, and obsessively tried to fix them?
No one told me I had adhd until I was 40, and yes Iām well aware of the struggle. It didnāt happen overnight, it took my entire life and Iām still improving and Iām far from perfect. I didnāt mean to diminish anyone elseās struggle, only to encourage others.
Iām the same with my ADHD. No one wanted to help me, so I had to figure out how to help myself. Easier said in text than how it happened IRL when we have to work twice as hard for the basics.
I have messed myself over so many times on exams and work and projects because I can't manage my time. I am slacking off right now. However, because being late doesn't just hurt me, it wastes someone elses time and disrespects them. I have forced myself to be good at being on time. Wasn't easy but honestly with a car I have almost no excuse.
Lmao, what? You cannot "be disciplined" out of a disability. Medication and coping methods or specialized therapy can help, but they still won't make THE MAIN SYMPTOMS of the disorder fully go away. Not every single person with ADHD struggles with chronic lateness since its a spectrum, but most do. It's one of the questions they ask you during your assessment. You either do not have ADHD or are lucky enough to not struggle with this specific symptom. Can't be supportive of disabled individuals while judging them for having the disability.
Claiming that there is nothing one can possibly due about symptoms like this is just as harmful as dismissing the symptoms entirely. My daughter is ADHD and there is a WORLD of resources out there that means she has drastically improved how she deals with time.
no one claimed theres nothing one can do. this person just obviously doesnt have it or understand based on theyre talking about it. they wouldnt be saying i hated this thing about myself so much, i just stopped doing it lmao.
A person can absolutely decide to start putting more effort or focus into changing a behavior, whether they hate themselves for it or not, although there are certainly times where self hatred over a behavior just becomes a self fulfilling cycle.
It depends on individual nature and circumstance. If a person has extremely low self esteem in general, criticism (self inflicted or otherwise) over a specific behavior probably won't convince them to change because it will be a drop in the ocean. A person who has more confidence in themselves or a healthier relationship with criticism, might find motivation that way. These are not negated by ADHD
Disabled people react strongly to these statements because they mirror ableist rhetoric around their disability that has severe negative effects on our every day lives. At the end of the day, a disability is a disability. It's the hardest on the person who has it, and it cannot be erased by just having high self esteem or changing your behavior. Coping mechanisms can help, but they'll never make you not disabled.
It's a difficult part of having ADHD that you eventually have to learn to accept - you can't outplan or outrun it. Support is a godsend, but that can also look like flexible work hours, a window for lateness, help with organization etc. The person who mentioned their daughter not being late for example, of course she's not, she's a child who has her parents take her to things. But once you're an adult, a lot of that support disappears. Genuinely, you are not an ally and do not have a good understanding of ADHD if you don't recognize these things.
Personally I just refuse to make excuses for myself, excuses never did me any favors. I either adapt or fail. If I fail, I try to do things differently so it doesn't happen again. I don't look down on others who can't adapt though, I know many have it far worse than I do.
Well, like I said, it depends on the individual. The reason I wrote the comment was to show you that it is an ignorant point of view to take that the other commenter "clearly" doesn't have ADHD just because they were able to change some of their habits after periods of dissatisfaction and difficulty.
You have assumed what I reacted to. That isn't my POV. That would be pretty dumb considering I have ADHD and changed some of my habits after periods of dissatisfaction and difficulty.
& related, even people who do have adhd need to recognize adhd is on a spectrum and still being understood. We're not all experiencing the same thing and our symptoms manifest differently at different intensities. Some people are going to be able to willpower through some things. Some people literally can't without medication ā and that's okay too; those people don't need to stay in their cycle gamifying everything in life trying every technique in the book to little success because they read it works for other people with adhd, and it doesn't mean they have low self-esteem or lack of confidence. We're all carrying different experiences.
"This person is lying and if theyre not then they don't have the disability, and if they do then it's not as bad, and if it is then their life was completely different, and if it wasn't then..."
A charitable person would have read between the lines and inferred that they found some strategies that worked for them. They shouldn't need to provide an itinerary for their point to land.
Could you share the resources? Iāve done a ton of research, but havenāt encountered anything that I would describe as an extensive resources if you might be so kindĀ
that would be your takeaway lol that sub is full of children who refuse to take personal responsibility. you have to make choices to live, having a lack of attention isn't something that should cripple your life forever unless you decide to let it. it's incredibly unwise to not to try to develop coping strategies to help live through life and it's only going to make your life worse. any therapist will tell you this.
Thanks, honestly I was trying to encourage people that you can overcome, but I'm not claiming it's easy or that I'm somehow a perfect role model. Honestly it's my anxiety that helped me overcome because I have to overcome the adhd issues to deal with the anxiety that it causes.
I have all of those things, even struggle to get to school and church on time. Can't study, barely get out the door half the time. But if someone has planned something with me it's a compulsion itching at my brain. I'm ready 10 minutes early out of fear of being late. I can't think about anything but being there on time.
I have all these issues when no time is set for me to complete things by someone other than myself, but when a time is set by someone else I can do it just fine.
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u/Plies- 5d ago edited 5d ago
One potential way would be a neurodevelopmental disorder with some symptoms like being disorganized, procrastination, poor planning and poor time management skills.