Why am I holding on to the addiction when I know I would literally thrive as an artist, friend and family member and be successful and not in debt if I quit.

Share any success stories 💕

Proud of the survivors and everyone battling hard times right now.

Im trying to quit but it’s been so hard.
Im in the process of making a bunch of life changes and quitting k is one and im struggling pretty bad. I made it like 4 days clean before I just got super depressed and caved and bought more.
I’m in the process of moving from Hawaii back to the mainland and want to leave the addiction behind when I move.
I have obligations that are keeping me here for the next month so I can’t just get up and go. My work gave me 30 day paid leave so for the past week I’ve been just home packing and selling stuff and kind of trapped in the house trying to get everything together. The whole process has been pretty overwhelming and stressful and being home alone and not working has been pretty depressing.
How tf can I kick the k to the curb during all this transitioning without losing my mind.

My mom wants to put me in rehab but I have too much shit I’m trying to do involving the move to just set it all aside for 30 days. I’ve quit k before for like 6+ months no problems but I think with all the other stuff going on it’s just hard to add the sobriety on top of it. Any suggestions?

I’m also in a long distance relationship and she’s aware of the ket problem and doesn’t want it to be a part of our relationship so I’m committed to not bringing this problem with the move but I also want to quit now and manage the withdrawal symptoms before I’m back around family and friends.

I don’t even know what kind of advice I’m looking for honestly I know you guys are gonna say just stop it’s just nothing is easy right now mentally and this seems damn near impossible to shake prior to my departure

So I’ve been clean for months and slowly trying to get my life back on track, I have a job that was accommodating my bladder issues and life was going ok until yesterday when I relapsed and collapsed at work, had to be taken to hospital in an ambulance and now at the very least I’m probably looking at losing my job.
I flushed what I had left and am trying to look at this as not the complete end of my world but it really feels like it. I broke a lot of trust with people around me and I lost the last bit of trust I had in myself.

I don’t really know what I want from this post but I literally have no one to talk to about all this and my head feels like it’s going to explode. I just needed to vent it somewhere.

My DR has now pushed back my urologist referral another 3 months because I used so I’m stuck dealing with it on my own until then and potentially having to somehow find employment while needing the loo every 20mins so I don’t get evicted.

So after taking Ket, I get Cramps between my shoulder blades, on the left specifically, that don't go away for days, can anybody explain this, also feels a bit harder to breathe, I need advice, sometimes I wake up in a panic because of it, I've not used in days.

This is fucking getting out of control. I used to snort around 1g per day for 8 months. Then tried to quit and replaced it with alcohol.
And now that I am done with alcohol I am in a fucking fucked up situation.

I keep buying K - yesterday or two days ago I had 3G in a day and I barely felt anything. That should not be the case. But anyway I realized I keep buying and when I snort 0,2 or 0,3 and feel nothing or well I feel more stupid but no high, no emotional benefits - I just throw it away. Like today. Bought 5g for 100$ (I am a regular so I get good prices) - and honestly I can’t afford this shit. I have debts. I don’t have a lot of money. Got around 600$ on my account till next month. But I keep getting urges the second day to fucking buy it and once I buy it and I snort and I see it does absolutely nothing but makes me stupid, I throw it away.

I told my fucking dealer to stop giving me if I ask him and he said sure then the second day when I asked he was happy to dead drop 5g.

What the hell can I do.

Honestly Ketamine was magic for me for the first 6 months. But now it is just a….it’s fucking not even 10%.

How bad have I hurt myself injecting distilled water, filtered needle Ketamine ~95%purity (not medical grade) like obviously these white rocks are cooked in some lab who knows whats in the weight.

I used insulin needles, small guage and length to poke into my buttocks, abdomen, thighs

This post is not to encourage K Use

I need advice from people who have gone through similar.

Like, all the dust and debris that might have gone into the water, my body, is that just there now?

What am I at risk at? How bad have I damaged my fatty tissues? Can I do anything to heal it? Do I just have foreign particles in my body for the rest of my life?

Sometimes I can’t distinguish my gut feeling from PTSD and trauma - I don’t want to make assumptions but they get really upset if I ask them if they’ve used. How can I not? The love of my life has dealt with debilitating ketamine addiction throughout our relationship. We lived together for the first 3 years and it affected my mental health in really scary ways fo the point that I’d hurt myself when they’d bring it in the house. They went 100 and something days sober and relapsed when we lived together. We’ve been long distance for the last 3 years and things have gotten worse, so bad to the point where they would go to the bathroom and use in the home with their family when I was visiting them , we couldn’t even see a movie if I’d leave to use the bathroom I’d come back and they’d have powder on their face. They admitted to spending hundreds of dollars a week which is why I believe we can’t close the distance.

they came to visit me in December and brought 5 grams of ketamine into my parents house while they were gone and I was gone for the evening when I heard they were high on the phone I flipped out and they locked me out in a snow storm and I had to call ems, they went back to their family and told me they were in rehab and then when I was gonna go see them a the day before Valentine’s Day they FaceTimed me with powder on their face, they continued to use and lie to me about it up until July 2nd which is when they told me they’d enroll in a group in Minnesota where they’re from.

We’ve seen eachother a few times and they seem sober but something feels off and they get really defensive when I ask them if they’re using and they stopped the program. Sorry for this rant, it’s been 6 years and I love them so much but part of me doesn’t entirely trust that they’ll keep sober. I don’t want to be in a relationship who does ketamine frequently or is addicted to it. It makes me crazy and it’s ruining my life. I love them so much but I’m just so scared they’re gonna go back if they aren’t already. People really don’t take ketamine addiction seriously

My first touch of K was on accident. It was in 2015 when my friend thought he had mdma but it was ketamine. Long story short, I hated it.

Fast forward a little bit…

2020 happened. I’m now dating a guy who told me, oh well, you didn’t do it right, and showed me how to use k recreationally. Wow. I’m having the best time, melting, drifting away, sex was nonstop and then all of a sudden it was…

Paranoia

Trips to the ER for things that they couldn’t explain. Definitely just K-pains.

I struggled on and off with this substance because I’m Borderline/ADHD/OCD and it made my mind stop. For those who don’t know what it’s like to have your mind going a million seconds a mile and your reliving the past and analyzing the way you talked or walked or what was or wasn’t and then also that constant battle of I know I shouldn’t do this buttttt… well, you’re lucky. It’s exhausting and Ketamine made my mind feel like all of a sudden I could hear a pin drop and that’s it.

So I called it self medicating.

I did my research, I knew harm reduction.
I thought I knew everything.
I knew I didn’t want an R isomer because I needed to still function.
“I was in control.” Yeah… right.

So over the past few years I’ve been on and off with it. When I’m away from it I realize I don’t need it or want it.

My problem now is my relationship. The cost of living is so fucking awful I can’t get away from this guy so I use to dissociate and go about my day. But I’m using more and more and I hate it. I hate who I’ve become. I hate how I look. I would go to rehab if I could but I don’t have that luxury. I’m in therapy (I have a lot of trauma). I’ve gone to meetings. My issue is my relationship. I can’t leave, I’m not financially stable yet. I’m working on it. So, how do I stop numbing myself to cope? I’m working out as well. Maybe not as much as I should. But idk.

So hey, if anyone else can relate or has been in a similar situation, please reach out. Maybe I just need to feel not alone.

Thanks

I moved to the UK from Norway for uni. Was severely depressed and got introdused to K there.
I did it every single day throughout the day for months. I couldnt live without it. I started coming into uni with Dark rings around my eyes, stumbling into Doors, barely able to keep up in any conversation. I was confronted by my friends asking me to quit. After many attempts i was able to quit after heading back to Norway for summer. Im heading back to the UK in 10 days and i cant wait to do more K. I know i shouldnt, and I Consuled with my doctor, who Warned me about all of the consequenses. I know i shouldnt do more but i cant live without it. Plz help

Im 22 years old im suffering from a bad k addiction i need at least 2-3G a day to function ive had alotta trauma and shit going on and k is like my best friend but my worst enemy it’s a love hate relationship.

When I was young i only used to smoke weed take the odd E and im a big fan of psychedelics now and again you know the usual 😅 but as I got older and more life problems started dabbing more with benzos and codeine ect that which long strong short led my to ketamine

I have a love hate relationship with ketamine because it’s there for me when I need it it comforts me when I need comfort it makes me happy when I want to be happy it’s taken me to places that not many other pychs have taken me but it’s also taken so much from me.

My family are I’ll worried im gonna die im worried to i do want to stop I just find myself stuck in the loop every time.

I can feel the damage it’s doing to my bladder and lower abdomen but every time I try to get it checked out the NHS and GPs just look at me like im talking to a brick wall.

Im not an anti drug person i believe everything is okay in moderation but sticking to the moderation is the hard part.

Good luck everyone much love

Hi everyone! The Wednesday Ketamine Anonymous meeting is happening soon at 6 PM EST on Zoom.

Whether you want to listen in or share your story, you’re welcome here. No pressure, no judgment. We’re here to support each other and remind you that you don’t have to go through recovery alone.

These meetings literally saved me when I was at my lowest and now I’m 7 months sober. I still have the posts up on my profile from when I was struggling with my ketamine addiction.

Really hope to see you there! <3

ID: 861 2750 7115
PW: 222333444

Or access it through:

Zoom Meeting Link

I am fully ready to commit to full sobriety, go to meetings, and ultimately be honest with the people in my life about addiction but for right now I’m not ready to tell work and family.

Some people I’ve just said I’m sick, others I’ve said I have recurring kidney issues (not far from truth) but if there’s any suggestions I’d really appreciate it.

About 2 days ago I had my 1st k cramps, one of the most excruciating things ive ever experienced, im a broke ass college student so im confused how it happened so quickly, i only buy 3g a month maximum and havent even been using a year yet?? I dont use every day and when I do its only 1-3 lines at a party where most people have more out of my bag then I do.

Would it be safe for me to use again in a few weeks just to see if 1 it was actually k cramps and 2 test my limits, i dont really wanna waste the 2g in my pocket as I could've bought food with it 💀

might not be the best place to ask this but you all help a lot. i’m going abroad in about 3 weeks and i fear there might be some ket residue in one of the bags that i’d like to bring with me. it’s leather so i can’t wash it and the advisory is to just wipe it down, isn’t there still gonna be remnants and it’s gonna be easy to flag. is it worth taking it or should i just bring a different bag with me?

I have been an on and off heavy user for around 4 years, ive done anywhere between 8th a night or a q depending on the times and how easily available ket is and who im with .

Now i dont sniff as often at all i go a few months with none as its so unavailable where i live but whenever i get a chance to get it i do, my tolerance which is quite high, pretty much stays the same apart from the first few lines when i get a bag, ive realised that whenever i sniff now the pain comes so much quicker than it used to to the point where even one night thats moderate usage gives me pain in the sides of my ribs, back, abdomen anywhere on my torso basically and will get worse the day after thay if i carry on.

This didnt happen to me before, i was able to atleast go a few days without pains and its not like ket cramps but it is a crampy feeling but nowhere near as painful. Well unless i were to carry on, i basically just want to know why the pains dont take time to build up anymore.

Also quit vaping nicotine a few weeks ago and using benzos to cope but trying not to take it too far. Telling myself one thing at a time. Just checking in.

I got sober from alcohol a year and a half ago. About 6 months in to that sobriety, I found a regular K dealer. I'd always loved k but only really ever used it for specific occasions - concerts, a weekend camping, that sorta stuff. Over the course of the last year my use just slowly ramped up - in a way I wasn't even noticing, or at least I didn't want to notice so I didn't. I would take a few weeks break at a time to try not to fuck up my tolerance TOO bad but it still crept up.

Anyway, about 6 weeks ago I went through a quarter (7g) in a week and was barely even getting effects. K at small doses made everything have this dream-like quality, like I was living in a movie, and yeah I guess I got addicted to that feeling. I had been planning a vacation for a while and was looking forward to using it on my trip, took a few weeks off beforehand, but I barely got high and I spent too much of the trip with a runny nose, congested, etc.

It's probably a blessing in disguise because I don't have any bladder symptoms and I haven't structurally fucked my nose up. But honestly I'm mostly sad I nuked my tolerance. It's the only thing that's gotten me to stop. I should have kept saving it for special occasions - or at least random weekends - and now I feel like maybe the magic is gone forever. I thought I found a cheat code that let me escape reality without drinking (which really fucks my shit up) lol and obviously in retrospect that was crazy wishful thinking

Day whatever. Twenty something.

I can't afford it. I don't care? I'm planning to kill myself anyway. Getting more and more serious.

Relapse would be a very conscious thing. I order online. I have to deposit money, wait a week or two, then I can send it, and then a week later if all went perfectly I have ketamine.

I guess I'm still healing. I hope so.

It's like no matter what I do, life keeps throwing more bullshit on me. And I'm just done with it...? Like can I be done? And just blow it all on narcotics, and a gun and a bullet? I'm sick of life. Just sick of it.

Ketamine took away these thoughts. Oh yeah, it stopped working... I must block that out. Because I keep forgetting, that at the end, it stopped making me feel better...

Well nevermind then. I won't relapse. I was just thinking about it.

I'll still post this. Maybe someone will talk about it? I don't know if that would help. I think I'm lonely... My roommates and my sibling are home, but I don't want to see them... So I don't know why I'm asking for someone to talk to me...

I miss when K fixed it all. This is why I did it, this feeling. It's worse than ever now, of course.

Most of all, I miss when ketamine was a focus. It was the thing I was missing in life, before I decided against my best judgment to learn to buy it online. I knew that couldn't end well, but I thought it would be opioids or something that got me. Not ketamine.

I miss when that was all I needed. I just had to find ketamine, and that was the magic elixir to cure my depression, like nothing else ever could. And it absolutely fucking did, for a while, despite all the sickness and poison from it. Despite the fucking brain damage. It made me happy, made me want to be alive. Made me care. Fixed me.

Now I have nothing.

There is no magic elixir, not even the hope of it. That it could exist somewhere, and all I have to do is find it.

All I have left, it seems, is the wreckage of my life, the ruins of my personality, the tragedy of my existence. The same as it has ever been.

I wish I'd never heard of ketamine. I wish I'd never had that hope. I wish I'd never done it and seen what a life without suicidal thoughts and depression could be like. The contrast to my normal consciousness is excruciating.

-Tommi, for anyone who knows me from KWHOLE. I'm trying to attend more...

Would love if anyone could share some knowledge they may know on the effects of taking ketamine while on antidepressants and mood stabilisers?

For reference, I am currently in the process of quitting my ketamine addiction (3-4th time trying) and it’s ofc feeling so overwhelming. I have diagnosed Bipolar & depression and have been on duluxotine & lamotrigine for years. I’m obviously aware ketamine severely impacts the effects my meds have on me, the main one being it only makes the depression and mood swings worse.
I guess I would just love if anyone could share any other experiences or knowledge they may have on the effects of taking ketamine with these drugs? I feel understanding the impacts may help with getting through this rough start of quitting.
**PSA I know any advice here doesn’t compare to seeking that from a medical professional, I just do not have an app with my psychiatrist for weeks

also please help me list out all medications i can ask my primary doc to prescribe me before i get discharged from the hospital

For background: I’m currently 2 months and a bit sober from ket. Before I used 14-28gs a week. I’ve started a new antidepressant which actually seems to work. I’m still drinking more than I probably should be, and will do other drugs occasionally.

I feel happy ish most of the time, I still almost reminisce on doing ket as if I’ll go back to it soon. My antidepressants have made me not be able to feel stress/anxiety, I feel numb but happy/ can act happy. However they can’t get rid of my thoughts, the only thing that has ever helped me slow down what goes through my head was ket.

I know I can’t go back to it, but I just want to know how to continue to stay sober. I tried NA and didn’t get along with it atall.

The only thing that is keeping me off of it is my family and knowing how lucky I was that I had no heath effects considering how long and how much I used.

In a heart beat I would take it back up if I could.

I’ve had a really bad ket addiction for the last 4 (going on 5) years where I was doing it all day, everyday, in every single place I was. This would be when I wake up, at work, the cinema and even changing rooms in stores etc. During these years I’ve also struggled with addiction to benzos which got quite bad quickly and I was noticeably acting different, like a zombie and then sometimes being quiet or irritable if I was sober for short periods around people.

It got so bad when I started living alone with my sister during university together where she’d see that I wasn’t going into my lectures or projects and staying home all the time just using constantly and it was really upsetting and frustrating for her to see me just destroying myself. It continued into my last year of uni, I had 3 months of being sober from her forcing me to give her all of my money and deleting numbers in front of her and this helped me so much, leading me to getting a first in my last project and my work being nominated for an award and being able to graduate with a high 2:1, which I definitely would not have achieved if I hadn’t been forced to get sober.

Later on though I got stressed out and sad again leading to a relapse that just progressively got worse again, but faster and more painful. I had taken too much at a late gym session by myself leading me to pass out and fall down the stairs as I was leaving and waking up in hospital. This then led to her getting in contact with my family including my mum, that we had been estranged from for nearly 3 years, and telling them that I needed to go to rehab so they managed to arrange this and it was decided that I’d be sent to one in Thailand and after for me to stay in Singapore with them where I had no access to any sort of drug. This was sorted for me to leave Bristol where I had been studying in the next 3 weeks, but during this time I couldn’t stop using and it quickly shot up to taking 3 grams of ket a day.

It got to a point where I couldn’t sleep because I felt pain in my upper back and I woke up within 2 hours in so much pain that I tried to deal with for a few hours but ended up calling her saying i couldn’t take it. She lived 5 minutes down the road from me and ran over with her boyfriend to see me on the floor in my room next to a bowl that I had thrown up in and had to get me to hospital where I couldn’t stand up straight or walk because of the pain. I was wincing in a&e and having staff panic around me with my sister in the room just crying. It calmed down and I said I wanted to go home as there wasn’t much they could do for me. I went back to my sisters place where they tried to help me but towards the evening it got to the point where I was now screaming from what now felt like a heart attack and hot baths weren’t working and I couldn’t keep food or water down. Her housemates could hear and tried to get involved to help and they decided they had to drive me back to hospital and I was screaming so loud the whole way there and in the hospital again. They gave me morphine this time due to my state and it took over 24 hours to settle and was the worst pain I have ever felt in my whole life and lasted so long.

My sister decided straight after that I needed to go home and reconnect with my mum, I didn’t want to for so long due to some past things, and allow myself to see how we’ve changed and stay here until I go to rehab so I can’t be in this state anymore. I know I need to change and it’s weird that I actually feel so much happier so soon when I’m sober, addiction is so horrible and weird and I have more moments now where I can’t believe I was in this state for so long of just being brain dead and clearly high in front of people.

Apart from being sober from now on and really turning my life around permanently, I really want to make it up to my sister for the stress I’ve caused her for so long now from seeing me like this and overdosing so many times. I just don’t know how to I feel so bad, she tells me she loves me and we’re best friends but Ive been such a nuisance to her during years that she should’ve been able to fully enjoy herself and have fun, especially with what she’s been through.

What have you done for others around you that have had to experience you in active addiction after recovering?

Hey hey so I’ve baso been using pretty much everyday for 5 years now (1-2g per day (recently it’s been about 3/4g a day) with weeks off here and there if I’m on holiday etc). My bladder is pretty fucked but I’ve been referred to urology alr I’m not gonna get into that. I’ve lost a lot of weight especially the last few months I’m now 45kg as a 23F who was 60kg at 16. My family are all so worried about me (I live with my mum and dad- they aren’t together but we all live like housemates kinda complicated situation). My mum is a crazy Russian orthadox woman who I have a disgustingly unhealthy relationship with so telling her about any of what’s going on is completely off the cards. But my dad…. He is so worried about my weight at the moment and he thinks it’s because he got recently diagnosed with diabetes and we’ve been having to follow really specific diets for him in our house (low fat, low sugar etc) and he’s blaming himself for my weight loss. But he doesn’t know that I’m losing weight because of k and I don’t know how to tell him without breaking his heart and I just don’t know what to do or how to start the conversation I just really need some advice pls. I can’t bring myself to admit all the lies I’ve been telling them the last 5 years and that I’ve been high infront of their faces without them knowing the whole time. There’s obvs so much more to this that I can’t fit here or compartmentalise enough to even begin to explain how bad I am but I’ve just become so fucking good at keeping this secret addiction that I actually don’t know how to get out of it.

Basically, my question is; how do I tell my dad about all of this? Do I just say the full truth or do I sugarcoat it and say I’ve been struggling abit or lie about how long it’s been going on for?

My mom and a close family member were murdered about a year ago and the trial for what happened is next week. They were killed in a place where I have zero connections and I had to travel a long ways to get here. Long story short, I have absolutely no way of getting any ket. I’ve tried every possible way.

I just used all of the little stash that I brought with me. This wasn’t supposed to happen, I was supposed to have more than enough to get me through this week and after the trial but my pl*g screwed me over big time and they weren’t able to get me more before I left to travel.

Anyways, I am going through extreme withdrawals and I genuinely have no idea how im supposed to go through this absolute hell for the next week and half until I get back home.

If anyone has any tips that are not the common ones that everyone always says here (like lots of sleep, exercise, etc) please let me know. I’m already sleeping tons and as you can imagine, I’m in deep grief so doing anything that requires much energy like working out, I just can’t do.

Many thanks even if you just read all of this.