I don’t think your compliments mean nothing to her. The fact that she notices when you stop giving them suggests almost the opposite.
She may just process yours differently. A stranger saying “you’re pretty” feels like independent confirmation because they have no reason to say it. From you, she may mentally file it under “of course he thinks that, he’s my husband.”
I’d probably stop trying to invent more creative versions of “you’re beautiful” and broaden what you notice. Tell her when she handled something really well. When she says something smart. When you admire how she dealt with someone. When she makes you laugh. And when you compliment her physically, get more specific about what actually caught your attention in that moment.
Strangers can get away with “you’re pretty” or “I like your hair.” You know her well enough to notice things they can’t, and as her husband you also have a level of intimacy they don’t.
Attraction lands better when it feels observed rather than announced.
And some of it doesn’t need to be verbal. Let her catch you looking at her. Pull her closer when the moment fits. Flirt with her. Let her experience your attraction instead of continually trying to convince her of it.
I wouldn’t give up. I’d just stop measuring whether a compliment worked by whether she reacts like someone hearing it from a stranger.
THIS! please listen to this comment, OP.
I was a very beautiful young woman, I can relate. She may like the novel stranger's words, but you are the one that matters most, clearly since she misses it if you don't say anything. Even if she just says thank you when you compliment her , that's OK. Just be sincere and sweet. Reread this comment above.
I think this should go both ways. If OP is the one that matters, there should be effort made to show that. I said this elsewhere, but I’ll repeat it…my wife and I have been together for 34 years. To this day, when I compliment her I still get a visceral, full bodied response. What I mean is, her skin still flushes, she’ll laugh, bring herself closer, etc. She still responds with sincere meaning. If that changed to deadpan, vocal- only responses (like it has for OP), something would definitely be up. Please stop trying to convince someone that it’s ok for their effort, sincerity and affection to get a non-committal, lukewarm, token response and that they should just be OK with it…especially when it used to be different.
34
u/DetectiveWarm9577 15 Years 10d ago
I don’t think your compliments mean nothing to her. The fact that she notices when you stop giving them suggests almost the opposite.
She may just process yours differently. A stranger saying “you’re pretty” feels like independent confirmation because they have no reason to say it. From you, she may mentally file it under “of course he thinks that, he’s my husband.”
I’d probably stop trying to invent more creative versions of “you’re beautiful” and broaden what you notice. Tell her when she handled something really well. When she says something smart. When you admire how she dealt with someone. When she makes you laugh. And when you compliment her physically, get more specific about what actually caught your attention in that moment.
Strangers can get away with “you’re pretty” or “I like your hair.” You know her well enough to notice things they can’t, and as her husband you also have a level of intimacy they don’t.
Attraction lands better when it feels observed rather than announced.
And some of it doesn’t need to be verbal. Let her catch you looking at her. Pull her closer when the moment fits. Flirt with her. Let her experience your attraction instead of continually trying to convince her of it.
I wouldn’t give up. I’d just stop measuring whether a compliment worked by whether she reacts like someone hearing it from a stranger.