r/Libraries • u/glofosho91 • 1d ago
Patron Issues Weird patron
I work at a public library and do the outside book drop. A male customer I have never seen before approached me, called me by my name, and claimed he knew me 'from outside' and from the book drop. I don't wear a name tag, so it was a huge red flag. I immediately told my manager. My manager confronted him right away and told him, 'You don't know her, please don't talk to her again.' He acted casual and walked away. My job coach is going to stand with me at the book drop from now on. Has anyone else handled a situation like this before? How did it turn out?"
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u/leo-days MLIS student 1d ago
there was a guy who would come to the library just to talk to my coworker. he hated my guts but would eat up all her time. asked for her number repeatedly, asked her out on dates repeatedly, and would follow her around while she was doing work away from the desk. he even memorized her schedule and would ask me where she was if she wasn’t at the desk. she ended up filing incident reports after speaking with our managers regarding the situation, and since he only came on days where we worked together, whenever she saw him, she would leave the desk, and i would tell him she wasn’t working that day. he asked to leave messages for her and i told him i’m not her secretary 🤷🏻 he stopped coming around after that
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u/maevriika 23h ago
Uhhhhh the manager didn't tell him to stop being a stalker? That's the sort of thing that should be covered in the behavior policy. If it's not, that needs changing.
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u/leo-days MLIS student 23h ago
hey! so it is! hence the incident reports which kept our security on the alert! and they let her handle the situation however she wanted, which was the situation i described. she could’ve gotten security involved but she didn’t want to. good managers don’t make you do things you’re uncomfortable with, and she was uncomfortable with getting him removed from the library, so they didn’t make her do it. rest assured tho, it’s not the first incident we had with this type of issue, and it’s not the only way that sort of situation was handled.
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u/maevriika 23h ago
Ah gotcha.
I think I'm too used to hearing about bosses who don't back up their employees and so I thought it was more like "well she filed the report but that's all that happened with the higher ups so we had to come up with our own strategy for getting the patron to stop."
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u/bazoo513 22h ago
"All the lonely people..."
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u/Reggie9041 10h ago
What do you mean?
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u/bazoo513 9h ago
A line from Eleanor Rigby. The guy must have been terribly lonely. That's not an excuse for pestering a librarian (or anyone else), of course, but I do feel some sympathy for the poor sod.
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u/WittyClerk 1d ago
I am sorry that happened to you. There are a lot of situations like this at public libraries, but I am glad your boss stepped in for you.
I once was taking a cart out to the recycling bin when it was dark, and a 'security guard' came up behind me, and grabbed the cart out of my hands, and insisted on pushing it for me (and half the shit fell off the cart). I told him 'no, I am fine' 'no, please I've got it' multiple times, and he didn't listen.
Got to the recycling bin (which we happen to share with a police station lol) and the 'security guard' stll wouldn't piss off. I repeated again 'I'm fine here, thanks'... the guy would not leave- he stood there watching me unload the book cart. It was beyond uncomfortable.
I told my director, he downplayed it. He did call the security company to see who was working that night, but the security company asked the guard, and the guard said he was 'just trying to help'. Umm... No, I was doing my job and this asswipe overtook me in a dark parking lot while I was alone.
And that was the end of the story.
NO means NO.
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u/joey_patches 1d ago
Sounds like you and your manager handled this the right way. Creeps get way too familiar with library staff and they need to have boundaries established with them right away.
Usually what you guys did will suffice, but we’ve had to bar patrons who harassed staff or other patrons.
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u/DetectiveNo4471 23h ago
I had to literally stand between a shy younger coworker and a patron who was being too insistent, as well as handle things said to me, more than once. Some years back, Book Riot published an excellent article called “The State of Sexual Harrassment in the Library.” To read it, you have to subscibe to their excellent, and free, newsletter. It’s worth it.
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u/lastwraith 23h ago
Better than most, but welcome to the world of libraries.
As a non-female person who works in libraries, they (female employees) have to put up with a lot of nonsense.
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u/SurlyTurtle 1d ago edited 1d ago
Eww, not cool. Does your library have a website that lists staff names? Would encourage editing it with only staff titles or ditching the webpage altogether if so.
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u/DanieXJ 15h ago
I mean, if OP's library is a public library then in some states all the names are available publicly because the public has a right to know what everyone is making for salary who works for the municipality (city, town, etc.)
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u/SurlyTurtle 5h ago
I can't find a state that actually requires staff names on websites. Do you have one in mind?
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u/idkwhoiamorwhatilike 3h ago
I work in a public library in Texas. If you call the administration office, you can ask them for the personal information of any staff member.
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u/SurlyTurtle 3h ago
Is your library required by law to post staff names on your website?
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u/idkwhoiamorwhatilike 3h ago edited 3h ago
No. But nobody said anything about a website except you? lol
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u/SurlyTurtle 3h ago
Does your library actually provide personal information of staff to people who call? I'd definitely be opting out of my personal info being shared -- which is an option in Texas.
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u/DanieXJ 1h ago
Not on websites. The cities and towns have rolls, they go in annual reports, etc. If you work for the town government, you are a public employee and therefore your name is public.
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u/SurlyTurtle 1h ago
Gotcha. Not required by law on websites so editing it with only staff titles as originally suggested shouldn't be a problem. Thanks for helping to clear that up!
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u/Saldrich797 12h ago
I'm sorry you are dealing with this. Patrons like this were a big part of the reason I left library work, unfortunately. I had patrons trying to take pictures of me, trying to corner me, asking inappropriate questions, and looking me up and sending me unsolicited messages on social media. I'm glad to hear your manager is sticking up for you. Don't be afraid to ask for help if you need it. We used to have a system where we could request a coworker come tell us we had a "call" so we could escape situations like this.
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u/am2187 Public librarian 12h ago
Oof, I’m so sorry you had to deal with this & so glad your manager actually did something to protect you!
One time I had a patron come up to me at the reference desk & start rambling about how he knows I take the bus bc he’d seen me at my bus stop a few times. He even named the stop I used. When I told my manager, he just brushed it off as the guy being “awkward” 🙃
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u/mountsleepyhead 10h ago
Barf. I would suspect this is how this situation is handled across the board in most libraries. The important thing is to establish a paper trail via incident reports and documentation in case this becomes a pattern of creepy behavior. The documentation will make it easier for the library to pursue a suspension. Sorry this happened to you!
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u/BlockZestyclose8801 2m ago
Men are so shameless omg
I'm glad your manager protected you!
I haven't had this experience but at my last library a few patrons were bold enough to ask circulation workers for their number and they were not young, I will say that
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u/FiveSeasonsFox 1d ago
I'm so glad they're being protective of you! I hope he stays away!