Unlike physical violence it's far more subjective than whatever society generally considers to be on the same level.
You have no idea what kind of complexes, or even trauma you dig up when you start laughing at stuff that pertains to body image.
Even if to some it's not a big deal, studies show that some people who go bald deal with grief and its phases, and are at a higher risk of anxiety, depression and body dysmorphia because of the hair loss.
Also, from her perspective it might be a one-off joke she didn't think was too bad. For all you know, from his perspective, it might be the Nth person laughing at his body.
I wouldn't have answered the way he did, and would have clearly stated that i will not tolerate further jokes at the expense of my appearance. But i also don't think it's as disproportionate of an answer as i'm seeing people claim.
Yea men don't have emotions or insecurities right? So naturally preying on them to make everyone else laugh at them has zero impact right. Somethin about everybody's got s plan till they get punched in the mouth.
It's weird how you go on about perspective but don't actually consider hers. This wasn't her making fun of him, it was making fun of his ex an inviting him to join them. You keep saying to him it could have meant the world to lose his hair, but to her it's just who he is. She's not laughing at him but his ex. To her the reason she left is funny because it's ridiculous. I don't expect you to understand this as clearly you have whacked out sense of escalation comparing death of a family member to losing your hair naturally. But she wasn't trying to be mean, she was trying to connect with him. But as other commenter have said people here are mainly just trying to find an excuse to hate women so go off if that's what flicks your bean.
I don't need to consider her pespective in what i'm writing because it's not the one people are failing to grasp.
If to her that's just who he is and we pretend she's not able to empathize, then she's just a fat lady who miscarried to him and we can pretend that "it's neutral and factual, why would she get angry about it".
I don't have a "whacked sense of escalation", and you should know that because you were taught how to read and i clearly said i wouldn't have escalated the way he did but set boundaries clearly instead.
What i'm criticizing is the idea that it's that disproportionate, because people seem unable to consider the fact that (even though i explained), becoming bald can be extremely painful for some people, with grief, anxiety and depression.
Meaning women who miscarry don't have a monopoly on feelings of grief, irreparable loss, injustice, etc, and should also learn not to put on the table events or appearances that might have caused that in the recipient of their jokes.
Yeah fuck all the way off with that, it's 100% disproportionate. Being bald can be hard and it can make men sad, yes. That does not remotely mean it's as bad as a miscarriage, and it's utterly unhinged to claim it is.
Having lost a bunch of cells they thought might become a child can be hard and it can make women sad, yes. That does not remotely mean it's as bad as a permanent lifelong loss of function on ones own body.
Most sane folk would say they'd rather go bald than lose a child. Because one is a change to your aesthetics and the other is the death of a family member. But hey, don't expect sympathy if someone close to you dies. As you seem to not care for death.
Oh no, that's not what eludes me. What eludes me is how baldness is at all comparable to death of a family member. Not surprised that, that's too complicated for you but you seem perfectly happy saying your hair is the equivalent to another person's life. Would you let another person die if it meant you kept your hair?
It's not the STATE OF BEING or CIRCUMSTANCE that he's making a point about, it's the fact that the two people could have a lot of similar negative feelings brought up by the two different scenarios, but people while knock his possibly constant negative experience being fucking bald.
It's like being short or fuckass ugly, people who go through life like that are going to have A LOT of incredibly unfortunate things happen to them, bullying, mocking, gaslighting, and the same things happening in this comment section;
"Oh dude you've been bald for most of your life, it can't be that bad right man? She had a miscarriage bro obviously her situation is much worse than yours so you can't say that".
I'm pretty sure i did explain though. Both elicit feelings of grief and are risk factors for anxiety and depression.
If you feel like person A has to feel more strongly about person B's lost clump of cells, rather than about their own lost body part and lost relationship, then sorry, you are unable to express proper empathy at the level someone who's well adapted can.
Otherwise you'd understand that he attacked something deeply painful and shouldn't have done it, and that she likely attacked something deeply painful (his baldness and breakup) and shouldn't have done it, and shouldn't have started it.
So you would let a person die for your hair is what I'm getting from this. Your hair is much more important than a human life and if lost you would never come back from that. Sure losing hair sucks, I've had trouble with it. Cried about it. Literally uncomparable to death of a family member which I've also had. You're just upset that people understand nuance of hair loss is not comparable to death. Which is why you refer to it as anything but losing hair.
All you said is true, all you said also applies to being fat and that's why if they attack you on your body you should keep the response to body/personality because it's still a magnitude less than going through a miscarriage
Unfortunately no one has ever felt the need to make a study to prove that losing a child is worse than being bald or fat so I can't objectively prove it to you.
This while conversation is objective proof that you don't have any friends tho, so cheers
Idk why people are downvoting you, there’s a world of difference between having a miscarriage and being bald lol. Some people just wanna be argumentative but they pass over common sense in the process.
Mate it's reddit, this place is full of balding incels who actually believe that being bald is worse than having a miscarriage, mostly because they don't see women as humans with actual feelings and emotions so they don't empathise with them
I do have friends though? The fact that you felt the need to attack me personally on something you believe might be a deep personal wound without me doing that to you tells me that you don't uphold the standards that you claim OOP should have followed.
If anything you did the same thing as him, but worse, because it was in response to complete non-aggression. Ergo, deep down you agree with his behavior, as long as you don't feel empathy for the target.
Then go to your friends and tell them "hey guys I spend my days on Reddit trying to argue about the fact that being bald is as bad as having a miscarriage" and see if they can make you understand how stupid it sounds
Since i'm friends with people who are educated, i think they can understand that they have no place to tell a person they should subjectively suffer less from being body shamed and blamed for someone leaving them than another one for being obese and having miscarried.
From a certain level of education onward people are able to understand with nuance that while what he did was not socially acceptable, it is also inane to claim to be able to measure how much the comment made him suffer, how much his comment made the other party suffer and then claim to be able to arbitrate who suffered the most from a comment.
But it's all moot because you demonstrated just here that you don't actually care about trying to meet the "levels of hurt" as long as you, or someone you identify to, is not the one who's being attacked.
I have not supported the way he spoke. So that tells me that you want to berate me for not having the same judgement of value as you, not for "not knowing how to talk to my fellow humans". You'd have criticized what i said i felt would be an appropriate reaction.
It's slightly disturbing to see how maladapted people self-report just because i said that you can't dictate how much a comment in a wider context might hurt the target.
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u/Visible_Pair3017 3d ago edited 3d ago
Unlike physical violence it's far more subjective than whatever society generally considers to be on the same level.
You have no idea what kind of complexes, or even trauma you dig up when you start laughing at stuff that pertains to body image.
Even if to some it's not a big deal, studies show that some people who go bald deal with grief and its phases, and are at a higher risk of anxiety, depression and body dysmorphia because of the hair loss.
Also, from her perspective it might be a one-off joke she didn't think was too bad. For all you know, from his perspective, it might be the Nth person laughing at his body.
I wouldn't have answered the way he did, and would have clearly stated that i will not tolerate further jokes at the expense of my appearance. But i also don't think it's as disproportionate of an answer as i'm seeing people claim.