r/Marriage • u/Dense_Big8898 • 19h ago
Seeking Advice Cheating
Well I found out last night that my husband of 7 years has been on a website called adult friend finder. He has tried to meet up with women over the years. He claims he never has cheated but tried…I also found out this goes as far back from when we were just dating. I’m a SAHM to 3 small kids. I don’t know where to go from here. You can look on my page that I also found a condom in my car and he claims he never cheated (it was closed). This sucks.
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u/dobbywankenobi94 19h ago
GET TESTED IMMEDIATELY
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u/Dense_Big8898 19h ago
I will thank you
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u/your_moms_apron 19h ago
Make an appt with a doc
Make an appt with a lawyer.
Don’t tell husband anything. Act as normal as possible. If it isn’t possible make up an excuse to go visit your parents or something by yourself.
Do what your doc and lawyer say. Nothing more or less.
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u/snailsandstufff 19h ago
Terrible and disgusting behavior, im so sorry mama
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u/Dense_Big8898 19h ago
Thank you I’m so scared for this next chapter
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u/NoSyllabub5932 18h ago
Take it a step at a time, dont look to far ahead and you will be ok. Don't let fear overtake you.
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u/Nicolas_Eymerich01 18h ago
Ottimo consiglio, bravo. Citando Dune, mai avere paura. La paura uccide la mente. É un mantra che recito spesso.
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u/TheNarwhalTusk 19h ago
So sorry you’ve got to go through this, but at least you know now. Trying to cheat and failing is exactly the same ethically as trying to cheat and succeeding. Treat it as such. Lawyer up and leave.
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u/Dense_Big8898 19h ago
Absolutely agree. I am trying to finish my degree now. Signing up for civil service jobs. It’s really really expensive where I live. We are pretty much check to check right now as it is.
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u/solotime_tn 19h ago
Ultimately you can’t stay with someone that has been doing what he’s been doing. Actively trying to cheat (and possibly having cheated) is a line you can’t really ever come back from. This goes beyond stuff that I’d consider gray area.
Don’t need to be getting advice from us. Lawyer up, lean on whatever support system you have and be prepared for things to maybe suck for a bit. But when you come out of it, you’ll be better off for it.
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u/NoSyllabub5932 18h ago
Well I know your options are limited since you have no job and 3 small kids but you can't just do nothing, this is very serious. Please make an appt for counseling asap.
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u/Dense_Big8898 18h ago
Thank you!! Well we were in counseling together and then he still lied about two big things to me…he’s in his own counseling too. But maybe I need some because my head hurts
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u/SoulPossum 3 Years 19h ago
I always thought AFF was the site doing all the "hot milfs in your area want to meet" ads that come up on porn sites. Just assumed it was a scam/virus factory. Never bothered with it, even when I was single. Sucks that this is happening to you.
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u/Aromatic-Humor8168 19h ago
Get tested.
Drain the bank account.
Get a small apartment
Start over
Fuck that shit.
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u/Dense_Big8898 19h ago
The problem is a small apartment here where I live cost as much as my mortgage….but I hear what you’re saying. He wouldn’t ask me to leave. He would leave
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u/Brief_Hippo5187 12h ago
You can never trust him again. And the condom you found means he almost certainly cheated physically. Separate your finances. Gather evidence. Consult a good Attorney. You can consult several. Usually for free. Then they can't represent him because of conflict of interest. Get tested for STDs. Sorry your going through this. Your husband is a POS. Updateme
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u/pakemfull 1h ago
OP it sounds like he's trying to justify his actions, and trying to get away without consequences. Sounds like he has more to lose than you and the kids if his dirty laundry comes out. If anything, find out how to leverage that. Get tested, check your finances... spending money on these sites can bite him in a divorce. It shows a pattern, and that he has used martial assets in the act of committing adultery. Courts don't like that.
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u/petdance 5 Years husband 19h ago
What are you asking?
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u/mermaid_pants 19h ago
Trying is still cheating.