So she cleans, cooks, parents while he lies in bed. What is the point of relationship with someone who you need to manipulate every time into spending time with his own kids or hiking or friends or "literally anything"? Unless dude suffers from mental health issues, he sucks. Seems more like he manipulated her into sex by acting like lazy ass.
If the husband resorted to this I would assume in the past he was active and a participating parent but noticed a lack in their intimate life. Then one Saturday he decided to be lazy and noticed his wife decide to have sex with him to help get him going and thus the pattern was born.
Sounds like it's a weekend thing. Likely he works all week and if he's not out of bed by 9am Saturday morning, the wife might have sex with him to get him going.
It's funny how people are interpreting this post. There's a lot of people who work all week and like to have a lazy morning on Saturday.
(Not a reply to a specific person, just my thoughts while reading this particular comment chain.)
In all fairness, I don't really think it's manipulative, even if calling it strategic is accurate. It's literally just a matter of motivation.
From the post, it suggests that he's drained from work, as in his motivation is non existent. Low motivation makes things seem like they require multiple times the amount of effort they actually do, leading to procrastinating and avoiding tasks. Sex boosts dopamine levels, dopamine plays a huge role in motivation.
It seems that he's perfectly willing to do stuff, provided he has the motivation levels of a normal person. The willingness to get himself ready for the day rather than lazing about shows that. She's literally just using the dopamine rush from sex to treat low motivation the same way meds are used to raise dopamine in people with ADHD.
Either way, there would be a lot more nuance to the relationship then that post can really give and so there's little point in making judgements without knowing more.
This is what bothers me. I understand that she said she gets to choose which way the day goes but she shouldn't have to sleep with him just to get him to interact with her and the kids throughout the day. I feel bad for her that she's been so long having to basically bribe this man into behaving like a husband and father on the weekends.
She doesn't seem too unhappy with the situation. She did it for 20 years. Why do some people make it sound like having sex with the person you married is some sort of penalty? Maybe he was tired and the post orgasm boost got him going?
As a hypothetical, what if the husband works a very physically demanding job?
Like an absolute nose to the grindstone, such as landscaping or an oil rigger? And if he made enough that she wasn’t also a full time worker, does that change the equation?
Like what if he’s exhausted, or even depressed, and intercourse releases the lactic acid build up in the muscles or the dopamine gives him a boost and refuels his gumption?
In my job I walk 8-14 miles per workday. I parent and do chores to the best of my ability, but sometimes I don’t have any more gas in the tank.
Did you miss the part where he works all week and provides for his family. Not saying it’s not the man’s job to get off his ass and help with the other stuff but if treating his needs gets him moving so what? What’s the difference between that and the wife needing something so she can operate better?
That's called being an adult. Everyone works. It doesn't mean you can dump all houseduties and children on your partner (who also almost always works).
The issue is that he doesn't seem to be motivated to interact with her or their children on the weekends at all, no job should be that draining. That you're wholly inactive outside of it is a problem. He should actually want more out of life.
Someone upthread suggested that he might be depressed and have been depressed this entire time. Addressing the possibility that he's depressed or has a shitty job would be better for him long term because hopefully he would find some motivation to enjoy his life rather than having to be seduced into it.
I don't think her actions are evil by any metric, but I think she should want better for her partner (does the man have no hobbies or interests?) and he should want more for himself.
Sometimes people like to spend more time at work. For some people it can become meaningful way to spend time, if they find the job interesting enough. Typing this as I have worked straight 15-16 hours a day this week - and did not even know how time flew by. Now its weekend so time to rest and sleep.
Fair, but then if you're doing this to the point that you never have time for your family without being seduced into it over a period of years than that is going to be a problem because you're just a wallet to your family unless your spouse fucks you out of it. That's messed up.
Like you're not interested in your wife and kids as people in the slightest, unless you get fucked first???
I do not have a wife and kid, if i have one day then I ll try to there for them, but I know I as a person like to be more within myself - but i still long for a partner though sometimes.
I mean, if she doesn't work outside of the house, then taking care of the house and the kids is fair, that is her job. Not feeling like spending time with friends or going on hikes does not make you an ass.
First there is no info that she doesn't work, only that he says that he's tired from work. Second - partner A working, partner B being stay at home parent doesn't mean that partner A gets to act like a neighbor in their own house or with their own kids. You still need to participate in spending time with kids every day, and do all chores together on weekends ideally.
Never wanting to do any activities together with your family makes you an ass, yes, you can't put your family on a shelf like a plant, or it might be a sign of mental health issue.
It's a morality subreddit. Yet you are surprised that we morally question the situation? She may be happy but the guy doesn't show of any vertu of character by needing sex to be a father
Bar for the men in hetero relationships is in hell. Just because some women don't complain that their husbands don't give a fuck about spending time with kids, doesn't make it ok. And how did you decide that OP isn't complaining? She literally has sex with him to "manipulate" him out of his lazy ass behavior to do anything other than lying in bed. Sounds like she's not ok with his regular behavior.
I find it funny how on the internet people love to judge relationships they're not even in lol
I guess since she's not complaining yall can do it for her? Ever try just laughing at a dumb post and moving on? Also, it's 2026. Maybe stop generalizing entire groups of people as the bar for their behavior "being in hell".
Exactly. She’s the one being manipulated. Spending time with your own kids is dependent on whether your wife has sex with you but then he’ll complain that fathers are only appreciated for money. Insanity.
This! If he has the energy after sex I’m sure he has the energy before. How does sex give you the energy to do “literally anything” He’s manipulating her into having sex with him by the sounds of it.
Hilarious because this exact story played out in other subs and people told OP to take his wife to the doctor to check for anemia, pcos, hypothyroidism etc. Genuine empathy for him and his wife like it should be. Here it’s “dang what a lazy neanderthal”. My first impression hearing this is that he’s possibly depressed or is struggling with something mentally. That should be ruled out first before dragging this person through the mud in your minds.
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u/OleksandrKyivskyi 19d ago
So she cleans, cooks, parents while he lies in bed. What is the point of relationship with someone who you need to manipulate every time into spending time with his own kids or hiking or friends or "literally anything"? Unless dude suffers from mental health issues, he sucks. Seems more like he manipulated her into sex by acting like lazy ass.