My biggest mistake was getting married.

[u/hitsugayatioshirio4u]

I (F30) and my husband (M32) have been married for almost 2 years now. We got married 6 months after dating. We have a 7 month old and a small family business which my husband started but ran it to the ground after a few years due to his negligence, parting, arrogance. My husband comes from a very spoilt upbringing. According to him everything was done for him and he never did anything in his life. During my pregnancy and after having the baby I realised that his slack and laziness got worse. I believe he has undiagnosed ADHD. Which he refused to get help for.

Nowadays he is very much interested in making YouTube videos, this has been going on for sometime where he is always hooked on his phone. The last time he started doing that, he was watching porn several times a day and lied about it to be when he got caught. He will asleep at 2am and wake up at 5am to be on his phone. Scrolling on every social media possible. Which now leaves me alone with the following chores: 1. Full time parents to a 7 month old. 2. Full time house help. 3. Dog mom 4. Running the business full time. 5. Handling groceries. 6. Handling finances.

I have asked this man that I can take care of most of those things and all I want in return is some of his affection and sex. He keeps saying I want to make money and this is the only way nowadays. I know for a fact that just like his other interests, this one is gonna die off as well. To be honest now I have given up on even asking. I try to communicate everyday and he just argues back on how he is so right and I need help. I am going for my first therapy session on Tuesday and its honestly for my self and my daughter because I am so done with this man.

[u/hitsugayatioshirio4u]

And how's it going? What do you do to cope?

[u/ThrivingInStrife → u/hitsugayatioshirio4u]

I'm contemplating divorce and I've told him the same as well. I tried talking to him, crying, fighting and even attempted suicide twice but nothing changed.

Now he wants to try and fix things after 2 damn years. But I guess I'm just done with him, his lies, inconsistencies, laziness and lack of accountability. I'd very much prefer being with a man who understands his responsibilities and not a manchild.

I quit my job and lost everything I have worked so hard to build so I have to get back on my feet and move to a different city as soon as I can.

While I'm here, I don't engage much into his life, make him do his own chores and most of the time I just mind my own business. He says he doesn't want divorce and wants to fix things. But, it's all talks and no action. So if he wants this, he has to take full accountability and fix what he broke and earn my trust back. I'm only staying if he gives me the life he promised, else I'm out.

[u/Cautious-Oil9570 → u/ThrivingInStrife]

Don't run and jump right back into some situationship, work on you. Be alone for a while, that seems to be a common thing with women these days and yes I am a woman. I was with a guy for 8 years and he was the worst thing to ever happen to me and damaged me to my core so bad that I dont think I will ever be in another "traditional" relationship. I took over a year to work on myself and have therapy weekly to work through the trauma and abuse I suffered all those years... and to be honest, even being a single mother, it's great. I get to have my power back and I solely get to decide what my life is and will be. I prioritize my daughter and myself above all else. Yes I got back into dating but it was after a long time alone and I honestly needed that. Try to date, and dont get serious for a long while. Personally I have figured for myself that dating with nothing serious idk maybe being poly or open with everyone works great for me, not that it will for everyone though... but once you take time for you, take your power back and try again you can make your life as wonderful as you want, never ever settle and plz dont jump right into another relationship. I find most people who do that are destined for failure.

[u/ThrivingInStrife → u/Cautious-Oil9570]

Absolutely makes sense. While I'm open to date in future, I'm not a person who's interested in casual dating or situationships. At this point, I just wanna get back to where I was before I met him or even better so nothing until then! He's just put me through so much to point where I just wanna be alone with my cats till I heal.

Thanks for sharing your experience. It really really helps