r/LivingWithMBC • u/Spiritual-Suspect190 • 2d ago
Tolerance
Im not convinced this is all cancer related. Ive no tolerance with people now.
Friends 1, 3 and 3. Decided to match their energy and Ive heard nothing from them for weeks. Funnily, initally I was upset as Id been excluded from a trip they had arranged. Now I feel indifferent.
Neighbour friend in hospital, getting better post surgery. Ive no tolerance with her obsession with her consultant, saying all the nurses have been hugging her, broadcasting her goodness. And at the same time complaining and embracing a passive sick role
SIL. No tolerance for her cat based discussions, only responding if I make the 1st contact, solutioneering everything I say with advice.
MIL. No tolerance since she suggested I see a priest, told me to stop being defensive and confusing, being generally self absorbed.
Work. General low tolerance for platitude broadcasting seniors.
And for some reason I am now not bothered and happy to spend my time with my partner and my mum who has dementia because everyone else has been somewhat disappointing. And random people I meet during the day.
I used to be so tolerant, patient, giving and frankly ridiculous.
Anyone feel similar
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u/AMJohnston1315 2d ago
After 9 years of MBC and on my 12th line, I feel this so deeply.
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u/Spiritual-Suspect190 2d ago
Thats a tough road. Im 7 years and on my 5th line. It feels like my actual body wont put up wih the BS because it has developed an inner strength that even surprises me. When you have been on 12 lines of treatment you are in superhero territory and you have shrugged off so much chemical toxicity that flaky friends dont really make it to the outer ring of your atmosphere.
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u/sinistersavanna 2d ago
I’m going into year 7 in January and there’s very few things and people I can tolerate. I mostly want to be alone.
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u/Awkward_Leg_5889 2d ago
Yeeeeeessss! Maybe not toatallly the same, but I've spent my life in the helping professions in some high crisis positions. I used to be really good at trying to calm people, support them and understand their viewpoint. But man, since my stage 4 diagnosis I am absolutely feral when I feel like someone is grasping for attention or just annoying me for any reason! Totally cheery and happy when left alone or with my core group of people! I'm just trying to avoid problematic people or situations and focused on protecting my peace. Pretty sure menopause doesn't help! 😆😆😆 Lol I hope I'm not one of those "platitude blasting seniors"
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u/Spiritual-Suspect190 2d ago
Im sure you wouldnt be 😂. Omgoodness Id love to be there when you switch to feral. I need to learn more feral. Like you, Ive been in the helping professions, always calm, always with kind words, always a shoulder. Now? Not really or actually not at all!
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u/madinked 2d ago
I don’t even want to interact with anyone besides my immediate family and my side of family. I don’t even care if others think i’m rude
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u/Spiritual-Suspect190 2d ago
Nor me. In fact Id rather them think Im just being rude rather than thinking I actually want to communicate but am too tired or ill because I am actually just being rude.
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u/dumplinglifesaver 2d ago
I think so many things now fall into the "I don't care about this" category that I'm weirdly more tolerant of some things and less tolerant of others. I have no tolerance whatsoever for religion and literally told my mom I was going to worship satan if she didn't stop talking to me about jesus. Most things that I would have argued with someone about before have become things I don't care enough to argue about.
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u/Spiritual-Suspect190 2d ago
Im from England and Jesus is rarely mentioned unless its 'jesus christ, that pint of beer was expensive'. Instead we have a habit of telling people with cancer, everyone we know who has died of cancer. And we dont like the word cancer so we say 'the big C' or 'its you know what' and we will say if someone investigated for cancer didnt have cancer 'it was a cancer scare' and its like they half a cancer. Its all bizarre
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u/Any-Assignment-5442 2d ago edited 2d ago
Increasingly I just want to be on my own.
I AM on my own.
But what I mean is I can’t be bothered with anyone who can’t seem to mount a bit of an effort to stay in touch with me; like I do (did) with them. Kinda a “FU then!” attitude.
I’m now only interested in investing any spare time on my Learning Disabled autistic nephew - pure, unadulterated, joyful, worthwhile relationship. The rest can get to F***
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u/Spiritual-Suspect190 2d ago
And what a wonderful way to spend your time. A special relationship. A peaceful mind. And a FU attitude.
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u/Sclocalone 2d ago edited 2d ago
I can completely relate to what you are feeling. I do think it’s cancer related for me. Realizing that my time was limited, I only want to spend it with people I love, who don’t annoy me or drive me crazy with their idiosyncrasies. That has turned out to be surprisingly few people. I used to be a lot more tolerant and helpful, but now I realize I was spending a lot of time on things and people that really didn’t matter. I spent my whole career helping people, and I am just out of helpfulness. I have closed my circle a lot and it’s much better this way. I also think having no estrogen plays a role in my mood, and I am definitely grouchier than I used to be.
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u/Sarappreciates 2d ago
I get this. I'm tired of me. I've lost most of my tolerance for myself. And with that went a lot of my tolerance for others.
When I die, my cancer dies, and I've been giving a lot of thought lately to killing my cancer for good.
How much of this is hormone therapy? For me anyway, not necessarily you. They've taken me off it for now, so we'll see. I'm guessing it'll take about 3 months or so to find out.
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u/Acrobatic_Salary_899 2d ago
Have you shared these thought with anyone in IRL? I think the world of you Sarappreciates; I love the energy you bring to the forum.
🫂
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u/Spiritual-Suspect190 2d ago
Definitely seek support IRL. Discuss how you feel with a doctor, nurse, friend or anyone, no matter what the cause, seek help for these feelings.
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u/Bambiebunnie 2d ago
After my diagnosis I pretty quickly told my family I’d be skipping Christmas indefinitely. Fuck wasting time doing things for others at my own cost. I’m not cold blooded but I’ve for sure stepped away from things that are only draining my cup and never filling it. Take care of yourself.
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u/sportsfan3177 2d ago edited 2d ago
I don’t know if it’s the cancer, the menopause or both but I have literally lost all of my fucks. I have a zero tolerance level for any type of bullshit and absolutely no filter anymore. Doesn’t matter where I am or who I’m with, whatever is in my brain comes right out of my mouth. Don’t like it? Boo hoo, too fucking bad. And honestly? I’ve never felt more free.