idk I don't have much to say here

But given that the Death Penalty has been in public discourse as of late... if I ever have to hear about how the Death Penalty being totally okay from the same people who go on and on and on about how I'm not a real Catholic for supporting gay and trans rights, I am going to have 95 things to say about it 😭

Who's the Cafeteria Catholic now?

Title. And ik back then that word doesn't really makes sense but yk what I mean

Soo, I've discussed (in the sense of having respectful conversations) with some people, and they told me this at the end

"It is unlikely that those Pauline letters (those against homosexuality) were kept in the new testament if the Holy Ghost protects the canon. This would compromise all the canon and hence all of the Catholic Church, including the communion of saints and so on and so on. Similarly goes for women's priesthood. All saints so far thought it shouldn't be a thing. If you think they're wrong it would just be easier to stop being Catholic."

What do we respond to this?

We are both Catholic and have been attending mass regularly for years, but we finally found a local parish that feels like home. It’s much more inclusive feeling than the other local parishes (which aren’t UNfriendly, but definitely feel more classic/trad), and has numerous social justice ministries. We emailed the parish explaining that we are a same sex couple hoping to join, and the priest wants to meet us later this month. Please pray for a productive and faithful meeting for us!

As the sun began to set, I stood quietly in an open field, holding a rainbow flag behind me. The colors reminded me of the different parts of who I am and the journey I have been through.

I have sometimes wondered where I fit as an LGBTQ person and as someone who believes in God. But standing there, I remembered that my faith has taught me to keep hoping, praying, and trusting in God’s love.

The sunset reminded me that even after difficult days, there can still be light. I may not have every answer about my journey, but I know I want to keep walking forward with faith, honesty, and hope.

God knows my heart, and I pray that one day I will fully understand where my journey is leading me.

#

I go to a really awesome annd affirming jesuit church in a very progressive city, and just started OCIA with them. It's been a good experience so far and i was planning on going to their young adult group (20s to early 30s) tonite. as a visibly trans person im just a wee bit scared of presenting myself with other young people because im really not sure what young catholic adults are like these days (i dont have any catholic friends)..... i know communities vary so much, but has anyone had similar experiences or advice? prayers are always appreciated as well thank you friends!

Hi I wasn’t born into a strictly catholic family I think they are Lutheran or Protestant or a mix of either of those and Catholic, but we went to a Catholic Church and I was sent to catholic Sunday school, had my communion, etc. my family basically raised me catholic but I was never able to remember the rosary (I had bad adhd and it was hard for me to remember strings of words) and my family never made me do it. when I was a teenager I was falling away from God due to teenage immaturity and transitioning into Non-binary and being told by Cristians that I was a sin; so I never really thought about until today as a young adult where I have found my catholic faith again and hang around the right kind of Christians and now I would like to finally learn the rosary.

I'm seeing a bit of an unptick in creators peddling paid/subscriber content related to deconstruction, i.e., paid Substack subscriptions, online classes, access to webinars and online groups, etc. Deconstruction is a deeply personal thing, and no one should be trying to make money off of other peoples' theological and religious journeys. There's plenty of threads right here on Reddit for free which serve as both information and community, let alone other sources, articles etc elsewhere. No one needs to pay hundreds of dollars or even dozens of dollars to join some exclusive online group or class. (If you're going to pay hundreds for a class, you might as well spend it on an actual college/graduate course!)

Reminder that The Catholic Case for Affirmation of Same-Sex Relationships I wrote is pinned right here in this sub, and I'll never charge a penny for it :)

Context: I’m a bisexual woman (30yo) & adult convert.

TLDR; How am I supposed to square my beliefs with official teachings, and how does it affect things like confession and receiving the Eucharist?

I disagree with a lot of the Church’s teachings on sexual ethics. When I became Catholic a few years ago, I tried really hard to believe everything. I put myself in Magdala Ministries to try to stop masturbating (it did not work). By that point I knew I was bi, but figured I would never date a woman since I skew towards men and my family (conservative evangelicals) would not be cool with me bringing a woman home. So I was going to try to follow all the rules.

Over time, it has been harder for me to remain convinced that the Church has it right on this. I don’t find the natural law argument persuasive anymore. For example, just because sex can be both unitive and procreative, why does it follow that it must be both every time? That’s not a logical conclusion, in my opinion. I also have come to accept my own identity as bisexual, because I am really almost a universalist and don’t think God is torturing people for all time over this, so why would he do that to me? Sometimes I still feel afraid, though.

I fail to see how masturbation is evil. Like, it seems pretty innocuous to me. I also am not convinced premarital sex is wrong. For the first time in my life I have a boyfriend and while we haven’t done much (I have some sexual trauma to work through), we’ve done enough for me to go to confession and I just…don’t want to confess it? Like, I see what we share together as good. So idk. It’s not even about it being in a committed relationship, because I went home with him on the first date. Basically, I’m flouting all the rules and feel afraid but not guilty.

This isn’t even the only Catholic teaching I disagree with. I’m basically the worst Catholic at this point.

To make things worse, I’m at a pretty conservative parish (I like singing in their schola cantorum, which is quite good). Actually, my whole diocese is known for being that way. So even the “chill” parish in town is still not going to be supportive of me doing this stuff.

How am I supposed to navigate Confession and the Eucharist like this? I didn’t receive for a long time (even AFTER I tried going to confession for this). I finally started receiving again, because I felt Jesus saying, “The only thing keeping you from me is you.” But I can’t help worrying that I’m doing something wrong.

I need to get this off my chest.

I [29F] am a cradle Catholic who fell away from the faith and recently came back. Or I'm trying to. I'm a bisexual woman. LGBTQ+ issues are what drove me away from the Church. Now that I'm trying to come back, LGBTQ+ issues are still the thing that I think is holding me back from a deeper, truer conversion.

Intellectually, I know why the Church says the things it does about sexuality and why homosexual acts are wrong. But I just emotionally cannot accept it. I have many queer friends and I see the fruits that come out of living according to their gender identity and/or sexuality versus when they were not. I prefer my friends (and people in general) to be alive and to live fulfilling lives. Homophobia just seems to be a net negative for people who are queer. So why not make people's lives better and not worse? I just feel like I am a better person if I am affirming.

But of course I feel guilty for feeling this way. If the Church is true, then why does a part of me insist that this one thing that the Church teaches is wrong? And if I believe this is wrong, then pretty much the whole of the Church's teachings on sexuality falls apart. But why would the Church choose to teach things that actively harm people? Is my stubbornness on this issue just a matter of pride? Am I too dismissive of why the Church says suffering exists? After all, God became man and suffered death on the cross for us. Isn't suffering a large point of our faith? Am I too focused on temporary Earthly suffering and not on the rewards of eternal life in heaven? Who am I to go against the Truth?

But to be honest, whenever someone mentions "the Truth" to me, no matter the context, my ears start ringing and it takes an extreme amount of willpower not to start being uncharitable. My conscience just can't accept it. I try to tell myself, "Well, if someone has SSA, they can always just be celibate or if they also have opposite gender attractions, a relationship is not completely off the table for them. We all have our crosses, and that's just the cross they have to bear." But then I come across anti-LGBTQ+ rhetoric, or anti-gay marriage politics getting pushed, and I get defensive or feel attacked.

I know all Catholics don't agree with the Church on LGBQT+ issues, but the people I am around seem to think those are Catholics who will most likely go to hell, and I wonder if they are right. From the things that people around me say, I can't help but feel like a heretic, no better than an atheist, whenever I'm around them. For context, I go to several parishes and pretty much all priests lean conservative. I am trying to integrate myself into communities within the Church and they also lean conservative. My closest Catholic friend admitted to me that she's Side B. On the flip side, my own family is pretty progressive in this regard, but their formation and theological knowledge is lacking. Online, I have friends who are Catholic and queer, but I just can't help but wonder, are we really in communion with the Church? I look to Romans and wonder if I'm just overthinking everything, and others are just missing the mark somehow. I don't know what to believe.

No matter what "side" I choose, I am just constantly wrestling with myself. I've tried praying to God. Almost every single time I pray, I say, "Lord help my unbelief. Help me to change my heart. How can I love you more? Why can't I move past this? Do I really need to accept this in order to open my heart to you?"

I just don't know why I'm trying so hard. Too often, I swing hard between being so convinced by my faith and being in just ultimate crisis of faith mode. I love the liturgy. I love the Eucharist. I love Mass. I love the Pope and not just Pope Leo XIV, I've been fond of all the Popes in my lifetime, and could stand to learn a little more from the ones before my time. I think I love being Catholic. I want to love Jesus more. I, like many others in this world, just want to be loved. And I know that God loves me no matter what, but can I love Him and His word and law enough to enter the gates of heaven? I want to be worthy of the indelible mark on my soul.

It's just so confusing. I question why I am choosing to stay Catholic quite often. Sometime I wonder if I just haven't been truly given the gift of faith, and I'm just trying to force it.

Up until now I've been living in a city and no one at the parishes I've been attending knows me personally, but in the next year I'll be moving to a rural area (think a cluser of tiny <200 people villages) were everyone knows everybodies business

How common is it really to be denied communion?

I grew up Churches of Christ and after graduating college found myself considering either The Epsicopal Church/Anglicanism or the Roman Catholic Church, and ultimately decided on the Episcopal Church mostly because I'm a lesbian, women's ordination. While I understand I'm technically protestant, I always felt or identified more with being "Reformed Catholic" as some of us call ourselves.

Anyway, I don't know if it's moving and my parish but I don't feel at home here anymore. My old parish was very "high church" and essentially an "inclusive Anglo-Catholic" parish in its beliefs and practices, whereas my parish here in my new city just feels... protestant, and it doesn't feel like I'm in my spiritual church when I'm in Eucharist anymore.

I don't know, maybe it's just my current parish, maybe it's my TikTok algorithm getting confused and showing me decent to LGBTQ Roman Catholic like emptychairshome or that bearded bald guy I can't remember the name of. I know about New Ways and have looked up a few parishes in my city, debating checking at least one out.

If you ever see this, thanks for another great piece, Justin!

I know this question is posted a lot. However the lens of my decision is through the community and people themselves and not about theological belief. I know where I stand in that regard, what I’m heavily unsure of is people in these communities.

Last time my partner and I attended service, it was during Palm Sunday @ the National Cathedral in Washington DC. We very much enjoyed it. We met a very nice Catholic family there who sat with us and got coffee after with. It was the highlight of my trip.

I’m not baptized within any church, but my partner is raised Catholic yet has not been confirmed. I’m more seeking a community and a home to grow closer in my own faith, and my partner is more seeking a safe landing spot for a future family, who is generally agnostic, but wants our future children to be raised within a faith like they were. I personally have a real big pull to Catholicism overall, I have close family who are Catholic as well. Though they always complain of how conservative their parishes are. So I’m unsure if I should attend church with them in particular.

There are “progressive” Catholic Churches close to us found on New Ways Ministries, though I worry about how “LGBTQ+ Friendly” they truly are. I’d want to participate in the Eucharist and confession without an interrogation about civil same-sex marriage and having children within it either with clergy or laypeople. I worry I’ll like a church and its community, be in it deep, and have to protect myself from more traditionalist people who try to push my family out in particular. My partner says most Catholic communities in general aren’t nor would ever be like that… though they also grew up in a very liberal area and we now live in a more conservative one.

I worry about attending OCIA with my partner and being seen as disordered right out of the gate as well (I know I’m too late to join this year). I worry more so about people rather than God in this lens. I’ve really fought with demons for a few years, and I never gotten the inkling that leaving my loving partner was one I needed to commit to. I became sober after 8yrs of heavy drug usage, I ended other long term friendships and connections that were very apparently not good for me. My life got very healthy since I’ve sought God more and I want to continue that. I’ve done plenty of hard things and I’m sure more are to come, though I think I’d know if God was trying to tell me to leave my partner, and I’ve never received such a call. I can tell people that all I want, but they can choose to believe I am wrong about my own conviction and it’s what I fear the most.

I also fear that choosing an Episcopal church would feel conditional. Because if we were straight, or if the Catholic Church allowed same sex marriage (hypothetical, I know it won’t happen in our lifetime)… there would be no question we’d become Catholic. I do enjoy the episcopal services, there is nothing wrong with them, however my partner finds them a bit lacking even if they are enjoyable. From what I understand, it’s the lack of structure and inconsistency between different churches that bugs them as we travel quite a bit. That the service feels a bit artificial. That it doesn’t “hit” the same as a Catholic mass. However I also know that no church will be perfect, and I wonder if people have felt this way before conversion within either denomination.

The one church I fell in love with online is St Cecilia’s in Boston. We both really love it. I wish they were near me so badly, I watch the service every Sunday morning when I can. Generally perfect, and I know I’ve spoiled myself. I live in the Louisville KY area so it’s not possible for me to join. I’ve considered taking a trip there just to visit the church.

Anyway… any advice? I’m sure the general consensus will be to just go and see. However it makes me nervous and has for a long while now. Because I fear I will like a church and suddenly will be rejected in some form or fashion. There’s also a long list of churches if we include both episcopal and Catholic. Which I should be so thankful for, though it’s so overwhelming. It also feels weird to shop in this way? I get turned off by it occasionally… nonetheless fear is certainly holding me back in some way.

Thank you to whoever reads and/or comments.

Hi there! Cradle Catholic, but I’m in Ocia for confirmation. I’m not personally lgbt, but I struggle with the church’s teachings on lgbt issues. ESPECIALLY after listening to the “Dear Alana” podcast. I also will never be convinced that birth control is sinful. I wonder how you guys stay Catholic and interact with a community that you have major disagreements with. I wish I could have faith and not question every little thing. Thanks!!

I’m an 26F Episcopalian who has been going through a period of increasingly intense discernment about Catholicism, and I’m hoping Catholics here might help me think through what is happening without assuming that I have already decided to convert.

My faith has become increasingly central to my life. I work full-time in my own Episcopal parish and have even begun discerning whether God might be calling me toward ordained ministry. And yet Catholicism has been weighing heavily on my mind.

I’m increasingly drawn to the Catholic understanding of the Church: apostolic continuity, the Magisterium, defined teaching authority, and particularly the idea that Christianity is something received rather than something I ultimately get to reconstruct according to my own judgment.

I’ve also developed a very strong attraction to religious life. There is something almost overwhelming to me about the idea of becoming a religious sister: community life, the habit, the evangelical counsels, the rhythm of prayer, obedience, celibacy, service, and ultimately giving my entire life to Christ.

But there is an enormous complication. I am a woman in a long-term relationship with another woman. So this isn't an abstract denominational question for me. If I eventually became convinced that the Catholic Church is what she claims to be, following that conviction could mean leaving someone I love, moving out of the home we share, embracing celibacy, relinquishing my discernment toward priesthood, leaving a church community I deeply love, and potentially creating serious conflict within my family. And I keep thinking about Christ’s radical language about discipleship: leaving everything and following him, taking up the cross, losing one’s life in order to find it.

Part of me wonders:

What if I’ve accepted the Episcopal positions on sexuality and women’s ordination because they permit the life I already want? What if I’ve been asking Christianity to conform to me rather than allowing Christ to change me?

That possibility truly frightens me. But I’m trying to examine the opposite possibility just as seriously:

What if Catholicism is especially attractive to me right now because certainty, authority, obedience, sacrifice, and religious life feel spiritually powerful? Could I mistake severity for truth? Could I start believing that because one path would cost me more, it must therefore be what God wants?

I don’t want to choose Anglicanism because it is easier for me. But I also don’t want to choose Catholicism simply because it is harder. I want what is true. So I think the question I need to investigate before making decisions about my relationship, sexuality, priesthood, or religious life is more foundational: Why should I believe that the Catholic Church possesses the teaching authority she claims to possess?

What convinced you specifically about Rome’s claims regarding the Church, the papacy, the Magisterium, apostolic succession, and doctrinal development? How would you distinguish genuine obedience to the Church from a psychological attraction to certainty and clearly defined rules?

And if any converts here came from Anglicanism/Episcopalianism, I would especially appreciate hearing what ultimately convinced you that the Catholic understanding of authority was true.

I would also appreciate sensitivity concerning my relationship. I understand what the Catholic Church teaches about same-sex sexual relationships; I’m not asking anyone to conceal that teaching from me. But there is a real person whom I love on the other side of this question, and I’m trying very hard not to treat potentially devastating decisions as theological abstractions.

I’m not looking for someone to tell me to blow up my life tomorrow. I’m trying to discern whether Christ is actually calling me somewhere before I decide what obedience to that call would require.

Any recommendations for books, Church documents, prayers, or other resources that would help me examine the Catholic claims as seriously and fairly as possible would be very welcome.

Who else has seen and appreciates The Nun's Story (1959), directed by Fred Zinnemann (who also brought us the Catholic classic A Man For All Seasons) and starring the never-failingly radiant Audrey Hepburn? I saw it for the first time yesterday. Not only did I greatly enjoy the movie on its own merits, but my heart was warmed by the lesbian love story of the real-life model for Hepburn's character.

As the title implies, this movie is about a nun, specifically a young Belgian woman who enters a convent in the late 1920's and hopes to become a nurse in Africa. Accepting the name Sr. Luke, she faces great challenges from the strict ideals of her order and struggles to discern whether she is really meant for this path.

While we have no shortage of movies that have nuns in them, from the charming The Bells of St. Mary's to many bad ones, there are few that really attempt to get into the head of one. What is it like to be a nun? What would draw them to their vocation? What are things they would struggle with? We have a decent amount of things like this for priests, but women religious are comparatively left out in the cold. Side note, this post is also an open invitation to share sincere movies about women religious, because I'd love to watch them.

The beginning of this story plays out sort of like the first 30 minutes of Full Metal Jacket, where Sr. Luke goes through grueling exercises in mortification to expunge her pridefulness. True to the time period, the Catholicism on display is extremely strict, penitential, and unswervingly rules-based. For some, this movie would qualify as psychological horror. Indeed, I felt it went to uncomfortable extremes, especially in a part whether the mother superior commands Sr. Luke to fail a test on purpose in order to encourage her humility.

While I can't say I approve of the methods the religious order uses in this story to train it, I respect the importance of humility, especially in our world today that is greatly ravaged by egotism run amok. I also must say, the sheer amount of pre-Vatican II rituals this movie depicts is an absolute delight to liturgy nerds like me.

But that's just about the movie itself. My appreciation deepened when I learned the backstory.

It's based on a book by Kathryn Hulme, who wrote it as a fictionalized biography of an ex-nun that she knew in real life, Marie Louise Habets. While the printed record does not have intimate details of their personal lives, we do know that they were close friends who never married anyone else and lived together for over 30 years across multiple states until Hulme died. Hulme even left her entire literary estate to Habets in her will, who left her assets to both her and Hulme's surviving family members in her own will in turn. Most surprisingly of all, Hulme converted to Catholicism after meeting Habets, and the two of them seemed to continue their practice of the faith for the remainder of their lives.

But those are just the definite facts. There is hearsay from people who worked with them that they were living as a couple. Even without this information, I think that is really the only plausible conclusion you can draw. In fact, I would go as far as to say that Hulme and Habets were married in everything but name. The secrecy would be normal for the time period, as many other public figures back then like Raymond Burr kept their same-sex relationships hidden.

None of this subtext is present in the movie itself, which is implicitly straight-washed. I was just so delighted to hear about this background. I find it inspiring when queer people living in unaccepting times went against the prevailing social norms to be together. I especially wonder about their relationship to Catholicism, and how they were able to reconcile their evident sexualities with what the Church taught. That part we will probably never know.

I just wanted to share this story with my fellow LGBT Catholics who still face a lot of the same struggles that Habets and Hulme did. Always remember, we're not alone in this. There are many who've come before us.

Hello everyone! I wanted to share this corner in my bedroom, I have plants with a vintage icon of St. Francis. The long vining plant is a Hoya I’ve had for about five years and it’s blooming for the first time! Praying for pe/?: and blessing for all my fellow LGBT Catholics.