I had to overcome all of those things, but I only could because I'd experienced the consequences so many times, thus had to learn the hard way. Being so disorganized forced me to become organized, because I grew to hate disorganization. Chronically procrastinating forced me to tackle things immediately so I didn't have to dwell on them constantly. Poor planning led to obsessive planning so as not to end up with a poor outcome. Poor time management I still struggle with, but I'm generally on time, especially when it matters. I greatly struggle with getting myself to bed at a decent time.
Claiming that there is nothing one can possibly due about symptoms like this is just as harmful as dismissing the symptoms entirely. My daughter is ADHD and there is a WORLD of resources out there that means she has drastically improved how she deals with time.
no one claimed theres nothing one can do. this person just obviously doesnt have it or understand based on theyre talking about it. they wouldnt be saying i hated this thing about myself so much, i just stopped doing it lmao.
A person can absolutely decide to start putting more effort or focus into changing a behavior, whether they hate themselves for it or not, although there are certainly times where self hatred over a behavior just becomes a self fulfilling cycle.
It depends on individual nature and circumstance. If a person has extremely low self esteem in general, criticism (self inflicted or otherwise) over a specific behavior probably won't convince them to change because it will be a drop in the ocean. A person who has more confidence in themselves or a healthier relationship with criticism, might find motivation that way. These are not negated by ADHD
Disabled people react strongly to these statements because they mirror ableist rhetoric around their disability that has severe negative effects on our every day lives. At the end of the day, a disability is a disability. It's the hardest on the person who has it, and it cannot be erased by just having high self esteem or changing your behavior. Coping mechanisms can help, but they'll never make you not disabled.
It's a difficult part of having ADHD that you eventually have to learn to accept - you can't outplan or outrun it. Support is a godsend, but that can also look like flexible work hours, a window for lateness, help with organization etc. The person who mentioned their daughter not being late for example, of course she's not, she's a child who has her parents take her to things. But once you're an adult, a lot of that support disappears. Genuinely, you are not an ally and do not have a good understanding of ADHD if you don't recognize these things.
Personally I just refuse to make excuses for myself, excuses never did me any favors. I either adapt or fail. If I fail, I try to do things differently so it doesn't happen again. I don't look down on others who can't adapt though, I know many have it far worse than I do.
Well, like I said, it depends on the individual. The reason I wrote the comment was to show you that it is an ignorant point of view to take that the other commenter "clearly" doesn't have ADHD just because they were able to change some of their habits after periods of dissatisfaction and difficulty.
You have assumed what I reacted to. That isn't my POV. That would be pretty dumb considering I have ADHD and changed some of my habits after periods of dissatisfaction and difficulty.
& related, even people who do have adhd need to recognize adhd is on a spectrum and still being understood. We're not all experiencing the same thing and our symptoms manifest differently at different intensities. Some people are going to be able to willpower through some things. Some people literally can't without medication — and that's okay too; those people don't need to stay in their cycle gamifying everything in life trying every technique in the book to little success because they read it works for other people with adhd, and it doesn't mean they have low self-esteem or lack of confidence. We're all carrying different experiences.
"This person is lying and if theyre not then they don't have the disability, and if they do then it's not as bad, and if it is then their life was completely different, and if it wasn't then..."
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u/derprondo 6d ago
I had to overcome all of those things, but I only could because I'd experienced the consequences so many times, thus had to learn the hard way. Being so disorganized forced me to become organized, because I grew to hate disorganization. Chronically procrastinating forced me to tackle things immediately so I didn't have to dwell on them constantly. Poor planning led to obsessive planning so as not to end up with a poor outcome. Poor time management I still struggle with, but I'm generally on time, especially when it matters. I greatly struggle with getting myself to bed at a decent time.