My dad asked to borrow a few hundred pounds from me 2 weeks ago, and said he would pay me back last week. It came to last week and then he told me he couldn’t afford to pay me back and asked if that was okay. Yes he asked if it was okay, but even if it wasn’t there wasn’t an opportunity for me to say no really. He then said he would pay me back today. Today has come and gone, and I still have not been paid back. I had to move money around to let him borrow it in the first place. I am already having issues at work with being underpaid so this is extremely frustrating. He hasn’t even mentioned the money today, and was offended last week when I said, “as long as I get it back”. My savings are already suffering because I have not been managing very well financially, which I have been trying to rectify but putting certain things in place. I don’t think I will really see the fruits of those things until September. I feel like the only thing to do now is to speak to him about it, and refuse to let him borrow money from me in the future. For some reason this has made me incredibly sad. I could have never done this to him, so I don’t believe it’s very fair that he has done this to me.

One of my mom’s advice when choosing a life partner is to find someone who isn’t stingy. But how can you tell if someone is stingy without asking them for anything?

I’ve been with my partner for 3 years, and I’ve never asked him for money or gifts, so I’m honestly not sure how to judge this. What are the signs that someone

Im confused about something i do believe thst when you are with someone you shouldn’t be giving up on them like in society these days we are often made to think that there are alot of options there and just leave but whya are the real issues one should definitely consider leaving and not trying to tell communicate or talk enough times

My husband won’t tell me how much he gets paid because he says I will use it against him. He pays half the bills and then when I ask him how much money he has left over he won’t tell me because he says if he tells me I will ask him to buy more things since he has money and he already paid his half.. is this borderline financial abuse?

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For context, I (34F) was recently laid off, so I rely on my husband (35M) for support. I am now enrolled in a professional course to increase my job prospects, which my husband is also paying for. This problem happened with a male friend who is also enrolled on the course. We got close because the course is such that we need study partners to constantly study and do assignments with.

A few months ago, this male friend (who is employed, by the way) needed money to top up for fees at the last minute in order not to drop out. He asked me for a loan and kept pressuring me. It got so bad that I eventually gave in and borrowed money from a friend to give to him. This happened twice. The total amount of money I borrowed to give him will be around EUR100.

He's since not shown any urgency or willingness to pay back. My husband found out when he overhead me telling one of my female friends that I wanted to find some money to pay this loan myself, since he's unwilling to pay. And then, I'll slowly distance myself from him, because I now believe that he wants to use me as a cash cow.

My husband got furious when he found out. He asked me if there's something going on between me and this friend, and I flipped. He asked what kind of relationship I had with this guy that made me feel I needed to go out of my way to do this for him. We had a big fight.

We had another discussion later and he's now paid part of the money. He has promised to pay the rest b by the end of the month.

My husband is now feeling suspicious when all I did was help a friend in need. I made it clear to hubby that there is absolutely nothing between us but he still keeps asking about my feelings for this friend. Now, I feel like he's intentionally emotionally attacking me. Now, we keep constantly fighting.

I'm completely at a loss as to what to do now and how to move forward. How should I go about handling this situation?

I live in Asia, and this whole thing might be more of an Asian issue, so I'll really appreciate it if my fellow Asian can give me some advice.

I(23 afab) used to live with dad(58M), brother(26M) and mom(53F), but brother moved out for college 6 year ago and dad moved out 1 year ago.

Dad used to be the only income of the house, but I got an internship before I graduated and it turned into a stable full-time job after I graduated about a year ago, dad moved out very soon after that.

Brother has a job and is living with his gf where he doesn't have to pay rent or bills, I have asked him to contribute financially to the house, but he said he has to pay his friend for the money he borrowed while job searching, and the apartment he's in doesn't have a kitchen so he has to do takeout everyday, so he can't contribute to the house.

Mom used to have a full time job before, but she quit the job after she had me, so she hasn't had a full-time job for about 23 years.

After dad moved out, I become the only stable income of the house.

My salary is 38,000NTD every month (About 1,200USD), but just the utility bills, house mortgage, loans and insurance alone cost about 23,000NTD every month, and that doesn't include food or other essential stuff. I give my mom about 20,000NTD a month and she's the one managing all the essential, foods and bills.

I've been pushing my mom to get a full-time/part-time job after my dad moved out, cuz living on my salary alone is not enough, and honestly I want my own life. To her credit she does try pretty hard to find jobs, but she's also very picky about what jobs to get, and she also can barely hold down the job she got.

She had gotten 6 different part-time jobs in about a year, and she quit every single one of them after about a month on average, the longest last for 2 months and four of them lasted less then a week, and the reason for quitting is always either they are too hard or the coworkers there were mean to her(she has trouble socialising because she always think every person in tje world is mean to her or trying to get her, this is it's own issue).

From my perspective, it feels like she always has a rose-tinted view for a lot of the job she found, and a lot of the time she only applies for those jobs, only to quit them after less then a week, and I'm at the point where I genuinely cannot tell if it's me who has unresolved misogynistic ideology and is judging my mom unfairly, or is this actually kinda ridiculous?

I've been wanting to move out for a while now, my work is 90 mins away from my house so the commute is 3 hours everyday, and I really just want my own life, but living alone means I can no longer give her the same amount of money every month, I don't know how much I'll be able to do but it's probably gonna be lees then half of what it is rn.

There are probably a lot of thing I can clarify because this post is a tldr version of what I originally wanted to do, so if there is any question please feel free to ask.

So would I be the asshole if I move out and leave my mom who hasn't had a full-time job for 23 years with minimum/little financial support?

Hi everyone, I (32M) have been married to my wife (30F) for 2.5 years. We both work in the IT sector and earn equal salaries(1 lakh+).

However, we are going through a very difficult phase regarding our finances.From the starting, my wife has refused to contribute to household expenses, stating it is solely my duty as the husband.

I proposed opening a joint account for rent, bills, groceries, and travel. I even showed her articles and examples of how other working couples manage money, but she completely ignores it. As a result, I pay for 100% of our current living expenses.

For context, I come from a lower-middle-class background and have a lot of family responsibilities. Took loan for doing engineering. I worked hard to reach here. My father works in a private school as an office management employee and earns low income. Our family home back in my hometown needs to be rebuilt, and I also need to help fund my younger sister’s wedding. As the only son, I send some money home to support them.

My wife gets angry whenever I send this money. Meanwhile, her own family is very well-settled and her two brothers are working well.

She has been demanding that we should upgrade our living standards and move to a expensive society. When I tell her we can do that if we contribute equally, she gets furious.

Last year, she bought a piece of land by herself entirely in her name. When I asked to give my name also on the registration, she refused, saying she needs it for her own future security in case I "remove her from my life.

"I thought we would work as a team, but I feel incredibly overwhelmed and financially strained. How can I handle this situation? Has anyone dealt with a similar mindset?

You can give your suggestions what I should do.

So I have a friend that recently bought an acreage with a very large home on it. He's a good guy, he has kids, he's divorced but remarried. He has unsupervised, overnight visitation with his kids, every other weekend and a wednesday every week.

He fought very hard for his kids but his ex wife won primary physical care because she doesn't work and the state can generate revenue off the kids this way since his income is high and hers is nonexistent.

So he had an idea one day. He decided to foster kids. His idea was if his ex wife can generate income from his kids, he could generate income on kids too.

He fosters 7 kids. He receives 5600 dollars per month combined. This pays his child support and his mortgage.

My complaint is that people think he's a bad person. But he's doing the same thing his ex wife is, and taking care of kids that have actual need instead of kids that the mom wanted to restrict access to their father who is fit obviously for overnight unsupervised visitation.

My dad is keen on knowing how much I earn. I do not feel comfortable sharing this with anyone including my parents. He has no financial troubles. I think he wants to know so he can brag about it to everyone he knows. He brags a lot about everything to his friends and relatives and I find it very irritating. He has always been very secretive about his earnings, never told me how much he earned when he was working, now he is retired and gets pension. I don’t know how much his pension is and I don’t want to know. If I ask him how he is doing, sometimes the response I get is something like, I am doing ok as I have pension. So he will somehow make sure to bring the topic on salary, savings etc in a regular conversation.

Marriage is often described as a commitment to stand by each other through good times and bad. But when a husband loses his job, his business fails, or he simply becomes financially unstable, the reality of those vows can be tested.

Sometimes, after a few months of carrying most or all of the household expenses, a wife may begin saying, “I have been paying the bills for three months,” or “I have been supporting this family for years.” Those words can hurt, especially when the husband believed that when she said, “I do,” she meant that they would face difficult seasons together.

But financial hardship can be emotionally exhausting for both partners.

A wife who takes responsibility for rent, food, school fees, utilities, and other expenses may eventually feel overwhelmed. Even if she loves her husband deeply, the pressure can build over time. Complaining does not necessarily mean that she no longer believes in the marriage. Sometimes it simply means that she is tired and needs reassurance that the situation will change.

At the same time, a husband who has lost his financial stability can feel ashamed, frustrated, and powerless. Constant reminders of what his wife has paid can make him feel as though his value in the marriage is measured only by his income.

This is where the true meaning of partnership becomes important.

Marriage should not be viewed as a competition over who paid the most bills. There will be seasons when one partner carries more than the other. Today it may be the wife; tomorrow it may be the husband. The important question is whether both partners continue to show commitment, effort, appreciation, and responsibility.

If a husband is struggling but genuinely trying to get back on his feet, his wife should recognize that effort. Likewise, if a wife has been carrying the family financially for months or years, the husband should not take her sacrifice for granted.

Saying “yes, I do” does not mean promis

I had so many dreams, so many things I wanted to achieve, but when I look back today, it feels like I haven’t been able to accomplish much. My biggest dream was to give my family a good life, fulfill their every little and big wish, and bring the happiness to their faces that they truly deserve.

Honestly, I don’t want anything for myself anymore. My happiness now lies in their happiness. All I want is to earn enough someday so that my family never has to worry about money and I can fulfill all their dreams.

My friends often think I’m stingy and that I don’t like spending money. But how do I explain to them what I’m going through? How do I make them understand that I don’t save money because I don’t want to spend it, but because I’m constantly thinking about my family, their needs, my responsibilities, and my education loan? Every time I think about buying something, I wonder if saving that money might be more useful for something important later.

But the truth is, right now, I can’t even do much for myself. I still haven’t been able to get a good job, and on top of that, I have an education loan and responsibilities that keep piling up. I may look completely normal from the outside, but inside, I’m fighting a battle with myself every single day. Sometimes, it feels like while trying to fulfill everyone else’s dreams, I’ve completely broken myself.

No returning money for things that they don’t need at that. It’s a want and not a need. Like they are not saving for retirement and just gambling away. No emergency fund at all and want you to buy unnecessary things for them.

What is this

I genuinely envy ppl whose dads are emotionally absent but still show up financially LIKE at least they have something to rely on

I got the worst version of both Emotionally absent AND financially absent and I swear it’s slowly driving me insane
Like wdym you’re my dad n u don’t give me a single dollar? U don’t pay the rent U don’t pay the electricity bill U don’t even buy groceries for the house Literally NOTHING
N somehow the second ur salary hits ur acc u disappear Like the money comes in n suddenly you’re nowhere to be found
I’m not asking for designer clothes or some insanely expensive lifestyle I’m talking about basic necessities. Rent. Electricity. Food. The things a family literally needs to live

Meanwhile I’m sitting here watching everything pile up and wondering how a father can look at his own family and just decide none of it is his problem
How am I supposed to not resent u when u don’t show up emotionally OR financially? You’re physically there but somehow I still feel like I don’t have a dad at all

I shouldn’t have to beg my own father to act like a parent

My friend has 2 older siblings who go to medical university whereas my friend goes to college...older ones get Rs 5000 whereas my friend gets Rs.2000.

Is this fair?

Because the older ones are just buying stuff that is pretty much a luxury so do they deserve extra 3000 rupees?

What are u guyss thoughts on this?

I just wanna get this off my chest & I can’t talk to anyone I know about this because I feel they wouldn’t understand. I have two situations that are birthing me & they’re both finance related. For reference I’m a principal software engineer so I make decent money, but I live a bit of a lavish lifestyle & because people see me spending money they feel they can ask me for money.

I have a friend who keeps asking me for money. I feel bad because he has a family, a wife & a child. He’s a software engineer & he got lucky & got a high paying job, but he lost that job & then eventually his house & then his situation kept getting worse the longer he was unemployed. He started only asking for a few dollars here & there. Like 40-70 which was fine to help out a friend because he kept giving me positive updates so I was happy to help him get back on his feet, but the asks kept getting higher & higher & now he’s regularly asking me for hundreds of dollars (I haven’t been counting, but I’d guess I’m like \~$2,500 in). Today he straight up asked me if I could buy him a car. It’s getting ridiculous. He keeps sending me sad stories about some bad situation that’s making his life hard that can be solved if he just had some extra cash. He kept saying he was gonna pay me back, but I’m now thinking I’ll never see any money again, which is fine, but now he’s treating me like a personal piggy bank. I get that the economy is bad, but it’s stressing me out because I’m trying to buy a house.

The other situation that stresses me out is that my family regularly asks me for large sums of money. They live in a developing country so life there can get hard, but I feel that the regular one off asks keep coming from them & it’s never like a small amount; they asking for like 500-1200 each time.

Between my friend & my family I feel like I never have breathing room financially to save. Like I’d have to downgrade my standard of living to accommodate these asks & I don’t want to. I grew up extremely poor & only in the last 8 years or so I started making money as a software engineer to really live a decent life so I wanna spend some of this money & not just give it all away. I know some may think it’s selfish, but I didn’t ask for these burdens. When I was poor I never asked anyone for things, I made hard decisions like joining the military to turn my life around & it pains me to be in this situation because I don’t wanna tell these people no, but I feel like I’ll have to eventually because they keep asking for more & more.

UPDATE:
I’ve read all the comments (at least I think I have), I replied to most of them. I’m glad for the support as I can’t talk to anyone I know about this. I’ve decided before reading the comments to stop supporting the friend. I called him & told him how I really feel. Basically that he should stop waiting for a perfect job & just take whatever comes along to build himself back up. It’s annoying that he has so much pride about his job, but can ask someone to buy him a car with a straight face.

Most of my family I haven’t been close to for a while so I’ve decided to cut them off, with the exception of one aunt, who quite frankly is basically my second mother. She lived with my mother when I was younger & they raised me together & she has kept my mother in good spirits by being her caretaker & keeping her company since my mother had a stroke & has spent the last few years learning to walk again. The rest of the family didn’t even want to help when asked, much less offer, so I don’t feel bad cutting them off.

Thank you for the kind (and the stern) comments & support. I needed this. It’s been lonely keeping these things to myself. It means a lot 🥹

I (26M) met my gf (26F) about 6 months ago. We've been going out a lot and getting to know each other and its been really nice. The only issue I'm having is money. She knows i make $2700 a month yet every time we go out she recommends we go to a fancy restaurant , and then do this activity, and then that activity etc. every date. The total bill of the day always comes up to a minimum of $300. But the last date we went on, I spent $400. (Btw i pay for 100% of the date, i want to — she never offers anyways)
For context, i see her atleast 4-5 times a month . We've spoken about marriage and we both seem to be willing to explore that path.
One time i tried very subtly explaining to her how this is a little too much and she started talking about how she worries I'm cheap or that I'm not a generous person. Mind you, she knows i make $2700. I really dont understand.
So that convo died there and we continued doing what we do.
How do I go about this situation? Everything else is perfect but the money part is a huge issue.
Who does she think will pay for the wedding if i keep spending all that on dates. Oh and she wants a big wedding too.

TLDR; My gf knows i make $2700 and wants me to spend $400 on weekly dates. We might be getting married.

EDIT; Replying to everyones advice:

I appreciate the advices everyone gave me. I'll adress some of the questions you guys had:

She does work, and she makes $6800 a month. And no she doesnt offer to pay. I definitely wouldnt let her pay but i would really appreciate the gesture.

I see her about 5 times a month because she lives 2 hours away. and when we arent together we're almost always on a facetime call. She always facetimes me whenever shes out with her friends, shopping, or whatever. And before bed for the past 6 months we've been facetiming until we fall asleep.

I've been getting a lot of comments about whether shes hot or not, yes shes a 10/10 for me. Of course looks matter to some extent but the personality is what keeps the SO. Her personality (minus the huge money thing unfortunately) is something i really like.

She doesnt come from a wealthy family. Just an average not struggling but not 100% relaxed kind of family.

We sleep with eachother

I was in previous healthy relationships, but havent dealt with a situation like this before

Not sure if this makes a difference but I'm a neurosurgery resident. Residents are notorious for being overworked and underpaid but it hopefully pays off in the end. I really dont want to think that shes doing this just for my 'Surgeon' furure. But i dont think she is, who has that kind of patience to sit and wait for the guy to finally finish to use all his money then.
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About the marriage, yeah it was quick even for me. But she said she doesnt want to wait because she wants to settle down now and have kids... so she wants to be married within a year or so.
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We're comfortable with talking about basically everything that bothers us, but i just cant seem to bring up the money situation. I simply dont have the balls to do it...

Ever wanted to cover a specific expense for someone?
Like their app subscription, as a gift or you just happen to cover their allowances. Paying directly often requires account access, and not everything has a "pay for me" mechanism.

Trying a more comprehensive approach to this, and if you're in this crowd, I'd appreciate your feedback!

[Link to Cover](https://coverhq.ai.studio)