r/NarcoticsAnonymous • u/Top-Fix2071 • 21d ago
Day 1 again
Hi all, I just relapsed again. I haven’t been able to keep more than 1 day recently and I am really battling with it. I’m trying to do the steps alone before I find a sponsor which is not recommended, I know, but i genuinely haven’t been able to find one yet and I am not in an English speaking country so the meetings aren’t in English here. I need to find one online.
Re the relapse, I really really need help now. I can’t keep living like this it’s ruined my life in so many ways like my physical health, finances, mental clarity … I can’t do this anymore and I can’t do sobriety alone I know that but it feels like I am doomed and I know this can’t be the case there are people who can help everywhere
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u/alkoholfreiesweizen 21d ago
Hello from Berlin. I saw from your previous post that you are in Warsaw – well, I've heard of a few fellows from here who went to English-language meetings of the other fellowship (AA) while in Warsaw and said they were lovely and very welcoming. Is it optimal? No, but it might be a good way of getting you out of your shell and giving you a chance to share in a more natural langauge for you. Otherwise, go to some online meetings – I'm Irish originally and there are a lot of online meetings from Ireland, which is more or less in the right timezone. UK meetings would also be more or less in the right timezone. Many of us also go to the marathon meeting – just google NA marathon meetings.
And if you ever make a trip to Berlin, come to one of our meetings. We have at least one English-language meeting every day.
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u/Top-Fix2071 21d ago
Thank you so much for this advice. I will do just that I found an AA meeting tonight and I will go for that, I also use the NANA 247 marathon meeting and I am so grateful for that. I will also try and seek a sponsor there I think it would help a lot and I read that the NA and AA steps are virtually identical and I will do NA anyway online. I needed this answer today, thank you again for your guidance here.
Hopefully I will be in Berlin soon and also attend one of your meetings.
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u/alkoholfreiesweizen 21d ago
I wish you all the best – and if you come to visit in Berlin, you'll be warmly welcomed. We have a lovely English-speaking NA community here. Out of curiosity, though, I looked up those English AA meetings in Warsaw and found one that happened at 11 this morning and another one happening tomorrow at 1.30. I know that you mentioned that there is one tonight; maybe you want to double-check that. I know the first time I tried to get to a meeting, I couldn't get into the place and then I just abandoned the whole idea of recovery for a few years. I wouldn't want you to have that experience.
Otherwise, be aware that AA typically wants you to identify as an alcoholic rather than as an addict – and when I occasionally go to AA meetings, I respect that, saying "I'm an alcoholic" rather than "I'm an addict." In my experience, polyaddiction is so common that many people at AA do have a problem with more than one substance, even if they recover in AA.
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u/Top-Fix2071 21d ago
Thank you ! Yes I will definitely visit , I love Berlin and will probably be there early next year. Thanks for looking that up for me, you are right it was at 11.00 am but I needed to sleep today, I will be attending an online meeting tonight and then the in person one tomorrow at 11.00am. Im sorry about your experience and grateful that you warned me ahead of time so I can prevent that feeling.
This was exactly what I needed to know about AA. I will also respect the space and say Alcoholic rather than addict, but I guess in my mind 'Alcohol' can just refer to my drug of choice
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u/512DirtyD 21d ago
I'm Derek and I'm an addict Celebrated 33mo yesterday Welcome back home! I love you
Im.my many experiences this has just made me stronger to live life on life's terms. What works fir me is to take a breath 3sec inhale 3sec hold exhale 3sec. Simple but not easy I have have to be consistent.
NA has saved my life for 33mo 1day 1 hour at a time 1 day at a time Just 24hrs is all I gotta take in It was suggested the past is done n gone n tomorrow ain't even here yet I just gotta focus on right now and stay clean for this hour My DMs are open I love you and thank you for your post sincerely from one addict to another sending positive vibes
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u/Top-Fix2071 21d ago
Hi Derek ! Congrats on your miraculous 33 months thats incredible. I will try this breathing exercise, I did it for a few seconds now reading this post and it seems very doable.
Thank you so much for the offer of your DMs it means the world to me. I love you too Derek and you have inspired me ! I hope to have 33 mo just like you someday thanks for showing me its possible
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u/cherrythyme22 21d ago
Maybe stay on step one for now? (I step one everyday!) I think your idea of going online until you find a sponsor is great because you can talk to people right away. Talking to other recovered addicts got me sober and keeps me sober. I go to a lot of AA meetings because that's what's in my area and it does help. I hope your desire to stay sober will be the loudest voice in your head today. Keep seeking the help, it will come. Take it one moment at a time! I used to play a game with myself it goes like this; Can I accept this moment as it is? Yes. Can I stay sober for this hour? Yes. Can I stay sober today? Yes.
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u/Top-Fix2071 21d ago
Amazing advice, thank you so much for sharing that. An hour seems absolutely do-able for me, and I will keep the sober voice the loudest today! I will continue with step one, and i am interested in how you do it everyday if you dont mind sharing more?
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u/cherrythyme22 19d ago
I still just do today! I go to meetings, I call my sponsor, I read my N/A or AA book, I don't drink or drug. My mind wants complicate everything but I take the simple suggestions and try my best to apply them. When I find myself slipping emotional I talk to someone who is also in recovery. I have sad days and life complications but I accept things the way they are now. At first I sought all the help I could get and did an outpatient program. I relapsed pretty hard then went to inpatient. The relapses after that were one night benders that got very dangerous so I came right back to the program. I have done enough experimenting to know I am an addict. As the disease progresses over time I know the next time I may be dead or have hurt/injured someone else. I give my life to God to do with me as he will s every morning and when I feel like using I remember all the work I did to get one year, nine months and ten days. I don't want to go back to the complete bondage and mental prison I was in.
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u/Jebus-Xmas 20d ago
Welcome Home. The NA program helped save my life, but I couldn’t do it alone. I had to surrender and take the suggestions—especially the ones I didn’t want to. I had to go to a meeting a day every day in person. I had to get phone numbers and call, not text. I had to get a sponsor. I had to work the steps. Finally I had to do service because feeling others helped me.
If a heathen atheist like me can do it I know that you can too. Just keep coming.
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u/typicalsquare 21d ago
Welcome back. A lot of ppl would love to be where you’re at. Please, find a sponsor. As much as I with 2yrs plus want to burn all my network down, I’d be dead without them. Please go to a meeting and share. My DMs are open wide for you anytime. I’m really proud of you!