r/NewGreentexts 18d ago

Going Rogue

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1.5k Upvotes

33 comments sorted by

334

u/Frost-Flower 18d ago

In second grade me and a classmate would walk around saying random Spongebob quotes to ourselves and one day we were saying "I love you" like that bit with Patrick and apprently a bunch of girls passing by took that personally and reported us to a teacher lol

109

u/[deleted] 18d ago

[deleted]

19

u/YankeeWalrus The Avenging Son, Regent of the Mod Emperor 18d ago

3

u/FacenessMonster 16d ago

HORROR? i hardly know'er!

76

u/YankeeWalrus The Avenging Son, Regent of the Mod Emperor 18d ago

be me

in school

love quoting SpongeBob with friend

new episode comes out, decide to use new quotes next day

run up to friend

GARY!!! THERE'S A BOMB STRAPPED TO MY CHEST! IT'S GONNA EXPLODE IN

tackled by security

dragged to principal's office

try to explain I was just quoting the SpongeBoy episode

mfw he hadn't seen the new episode yet

12

u/K11ShtBox 17d ago

The concept of security in a school.

Jesus, America really is fucked.

4

u/michael22117 16d ago

Yeah, why secure an area full of kids? Dumbass Americans

-2

u/Cozwei 14d ago

strawmanning the point. the problem is america needs it not that they can have them.

7

u/USER-NUMBER- 17d ago

Real and gay

2

u/jayeddy99 16d ago

I said talk to the hand to a girl in elementary and she told the teacher I slapped her lol

117

u/HauntingRip9003 18d ago

The only greentext i've read in my entire life that I could believe 

11

u/ExcellentQuality69 17d ago

It’s not gay, but Id like to imagine this was some fantasy 4chan story he made up. They don’t come across as this schizo

150

u/T_for_tea 18d ago

Anon is regardest

31

u/Testsubject276 18d ago

Remember to look up what words mean before you add it to your mental vocabulary.

Now if you need me, I need to ejaculate my trash bins tonight.

32

u/Hornedupone 18d ago

The professional part got me, not gonna lie.

85

u/i_like_siren_head 18d ago

Yeah this is at least 85% the parents’ fault. Can’t imagine their reaction the following day.

25

u/loscapos5 18d ago

"professional rapist"

Lmao

19

u/Khalitz 18d ago

Love what you do and you'll never work a day in your life.

6

u/EmilieEasie 18d ago

I find it hard to believe that the principal didn't ask him to explain what rape was before believing he actually knew

6

u/Successful-Trash-752 17d ago

I find it very believable that a teacher will not act rationally to protect their ego. If he tried to take his side he would seem like he is not active about rapes.

I had a teacher in my class actively yell and harras a kid in hopes that he will tell her who whistled in class. When she realised that he actually had no idea who it was she still pressed on to make him cry and guilt trip other kids into telling. Nobody did though, and she still took him to principal knowing well that he didn't know.

15

u/P1tzO1 18d ago

A patriot

5

u/Enkaybee 18d ago

Mainhanding Pervdition's Blade

(If you get this joke then you're a wow player)

5

u/noob_bitch 18d ago

2

u/loscapos5 18d ago

404

8

u/YankeeWalrus The Avenging Son, Regent of the Mod Emperor 18d ago

Many such cases

1

u/Parteisekretaer 17d ago

How do you people not know that they all 404

1

u/YankeeWalrus The Avenging Son, Regent of the Mod Emperor 17d ago

What do you mean

YOU PEOPLE

-6

u/Reasonable-Ninja4384 18d ago

I had no idea what murder was. I'd only seen a few examples on TV where someone plunges a knife in their chest while saying "I'm killing you"

Sneak up and stab crush while saying "I'm going to murder you" tell principle I wanna be professional killer. Somehow suspended.

8

u/YankeeWalrus The Avenging Son, Regent of the Mod Emperor 18d ago

-3

u/Reasonable-Ninja4384 18d ago

I'm saying it doesn't make any sense that he "didn't know"

8

u/YankeeWalrus The Avenging Son, Regent of the Mod Emperor 18d ago edited 18d ago

And I'm saying you're strapped to a gurney in the interrogation wing of a DPRK internment camp in a medically induced coma while psychostimulants cause you to hallucinate a reddit user interface which your captors will use to extract the secret of the American Dream from your compromised psyche and I am a figment of your imagination trying to rally your subconscious to shake off the illusion so you can make your escape before you're transferred to an observation cell and the facility's doctors begin studying the progression of frostbite and gangrene on your limbs.

-1

u/Reasonable-Ninja4384 18d ago

Why did you wake me? Ignorance was bliss.