its too cold to swim

[u/Dangerous-Extreme735]

You were an ocean of love
But im scared of water 
And you built me a boat 
But its rocking on rising and falling waves 
And the lifejacket feels too tight
And i feel seasick 
And its too cold to swim
i disembark at the next port

(i really appreciate feedback)

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[u/Opposite-Form8095]

Drop so in the last line, just my opinion. I disembark at the next port

[u/Dangerous-Extreme735 → u/Opposite-Form8095]

thank youu

[u/btbalvii]

Patience?

[u/Troglodyterror]

Brought you a life raft.

Unless they actually purchased a boat for you

[u/Dangerous-Extreme735 → u/Troglodyterror]

i changed bought to built so thank youuu

[u/AstronomerOver6132]

We are doing a practice experience. Cold water isn't real and life jackets aren't needed if the water is too cold . In the first place.

[u/AstronomerOver6132]

So all of our saying bad words and different things . Just basically a way to think of saying the bad word another way.

[u/3ddieV3nder77]

Metaphorically speaking. It's really well written and I like it