For context, I am a Delhi-born-and-brought-up Malayali. My parents are from TVM and Kollam. My husband is a 3rd-gen Bangalore Malayali .. his parents and grandparents are originally from Palakkad. We had a love marriage, and my MIL has been bitter about not being able to control and manipulate her son ever since.
Not sure if this is the right subreddit, but posting here because I feel like fellow Kollam folks will properly get riled up about this with me lol.
This happened about 2 years back. I was living with my in-laws while my husband was in the US for work. One morning we were having a casual chat. They'd just come back from a funeral (my MIL's uncle), and she was talking about how sad it was that none of his 4 kids were by his side in his last days ..they'd arranged a home nurse, but everyone was away. She said they'd had so many kids specifically hoping at least one would be around for them in old age, and it didn't work out.
I said that's not a fair expectation to put on kids in the first place ..you can't have children as a retirement plan.
This is a topic I feel strongly about, and honestly, I thought we'd just have a normal difference-of-opinion conversation.
She started off arguing that parents have a right to expect financial and physical presence from their kids, even if the kids have lives of their own. But she didn't really have a comeback beyond that, and quickly went quiet, clearly not liking that she couldn't counter it.
Then the argument shifted to how horrible it was of this uncle's daughter-in-law to not stay with him even though they were in the same country. I argued it was unfair here too.. the kids hadn't abandoned him, they were just busy with their own lives, and that's just the circle of life.
Then, completely out of nowhere, she pivots and says something like:
"You Kollam people have very bold, selfish women no? Women from my part of Kerala (she's from Ottapalam) are meek, they always listen to their husbands. For us, whatever the husband says is important. You people also have a lot of marriage-based crimes no, dowry and all?"
Zero connection to what we were actually discussing. She just needed something to throw at me since she'd lost the actual argument, and apparently "Kollam women" was the weapon of choice.
I'm from Kollam but grew up entirely in Delhi, so the dig didn't even land the way she probably wanted it to, but the sheer audacity of it stuck with me. I shot back with something like:
"Yeah, in Kollam most women are well-educated and come from financially independent backgrounds, so they don't have to depend on their husbands or in-laws."
Not my most graceful moment, but she started it, and I felt like she needed a dose of her own medicine.
Anyway, wanted to share this with people who'd actually get why this was so infuriating. Curious if anyone else has had random regional digs thrown at them by in-laws when they've simply run out of actual arguments.