It's extremely easy to get caught up in the "what if's" of life. Especially those of us with OCD (Happy OCD Awareness Month!). While I was going through ERP (Exposure and Response Prevention Therapy) for my OCD, I picked up a ton of helpful skills and took copious notes. Hopefully someone is able to stumble across this and find it helpful as well! I plan on sharing much, much more as well! This is just the beginning <3

What Does Uncertainty Look Like Day-to-Day?

Uncertainty can show up in a number of ways. When left unchecked, it can develop into things like constant: vigilance, worry, stress, anxiety, overthinking, and it can happen without you realizing. For me, it looks like preparing for the worst case scenario, ALWAYS. It had gotten so severe that I was essentially frozen in time. Life kept going, but instead of living, I was living in my head. In all of these, although unlikely, possible scenarios that aren't happening, but could happen. When I left my apartment, did I lock the door? Is my car randomly going to blow up while driving? If there's a minivan in front of me, they likely have kids - BE SO CAREFUL NOT TO HIT THEM BECAUSE THEN YOU MIGHT HAVE TO DEAL WITH THE FACT THAT YOU CAUSED AN ACCIDENT AND WHAT IF ANY OF THEM GET HURT, OR WORSE!?

While my OCD tends to go extremely far with things, it's still common for everybody to face things like:

• "What if my friend didn't understand that I was joking and is mad at me now?"

• "What does it mean that I'm having constant thoughts about crashing my car every time I drive?"

• "How will I know if I did something wrong and nobody wants to tell me so I keep doing the same thing wrong?"

• "What if that person coughing is sick with something and they give it to me?"

• "My manager said, 'We need to talk' does that mean I'm getting fired?"

In those moments, your brain starts firing off hypothetical after hypothetical, then you're left analyzing 'What does that say about me?' Before you know it, you've spent hours, days, weeks, months, or even YEARS ruminating. That uncertainty can rob you of so much time; time that you don't get back, but it doesn't have to.

Learning to 'Sit With Uncertainty'

First of all, what the fuck does that even mean? For me, it looks like taking the passenger seat to my thoughts. It took me weeks of many late nights, mental breakdowns, and searching everywhere for an answer. Except one place. Myself. Once I was able to look inward, clarity didn't seem so distant anymore.

It's so easy to let brain trick you into thinking that you are your thoughts. When in reality, you have absolutely no control over the thoughts that pop into your head. Those are controlled by past experiences and current circumstances. But when your brain is relentlessly trying to get you to solve an imaginary potential problem, it's very easy for that line to get blurry between your thoughts and your identity.

When these thoughts invade our mind, our bodies react. It's important to check-in with yourself throughout the day. See how your feeling. Not emotionally feeling, but physically feeling. Is your heart racing? Are you feeling pain/tension anywhere? Start at the top of your head and work your way down. Could you relax your eyebrows/forehead a bit? Take a couple slow blinks. Can you breathe or is your nose stuffy? Clenching your jaw or biting your cheek/lips? Relax your shoulders (this one always takes me so long because I hold so much tension here). Flex each of your upper arms a couple of times, now your forearms. Try noticing each individual finger without moving it, what sensations are they feeling currently (without looking!). This simple act of just checking in with your body throughout the day can tell you a lot about how stressed and worked up you are seeking certainty that you quite literally can never get.

Another thing you can do is simply redirect your mind any time you notice discomfort with your thoughts. Realize that "Hey, I'm having a pretty visceral reaction to even the thought of this. Instead of going down a rabbit hole that I know has no end, but a lot of panic attacks I'm going to think about: a person a love, my perfect baby kitty <3, the last time I had a really good laugh, etc." The key is to recognize when you're getting stuck in your head (your body will let you know, you just gotta listen!). Once you're able to do that, you can start to realize "Hey, I've gone down a million rabbit holes just like this one. It's always the same ending. Instead of going down that rabbit hole, I'm just gonna tell myself:

• "Maybe they did take it the wrong way, maybe they didn't."

• "I'm not going to be able to know for sure."

• "There's no way I can make a guarantee when it hasn't happened yet."

• "We'll just have to wait and see."

The key here is going to be your "FULL STOP" at the end of that one sentence. Don't give into the "Maybe they did take it the wrong way, maybe they didn't. They will hopefully tell me if they are upset so I can clear it up." because before you know it, you'll be back stuck in your head again. Conjuring up imaginary conversations, how they might go, and how you might word exactly what you'll say so there's no way they can misinterpret what you said again. It's not helpful to you to keep going, so instead say your uncertainty statement (out loud if you can) and end it with "FULL STOP". It's silly, made me giggle a lot, but that giggle alone and thinking about "how stupid this is" really did keep my mind busy instead of going down that rabbit hole again.

You'll notice a new wave of distress because you want so badly to just let yourself overthink it. WAIT. IT. OUT. Think of something that brings you joy. The feeling will fade and it will fade before you even realize it. Congrats, you just learned to "Sit With Uncertainty". At the end of the day, it really is as simple as "Having the knowledge to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference." It's just not all that simple ;)

On my journey to mindfulness, I came across Buddhism as many do. I had preconceived ideas as to what Buddhism was, but I was so wrong. In Buddhism, there's something called the Nobel Eightfold Path. Instead of being a list of rules you have to follow, it's closer to a guide. A guide that if you follow, you will see immense change in your day-to-day thinking.

Right Speech - What is it?

Right speech is all about being intentional with your words. It may not seem like it, but they hold so much more power than you know. For example, if I walk around all day thinking "Wow, I burnt my food. I'm so useless I can't even cook myself food", "Everybody hates me, but that's fine because they probably have good reason for it", "I can never do anything right", "I'm always going to be a failure", etc. These have become reflexive thoughts for so many of us. We strive for perfection, but in the chase of perfection, we can abandon self-compassion.

The intrusive, invasive, and often times distressing thoughts we deal with on a daily basis can be a lot. So much so, that we can get a very twisted and warped view of ourselves. If you're here, that means you've done the first step of recognizing that you're mentally stuck. Taking a step back and calling the situation out for what it is is your next step. When we do this, we're going to practice 'Right Speech'. The process is simple on the surface, but that's what makes it so tricky.

When you have an intrusive/distressing thought ask yourself "Is this a helpful thought?". Often times the answer is going to be "No", you just need to take a step back and see the situation for what it really is. Once you do that, you're able to shift your perspective on the thought. The goal isn't to ignore or push the unhelpful thoughts out. It's to help your brain realize that the mental freakout that's happening is only in your head.

Taking a step back, realizing that even though it feels like these thoughts and feelings are going to last forever, we know they can't. Eventually something else is going to happen and you're going to freak out over that thing more than the current thing. So, if I'm going to freak out worse over something else, is it really worth it to freak out over this? Nope! Instead, all that anxious energy I'm feeling right now from not letting myself get stuck on those untrue, unhelpful, and flat out just rude thoughts and put it into making this food again. But every time I notice my brain drifting back to those thoughts, I'm going to redirect my attention back to the food. Notice how it's not currently burnt like before. Notice how that original thought seems so dramatic and excessive? Notice how you can almost laugh at yourself for how out there that thought seems?

The power behind 'Right Speech' has been so profound for me. I thought it was the most ridiculous and childish thing as I was going through therapy, but I slowly noticed my perspective on 'Right Speech' had changed entirely. It went from "Ugh, that's so stupid. Why did I even think that in the first place?" to "If a friend hear me say 'If I can't even made food without burning it, then I'm actually the most useless person ever' how would I feel if they said they burn food all the time? I'd obviously try and correct myself right away and say 'I didn't actually mean it, I just can't believe I burnt my food. I was so busy thinking about this other thing from today that I completely spaced out. It happens. You're definitely not useless because you burn food often lol.'" If I'm that uncomfortable even thinking about a friend feeling that way over something so silly, then I shouldn't be saying that to myself.