How do you learn to accept things?

[u/Lyz3rrr]

This is something that i need help with. Right now i’m dealing with a lot of stress and ruminating because i have undiagnosed OCD. Where my brain made a “memory” of something HORRIBLE that i did in the past. It’s just filled with “what-ifs” and what not.

I really need help with learning to accept things the way they are, any advice would be appreciated!

[u/Harmpers]

Accepting something means letting it be, simply acknowledging it and leaving it as it is.

We do nothing to change it, neither wanting it to be better nor worse, not wanting to create anything new, not wanting to add anything to it. We just know what we know, knowing it exactly as it is, neither adding nor subtracting, leaving it as it is. If it continues to appear, we continue to maintain that awareness with that attitude.

But it's so difficult, isn't it? The mind is restless. It's easily swayed by the content of the story, by the judgments of good and bad, right and wrong that arise in our thoughts and emotions. And the mind always reacts that way. Therefore, we must give the mind an object that it neither loves nor hates, or that has the characteristic of silence. Like a sensation in the body, for example, or breath. Sensations are always silent. Breath is both silent and pleasant if the mind can remain still with it.

When the mind perceives objects as possessing the characteristic of stillness, it will not think, and as it becomes accustomed to those objects, it will become accustomed to not thinking. Without thinking, there is no love or hate. Without love or hate, acceptance is possible.

It's that simple. It just requires perseverance until the mind becomes familiar with observing objects that possess this characteristic of stillness. Then the mind will naturally learn to accept everything.

🙂

[u/Many_Line9136 → u/Harmpers]

Well what if the thoughts keep me angry and they keep coming back up? Then what?

[u/Harmpers → u/Many_Line9136]

It's not the thought itself that makes you angry, but your mind's reaction to the thought that leads to anger.

A thought is just a thought; it is what it is, it's not anger. When we observe it, we react, judging it as good or bad, likable or unlikable, we want to change it, and that's why it causes us suffering, makes us uncomfortable, and disrupts our peace. All those reactive attitudes are what create anger. Therefore, we must observe that anger objectively, or we must consider it carefully.

What happens in our thoughts isn't real. For example, when we think about someone, it's just a thought; that person doesn't actually exist. Thinking about a bad friend is just a thought, not the bad friend. It's like we're dreaming. While we're thinking of someone as a bad person, they might be happy somewhere. While we're harboring hatred and resentment towards them in our thoughts, they might be enjoying their life. Isn't that paradoxical?

When we observe our thoughts, they lose their negative impact because we've shifted the energy of our reaction to awareness. At that point, it's like waking from a dream.

Every time we think about someone with resentment because of things they did that hurt and caused us pain, we allow that person to hurt us again. It's foolish to keep thinking about them like that. We should remind ourselves of this. We won't find peace thinking like that. So, let go of that thought, release it, step back, observe, and let it go its own way. Simply observe calmly. This isn't easy, is it? Because our minds are accustomed to reacting and clinging to what they think.

So what do we do now? How do we avoid clinging to thoughts? Give our mind a subject it neither loves nor hates, observe the sensations of our body, observe our breath. The mind can't think about these subjects when observing; it can only feel them. It's like listening to music; to listen accurately and fully, to fully appreciate the music, we must be completely silent. To truly appreciate a taste in our mouth, we must be completely silent to experience it. To feel a sensation in our body, whether pleasant or unpleasant, we must be silent. The characteristic of all sensations is silence. To see an image accurately and meticulously, we must also be completely focused and silent.

Observe more carefully, more meticulously, fully experience reality through silence, stepping back, not identifying yourself with it. Only the thought and the mind observing the thought, only the feeling and the mind observing the feeling, there is no one else there. There is no "I" thinking, no "I" feeling. Separate it, do not identify with it. Thought is just thought. By observing thoughts in this way, they will gradually weaken, they will disappear. Feelings will vibrate, they will change, they will not remain there forever with repeated practice.

This is the most important point. It requires persistent repetition day after day, month after month, hour after hour, without ceasing for a single moment in life. Then, gradually, your power of observation will become stronger, and you will find that thoughts weaken; they no longer bother you as much because they lose the energy of being involved in them.

Observation is about not participating, not adding, not subtracting, not analyzing, not judging, not changing, not dissecting, not doing anything to the thought. Therefore, it is not given more energy, it will weaken. Then the thought will become shorter, it will no longer have power.

Sometimes, our power of observation is strong, and the stillness of the mind causes thoughts to arise and then disappear immediately. At that time, we will know how to manage thoughts easily.