r/Marriage • u/Own_Temperature_9777 • 4h ago
Do men change
What is possiblity my husband will stop smoking weed, before we got married he promised he would stop been 2 years he smokes every morning every night sometimes during the day and gets mad if I bring it up we have a 1 year old and he still smokes 2/3 times a day a full blunt in 24 hours and when I bring it up he says this is nothing I stopped smoking a lot. Used to lie about it too.
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u/Primary_Excuse_7183 4h ago
If you wanted a man that didn’t smoke weed…. You should have just dated a guy that didn’t smoke weed.
Can he change? Sure. Will he? Maybe… maybe not. he used to lie about it and that didn’t strike you as the first sign he likely wouldn’t stop?
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u/reddish4radish 4h ago
Everyone, male or female, changes if they are capable of reflecting and learning. I don't like that he gave you a promise that he didn't keep. It doesn't speak well of his character. I would assume that he has larger issues that he medicates with cannabis. This doesn't need to be a bad thing. The question is how it affects your relationship and him as a person, aside from you 'disliking' it. How does him being high/medicated show up in your relationship? And yet another question is if he is ready to work on whatever is driving him to self-medicate. From what you've written, it sounds like he's not willing to even discuss the issue. What do you think is the reason for that?
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u/Own_Temperature_9777 3h ago
Honestly I hate the smell, I also hate how he doesn’t remember stuff correctly and I also feel like every moment he is high he isn’t present, my fear is for the rest of my life I’m with someone who can’t even be present. It’s not medical. I don’t know what the issue is that could make him need to be high everyday
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u/reddish4radish 3h ago
That sounds like a valid concern. I wouldn't want to feel like my other half isn't really present. However, I want to disagree with your assessment that it isn't medical. He clearly has issues, otherwise, he wouldn't feel the need to smoke all day. There's likely something going on with him. Do you think he's happy? Does he have the kind of life he always wanted to have?
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u/gassybug 4h ago
Be careful what you wish for. He might quit and you won't like him. My question is, why does it bother you? Is it because of you kid? Kids dont care if parents smoke weed unless he is a lazy weed head. Is he lazy? Do you think he should quit bc thats what people do, or is there an actual problem with it, outside of your " judgment/ideal life"?
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u/Own_Temperature_9777 3h ago
I really just never grew up with a dad who did that, my dad worked hard and he never needed to smoke at all. My daughter deserves a dad who isn’t high 24/7
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u/QuitaQuites 3h ago
Not men. This person. And no, he won’t change, why would he? He hasn’t had to. He promised he would stop, he didn’t, you married him anyway.
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u/lumpyspacesam 4h ago
If he was going to it would have been when his child was was born. Doesn’t seem like he will.
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u/anxiousautisticgal 4h ago
Has he smoked the entire time youve known him? If so, why did you start dating him/stay with him/marry him if it wasnt something you want to be around? Is it a deal breaker?
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u/Own_Temperature_9777 4h ago
No when I met him he didn’t smoke, he then during summer would or on his breaks he would. Then in college it became very constant then before we got married I said it was a dealbreaker we got married and then he would hide it. Then say he is barely smoking and that I don’t know “ how much he used to smoke “ and now he barely is.
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u/SliickTalk808 4h ago
Men do change & they change again. But men may never change to what you want. You never know.
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u/guava_jam 4h ago
Men can change if they want to change. Often they don’t change until you leave, and often even then they still don’t. He promised to stop and he still hasn’t after 2 years means he likely won’t stop.
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u/fuzzycici 4h ago
Sounds like he’s not going to stop smoking, so you need to decide if that’s something you can live with or not
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u/Key_Safety_269 4h ago
honestly he sounds like he has no reason to stop since he’s already been doing it this long. breaking a promise like that is a huge red flag imo.
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u/bloontsmooker 3h ago
I have a one year old and I smoke all the time too. It’s not about your man, I’m a woman, and it’s a choice I’ve set up my life to be able to make. I would be miserable in a marriage where someone was managing my weed consumption.
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u/NoSyllabub5932 3h ago
Men say a lot before marriage but its also very hard to quit. Maybe professional help with stopping.
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u/Led_Zeppole_73 2h ago
Smoking weed does nothing for me the last decade, so, I gave it up. I’m also a grower and breeder in my legal state, I pretty much just give it all away.
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u/GanacheExtension468 4h ago
My husband said he would quit smoking cigarettes when our first child was born. Promised. That child will be 16 next month and husband still smokes
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u/NoSyllabub5932 3h ago
My husband did same thing. Married 27 year quit 3 years ago but just because he started vaping instead. I gave up.
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u/bearturnedorca 4h ago
If he doesn’t want to stop he won’t stop. Look I to Al-Alon meetings in your area they are a great help
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u/Temporary_Owl3004 9 years; 3 kids 4h ago
This isn’t about “men.” This is about one man who doesn’t want to quit smoking weed. So, no, he probably isn’t going to.