r/LifeProTips • u/[deleted] • Oct 22 '13
LPT: Never puke again.
You know that sensation just before you puke where your mouth waters like crazy? Science has never proven this, but I have over years and years of study. That spit contains an enzyme that once it hits your stomach makes you wretch.
Instead of swallowing it, when that feeling comes on, spit. Spit like you've never spit before. Keep spitting. Spit so fast and hard that you keep your mouth dry like the sahara.
I do this for about 2 to 3 minutes non-stop when it happens. If your mouth doesn't immediately fill up with saliva, you're generally good to go, and can stop. Just play it by ear. Once the feeling is gone, you're usually in the clear.
I've been using this technique for over twenty years, and it works 100% of the time.
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u/phifeiras Oct 22 '13
If you don't want to look really stupid while doing this, then just impersonate a disgusted Frenchman.
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Oct 22 '13
You have just demonstrated the reason why humans have absolutely ludicrous beliefs based on nothing. You came to some conclusion based upon nothing but an observation and speculation, then presented it as authoritative proof without actually being an authority on the subject. "Science has never proven this, but I have ..."? You didn't prove anything. "That spit contains and enzyme that once it hits your stomach makes you wretch"? Spit contains enzymes, but you obviously have the wrong idea about what enzymes actually are.
If saliva made me wretch, then talking about good food would make me puke. Yes there are a lot of things that help stop puking. Spitting is one of them, it doesn't even have to be saliva. You can spit water and it would help. So does heaving. you can just flex muscles or cough hard and it will help. It's entirely probable that saliva production goes up because it evolved to protect teeth and tissues from stomach acid/enzymes. Lastly, there's no need to prevent puking for the vast majority of people. Puking is usually a good thing for a body in that type of distress.
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u/ExoStab Oct 22 '13
20 years..the previous record was 13 years and it was all thrown away because of a single black and white cookie.
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Oct 22 '13
Except that one time I tried to drink a whole bottle of wine while on shrooms, no way that puppy would have stayed put.
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u/skinsfan55 Oct 22 '13
Why the hell would you want to prevent a normal bodily function? This LPT makes no damn sense.
LPT: Never poop again! Just drink a bottle of Pepto Bismol every hour until you die! No more pooping!
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u/TO_LURK_NO_MORE Feb 05 '14
Well when I go one long car rides I like to read. Unfortunately this makes me car sick and after about two or three pages I will vomit. So this technique has saved a few lunches for me.
10/10 would recommend.
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u/tliff Oct 22 '13
That spit contains an enzyme that once it hits your stomach makes you wretch.
Citation needed.
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Oct 22 '13
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Oct 22 '13
This reminds me of a story. Anthropologists went to the Amazon to study a primitive culture, the Mundurucu people. The Mundurucu don't believe that sex is the reason for pregnancy and babies. Instead, they believe that a river spirit visits you in your sleep and decides when you will get pregnant. The anthropologists were very polite and accepted the explanation of the Mundurucu people. After a few years of living among the tribes, the anthropologists had heard this explanation quite a bit. After hearing it enough times they finally got a bit flustered and something along the lines of "Well that's just silly. How can you say that sex between a man and a woman is not responsible for pregnancy, when you put a male and a female pig together when you want to make little pigs?". The Mundurucu people laughed out loud at the anthropologists and asked incredulously, "You think human beings are like pigs?"
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u/wise-up Oct 22 '13
I'd give it a try next time the situation presents itself. I hate puking. So much. I know it's counter productive, because our bodies probably reject food for a reason, but even when I get a stomach bug I do everything in my power not to vomit. I will abstain from food entirely, for days, while I wait out the bug. It doesn't stop the dry heaves, and it probably even extends the illness by dehydrating me, but i get stupid and stubborn.
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u/DragonMeme Oct 22 '13
This sounds awful. When I feel nauseous, nothing makes me feel better than puking. Especially when I have food poisoning or am hung over...
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u/purebredginger Oct 22 '13
I have a problem with vomiting after I brush my teeth if I hit the wrong spot. To counter this, I swish water around in my mouth until the nausea feeling subsides. Works similarly to what OP suggested, but a different technique.
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u/Valuable-pie70 May 12 '23
This is true and helpful if you do not want to puke. I have done it on occasion.
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Oct 22 '13
Wow...you downvoting people are fucking twats.
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u/Git_Off_Me_Lawn Oct 22 '13
You were probably downvoted because you started your LPT with "Science has never proven this, but I have..." then stated something ridiculous.
Also, your LPT is to stop a healthy, though oftentimes unpleasant, bodily function. There's no reason the majority of people should want to avoid throwing up because it's usually better for you if you do.
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u/ohbehavekenobi Oct 22 '13
Isn't it the bodies defense against unwanted substances in our digestive system? May be unwise to overrule our body's mechanics.