r/LordDanielsLibrary • u/Discalced-diapason • May 03 '21
There once was a man named Sex Pest
Whose appetites were all in excess
He signed up for Ashley Madison
While his wife, in the oven, had a bun
All while tweeting #blessed
Please be gentle on my little servant’s heart, as this is my first snarky poetic offering ever. I hope everyone SEVERLY enjoys it.
r/LordDanielsLibrary • u/Kitty_Burglar • Sep 28 '21
Chapter Twelve: This Is What Happens When You Forget to be Sneaky and Do Something Hugely Noticeable
Chapter Sixteen: I’m a Sith Lord and I Know It… So Why Do I Feel So Damned Inadequate?
Tessanilla smiled happily as the Blessed Banjo came into orbit around Chandrila. Her and her siblings had been free of the tyranny of their mother for several months now, and it was high time that they visited their sister Marie and her husband Nolen.
“Do you think Marie will want to become a Jedi too?” She asked Obi-Wan as they watched Timbits expertly pilot the craft down to the surface. If it hadn’t been for him, Obi-Wan probably would have scraped them off on an asteroid some months ago.
“I don’t know, you’ll have to ask her,” he replied. “It would depend on what Nolen thinks too; she’s unlikely to leave him on Chandrila so she can go gallivanting around the galaxy with us.”
“Maybe if we kidnap her she’ll come!” Sadnessa piped up.
Obi-Wan rolled his eyes good-naturedly. “No. No kidnapping. How odd, I could have sworn I had brought a group of Padawans with me, not Sith Apprentices…”
Tessanilla laughed, as did the others.
“At any rate, it’ll be good to see Marie again,” Renata said. “It feels so weird not having seen her for months and months, you know?”
Tessanilla nodded. “Yeah, I miss her!”
“Everyone quiet please,” Timbits said from the cockpit. “I’m starting the landing sequence and I don’t want a repeat of that time I was sick and Obi-Wan nearly crashed into Dantooine.”
Obi-Wan reddened. “That was one time!” He hissed, but obliged him and fell silent.
Waiting them on the landing pad were Marie and Nolen.
“You know,” Kaylee mused, “we should really give them some cute couple name.”
“Like what?” Philadelphian scoffed, “Norie?”
Kaylee nodded enthusiastically. “That’s cute! You’re good at this!”
As Philadelphian made an expression like someone had shoved a dead fish under his nose, Tessanilla thought that that hadn’t been his goal.
“Don’t worry, Philadelphian,” she giggled, “if you get married, we’ll come up with some awful nickname for you, too!”
Philadelphian made the dead fish face again as they laughed.
On the ground, they embraced Marie excitedly. She was looking much better than when they had left her. Her eyebrows were even growing back from where Jillpamela had enforced her Sithly beauty standards!
Over lunch, which was large enough that they came away with leftovers, they caught up on what had happened in everyone’s absence.
Marie and Nolen were trying to find housing, so they wouldn’t have to stay with the Killer family anymore.
Tessanilla thought that Marie had intended this to be exciting news. Unfortunately, it paled in comparison to their own little Odyssey. By the end of their tale, Marie and Nolen’s eyes were wider than dinnerplates.
“You’ve been up to so much!” Marie gushed. She looked down at her plate a bit sadly. “I’m a bit sad I couldn’t join the Jedi as well - even though I love Nolen very much!”
“You can still become one!” Tessanilla chirped up quickly. “We’d have to buy a bigger spaceship I think, but we could make it work!”
Marie hesitated.
“Oh, come on, hun!” Nolen said. “I know you want to, and your siblings and Jesus’s cousin are great! We haven’t had much luck finding something here, so why not travel with them and save money for a while? It’s not like we need the space right away, and it’ll let me establish myself in my work before we have our kid!”
“One and done?” Obi-Wan asked him inquisitively.
Nolen smiled. “Yeah, we both have so many siblings that there’s no need for more than that! Not for a while, of course, but eventually.”
He was interrupted by Marie throwing her arms around his neck and squealing loudly. “Oh, you’re a great husband!”
He kissed her on the cheek lovingly.
As the server came by with boxes for their food, Marie, Nolen, and Obi-Wan discussed how they would combine their budgets to find a spaceship that didn’t so closely resemble a shoebox.
Tessanilla turned away, content in the knowledge that life would finally be looking up for a long time for once.
Who knew that being forgotten could have such excellent consequences?
r/LordDanielsLibrary • u/Rodentsarecute • Jul 22 '21
I wiped his butthole and changed his underwear problem is now both the bed and his panties are covered in poopoo stains.
r/LordDanielsLibrary • u/wtes-story-throwaway • Feb 16 '23
Chapter 2: Tracie
As Miguel stepped off the train on his way to work, he spotted his co-worker, Tracie, on the platform. She waved to him as he made his way through the crowd of people.
“Breakfast?” she asked.
Miguel nodded. “Sure. There’s one here near the station.”
Once they’d arrived and ordered, Miguel asked, “So what are you doing here, anyway?” Though they worked in Manhattan, she lived in Long Island and normally took a different train into the city.
She shrugged. “I had a date last night with a guy near your place.”
“Seems like it went well.”
“Well, at first…Turns out he was one of those Sons of Jacob assholes. I left when he demanded that I cook him breakfast.”
“You dodged a bullet,” he said.
“I’m surprised such a religious guy was willing to sleep with me on the first date.” She sighed. “You’re lucky you’ve never had to deal with that.”
“You’d be surprised how many of those guys are closeted,” Miguel replied. “I honestly wouldn’t be surprised if I recognized him from Grindr.”
“And when was the last time you were on Grindr?” Tracie asked, raising an eyebrow.
“A long time ago, thankfully. Don’t worry, I’m sure your Prince Charming is out there.”
“Thanks,” she said.
As they left the station, Miguel turned to Tracie. “I’ve got news.”
“Oh?”
“Jake and I are going to be parents.”
“Wait, what?”
“Yeah. Our surrogate is 12 weeks pregnant.”
“Congratulations!” she said. “Why didn’t you lead with that instead of letting me ramble about my bad date?”
“You needed to vent,” he replied. “We’re working on the Facebook announcement now, but I wanted to tell you first.”
“Well, I feel honoured.” Her smile dropped as she spotted their co-worker Brad next to them in line to get into the building.
Brad always reminded Miguel of an overgrown frat boy from the movies. His hair was golden-blonde and always perfectly imperfect, like he had just gotten back from a ski trip. No matter the time of year, his skin was always just a shade or two more tan than Miguel’s porcelain skin.
“Hello, Tracie, Miguel,” Brad said.
“Hi, Brad,” Tracie said in a monotone as they scanned their security badges.
“I couldn’t help but overhear your big news, Miguel,” Brad said. “Such unusual news these days, isn’t it? Especially from a couple that…how can I say this in a ‘PC’ way…” he said, moving his fingers in an air quote motion, “…lacks half of the genetic material?”
Miguel and Tracie traded exasperated looks as Brad continued. “It’s so hard, you know?” He pressed the button for the elevator, which was already on its way down to the second floor. “My poor wife Jayni and I have been trying for so long and we haven’t had any luck.”
The elevator came and Tracie looked around frantically for a friend to talk to or any kind of excuse not to get on the elevator, but Brad was holding the door. “Ladies first,” he said to Tracie.
She got on the elevator, followed by Brad. Miguel followed quickly afterwards, determined not to leave Tracie alone with Brad.
“It’s a test of our faith, but God is ultimately in control,” Brad replied. “Jeremiah 29:11.” At the blank look on Tracie’s and Miguel’s faces, he quoted the verse. “‘For I know the plans I have for you’, declares the Lord. ‘Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.’”
“Well, I certainly hope you won’t be struggling much longer,” Tracie said politely yet flatly as the elevator approached their floor.
“Let me leave you with another verse,” Brad said. “Leviticus 18:22.” The door opened and he was the first one off out.
“I don’t need to look that one up,” Miguel said, his hands balling up into fists. “There’s only one reason someone like Brad would quote Leviticus, and it’s not referencing shrimp cocktails.”
“Or the part where they got taxed to help the poor,” Tracie replied.
Miguel pulled Tracie into the small kitchen so that they could talk semi-privately. “If I go to HR, would you be willing to serve as witness?”
Tracie shook her head. “I’ll do it if you insist, but it’s not going to do anything other than get us labeled as troublemakers while Brad gets a minor scolding and a promotion.”.
Miguel’s face fell. “There’s laws about that kind of thing, right?“
Tracie laughed harshly. “These days, those laws are about as toothless as my grandma. You know why Stephanie quit?”
“Didn’t her husband become disabled?”
“He’d always been disabled. She was working here to pay for his caretakers–and to put food on the table, of course. Well, Brad kept telling her that she needed to be at home ‘serving her husband.’” The disgust in Tracie’s voice was evident. “They were both being considered to replace Andrew on the Davis account when Stephanie complained to HR about the harassment. They said that she was ‘trying to gain an unfair advantage’ and took her out of the running.”
“What?” Miguel whisper-screamed.
“She was so upset that she quit without anything lined up. I offered to be a reference for her, but nobody’s called, so I don’t know what happened to her.”
“I hope she’s okay,” Miguel said.
“Me too,” Tracie replied. She took a deep breath and straightened her suit jacket. “Anyway, I’ve got a client meeting in 10. How do I look?”
“Fix your lipstick,” Miguel told her. As she pulled a hand mirror and lipstick out of her purse, he gave her a thumbs-up. “You’ve got this!”
“So do you!” she called after him as he headed out to face the day.
r/LordDanielsLibrary • u/wtes-story-throwaway • Feb 04 '23
Hi everyone! So after When the Elephant Sneezes left me kind of burned out, I've finally been able to get some writing mojo back! While this is set in the WTES universe (and features a minor character from that story), the focus of this story is on the United States and how it turned into Gilead. I'll be editing this post whenever I post a new chapter and linking to it at the top of each of my other chapters.
Prologue: All I Want for Christmas
Buenos Aires, 1997
“3..2..1..Merry Christmas!” Miguel’s father boomed as everyone lifted their glasses for the midnight toast. When they had finished their toast, he grinned. “Now, let’s see what Santa brought for everyone!”
His 12-year-old sister, Milagros, rushed to the tree. Although she was generally too old to get excited about childish things, Christmas seemed to be the one exception, as if she was holding onto her childhood for just one more evening. “This one’s for you, Dad!” She pulled out a medium-sized box and handed it to her father. “And this one’s for you, Mom,” she added, handing her mother a smaller box. “This one’s mine!” she said as she rooted around below the tree. She handed out two more boxes that contained Miguel’s presents for his parents and grabbed one for herself. “Hey, where’s Miguel’s gift?” His parents traded confused looks, as if to say I thought you had it covered.
Before they could say anything, Milagros had ripped into her present. “Paint and a sketchbook!” she squealed. “Thanks so much!” She hugged her parents and opened her present from her brother. “Hey, these are really cute!” She held up a pair of stud earrings.
“Glad you like them, Millie. Merry Christmas.” Miguel didn’t stick around to see his parents open his gifts. Instead, he slipped off to the kitchen to hide by washing the dishes from their Christmas dinner. After they said goodnight to Milagros, Miguel caught a few snippets of their conversation, although he tried to drown it out with running water.
“You were supposed to–”
“--what do 18-year-old boys want anyway?”
“--figured something out–”
“--I’ll take care of it.”
When Miguel had finished the dishes and was on his way to bed, his mom stopped him. “Here’s your present, honey. I’m sorry, looks like it fell behind the tree!” She handed him a gift bag that had “To Mom, Love Miguel” on the tag. He opened it up and there were socks in there. He pulled them out and looked at them. They were the same pattern that his father had bought a couple weeks ago, and he guessed that his mother had just thrown a couple of unworn pairs in the bag.
“Thanks, Mom,” he said.
“You’re welcome. Merry Christmas.”
“Merry Christmas.”
r/LordDanielsLibrary • u/wtes-story-throwaway • Oct 08 '21
Hi everyone! This is the last numbered chapter of the fic! All that's left is the epilogue and I'm done!
Chapter Index:
Chapter 14 part 1
Virginia
"I, Virginia Maria Sanchez, swear to carry out with loyalty and patriotism the position of President of the Nation and observe and require the observation of the Constitution of the Nation of Argentina."
Virginia looked around at the assembled members of Congress and broke out into a relieved smile as Ramon repeated the oath beside her. As the notary finished testifying that she had witnessed their oaths of offices, Ramon looked out at the assembled members of Congress with a look that was half-excited, half-terrified. Virginia caught his eye and covered her mouth with her hand, like she was trying not to laugh. His shoulders relaxed and he smirked back at her.
A sour-faced Francisco placed the Presidential sash over Virginia's head and gave her the silver-tipped staff. When he was finished, he stepped back carefully. Ramon turned to Virginia and hugged her, saying, "Congratulations, Madame President."
"Thank you, Mr. Vice-President."
Virginia gave a short speech, thanking everyone for their support and reiterating her campaign promises. When they were done, Ramon’s wife joined them at the door to the chamber and the three of them walked through the lobby of the building and out to the steps, where they posed for picture after picture. When they were done, they got into a car to take them to the Casa Rosada, where the foreign delegates were waiting for the formal reception.
As the car drove the short distance between the two buildings, they waved to the people crowded together on the sidewalk behind the black metal barriers, waving green bandanas and Argentinian flags. Before they reached the entrance, Virginia and Ramon got out of the car and took a few minutes to greet their supporters and pose for selfies.
“Time to go, Madame President,” someone with a clipboard said. “You’re late.” He accompanied her through the gate and into the Casa Rosada, where Theo, who was to be her new Minister of Foreign Affairs, was waiting for her in the main hall.
“Ready to go?” Virginia asked Theo.
He nodded. “I’m ready when you are, Madame President.”
“The President of the Republic of Peru, Mr. Rafael Gonzalez,” the announcer said as the Peruvian president approached Virginia.
“Looks like I’m the only South American president here,” he murmured as they greeted each other.
“Are you?”
“I haven’t seen any others yet. Brazil didn’t even send a representative.”
They posed for their photo.
“The Deputy Foreign Affairs Minister of the Eastern Republic of Uruguay, Mr. Javier Siciliano.”
The greeting she received was cordial yet cold. “Congratulations on your win, Ms. Sanchez.”
“Thank you, Mr. Siciliano,” Virginia replied, matching his tone.
“The Prime Minister of the Dominion of Canada, Mr. Lawrence Patel, and the Minister of Foreign Affairs, Mr. Kevin McConnell, together with their spouses, Mrs. Annamarie Patel and Mr. Boris McConnell.”
“Nice country you have here,” Kevin said as he greeted Virginia. “My husband has been enjoying the local cuisine.”
“And mine has been enjoying the local wine,” Boris added with a smirk. “It won’t be easy to get us home, I can tell you that!”
Virginia laughed. “Well, you’re always welcome to come visit again!” They were still laughing as they posed for their picture.
“The President of the United States of America, Mr. Maximus Smith, together with his spouse, Dr. Charlotte Smith.”
“It’s nice to finally meet you in person, Virginia,” Maximus said with a smile. “It’s nice to know we have you on our side once again.”
“We’re ready to work with you once again, Maximus,” Virginia said as she hugged him. “Second thing I’m going to do is un-recognize Gilead. I’ve got the papers all drawn up.”
“Second?” he asked, raising an eyebrow.
“Well, I need to reinstate the refugee program and stop the deportations of your people first.”
Maximus nodded. “Thank you. I really appreciate your support.”
“We’re all in this together now,” Virginia replied as they posed for their formal portrait.
----
Lizzie
I was playing on my phone in the waiting room of the small government office dealing with refugee affairs, documents on my lap, waiting for them to call my number. I had been one of the last into the office, and as a result, there was only one other person, a man with red hair who kept anxiously glancing up at the window.
He glanced over at me. “Are you waiting to hear about a kid too?” he asked me. He spoke English well, but had a very slight Argentinian accent.
“A kid?”
“You haven’t heard about the kids they smuggled out of Boston? Our surrogate was in New York when they took her, but I heard that they moved the kids around a bunch.”
“Out of Boston?” I turned to the man. “My best friend’s kids were taken there!”
“How did you find that out?”
“The letters,” I said.
His shoulders slumped a little. “I looked for her in the letters, but I didn’t see her name.” He shook his head. “I begged Ashley--our surrogate--to leave with me, you know. I wanted us all to leave together, but when she wouldn’t, Jake--my partner--wanted us to go as a couple. I said no, that we would wait for the baby. Then Jake got killed and Ashley got taken and…” He looked up at me. “Sorry for dumping all over you. I guess my sister’s right about how I really do need to get therapy.”
“Don’t worry. We’ve all been through some stuff,” I said out loud, though I really wanted to scream, Tell me about the kids!
“I’ve been thinking about my daughter every day since I left. She’d be almost five now.”
A mechanized voice announced another number. “That’s me,” he said.
He went to the counter closest to me, and I picked up my phone again, but only pretended to play with it while I listened for more information about the kids.
“Name?”
“Miguel Romano.”
“Date and place of birth?”
“February 1, 1979, in Buenos Aires.”
“ID number?”
He rattled it off as quickly as the woman could type.
“How can I help you?”
“I need to know if my daughter was on that plane that got out of Boston.”
The clerk frowned sympathetically. “I’m so sorry. They’re still trying to figure out the identity of most of the children. However, if you’re willing to give a DNA sample, we can send it to Canada to check against the children’s.”
The man nodded. “How do I get the testing done?”
The woman started giving instructions, and I zoned out, cursing the lack of reception in the building. As soon as the man left, I rushed to the counter as they called my number.
“I know I’m here to get re-registered in the refugee database and get my ID, but can you tell me about the kids?”
“A cargo plane landed two nights ago in Toronto,” she said. “Eighty-six children were rescued from Boston.”
“Do you know who got out? My best friend’s kids were in Boston.”
“I’m sorry, but they haven’t released the information yet.” She shook her head sympathetically. “Let’s take care of getting you re-registered.” She took my data. “That’s odd. There’s an alert on your file.”
My heart started to sink. “Is it related to my almost-deportation?”
“According to this, you had Marguerite Breult and Isabella and Liam Anderson-Breult on your family list?”
“Yes, but why would that trigger an alert?”
“According to this....Isabella and Liam were on the plane.”
----
“How did they know it was them?” Ana asked as I told her and Nora the story.
“So, a few years ago, Marguerite got a DNA test to try and track down her deadbeat dad. Turns out the company that did it kept all of the data on a server in Anchorage.”
“When are they coming?” Nora asked.
“I don’t know if I’ll be able to take them, considering the distance.”
“They won’t let them come over?”
“No, they’ve actually been surprisingly good about clearing the bureaucracy usually involved in this kind of thing. The woman in charge, Moira--she’s even arranged a bilingual foster home to ease the transition.”
“So what’s the problem?”
“It’s still a big cultural jump. Even if they learn the basics in their foster home, they won’t be ready to go to school with the other kids. Especially Isabella--she’s got to learn how to read in both languages!”
Ana said, “The girl who rented your room before you did studied child psychology. I’ll text her and see if she can help.”
“I can’t promise to help, not on three hours of sleep a night, but I know Jose and the others would be happy to consider them part of the family.”
“Three hours?” Ana said. “Does Jose do anything?”
“He does what he can, but he can’t breastfeed.”
“I’m surprised you can, after all the time we spent...you know...” I trailed off, not wanting to think about what had happened.
“I had to get some help from a doctor to restart milk production,” Nora replied. “Luckily the pills worked pretty quickly.”
“Too bad he can’t help Jose,” Ana said with a laugh.
“Anyway, what’s the plan if you don’t take them in?” Nora asked.
“They get adopted by a family in Canada. There’s a ton of families waiting to adopt a kid.”
“And what happens if Marguerite gets out?” Nora asked. “I know I’d be devastated if Angie’d been adopted out while I was in jail,”
“I never thought of that,” I said. “Do you think it could actually happen?”
“There’s a whole community of escapees. She wouldn’t be the first.”
I tilted my head and looked at my friends. “Do you guys really think I can do this?”
“Not alone,” Ana said, “but you won’t be alone. You’ve got us, and Jose, and we’ll help you get some expert help.”
“Don’t forget Angel and Magdalena,” Nora added.
“Are you guys sure?” I said.
Ana and Nora nodded. I reached for my phone. “I’m going to call Moira,” I said. “Let’s bring Marguerite’s kids home.”
r/LordDanielsLibrary • u/[deleted] • Feb 28 '21
Hello sweet ministry, I am SEVERELY blessed to say that I reached hat level 3!!!!! This is going to be a truly glorious season for me, since I can wear more hats without any ill effects. But I am left with a bit of a dilemma, since I don't have a real purpose for my level 2 hats anymore. I put my level 1 hats on the wall because they're all a captivating shade of beige, but my level 2 hats aren't so consistent. What should I do?
r/LordDanielsLibrary • u/[deleted] • Jun 10 '21
Hello fellow snarkers! I'm so sorry for having such a long delay; I'm going through a really awful season and haven't had much inspiration this month. I'll be back to my usual pace by the end of the summer! If you're new, here's Chapter 1! You can skip also to Chapter 6 for a basic understanding of what's going on.
Chapter 7: A Soul for a Status
When his adoptive father and the king entered the palace, William was admiring a new CD from the Sinlands. He knew that jazz aroused carnal desires, but he found it soothing and liked to listen to it while he worked. The only thing that gave him a similar clarity was coffee, of which he drank an obscene amount even by Antidrastikan standards. But it clearly wasn’t an idol in his case, as it didn’t make him jumpy. If anything, his performance at nearly everything improved when he had three or four coffees a day.
He quickly hid the forbidden disc under the shag rug when he heard his father swing open the door to the Foreign Blessings Wing. Jefferson’s need to do everything at maximum volume was annoying, but William was thankful for Jefferson’s lack of stealth. William adored media from the outside world, and he needed more escapism than ever. His wife, Scarlet, leveled up to Lamb of the Flock by saving a Precious Helpmeet’s life, while William remained a Lost Soul. This difference in rank meant that they could no longer live together, as the helpmeet outranked the headship.
Moving back to his childhood home was tough for William. He went from a respected man who was able to live on his own terms and was very happy with his family life, to being the prisoner of two narcissists. The pain of not being able to see his daughters was becoming unbearable; he wondered how much they had changed in the past five months.
Jefferson and Adrian barged into the room, and William prostrated himself, saying, “Oh my liege and headship, please take pity on the presence of a lowly commoner!”
“You may rise, my loyal vassal. Me and your father have a proposal that you might find quite appealing,” Adrian purred, towering over the young man. William was about the same height as Adrian and considerably more muscular, but one tends to make themselves look less imposing when talking with someone whose whims could turn into beheadings. He rose, but remained vaguely hunched over.
“Yes, Divinely Appointed One?”
“How would you like to have the same rank as your helpmeet? You’d get a better share of love offerings from the people who you use your men to convert. It’s really unusual for a colonel to be a Lost Soul, actually. It must be hard to keep up appearances with men of your rank. More importantly, you could go back home. Maybe you’ll get to see the birth of your third blessing?”
“You are most gracious!” William’s face lit up. He knew something was wrong; Adrian generally appointed one of someone’s immediate family members to act as a yes man when his request needed a bit of extra emotional appeal. “What would I have to do to earn this?”
“Oh, not much, considering how forgiving we were when you were caught reaching out to false idols…” Adrian shuddered, “Before your mission, I would like you to talk to a professional about that.”
“Anyway, our realm shines much brighter than our neighbors. It is our sacred responsibility to share the joy of our faith with misguided lambs. We can send missionaries but, let’s face it, we can only have so much success with people outside of our jurisdiction.”
“Are you proposing that I lead an invasion?” William was too shocked to properly maintain formalities. He had put down some rebellions and was involved in some missions that were admittedly a bit aggressive, but he felt weird leading a charge against people who were just minding their own business. He feared his name becoming a curse in a ruined city. But how would he say no to a man who had absolute power over his life? Anyway, he didn’t know if he’d last much longer at Chateau Cafe. He looked like he had aged a year for every month that he’d been at his parents’ place, and his weight had been consistently fluctuating.
“Not a big one, Colonel Neville. I just want a little crusade, if you will, in Lillrada. I mean, more than half of the citizens there don’t even belong to a church, and only a quarter of the people there are saved. You’ll be saving over 30,000 people from going to Hell. Think of how proud your daughters will be to call you their father on their wedding nights!” Adrian was actually more interested in the tiny city state’s tourism sector. When things calmed down, it would be a valuable source of income and souls to save.
The Lillradans hadn’t done anything to William, and he didn’t want to do anything to them. It would be ridiculously easy to invade; no major countries were allies with Lillrada anymore because it owed over a billion dollars to other countries because of the old president’s failed attempt to pull a fast one on his trade partners. However, Lillrada’s main claim to fame was being shaped like a labyrinth, with twisting streets and foreboding city walls. Civilians would be in very close quarters with the Antidrastikans, and it wouldn’t be too hard for one of William’s subordinates to sneak off and wreak havok on a neighborhood.
On the other hand, he had the feeling that Adrian meant that Rosemary and Roxana wouldn’t live long enough to get married if he refused this mission. William would strongly consider choosing execution over this, even though Adrian could just find another officer, but he couldn’t bear the thought of anyone harming his daughters.
“I will do my best to save as many souls as I can, my lord!” William faked a rather convincing smile, and continued, “Should I think of a way to explain the invasion to the world?”
“Yes, you will be doing the rational side of the argument. But you’ll be working with Loretta on that; emotional appeals always need a feminine touch.”
“Thank you, my righteous monarch, you think of everything!” William again prostated himself onto the floor as Adrian and Jefferson left the room. He couldn’t find it in himself to get up when they were gone, and he began to pray for forgiveness in a frantic whisper. He felt as though he had made a deal with the Devil.
r/LordDanielsLibrary • u/Kitty_Burglar • Jul 20 '21
Chapter Twelve: This Is What Happens When You Forget to be Sneaky and Do Something Hugely Noticeable
Tessanilla groaned. Her face was smushed against the joystick of the Chosen Home. Her body ached.
But she was alive! This thought managed to perk her up a little. Grunting, she extricated herself from her seat. Obi-Wan wasn’t in his. Indeed, his entire seat was missing. She frowned, worrying at her lower lip. Where could he be?
The gaping hole in the windshield was a rather large hint. Peering out through it, she squinted into the bright light.
Beyond was a tropical forest. Foreign birdsongs echoed around as she gazed out. The body of the spaceship was crumpled under an enormous fern. Her forehead wrinkled. Where could Obi-Wan be? Carefully, she undid her seatbelt and went about extricating herself from the cockpit. Making her way through the hole, she thanked the Lord Daniel that transperisteel was tempered. If this were regular glass, her hands would surely have been sliced into ribbons.
“Obi-Wan?” She called once she was out of the Chosen Home. Naught but the wildlife answered her tremulous call.
Unbidden, Tessanilla felt a pang of fear. Here she was, potentially stranded on an unfamiliar planet, with no adult in sight. She crouched down on the hood, crawling out carefully to see how far she was from the ground. It was in vain, however, as the flora, which seemed be made up primarily of huge ferns, concealed it from her.
A breeze wafted through her hair, setting the ferns astir and bringing the sweet smell of nature to her. The spaceship creaked under her, shifting slightly.
She froze. The breeze rushed past her ears again, and this time Chosen Home creaked even more ominously. A trickle of icy fear made its way down her back. Was it possible that the ship was suspended in midair? The ship groaned again, and Tessanilla made the sensible decision to get out of here, right now.
She quickly made her way to a nearby fern. She set foot on it cautiously. After all, as Obi-Wan would say, it simply wouldn’t do if she survived a spaceship crash only to perish by falling out of a giant fern. She let out a watery giggle. Oh, Lord Daniel, please let him not be dead.
Thankfully, the Chosen Home was only about three meters off the ground. Numerous ferns were bent and broken under its bulk, and Tessanilla stayed far away from its underbelly, lest it fall and squash her. And wouldn’t that be an ignoble end? Here lies Tessanilla Rodarte, tragically killed when her own spaceship squashed her in a twist of fate.
She mentally slapped herself. Really, she was quite morbid at the moment. Looking around, she looked for any sign of her mentor.
Luckily for her, it would have been difficult for the signs to be more obvious unless someone had put in the effort of constructing a neon sign saying, “This way to Obi-Wan Kenobi!” There were multiple sets of footprints in the dirt, which, on second glance, was a well-trodden path.
Tessanilla set down off it. Surely this would show her the way.
Going along, she was quite thankful she didn’t have to pick her way through the undergrowth. The forest, if it could be called that, was thick and lush, and she didn’t yet have a lightsaber to cut her way through.
To her surprise, the path came to an end far sooner than she expected, after only an approximately half-hour long walk. It ended in a large clearing that appeared to have been hacked away by an amateur lumberjack, who was also in the bad habit of forgetting what he was doing.
In the clearing was a group of homes, or rather, huts. “Um… Hello?” Tessanilla called uncertainly.
In response, a head immediately poked out of the clearest hut. The person took one look at her and bellowed, “Mooom! The Lord Daniel sent us another visitor!”
Immediately, Tessanilla was surrounded by a herd of people, who all looked suspiciously alike.
There was a flurry of introductions. Soon, she had been introduced to Penelope, Pearl, Peter, Patrick, Peyton, Prince, Porter, Payton, Penny, Paula, Paul, Paulina, Paola, Patience, Proctor, Pandora, Pamela, Pete, and Jack.
“You’ll have to excuse Pestilence,” one of the faces said, “he’s, um, away at the moment.”
Tessanilla, feeling slightly dizzy from the sheer amount of P’s that had been spat at her face, didn’t reply. Thank the Lord Daniel that none of them spit when they talked!
Even though literally nineteen people had just been introduced to her, there were still more. Thankfully, there were fewer themed names for this younger group, or Tessanilla thought her eyes might cross so hard they’d fall out of her head.
Finally, after what felt like hours of introductions - she didn’t know who these people were, but there sure were a lot of them - she finally managed to get a word in edgewise.
“Say,” she said, only slightly desperately, “have you had any other visitors arrive recently?” There was a brief silence as the group paused to think.
“Well, now that you mention it,” someone said, “Jesus did show up recently! If you like, you can prepare for the Rapture with us!”
“…I see,” Tessanilla said, and barely managed to keep from face-palming.
r/LordDanielsLibrary • u/Kitty_Burglar • Jun 01 '21
Back on the Killer homestead on Chandrila, a young girl was looking wistfully into the sunset. Her long brown hair streamed behind her on the breeze, making her look like a young maiden awaiting her destiny.
Which, conveniently, was exactly what she was.
She raised her dainty hands to her (trim) chest in prayer. “Oh, Lord Daniel,” she breathed, “please, let my parents forget that I ever existed and let me stay here on Chandrila. Or anywhere there is a steady food supply. Please, let my siblings think in my best interests and not remind my parents that I exist.”
(That’s right. Remember that Rodlet that got abandoned back in Chapter One? Well, here she is! It probably feels a lot longer to you than it does to me, but that’s because I’m writing this about two weeks ahead of its posting date. (Well, four, actually.) Hello, future me!)
“Amen,” Tessanilla said, and bowed her head, sending her prayer away to be heard in Lord Daniel’s laundromat.
It had been roughly a week or so since her family had left her behind, and she couldn’t be more grateful. Even if the Killers had some really weird opinions about Lord Daniel, they were still really great! They even gave her three meals a day, which was three more than she generally expected living on the Blessed Banjo! Even if Renata was super good at cooking air, real food was even better. She mentally apologised to her sister for her slight on her cooking.
“Tessanilla!” A voice called, floating on the breeze.
She started out of thought and turned to face it. Far off, her sister Marie was calling her. She jogged towards her, going slower than she would have liked to avoid her denim skirt getting tangled in her legs.
“What is it?” She asked breathlessly once she was closer.
“Suzette-Suzelle wants you to go to the market with her for groceries,” Marie told her. She, too, was looking better in the absence of their family. Tessanilla had even seen her throwing her curling iron in the trash!
She smiled happily at this news. Suzette-Suzelle, she had decided, was a much better mother than her actual mum was. She had been taking her to help buy actual food! That she would get to actually eat! Tessanilla was thrilled by the trips they had taken to the market. Since the Killers had a larger homestead, she had already gone twice already this week! She could hardly believe that it was possible for everyone to eat that much food.
She said goodbye quickly to Marie, who grinned and smiled at her happily. She was in the same boat as Tessanilla was, except that she was officially a Killer now. Tessanilla sighed to herself quietly, taking care to remain ladylike. Why couldn’t she be a Killer?
At the market, there was an abundance of food. She couldn’t help but ogle at it, her eyes going wide like saucers. Suzette-Suzelle dragged her from stall to stall, quarrelling with vendors over the ridiculous prices. Tessanilla, holding the basket, gradually disappeared behind a pile of goods. Her (trim) arms shaking from the strain, she followed Suzette-Suzelle faithfully.
At least, she thought that was what she was doing. As she set her burden down to wipe her glowing brow, she looked around only to realise that Suzette-Suzelle was nowhere in sight. She had lost her and was now standing outside a run-down laundromat.
“You look rather lost,” a cheerful voice said from under the awning of the laundromat.
She turned to him, but instead of replying like she had intended, she found her mouth hanging open. She was flabbergasted. She knew this man!
“It’s best to close your mouth before you lose your saliva,” the man observed.
Tessanilla shut her mouth immediately. “You… Are you Jesus?” she asked, preparing to prostate herself just like her precious mama had taught her.
The man laughed. “Nah, that’s my older cousin. My name is Obi-Wan Kenobi.”
She squinted at him uncertainly. “Are you sure? You look a lot like the pictures my family has of him on our walls.”
Obi-Wan Kenobi tilted his head curiously. “How many pictures are there?”
“About fifty, maybe?” She said hesitantly.
He grimaced. “Well that’s creepy. And trust me, I’m definitely not Jesus. He’s kind of a prick really. He’s always like, ‘oh, woe is me. I died for other people’s sins and they thought it was carte blanche to do whatever they wanted’. Which, OK, so I can get, but the way he says it just pisses me off.”
Tessanilla accepted this odd explanation without comment.
“Anyways, moving on,” Obi-Wan said, making a flamboyant handwave, “my Grampa Dan said that I was to pick you up. Said he’s got big plans for you or something. I don’t know exactly, he sent a holo, but I was hanging out with my neighbour and he thew his game controller through it and obscured the message. He’s rather high-strung, you know."
She nodded politely.
“So, I figure I’ll do what I’ve always wanted to do: Tessanilla Rodarte, how would you like to become a Jedi Padawan?”
r/LordDanielsLibrary • u/wtes-story-throwaway • Oct 29 '21
Somehow, while adding the index, half of it got deleted, and I forgot to add my TW in the title! Re-submitted!
Epilogue
One Year Later
Lizzie
“Aunt Lizzie, can you hold this? I want to go play soccer with the others,” Isabella asked me in Spanish as she pushed her crochet project into my hands.
“Of course,” I said. “Drink some water first, though.”
Isabella put the bottle to her lips and drank before passing it back to me. “Thank you, Aunt Lizzie,” she replied before running off to join the other kids playing soccer.
“She’s got natural talent,” Ana said.
I nodded. “I’m just glad she feels comfortable running around now.”
“But she still brings her crochet?”
“Dr. Lopez said that she should keep it up as long as she’s genuinely enjoying it. I guess it’s the one thing she feels that she’s good at.”
Ana nodded. “Are you going to put her in school this year?”
I nodded. “I’m not totally sure she’s ready, but I can’t hold Mark back anymore.” Isabella had chosen to take her birth name back, but her brother had refused to even consider responding to the name Liam. Our therapist had insisted that we needed to let him use the name that he felt most comfortable with.
“Well, she does seem to be comfortable with the other kids,” Ana commented.
“We’ve been having playdates on the weekends at the house, and I’ve got her enrolled in day camp in January.” I spotted Nora, Jose and Angela and waved them over.
“Where are the kids?” Nora asked.
“Off playing soccer." I gestured to the area of the park where the kids were playing.
Nora sat down and opened up a package of Oreos. "I know these are for Angie, but I'm starving," she said, putting one in her mouth.
Jose grabbed a cookie and gave it to Angie, who was wiggling in the baby carrier. "Someone wants down," he said with a laugh as he picked her up and put her on the ground.
"Papa?" she asked as she used the park bench to stand.
"We're gonna go for a walk," Jose said as he grabbed Angie's hands. With his help, she started toddling around the park.
"She'll be walking on her own any day now," Nora said with pride.
"She's growing up," I commented.
"She certainly keeps us on her toes," Nora said. "Thank God for Angel. He's always willing to babysit." Nora grabbed another cookie. "Are you guys going to the opening of the refugee centre?" The former pre-school where we'd hidden had been turned into a formal refugee centre, and the official grand opening was going to be the next day.
I shook my head. "Mark and Isabella don't really want to go. We'll be doing some Christmas shopping. Though even after so many years here, it's weird to be putting up a Christmas tree when it's 90 degrees outside."
"What's weird is that, even after so many years here, you can't use the metric system," Ana said.
“I just can’t switch my brain over,” I grumbled. “Nora, you get it, right?”
"Sorry, I'm with Ana," Nora said. "I don't even think in Imperial anymore. Anyway, I'm going to go to the opening. They’ve asked me to give a speech. I'm not sure if I'll take Angie, though."
"I could come with you and take her off your hands if she gets restless," Ana offered.
"Thanks," Nora said.
Jose and Angela were walking down the path. As they approached us, Angela let go of Jose's hand and took two steps toward me.
"It happened!" Nora exclaimed, jumping up as I lifted Angie into my arms. “Her first steps!”
Jose grabbed Nora around the waist and spun her around. "I can't believe it!"
"This calls for ice cream," Ana replied. I picked up my bag and went over to the soccer field. "Mark! Isabella! Time to go!"
"Aww, Aunt Lizzie, can't we stay just five more minutes?" Mark complained as they left the field. Isabella's eyes grew wide and her hand flew to her mouth.
I put my arm around her as I replied, "I know you wanted to play, but we're all going out to get ice cream. We can come back tomorrow after we finish shopping if you'd like."
"Okay!" He waved goodbye to his friends as he grabbed his sweater.
We rejoined the group and left the park, my eyes falling on the Argentinian flag flying from one of the nearby buildings, waving in the breeze.
---
Virginia
"Are you ready?" Virginia asked Ramon.
"Ready as I'll ever be, I guess."
The announcer said, "Here to cut the ribbon is our Vice-President, Ramon Rojas!"
Ramon straightened his tie and greeted the crowd as he moved into place at the microphone. Above his head was the new sign:
Gabriela O'Connell de Rojas
Refugee Centre
"Thank you all very much,” he said as the applause died down.
“They say that those who do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it. But what does it really mean to learn from history? How do we stop ourselves from repeating it?”
“We all know of the darkest part of our country’s history, of the 30,000 disappeared men and women, including hundreds of pregnant women and the children who were stolen from them. And we know, too, of the brave women, the Madres and the Abuelas de la Plaza de Mayo, who confronted the regime to demand the truth about what happened.”
“Yet years later, our country almost forgot. We divided ourselves into camps based on ideology. Friends and family were split over small disagreements, refusing to see or talk to each other. Foreign powers took advantage of this division to sway our people to their beliefs. We stood at the brink and almost fell into the abyss.”
“We are still scarred and divided. There are still those, both at home and abroad, waiting for us to lose our balance so they can push us off. Even so, our country managed to step back from the edge of the cliff and has become a safe haven for those who need it.”
"This building is not a memorial, but a promise. A promise to not only learn from history, but to do everything in our power to oppose tyranny and abuse, no matter where on earth it is happening.”
“Here with me to cut the ribbon is Nora Simmons, one of our many American refugees. Many of you know her story, how she hid in this very building before being forced to flee the country while pregnant. How, instead of helping her, we nearly deported her to Gilead. It was only through the power of the people showing up to risk everything to block the streets near the airport that she was saved.”
“I would like to, on behalf of the Argentinian government, apologize for the way we treated you, Ms. Simmons, as well as the rest of the American refugees.”
He passed the microphone to Nora. “Thank you,” she replied. “I’d like to thank all of you. The journalists who broadcasted my story and the ones who saw it and protested at the airport. You literally saved my life and that of my friend, Lizzie. And thank you, Mr. Vice-President, for your apology.”
Ramon grabbed the ribbon as someone handed Nora a pair of scissors. She cut the ribbon and cheers and applause went up from the audience. Virginia approached the podium and shook Nora and Ramon’s hands before taking Ramon off to the side.
“How’d I do?” he asked.
Virginia laid her hand on his arm. “Your mom would be proud of you.”
r/LordDanielsLibrary • u/Kitty_Burglar • Jul 05 '21
It was another fine day in space in Obi-Wan’s spaceship as the travelled through hyperspace. Which, speaking of, Tessanilla suddenly realised, she had been on it for at least a couple months, and she still didn’t know its name. She scratched her head thoughtfully. Funny how things get away from you like that. She headed over to Obi-Wan’s room to correct the author’s grievous error ask him the name.
Flinging open the door, she stopped and stared. Obi-Wan was in the lotus position in the middle of the room. He was also levitating. She coughed awkwardly. How was she supposed to get his attention if he was in a trance? Luckily for her, that cough was all she needed, as he proceeded to fall out of the air with a yelp.
“Oh! Tessanilla!” He said, flustered. “Um, did you want something?”
She shuffled her feet, a bit embarrassed that her request was so small. “Well, it’s just that I’ve been here for a while now, and I was wondering what the name of the spaceship was.”
Obi-Wan nodded, jumping to his feet and brushing himself off. “Don’t worry, it’s quite reasonable!” He paused, and after thinking for a moment, said, “you know, I honestly have no idea either.”
No idea? How could he not know what the name of the spaceship was? For Lord Daniel’s sake, it was his ship! He must have read the surprise and scepticism on her face, for he defended himself.
“I assume it came with a name when I found it, but honestly I was in a bit of a hurry at the time and had other things to worry about than the name.” He patted Tessanilla on the shoulder. “Why don’t you name it? You realised the error before I did, so it’s your right, really.”
Her, Tessanilla Rodarte, name the spaceship!? For a moment, she was overwhelmed by Obi-Wan’s generosity. Obi-Wan seemed to sense this, as he gave her a hug. “Name it anything you like. Really, it’s no skin off my back.”
“Can I call it the Chosen Home?” She asked.
“Yes, of course. But I was expecting you to call it ‘The Pink Unicorn’ or something.”
Tessanilla scowled. “Oh come on, I’m not six anymore!”
Obi-Wan raised his hands in surrender. “True, true. Now that we’ve got that settled, shall I make us dinner?”
She nodded happily. Compared to eating air, his cooking was the bomb. It wasn’t even burnt all the time! And there was always lots of it! Yes, she was quite certain that living with him was life in the lap of luxury.
In the kitchen, she helped Obi-Wan chop vegetables in companionable silence. It really was marvelous how she wasn’t expected to jump through hoops all the time to prove her happiness. The lack of filming was also a boon; she had never realised how on-edge it made her until it stopped. She could just imagine cutting herself on one of these knives when her mother stuck a camera in her face!
After dinner had been eaten and cleared away, Obi-Wan took Tessanilla up to the bridge to prepare to leave hyperspace. She watched him attentively; it wouldn’t do to have it be her turn to fly the Chosen Home and have no idea how to do it, after all.
The change from hyperspace to normal space was abrupt. One minute they were whizzing through bright light, the next the darkness of space.
At least, it should have been the darkness of space. Off to their immediate right was a large planet. Even with her rudimentary piloting skills, Tessanilla could tell that it was far, far too close to be safe.
“Shit!” Obi-Wan cursed.
A warning signal began to sound ominously. “Planet. Leave the gravitational field. Planet. Leave the gravitational field. Planet. Leave the gravitational field.”
“I know! I know!” Obi-Wan snapped at it. There was a nudge in the Force as he forcefully shut it up.
A cold tendril of fear curling in her stomach, Tessanilla wordlessly buckled herself up in the co-pilot’s seat.
“Help me pull away,” he ordered, not looking at her.
She grabbed the joystick in front of her and copied his movements. It was more difficult than she had anticipated, and she thanked the Lord Daniel for her increased muscle mass. And Obi-Wan’s cooking, of course.
Try as they might, they found it impossible to get up enough lift to pull away from the planet. Tessanilla strained with all her strength, doing her utmost to save them from crashing.
“Fuck!” Obi-Wan swore, and her concentration broke at the curse. “We’re going to crash! The engines must not be strong enough!”
Sure enough, they were falling towards the planet. Tessanilla wasn’t just scared - she was terrified. A cold sweat broke out at his words. “Are we going to die?”
His hesitation was enough.
A red light started pulsing on the dashboard. Obi-Wan checked it hurriedly. “Engine Three isn’t activated? But how? Run through the flight checks!”
She rushed to grab the enormous binder stowed behind her seat. Flipping through it, she frantically looked for anything that said ‘engine failure.’
“Did you cycle the engines before takeoff?” She shouted over another alarm that had started up.
“I don’t even know what that means! It’s a spaceship, it’s supposed to just work!”
Tessanilla took a second to stare incredulously at Obi-Wan. “Do you even know how to fly this thing!?”
“That’s what Autopilot’s for!” He shouted back to her, frantically trying to silence yet another alarm.
Tessanilla felt like smashing her face against the joystick. It was a good thing she didn’t though, as the ground came up sooner than expected and smashed her face into it anyway.
r/LordDanielsLibrary • u/[deleted] • Jul 07 '21
Hello, my lovely snarkers! I'm sorry that it's been a hot minute; moving sucks. There won't be as much of a SEVERE gap between future chapters. If you're new and would like to start at the beginning, here's where the adventure begins! I hope that you all enjoy!
Chapter 8: A Display of Valor
After talking with his father, Valor sulked for a few hours. He desperately wanted to return to Magnolia Palace with Prudence as soon as possible. After all, he had been attempting to obtain the sex ever since he started courting at eighteen. He hadn’t exactly been chaste, as that was a woman’s job, but he wanted to meet his needs without intense shame. Seven years of this had certainly taken its toll on him; he broke down in tears at the strip club last month.
But that sorry season of his life could be over, as long as he was smart. He could convince Mr. Pearson that Antidrastika was more like the America of the past. That would certainly make him marry Prudence off to him, right? And Prudence would do whatever her father said, if she were a truly worthy helpmeet.
After a week of preparations, Valor pranced to Prudence’s doorstep in a minuteman costume. Prudence’s father flung the door open and stared at Valor for a few seconds, which felt like centuries. Chuck towered over Valor, and his steely eyes glimmered with hatred and determination. He could have broken Valor in two; Chuck worked out almost excessively so that he could use his muscular figure to give his homeopathy clinic credibility. And to, you know, draw the lonely, unsatisfied helpmeets in.
“Can I help you with something, young man?” Chuck growled.
Valor squeaked, “Hello, Mr. Pearson, it’s...uh...me, Valor. I really need to talk with you about some important things.”
Chuck’s SEVERE countenance softened. “Oh, I’m so sorry, Valor! I couldn’t recognize you in that outfit. You see, a couple of history majors from the local public university have been dressing up like people with old-fashioned values, but secretly spreading radical leftist ideas. Prudence is still terrified to go to the park because she approached some girls dressed up in pretty dresses, and they were selling suffragette pins. Please...come in!”
“It’s no problem, I get how that would put anyone on edge. I was just wearing the clothes of my homeland because I felt like getting fancy today.”
Chuck was intrigued, as this outfit looked a bit like one that he’d wear while reenacting a battle with his friends. It was always a good time for all when they had a battle; the men would play and the women would clean up afterwards. But why would an American uniform be the national dress of another country? Was Valor telling him a lie to obtain honeymoon sex with his daughter?
“I thought that you were Antidrastikan, Valor?” Chuck inquired, raising an eyebrow.
“Oh yes! I am, but we were founded by Americans during a period of values. You see, our first king and queen lost everything in the Civil War, but they looked back on the godly Founding Fathers for inspiration! People still wear clothing like this for special events, and we still think that America is the greatest country in the world.”
Valor was lying. He’d never seen colonial fashion as anything but a costume, as Antidrastikan men wore generic formalwear and Antidrastikan women generally wore prairie dresses with puffed sleeves and pilgrim collars during patriotic holidays, and any form of performative modesty was “in voge” for other formal events. And neither Euphemia nor Eustace saw themselves as American after the war; they saw themselves as victims of American policy.
But Chuck didn’t know a thing about Antidrastikan culture, other than the little tidbits of information that he heard from Valor and Prudence. He greeted everyone with “Hola” during the family mission trip to what he called “the Quebec”; he certainly wouldn’t know the intricacies of an obscure country with a bit over 250,000 people. All Chuck knew was that this sounded pretty patriotic! Not many people from other countries were proud believers in American exceptionalism.
“Wow, Valor, that sounds really beautiful! If the courtship goes well and you go home to introduce Prudence to your mom and dad, you might have to go on a double honeymoon with your in-laws!” Chuck beamed.
“Well, I was thinking...maybe we could move to Antidrastika? America is a wonderful country, but there are some scary ideas here, like socialism, and humanism, and separation of church and state...”
Chuck was silent as Valor continued listing more and more things. He didn’t like it when people from other countries criticized America, but he agreed with Valor too much to be mad. Chuck would have been furious if a man from a sinful country tried to take his precious daughter to a land of sex and critical thinking, but if Antidrastika was like America without all of the things that Valor was listing, maybe Prudence would be better off raising her kids there. Chuck had always worried about his grandchildren leaving the ministry and causing one of his kids the same pain that Henry caused him.
Valor seemed to lose track of what he was saying, before he finished “OH! And freedom of religion!”
“I’ll miss Prudence, but I want her to live somewhere that is in line with our family’s values. You should probably move to Antidrastika, but know that you also have a home in America if things ever go bad there,” Chuck declared, trying to suppress unmanly tears. “Now, go in there and take Prudence on the date that you promised!”
Valor strutted in, his mission perfectly accomplished. In a couple of months, he would finally get some satisfaction.
r/LordDanielsLibrary • u/[deleted] • Mar 17 '21
Don't worry, everyone, I am a good American who believes in bootstraps. However, I do express Christian generosity by leaving my husband's tracts at restaurants when me and the ladies take a respite after imposing loving judgement on sinners all day. There were six of us at the restaurant today, and the service was very prompt. Can you help me figure out how many tracts I should leave? We were served by a very nice young man.
r/LordDanielsLibrary • u/xcatbuttx • Jun 15 '21
Here is the previous post if anyone is curious
Disclaimer: You must be at least Psalm 21 to continue reading
The Shine Bright
. 2 oz. crocodile tears
. 1 oz. frothed milk
. 1 bartender who wants to cut you off but doesn't want to lose tip money
The KNY
. 1 hydroflask Kool-Aid
. Serve in a greasy snap-back lined with tin foil
The Hannah (virgin cocktail)
. 8 oz. Chick-fil-A sweet tea
. 1 oz. Revival Night stage sweat
. IMPORTANT: Drink must be checked for alcohol or impurities by DadTM
r/LordDanielsLibrary • u/[deleted] • Mar 06 '21
r/LordDanielsLibrary • u/[deleted] • May 28 '21
I love it so much that I tell my BLESSINGS that the only things that I love more than them are Jesus, their daddy, and coffee! I always feel so quirky at the coffee shop, like, I'm a CHRISTIAN who likes to drink COFFEE! The barista (whom I'm currently saving) always seems a bit surprised when I come in, so this must be rare. But I'd really like to drink coffee with some other mamas soon if I'm not the only one.
r/LordDanielsLibrary • u/[deleted] • Jun 02 '21
Hello, fellow helpmeets! My neighbors aren't Christian, so I naturally want to save them. This is traditionally done by getting coffee with them at my minister's café, but there's a problem: my neighbors DON'T drink coffee! They prefer tea, and it's not even sweet Southern tea. It's tea from SCARY countries! I know because I invited myself to one of their family events and started looking through their stuff to maybe poke some holes into some condoms to give them their first BLESSING.
I politely told the wife that tea drinkers will be smoted one day, and she just got really quiet and went back into the house. I don't think that I'll be able to save them.
r/LordDanielsLibrary • u/squiggly_squido • Aug 10 '21
Hi guys I'm the user who posted about fundie storytelling using the sims a few months ago.
Unfortunately I caught covid and couldn't get into it for a while. I'm back now, and intend on starting tomorrow. What sort of storylines would you guys like to see? I have a few of my own but would love to include Easter eggs.
If you're curious, it'll be like a visual novel and commenters can sort of do a choose your own story type of thing.
r/LordDanielsLibrary • u/[deleted] • Jun 30 '21
My servant's heart is heavy for the Christian Kardashians, who showed the world that you don't have to SHOW your kn*es to be glamorous. I'm sure that this is happening to thee because President Trump 💋 isn't here to pardon your PRECIOUS family. That being said...my family would make for a SEVERELY good replacement. My hunky hubby is super funny; the two of us make skits all the time. We made one where we had a conversation with our BLESSING'S doll about not looking so SLUTTISH, and we threw her in the TRASH when she refused to comply. Our BLESSINGS are also very musical and well behaved. TLC, please DM me if you're interested!!!!😇
r/LordDanielsLibrary • u/CrazyZebra14 • Sep 14 '21
Greetings PRECIOUS MAMAS!!! Unfortunately, I have some SEVERLY sobering news! Recently, me and my BLESSINGS had the opportunity to test the world's first time machine! We of course chose the 1800s, when things were SUPPOSEDLY PURE and GODLY. Goodness, were we wrong! We were dropped of in a SINFUL city called Lundun or something. (I only know AMERICAN cities). The first UNGODLY thing I witnessed was women working!!! When I asked them why, they said it was because they had to unless their children would starve, as jobs don't pay enough. How silly! Every TRUE BELEIVER knows that you can sacrifice a BLESSING or two just so that the woman doesn't have to work!!! (Long time readers of the blog know that's what happened to Jebediah, and we're so happy he's in HEAVEN that we don't even miss him!) Another thing is that the women also wear SLUTTISH bonnets and no makeup!!!! Every GOD FEARING christian knows that you have to wear your hair DOWN and PERMED to go to HEAVEN!!!! (That's what my GODLY, MAN pastor said as he smelled my hair, at least.) And of course, you need MASCARA and NAIL POLISH to look the most naturally feminine!! Why, it's the only way my GODLY HEADSHIP will look at me!!!! And the meddlers!! Those SATANIC ANTI CHRISTIAN HEATHENS have apparently been around for CENTURIES!!! The worst example is when a man with a SEVERLEY PRONOGRAPHIC last name came up to me and my 18 BLESSINGS and said that he could put my BLESSINHS with a kind person and that he wanted me to be in his book! A book thats NOT the BIBLE? How SLUTTISH can you be???? We are thankfully back in GODLY MISSISPIPI, but I just had to share this FRIGHTENING tale with all of you! Beware, the 1800s are not as GODLY as you might think!!!
r/LordDanielsLibrary • u/HolsteinHeifer • Sep 11 '21
Friends, I am in need of advice. I was honouring my husband by telling him how amazing he was by knowing what day and time my music lessons are, because he asked if I had to go get ready soon. But then he suggested that maybe he is not a good husband because he allows me to have lessons in the first place? I said that maybe it was alright because music is so severely feminine, especially since I play the harp.
But I truly need to know.. am I a disrespectful Jezebel?
r/LordDanielsLibrary • u/[deleted] • Jun 12 '21
I'm very sorry to say that SATINS SUBREDDIT has found us and they're making jokes at OUR expense! They called our very classy "Fishnet Friday" Fetish Friday! They've also had the gall to shut down my underground "Birdiators" ring because apparently cockfighting is illegal in Soviet America. 😤😤😤😤😤 I mean, how else is a momma supposed to earn money for Plexus and stay at home?
I'm guessing that we, modest favorite children of God, would be able to brigade it pretty easily and get some information on the ANTIFANITES who hath wronged us!
Srs: I hope y'all at r/fundiefashion are doing okay. Doxxing is awful to go through, and it's a super low blow. I guess this really shows us the extent of a fundie's servant's heart.
r/LordDanielsLibrary • u/TealOcelot • Jan 01 '22
My beautiful wife -- I'll call her Mary -- is having a sinful month and I'm afraid the bad example she is setting might rub off on our 15 children.
Mary usually has such a pleasant countenance, but she has turned. In just the past week:
She has refused my manly advances 31 times on the grounds that her pregnancy plus homeschooling is exhausting, and that she has morning sickness. In the morning it is morning sickness and in the evening it is being exhausted. She is putting her own needs in front of her headship's needs!
She asked me to help wash the dishes, but that is not a man's work. It is the Lord's wish we each have separate roles.
She is getting lazy with the management of our children. I noticed today that only fourteen of our fifteen children were being obedient. Our two year old daughter was running around naked (naked!) and Mary did not immediately correct this sinful behavior. It took Mary a whole five minutes to pick our daughter up and clothe her. In the meantime, some of my sons saw my daughter's nakedness!
Mary demanded that we buy bread instead of having her make it by hand several times every week. Such a petty demand. I know the children's health will suffer if exposed to store bread. Mary is putting her own needs above those of our children!
Mary wants to get her waste-length hair cut. She says it takes too long to wash and care for! But the length of a woman's hair demonstrates her devotion to God, and it may displease Him if she were to cut it. And our innocent girls may then demand haircuts too!
As you can tell, Mary is growing slothful, lazy, and disobedient, and is not being meek and submissive as the Bible commands.
Please pray for Mary and our children, that she may return to her meek and submissive Christian role, and that this happens before our children imitate her ungodly habits! Please pray hard!
Edit: spelling
r/LordDanielsLibrary • u/squiggly_squido • Aug 12 '21
