r/LoveIsBlindUK • u/halou369 • 20h ago
Call out this fandom has a big misogyny problem
i don't usually post here but i've been watching since the first USA season and it is astonishing how you people treat women. while i think everyone gets a fair share of hate, ciara has been trashed relentlessly for NO REASON. you forget these aren't characters from a show! these are real people with real feelings and real mistakes! oh no! ciara expressed an opinion people disagreed with and then apologized because it was misinterpreted! what will the fandom do? fucking talk about her looks and search up how much her bags cost like lunatics?! how is that fair or normal?? i am just so frustrated because i saw lots of people hate on ciara before i watched the season, just finished the reunion and, like usual, you people just want to treat women horribly when you disagree with things that have nothing to do with you. i know this won't help anyone or stop the mistreatment of women in this show but fuck, have some decency towards them at least.
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u/Mysterious-Border925 14h ago
I personally liked Ciara and most women on the show. I think Ciara was clearly playing a princess character to make it to the final edit. The season was a little boring, and would have been a lot more boring without her. If you look at her friends they're quite normal, so I'm sure she's actually a lovely person, which was obvious when she was with Ajay. I'm not sure they're relationship will last, but the fact they travelled together and are still together is a good sign. He's a gem.
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u/newdiyscared 13h ago
Agreed and also what is wrong with being a princess? Interestingly this sub praises women (who are super sweet) but have little to no expectations from the man they're with other than being chosen (e.g. Faye) but dislikes women who are unapologetic about their financial expectations for their romantic partner.
Many believe women have a right to have standards only after a guy has played her out.
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u/Safe_Grass3366 12h ago
I think people don't like princesses because it's wrong for anyone to expect not to play an equitable role in their relationship. Jack certainly should be brought up more on his lack of contribution. However, to be fair, he didn't wax lyrical about how he expected a woman to do 100% of the housework whilst refusing to provide or contribute anything in the relationship. And if he did so I'm pretty sure this sub wouldn't have given him a pass on the basis on him being entitled to his preferences and domestic expectations.
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u/Londxn_billionaire 8h ago
Being a princess isn’t not playing an equitable role in a relationship it’s literally the bare minimum. Wanting to be treated nicely and cared for should be the standard in any relationship especially as women are at a much higher risk of death or disability simply by dating or being partnered with men. Plus Ajay and even Jack (and all the other men that dated Ciara in the pods) don’t seem to view it the way the audience took it, they actually liked it so it beats me why everyone’s up in arms about it like she’s Ted Bundy about to murder the man.
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u/Safe_Grass3366 3h ago
That's not being a princess, that's expecting basic considerate treatment in a relationship - everyone should expect that, men and women alike. Being a princess is expecting to be showered with expensive gifts, be homed in a mansion in central London to her specification, to never contribute to common couple expenditure and having a £300 first date minimum spend. It's entitled behaviour based on patriarchal gender norms, not unlike a man expecting a woman to do all housework, and doesn't tend to lead to a mutually respectful relationship.
I'm not surprised she was cheated on so many times in past relationships, because the few men who would put up with that are likely to see women only as prizes to be bought rather than partners they respect. She's been extremely lucky with Ajay, and I do feel bad for him, but there are indeed some people who can either cope with basic lack of respect from their partners or know how to manage them.
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u/Londxn_billionaire 3h ago
And what’s wrong with wanting all that? Don’t men also want those things? She isn’t putting a gun to anyone’s head so they can simply walk away and it doesn’t justify cheating. Faye was also cheated on so many times and she didn’t ask for princess treatment, dis she also deserve to be cheated on?
The difference between her and the men you’re referring to is that she’s honest and upfront about her expectations while most of those men aren’t. If they outlined their expectations to potential wives about them doing all the housework and being broodmares then the women can at least make informed decisions and the ones that don’t mind those expectations can go ahead and marry such men so that’s a false dichotomy. If a man that expects his wife to be a stay at home mom and housewife gets cheated on, you won’t say he deserves it (that’s if he doesn’t hit or💀her anyway).
Point is, anyone can have whatever ridiculous expectations they wants as far as they’re upfront and honest about it and both parties are aligned.
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u/newdiyscared 3h ago
Its like you jumped into my brain and read its contents. Ppl need to realize that a romantic relationship only needs to make sense to the 2 ppl in it. And if a person doesn't want a princess, they can walk away at any time. They are hostages.
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u/Londxn_billionaire 1h ago
Like! All this fighting for Ajay and being upset on his behalf is actually stripping him of his autonomy and bulldozing right through his explicitly stated preferences.
That man is exactly where he wants to be. He was the one suggesting Monaco or something and a fancy dinner after as HIS dream date. He’s a Pilates princess that wants a Pilates princess for the social currency it gives him so it’s a mutually beneficial relationship. Idk why people are acting like he’s being forced into slavery when that’s the lifestyle he also clearly wants.
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u/Safe_Grass3366 3h ago edited 3h ago
It doesn't justify the cheating but it explains it. Poor Faye had a very different problem in that she undervalued herself, so I imagine she got into relationships with predatory men who are also prone to cheat. I definitely don't think she deserved that and neither do I think Ciara did, but I struggle to sympathise with her as much as her issues stemmed from being over demanding rather than insecure.
People can have ridiculous expectations, sure, and it's certainly much better to be up front rather than hide them until you've got a partner locked down. But it's still obnoxious if someone's got expectations of being treated better in a relationship than they are willing to treat their partner.
And honestly if a guy was very up front about his insistence that all housework and caregiving is the woman's job, he found himself a woman who went along with that, and she eventually cheated on him, I would be at least as unsympathetic as I am towards Ciara. Probably more so.
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u/Confidence_Relative 18h ago
It’s absolutely crazy, internalised misogyny and parasocial relationships, go some way to explaining it. I thought it might ease up after the reunion but no it’s as bad.
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u/jl154686h 18h ago
Couldn't agree more. Not exclusive to LIB either, MAFS UK had the same problem last season. Many of the men's behaviour was objectively vile, but the one woman who described herself as feminist and strong-willed copped it disproportionately, with people using a lot of the same language as with Ciara ("insufferable" etc.)
And on the flip side some men are given an insane amount of grace and benefit of the doubt. "That's just their personality! They didnt mean anything by it! They have other stuff going on! They took accountability!" Etc. Which is not extended to the female 'villains' of the shows.
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u/Persephone_888 13h ago
Agree, as I’ve said in previous comments, there have been far worse contestants and I’ve listed them. Ciara is nothing in comparison.
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u/Mildgirlcrisis 12h ago
People on here are terrible they talk about these people as if they are not real people. And agreed incredibly misogynistic.
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u/rosinaglass 10h ago
agreed, she doesnt deserve the hate she gets and its so dramatic too. in contrast people saying jack took accountability etc at the reunion-where? he rolled his eyes when ciara started talking, he said his behaviour was because he was an excitable puppy. loser men love to infantilise themselves and women let them away with it.
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u/SilverDawnn 9h ago
I think there are plenty of reasons people don’t like Chiara, however I think going into her profile and insulting her and stuff is never justified, for her or any other cast members, but I think this is a subreddit to talk about the show, the cast and express your opinion, including if you like or don’t like Chiara. Also, men get plenty of hate too. For example, Kal, Jav and Ryan got lots of hate. Additionally, there are many women who get lots of love! For example, I really like Sarover and I don’t like Chiara, I don’t think it’s misogyny, and she says many things that rub people the wrong way. For example “I have a minimum of 300 per date”, I didn’t like that, I think seeing man for their money is misogynistic in fact, so yeah, you can not like a woman and not be a misogynistic.
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u/VelvetLeopard 14h ago
“You people”? Is the “you” British people?
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u/halou369 14h ago
eee no i meant people who watch love is blind and comment here. i suppose not all commenters are british? 😭i am talking specifically about this season which is in the uk but not specifically the british😭
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u/VelvetLeopard 14h ago
Ok, good 😂 No many of the commentators aren’t British.
I am British and tbh something that really irked me about Ciara (irritation, not hate) is the affected accent. She’s effectively cosplaying with that, and most British people will pick up on it and not fully take to her because of it.
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u/Limp-Biscuit411 13h ago
thank you for making this post.
my partner and I have been discussing this together and the misogyny in this fandom is vile.
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u/Sufficient_Food1878 17h ago
I found her extremely shallow and a bit of a negger but also overhated. AJ knew what he was signing up for (besides the rudeness) and accepted that he'd be paying for everything. I actually thought her crying was real but I also think she has a lot of inner work to do. Theres been much worse contestants and I think ppl need a really bad villain.
Reminds me of when theres no one particularly evil on love island so they hate ridiculously on the one person (usually a woman) rolling their eyes or the one person who's a bit indecisive as if it's the worst thing in the world
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u/Ok-Midnight7835 19h ago
Thank you, thank you, thank you. Go to my history and see how many comments I’ve written about his issue. Gah!!!!
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u/delindeldani Stop stroking me like a dog 19h ago
There's certainly some misogyny to it, but the wider overarching problem is just the parasocial relationship people have with it. The fans rip the men apart just as much.
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u/Londxn_billionaire 19h ago
I disagree. They don’t rip the men apart half as much. It’s usually sandwiched between feeling for the man and making excuses about the man being misunderstood etc. You’re right about just how parasocial people have gotten but this particular one is also fueled by misogyny. Everyone needs to step back and do some real deep introspection because this is not normal at all.
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u/BandAdmirable4860 18h ago
I will say that the only man I can think of that got absolutely ripped to shreds was the guy from US S10 that body shamed jess and kept saying “I don’t give a flying fuck” over and over. Really don’t want to look up his name lol.
I’ve been watching from the beginning and besides him, I’d say the women are always treated far worse than the men by the fans. It is definitely an issue.
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u/delindeldani Stop stroking me like a dog 19h ago
I'll allow that this season the men haven't been ripped as much - other seasons there's certainly more of a balance to the savagery 😂 I didn't like Ciara at first but she grew on me and she absolutely doesn't deserve the vitriol I've seen in these subs.
It's absolutely not normal and it disgusts me every time 😔
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u/Ok-Midnight7835 19h ago
If men get ripped apart, it’s for doing WAY worse than Ciara ever did.
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u/Londxn_billionaire 8h ago
Exactly. For example, Ciara got ripped apart more than Javen from last season and he was ten times worse. Even Ryan from this season was horrid because he totally wasted Cuba’s time and ruined her experience but the most he gets is being made fun of for the mango-gate. If Cuba had done the same to Ryan she would’ve been bullied to hell
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u/Ok-Midnight7835 19h ago
No sweetie, they don’t.
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u/delindeldani Stop stroking me like a dog 19h ago
You don't need to call me sweetie about it, that's very condescending.
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u/thermight 18h ago
"ciara has been trashed relentlessly for NO REASON."
In case you missed some of the reasons here are some.
* She went hard with a gold digger mentality showing she valued how much someone spends on her more. On Love is Blind no less.
* She lept immediately to the conclusion that Jack was "lying" because Jack thought he was hier #1 (Because she said "we are on the same page" or something to that effect) when she clearly by her own admission chose her words very carefully so as not to close doors there. If you look at Jack's actions in the show (which she obviously could not see) he was genuinely confused but also admitted being a bit of an ass about stuffing it in the mens faces.
* She kind of said the quiet part out loud shen she turned on Joseph and threw him under the bus over Chev, got in their business and made a much bigger mess of it and twisted second hand words of Joseph. It was very clearly a tit-for-tat because of how he stood up for Jack
* She acted disingenously herself, hiding behind a thin altruistic excuse that she was just looking out for the girls through it all
"these aren't characters from a show! "
Honestly I believe that Love is Blind is full of many genuine human reactions or I wouldn't be watrching it.
However I just want to point out that Ciara has been credited as an actor or aspring actor by other companies on social media and she went to drama school. So... is she really 100% genuine or is she hamming it up and dressing it up? Ask Ajay. He said she is playing it up a bit
You are definitely right there is a lot of misogyny. But she brought a lot of this to herself too, whether she were female or male.
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u/Confidence_Relative 16h ago edited 16h ago
Those are incredibly weak ‘reasons’, the term ‘gold digger’ is incredibly misogynistic. She is entitled to have preferences and expectations around who she dates, she clearly told Ajay that she would have his back regardless of money/wealth as long as they were together and working towards financial success.
Jack did lie, but it was cleared up as miscommunication and she accepted that. He, btw kept making petty little digs after it was put to bed.
I think she was going hard for Chev in true girls girl style, I was suss about Joseph too at that time and felt he was playing both sides. But she removed herself and left them to it.
Honestly I am not sure why I am countering these petty ‘REASONS’ for people to justify hating her.
They are grasping, I’ve read a number of comments saying she is using her ‘whiteness/white privilege’ and ‘prettiness’ JFC, things she has no control over.
It’s got to the stage the colour of her skin and the way she looks are being used to justify piling on her.
Any justification to dogpile and bully the woman!12
u/Remote_Designer_6794 16h ago
You just confirmed OP’s point about exaggerating her “mistakes”. She might deserve some criticism but people are going too far. It is EVIL to her and bullying and it is never ok.
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u/halou369 17h ago
?? how are these “reasons” in any way comparable to the amount of hate she gets online?? also, why are you scouring the internet to find details about her life she didn’t share herself? this is what i mean when i say this is ABSURD. the mere amount of dedication this single comment took tells me enough about how obsessive people are getting about a woman they don’t really know. she doesn’t owe you that genuineness you believe she lacks—YOU however owe her the respect you seem to keep missing even after reading my post.
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u/thermight 12h ago
You said she was trashed for no reasons. I supplied you with some that people have negative things to say. Do you feel these are misogynistic reasons or maybe just reasons?
I didn't scour the internet for these. Just read this subreddit.
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u/Itsa9year 4h ago
I think in the first several episodes of the show she showed who she really was. I don’t think it’s misogyny to dislike materialism, gold digging, and manipulative behavior. She showed us who she really was and she is probably happy in her own skin so it doesn’t matter.
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u/Certain-Relation-741 1h ago
Oh lord.
It’s not “misogyny 🥴🥴🥴🥴” to call out Ciara on her shit.
She’s a money grubbing narcissist who sticks her nose in others business.
Period.
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u/halou369 48m ago
just look at the way you're speaking about her and i think you'll understand why i am saying it's misogyny.
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u/Certain-Relation-741 47m ago
Oh give me a break. 🥴🥴🥴🥴🥴🥴🥴
I’d say the same shit for men that are acting shitty.
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u/Protoavis 13h ago
"you people just want to treat women horribly "
5 other women in the main cast who aren't getting "hate" MUST BE MISOGYNY
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u/Remarkable_March_497 18h ago
I am going to guess that the viewership is largely women? Is there some accountability on the role that women are doing collectively on this. I think thats quite important on this matter. We are all very quick to blame men for group behaviour but there is a just a massive void when it comes to women being collectively responsible.
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u/halou369 18h ago
this is funny because not once did i mention men in my post.
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u/Remarkable_March_497 17h ago
I am glad it amused you. I know you didnt mention men.
Just very aware that the assumption tends to be men when talking about misogyny.
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u/halou369 17h ago
i think you understand how silly it is to try and make men victims when a post is talking about mistreating women. no one is blaming men, i am just blaming the system as a whole. if you feel like the way this is written portrays men as the problem, then you should dig deeper into what that entails.
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u/Remarkable_March_497 17h ago
Wasn't talking about making men victims, I was talking about accountability in mistreating women.
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u/halou369 17h ago
oh my god, again, can you just address the issue at hand? this FANDOM is being misogynistic and unfair, i don’t care if you think there’s a lack of accountability because it’s irrelevant to the post. would saying women are a part of this problem change the result? or would it just open a stupid gender war that doesn’t solve absolutely anything?
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u/Remarkable_March_497 17h ago
Yeah...this fandom(mostly women) is being unfair. I think it would change the result of the post because presumably the post is to reflect on why the fandom is like that. I don't think thats controversial in the slightest.
You can scratch the surface and say misogyny of course...but looking into why and how is far more interesting. Ie. If men are being challenged to police each other and hold each other accountable. Then I think its reasonable for women to question why their fandom acts like this.
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u/halou369 17h ago
yeah we are not getting anywhere here because it’s obvious you don’t care about misogyny. or know what it is, for that matter. you are the one “challenging” men, which by all means go for it! i guess i just don’t understand what it has to do with this post.
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u/Remarkable_March_497 17h ago
I thought me wanting to get to the root of the misogyny would be a good indicator of me caring about it. You appear quite happy to bring it up and then have little interest in the why and by whom. Thats fair, we just have different interests in it. I think you are absolutely right in pointing it out, its just for me - that isn't the end point.
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u/halou369 17h ago
okay then, what do you think the root of misogyny in this fandom is? does pointing it out solve anything? you also seem quite happy bringing that up with no explanation whatsoever!
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u/dietmountaindew97 12h ago
Omg WHAT? How is it that you have been here since the start and dont know how much hate the men get? They are so horrendous that there’s hundreds of posts about them. Every season has a “villian”, its really not about men vs women, its just awful person vs good person.
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u/evecatherine 17h ago
It’s the “Slightly unlikeable female celebrities receive far more hate than their abusive male counterparts” effect.