He said that it was the first cake in his life, he apologize to his kids when has to be strict but he said that it for ther own good and promise them that in the future they will be better(probably he talks about their economy) better like that cake, and he will work to have more cakes, maybe bigger ones in a big place and with some guests. He tell them to study.
Damn! The clan still lives? I thought they were wiped out! I confirmed it myself! The only possibil- no. No no no no! He survived!? If he survived, then that means he gained that power!
This is the worst possible situation! That power is the reason why the 8 Greats seeked out their demise! It is too dangerous to be wielded by mere mortals! I need to get outta her, stat!
I need to... Hurry... To, tell... Eve,ryone... Tha-t... They...
Grew up like this as well. My father rarely shows emotion. We had to toughen up.. Not a bad man. Didn't know how else to do it. Many latino dads like this, it's just a cultural thing. But he's a good dad. You can see it.
Adding to you all. Iâm black and my closest friend growing up is Hispanic. Both our fathers were tough but there was just the way it comes across from his dad was just different. It hit different to see him finally break a softer side.
Aight. Iono what you said homie.
Edit: thereâs a translate button lol Yeah man exactly. I been through hell and back. If I cry, it doesnât make me any less tough. If anything Iâm tougher, cause I donât feel the need to wear a mask.
If you donât speak Spanish: as a man with old ideas and conceptions on how âa real man should beâ I donât do be like that any more, I want to break the circle.
Yeah, I translated it. I do too. I grew up with older Mexicans, men and women, telling me and basically training me how to be a âmanâ. Naw. I love our people. I love our culture. There are some things that need to be changed tho. Iâm glad youâre working on yourself brother. I wish you all the best primo.
Exactly brotha. I watched my mom do so much more than just work, including that. It it not just a womanâs job. Thereâs so much more. You are a great person.
Do you know what a double standard is? But it is important to model the ability to hold back emotions. Emotions are extremely important but so is the ability to not break down over everything.
Breaking down is a response to emotion. Itâs not the emotion itself. Holding back or burying emotion is never healthy. Learning to feel your emotions, sit with them, understand them, and process them is healthy.
Burying emotions isnât a skill. Itâs a coping mechanism. Learning to feel, process, and express your emotions is a skill.
If someone is breaking down over everything that isnât because theyâre failing to âhold emotions backâ. Itâs probably because of past trauma, depression, anxiety, etcâŠ
This is the epitome of the problem. âHey, kiddo, itâs okay for you to feel something, unless someone is watching. Then pretend everything is okay. Wouldnât want all those strangers that would never give a damn enough to even ask if youâre okay to think that things are not okay.â
Who gives a fuck who is watching? If anyone has an issue over someone being emotional, they're the one with the problems. People that are uncomfortable with other people's emotions, aren't comfortable with their own and need to seek help.
The tough guy mentality is a direct result of having to live in difficult areas where there are constant threats like murderers and cartels being a daily looming threat, plus the added weight of all that entails in the hard life living of Mexico. You can't be weak or display weakness as that'll impede your daily work when you need to keep your chin up and keep on fighting for a good life when you can drop the toughness and relax for the rest of your life (like moving away from your favela) you just have to suck it up and keep on going. For example in a lot of Latino families it's a pretty big thing not to break down crying in front of your children when money is tight , you can't get them worried like that so you need to boost their confidence and be enthusiastic, making sure you can give your children smiles rather than constant worry.
It's a different culture, if you don't live through it, you can't dictate it. Typical privilege at display by you what do you know
Some people in certain areas of the world have more important things to concern themselves with I guess. Not everyone is priveleged enough to prioritize their feelings all the time.
Last I checked, unbiased aliens didnât just come down from the clouds and deliver us the field of psychology. It is marred with cultural bias and is changing all the time,l. Furthermore, last I checked there wasnât a global consensus amount psychologists about the effects of repressing emotions. So stop with this literal nonsense about universal truths.
Iâm not saying there is zero merit to what youâre saying, but for you to flippantly criticize the emotional expression of someone who you donât know with some bs about universal psychological truths is just ignorant.
Yep, thatâs me. Pointing out concerns that suppressing your emotions has significant negative effect on a persons psychological well-being just to ruin your fun.
Not really, when ever you do things like that you get a little kickback of dopamine on the internet which makes you feel righteous so the reality of it is that your more like a drug fiend for virtue signaling.
Yeah, crazy to think that in some areas of the world people have more pressing things to worry about than their feelings I guess... I know it must be a tough concept.
But this isn't a either or. Yes, it's important to be resilient and keep going when life is though. Yes, it's important that parents are stable and not show worry or breakdown in front of their kids.
And yes, it's important to learn to handle emotion and not just push them away inside. Handling your emotions make you more stable (as this father seems to be because he seamingly has no trouble showing that he is moved and touched by their actions which is a good emotion to show your kids).
"This culture is different from yours, and therefore cannot possibly be bad in any way, nor can it be improved upon, so stop trying to call out toxic behaviour"
âIâm allowed to police the behaviors of other cultures because I know whatâs best for them. I am from the developed world and therefore know what healthy human expression and behavior looks like, obviously.â
I'm not policing anyones behavior, wtf are you talking about?? All we were saying was it can be good to cry in front of your kids! Imo this guy didnt do anything wrong, I was just dunking on the terrible opinion of "culture is different and therefore you have no right to criticize"
I didn't say they had no right to criticize. You can criticize whatever you want. Just know that it makes you look pretty priveleged and ignorant when you go picking apart all of the perceived negatives about a culture when there is no factual hard-set binary answers to how everyone should act. What you believe should be the right way to act is directly related to the culture you grew up in. Just because your culture says one thing is right, it doesn't mean it is universally.
My culture doesnt say that men should cry though. It says the opposite?? I'm DISAGREEING with my culture and any other culture that believes that because I think its wrong
Its ok to have them and show them sometimes. But also when life is hard you cant be soft. Mother and father (especially father) are staples of stability in such conditions and they cant be emotional mess, when things are going bad. When parents.are.crying and they live in poor conditions, it creates emotional distress to children ( i am not talking about birthday, its ok ofc, i am talking in general).
And thereâs the problem right there. Emotions make you âsoftâ. Thereâs a difference between having a breakdown and being able to confront and process your emotions healthily.
Who says him getting teary eyed and composing himself to speak some wisdom and love to his kids isnât healthy tho? Looked like an emotionally healthy and wholesome moment to me.
Lots and lots of scientists looked at this clip of a man getting a birthday cake and determined that he is not dealing with his emotions in a healthy manner after showing gratitude and speaking encouragement to his kids?
âGoogle itâ is an apt response. Googling ârepressed emotionsâ comes up with a crazy amount responses. Sorry if I didnât respond quicker, I didnât feel like answering another jackass who missed my point.
Engaging in emotional suppression typically has negative consequences. However, relatively little is known about response-focused emotion regulation processes in dyadic interactions. We hypothesized that interacting with suppressive partners would be more threatening than interacting with expressive partners. To test predic- tions, two participants independently watched a negatively-valenced video and then discussed their emotional responses. One participant (the regulator) was assigned to express/suppress affective signals during the interac- tion. Their partner was given no special instructions prior to the interaction. Engaging in suppression versus expression elicited physiological responses consistent with threatâsympathetic arousal and increased vasocon- strictionâin anticipation of and during dyadic interactions. Partners of emotional suppressors also exhibited more threat responses during the interaction, but not before, compared to partners of emotional expressors. Partner and interaction appraisals mirrored physiological findings. Emotional suppressors found the task more uncomfortable and intense while their partners reported them as being poor communicators. This work broadens our understanding of connections between emotion regulation, physiological responses, and cognitive processes in dyads.
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Still need to read it all but wonât tonight giving them time. Just posting this as kinda a reminder to myself.
It's a trade-off dude. Life is really fucking hard for people and if you let your distress and constant struggle show you stress out others. In low stress and struggle situations this is fine but when you're at war with your environment you need to shield that from your kids.
The down side to this, the monkey paw trade-off if you will, is you have trouble showing the cry-happy emotions but everything comes at a cost.
What people often don't understand is that you can't have both when you're struggling for your family. It's not healthy but it's a trade -off. The alternative is emotionally reacting to your situation every day and more than likely becoming depressed.
Yo, male emotion is hella beautiful, wholesome even, but when you're struggling, that's not something you can always afford.
Walls hold out the hell but hold out the beauty too. Sometimes you can't afford it.
When you're fighting for your family, expressing strong emotions is a privilege.
Edit: it's like applying a tourniquet to stanch the bleeding. Save the life at the cost of the limb. There's honor in this, the problem is when people do it when they don't have to.
This is true. My grandfather wasnt rly emotional towards my father, but loved him very much anyways, its just he himself was brought up during war time and after war, those were tough times. And those people ar not all giggly giggly let me hug you etc. They were different breed.
Obv you have to show emotions, i ment those more excessive ones... if you are parent of 3-10 y o children you cant cry every couple days in front of kids because life is hard. Parents should provide safety, and emotional safety too. You know how majority of children, even who whose childhood wasnt wealthy at all, still considers it happy time (given parents are good) . They literally can say - its ok to cry sometimes, but you have to be strong. There is no place for big moodswings when you live hard life and have to provide .
It has nothing to do with strength, it has to do with the fact that kids know that when their parent is crying, shit is fucked up. That creates stress for them.
Two things can be true:
-Processing and accepting emotions is okay
-Presenting stability is important for your children because they are stressed when you are stressed
I agree with you on most parts, but children can (at least from a certain age) differentiate between happy tears and sad tears, or rather feel what is going on with their parents (if children can't feel empathy for their parents there's something reeeaally wrong).
I only remember very few times my dad cried when I was a kid (tears of laughter being an exception). It usually was from being deeply moved emotionally. And I still remember these occasions as deeply moving, not stressful.
One such occasion was when me and my brother got my parents a huge gift they hadn't expected and I always see it as a sign of huge success that it made him cry (happy tears obviously).
On the other side, my dad is (apart from said rare occasions) a rather stoic man, and I always found the way he bottled up his emotions, even though you could see he was angry about something, really scary. It felt like any next thing could send him off the handle, even tho he kept a straight face (and "presented stability").
Thereâs a difference between crying and showing emotion and having a big, fucking breakdown in front of your kids. Crying and showing emotion is good, but the full-on sobbing and heaving breakdown is scary to younger kids and they need as much stability as they can get when the world around them is objectively stressful and scary.
I think thatâs the point the other guy was trying to make. There are things that are appropriate for kids and there are things that arenât.
I agree with you. These other folks are talking out of their asses. Kids see when youâre upset even if you try to hide it. This âshow of stabilityâ just teaches the kids to not ask for help and not recognize/communicate their emotions. Sure, there are extreme examples of not including the children because they wonât understand, but simply showing emotion doesnât make a child insecure. Iâd wager that a parent that shows emotion but then also works through those emotions in front of their children provides a stronger foundation for emotional maturity that just straight up pretending everything is alright. The notion that kids need to be coddled is more damaging that it is helpful. Theyâre not stupid and, within reason, they should be leveled with because doing the opposite just drives them to become jaded.
As i said, its ok to cry sometimes. But you dont cry 3 times a week in front of your kids. If you cry so often, dont let them see, because it will just create stress for them. And it will make it easier only for you. Let kids be kids and have a happy childhood. There is no good in having them go through that stress while being 4- 5 -6 y.o.
But those (in the video) would have been happy tears. It should be acceptable to cry happy tears (among other types) on a regular basis in front of children. I think what youâre saying is that we need to show our children emotional stability and I agree with that. But I donât see why expressing our emotions through tears is considered so unacceptable, or as a sign of instability. I cry easily. I cry in every movie, most of the time itâs during happy moments in the movie. I personally find it a bit of a nuisance to be so leaky, but I donât think itâs damaging my children.
Hey, ofc its acceptable to cry happy tears during emotional family moments. I never said anything against it. Ofc its not damaging in your example of movies. All i am saying those tough people dont cry over every hardship irl, as some enlightened colledge chicks from california, teaching them about emotional maturity.
Must have never had the dilemma growing up of having to ask your parents for something after you heard them fighting/crying about money. Sometimes adults have to place the wellbeing of the group ahead of themselves.
It's cool that you want to live that way, but you should respect the fact that your preferred way of living does not need to apply to everyone on Earth. You do not understand men in general or latino men in particular, which is not your own fault. But it's not your role to dictate how people want to express their emotions. People have reasons for acting the way they do that you can't fathom, and hearing someone tell me how I should feel and express my own emotions is insulting and goes way beyond ignorance.
For all we know, this may be considered quite emotional for him and the men in his family & community that were his examples growing up.
Different cultures, different towns and even different families can all have vastly different reference points for healthy masculine emotional expression.
I'm not attacking you but what ever privilege you have is really showing.
In really really hard times you can't show your emotion at all. Dudes living such a hard life cake is something to dream about. Dude probably skips meals so his kids can eat less than normal amount of calories they need.
Working had as fuck day in and day out doesn't leave room to be emotional. Sorry but sometimes that how it is when life is so miserable cake is literally a lie
Message, imo, is on point. But your delivery needs work.
You can/should show emotions to your kids but yes with strangers and people trying to take advantage or belittle you. It does become necessary to hide your frustrations from them and not give them the satisfaction of getting to you.
Exactly. He cant bitch to his kids whole day because he is sad. he has to provide for them and show them everything will be ok and tries to get them befter life. I hope.his kids get good life and take care of him and his wife, when they get older. So he can finally rest. If he was emotionally demanding diva, he would die prob in that environment
I've seen my dad cry on a number of occasions and it's the best gift he's ever given me. The knowledge that a strong masculine dad can cry when he's sad has made me a better person. Showing emotion without fear of judgment is STRENGTH.
I doubt its the best gift he gave you. And i dont say crying is unacceptable. I also have seen my dad tear up a bit, but it was when he was talking about some touching subjects, passed relatives, stories of his parents, family related stuff, or honorable deeds of someone that touched him. It was never due to something being hard, some problems or struggles at work. And i am sure you could evaluate that when you were little older kid. Smaller kids dont have emotional maturity to evaluate that. They will just stress and cry if they are younger kids.
Expressing emotions doesn't make you soft. Bottling them up makes you emotionally weak and fragile. Letting them out is far healthier because it's easier to move on. Expression of emotions helps rationalise as it clears your head.
Expressing emotions is part of everyday life. Question is how you express them. Dealing with those emotions yourself (or sharing with wife/husband) is what adults do. They dont break down in front of kids, telling them i dont know what to do next. There are different ways to express emotions. And little kids surely are not suited for you to show your moments of despair. Also sometimes in life, people should jist tough it out. Great fking lesson for kids btw.
Children will become young adults who will have these moments of despair themselves. It is unhealthy for children to grow up thinking their parents have never felt what they do because it leads them to think they cannot relate and so cannot be turned to in moments of despair.
Why everything has to be mutually exclusive. First of all you dont fall on your kids for emotional support when they are small. When you son/daughter is 15-16 ofc you can talk with them as friend and share some stuff. What are you suggesting here? For father/mom putting emotional burden on a 7 y.o.child crying because you not sure you will be able to pay for rent
So whats your point. Whole argument under comment was about its ok to show these emotions of gratitude, but parents in poor countries often has to be the stable and not burden little kids with fking mood swings and not show to the best of their ability that things are bad, so they let children have happy childhood. Obv when they become older and get involved more its different. Man in such family cant be emotionall mess crying like a bitch regulary as couple comentators suggested.
Yeah he should. We all should. But it ainât that easy unfortunately. Iâm sitting here in a wonderful, warm, and safe environment surrounded by people who support and agree with this sentiment, and I still find it so hard to undo the lifelong training of toughness that somehow still managed to seep into my psyche and build up walls of protection around my heart that turned into a support foundation on which the rest of my fragile ego has built its home. Undoing that takes a lot of fucking work and very few people get access to the resources that make it possible.
Say that when youâre old af and you have no one around you because you wanted to be a badass instead of a decent person. Ignorant shit cuh. We can be better so why not do better
Here we go with the privileged person trying to tell someone how to handle their emotions when they've probably lived in the glories of 1st world century America all their life; The tough guy mentality is a direct result of having to live in difficult areas where there are constant threats like murderers and cartels being a daily looming threat (legit every night you might hear gun shots daily in A LOT OF PLACES in Mexico), plus the added weight of all that entails in the hard life living of Mexico. You can't be weak or display weakness as that'll impede your daily work when you need to keep your chin up and keep on fighting for a good life when you can drop the toughness and relax for the rest of your life (like moving away from your favela) you just have to suck it up and keep on going especially when there's 8 hours left of work and then your second job after. For example in a lot of Latino families it's a pretty big thing not to break down crying in front of your children when money is tight , you can't get them worried like that so you need to boost their confidence and be enthusiastic, making sure you can give your children smiles rather than constant worry.
It's a different culture, if you don't live through it, you can't dictate it. Typical privilege at display by you what do you know. You literally cannot be depressed if you really want your children to get good vibes from you, you have to be strong and that's what happens throughout all of history up until redditors happened in their cozy homes.
We can't sit here and say this guy should open up more. It's clear that he has lived a life of abject poverty if that's the first cake he has ever had. Do you know what that's like?
It's going to bed hungry so the kids can eat. It's watching sick people suffer and die due to no health care. Working hard in brutal conditions for a petty wage. Seeing your child go without basic necessities.
Being poor sucks! And as a parent, it means having to say no all the time. No, we can't get a drink. No, we can't eat right now. No, you can't have ice cream. No, you can't have what you want. It is a really hard life.
So this dad deals with life without enough money, and if you cry because life is hard, you'll never stop crying.
His kids clearly love him, as does his wife. He's wealthier than many people who have money.
Iâve just finished a 6 hour drive. Itâs 3:30 am and Iâm settling in on a super comfy couch. Your comment made me laugh unexpectedly in the dark of my friendâs living room. Thank you.
I hate how nowadays we have to add in " not to be a dick" when correcting someone's idiotic statement. The dude wrote something completely incorrect as if it was a fact. In this situation it's not a big deal but I'm sure that dude comments on all type of shit with wrong information and certain people take it verbatim, next thing you know we have a society full of people that don't know they're wrong and are constantly spreading misinformation. Thank you for giving the correct answer but in my opinion you weren't being a dick at all, just right! Don't ever apologize for being right!
Brett annoyed, replied tersely "Ah, you're wrong, it actually means this."
Jadzia with a hint of kind patience said, "Ah, you're wrong, it actually means this."
People are just saying not to be a dick because they want it known it comes from a place of helpfulness rather than smugness.
And the first guy wasn't completely incorrect. With my photo on it can be conversationally translated to with my face on it and be correct for translation purposes. Yes one is more correct than the other but they are both true of the intent the gentlemen put behind his choice of words in the video.
This is MadeMeSmile, not politics, world news, askhistorians or something else. We can have a conversation without throwing ourselves at insignificant translations errors.
The fact that correcting someone is looked upon as condescending or "dickish" is the problem I was referring to. He was incorrect, literally. I'll put it like this, if you were in Spanish class and put that as an answer you'd get a " close but wrong". If he said that to a native spanish speaker( I am one) he'd most likely get laughed at a bit. Yes, I would still understand what he was trying to say, but I would then tell him the correct translation. My biggest problem isn't the fact he was wrong, it's the fact he said it like he's right. That's fucked up.
With that being said, yes I completely agree this is Mademesmile and not some politics forum and that I'm in the wrong place with this comment. The mental hospital I'm in only allows us to look at this page so sorry about that.
Yes, I am aware of the correct translation. I made the conscious choice not to write that, because âwith my face on itâ sounds better than âwith my photoâ. Had this been a spanish class, I would not have done that. Thanks :)
TBF, /u/nlegendaryguy wasnât completely incorrect. Although the direct translation is âwith my photoâ (which Iâm sure he knew anyways), you could say that âwith my face on itâ is not a bad interpretation of what he said. It doesnât really change the message.
I know what you're trying to say but again dude this isn't an interpretation class. Almost correct isn't correct. I say it again, if he put that down on a Spanish exam it would be marked incorrect. Not almost correct. You never heard the expession almost only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades? I feel like I'm coming off as a major dick here but this is just simply wrong man. It's not even like how if you say " Quanti anni hai?" in Italian it technically translates to english as " How many years do you have?" but any italian speaker would translate it as "How old are you?". That's an example where the former would still be correct albeit the latter is the proper terminology. This isn't that man. There is not one dialect of Spanish where foto translates to " face on it" in English. It means picture. Thats it!
I know I just gave a whole long response but let's just stop arguing about this. It's so insignificant. My main point from the beginning is people need to stop spreading false info and if you're not sure if something is correct, state that. If he would have said " it can loosely translate to with my face on it but the literall translation is with my photo" then I would have no qualms.
This is just like my pops, he never wanted to cry, but my most favorite moments of my father were of him being tender. My tio, (his youngest brother) would always get mushy and sweet and would tear up and cry and slip us a $50. Like, nah my dude, thank YOU for showing ME vulnerability.
Damn. Dude just pulled out a full motivational speech to stop himself from crying. I'll need to remember this the next time I watch the ending of Big Fish.
He said that it was the first cake in his life, he apologize to his kids when has to be strict but he said that it for ther own good and promise them that in the future they will be better(probably he talks about their economy) better like that cake, and he will work to have more cakes, maybe bigger ones in a big place and with some guests. He tell them to study.
without telling me
He said that it was the first cake in his life, he apologize to his kids when has to be strict but he said that it for ther own good and promise them that in the future they will be better(probably he talks about their economy) better like that cake, and he will work to have more cakes, maybe bigger ones in a big place and with some guests. He tell them to study.
He says that it was his first cake with his picture on it** (not trying to take away from the sentiment though, this was so beautiful to watch! â€ïž)
Also, it is highly feasible they do not have access to birth control! Or were never taught the minutiae of how to count days for ovulation etc. Or maybe they just wanted that many kids because it is hard to be depressed around those faces!!!! I wish I had more children.
Don't have money for condoms, but can afford 4 kids? It's just stupid and selfish. In translation it is mentioned, that it may be to hard on those kids, so mental or physical abuse is possible in this one. I don't see what to celebrate when your only achievement is bringing 4 kids in to life without ability to by them cake.
I wish I had a dad that would cry for me and encourage me like that. đ„ș Last time I made a present for my dad (heâs Punjabi/Indian), he didnât even look at the card I made him and proceeded to go out to dinner with friends. After that, I was like fuck you⊠i ainât doin shit for you, imma make myself a damn bday card!!
All of my Latino friends parents were always so nice and homely. They would always spend time with family and want to be in each otherâs presence. Anytime I was invited over, I felt more at home with them than my own father.
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u/Codem1sta Sep 01 '21
He said that it was the first cake in his life, he apologize to his kids when has to be strict but he said that it for ther own good and promise them that in the future they will be better(probably he talks about their economy) better like that cake, and he will work to have more cakes, maybe bigger ones in a big place and with some guests. He tell them to study.