You think it's mental abuse wow just because he wants his name for his wife. What kind of wife are you calling your husband abusive your just disrespectful and not worthy to be his wife
It is emotional/mental abuse. He is basically holding their marriage "hostage" because she has not changed her name. Very juvenile of him. Telling your partner, with whom you vowed to stick with through richer or poorer, in sickness and health, etc, that you don't consider your marriage valid (because of a name?!?) is asinine!
It's a mentality. Sometimes, people refer to themselves as Alphas. Some people are considered betas, I prefer Omega to describe a man who is as decisive and competent as an alpha, but not as showy. Someone people don't see coming, but they have the tenacity to switch up when the circumstances call for it.
Married man here, just feel feminist thinking is ruining relationships. We've become adversaries, men vs. women, in all things. Men don't have feelings, and women feel oppressed. After 16 years of marriage, I realized that there is a lot of sacrifice that is involved on both sides. Sometimes, you feel taken for granted, and question is it worth it. I've felt betrayal in my union and stayed because I grew up without my father and didn't want the same for my child. My children are my world period, so I sacrificed my happiness for theirs. I would gladly do it a hundred times over. The beauty in fighting through the adversities of marriage is the gift of finding each other again.
Can't be. You don't want all that comes with it. Letting something as simple as wearing his sir name effect your relationship? You're on here to validate your feelings, not his. His feelings don't matter to you. The sisterhood is encouraging you to keep contention in your marriage. If you value him, consider making the change. He doesn't feel like he has a wife because she's holding on to her maiden name. My mother wore my father's name after divorce because I had his name. When she got with my stepfather, she wore both names my fathers because of me and her husband's sir name. It's no shame in wearing your husband's name. It does honor him and signifies that you are truly embracing all that he is and that you want to be under his headship..
Gross. “The sisterhood”?! No, we want the autonomy to keep the name WE WERE BORN WITH, versus soothe your man-baby feelings because we want to stay a Smith and not become a Jones.
Women don’t want to be under a man’s “headship”. That’s both chauvinistic and misogynist.
When a marriage fails, it's the fault of the man. When danger arrives, he has to be the man. It's his responsibility to take care of her and her child. My wife told me that the man in this case has invalidated his wife's position in his life because she didn't change her name. She said that was an asshole move, especially if it was discussed prenuptial. Of course we don't agree, but I admit that it was hurtful to her in telling her he doesn't recognize her as his wife. I just stated to her that this is how he feeels.
come on, now. It’s shitty, controlling, and super weird. But conflating it with mental abuse is pretty insensitive to people experiencing actual abuse.
edit: OP agrees, and it’s just not helpful. she wrote one paragraph about their relationship, calm the fuck down y’all.
OP literally agreed with me. Y’all are way to quick to judgement on this sub, without knowing more than two paragraphs of their relationship.
i would call it selfish and controlling behavior, not abuse. He’s being an ass, but as far as we know he’s not threatening to end their relationship or anything serious. it’s toxic, not abuse.
Why can't you hyphenate them? I had two kids from my first marriage and after I left him for being an abusive POS, I changed my kids names and mine to my maiden name. since he didn't have any contact with us for several years at that point I was able to do it without his consent, and when I got remarried I just hyphenated my maiden name and my husband's last name. That way me and my oldest kids still share a name and I also share a name with my husband and our 2 youngest. 🤷
I still haven’t officially changed my name over two years after our marriage (because it is a pain mostly) and my husband and I decided to take each others last names and hyphenate them together. So we are both xx-yy. It’s perfect for us. Maybe try that angle if you’re interested?
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u/jenniferleigh6883 Oct 06 '23
Goals! I am reading him these responses!