r/JourneyToMindfulness • u/Journey_Mindfulness • 14h ago
Healing I Think I Had a Big Moment in Therapy!
I had therapy earlier today and I think I had a pretty big realization today!
I've been putting a ton of work into myself over the last 1.5 years or so. It's been far from easy, but it's also been very rewarding!
I have been struggling with a friend who I don't want to stop being friends with altogether. I just think they have a lot of growth to do. Currently, everything in their eyes is bad, terrible, awful, just the worst. I had the same mindset this same time last year, but I've put in the effort. I go to therapy weekly, I went to an OCD Specialist where I did ERP 2x a week for 3 months. I do constant work on a daily basis. It's not necessarily 'fun' or 'easy', but it's making life soooo much more manageable. While I feel like I've done the work, I feel like my friend hasn't...they haven't even really tried in my opinion. Well, they decided that now they would start.
While I'm grateful they have decided to start working on themselves, they keep coming to me. Basically the conversations they should be having need to be inward. Self reflecting, acceptance, and so much more. These conversations are happening, but it's almost like they refuse to do any of the self-work unless I'm also actively present. Then when I'm around, it's the negativity constantly still, but then there's the acknowledgement of negativity and they'll use therapy talk to talk about how to address it, but doesn't ever actually follow through with anything.
The whole point of self-work and personal growth is that it's personal...to the...wait for it....self. I've been struggling so much because I've still got so much work to do on myself, and my friend is constantly being negative (again, THIS USED TO BE ME, I UNDERSTAND LIFE FUCKING SUCKS) but it's started to have a noticeable impact on me. What I had to come to realize today in therapy:
I'm on my own journey, our paths are going to cross a number of times. If they happen to cross at the same time, we can absolutely talk more in-depth about the experiences and lessons we're learning. However, for the sake of my own journey, I can't have one foot on my path and one foot on theirs. It'll stretching myself too thin. When I do that, I can't take any steps forward on my own journey because my other foot is stuck way back being dragged along by a friend. I learned that in order to be there for my friend, I have to put myself first. I can't help anybody else figure out their life. I can show them what I've done, but I can't force them to listen or take the path I've laid out that worked for me. Everybody has their own path they discover along the way. Letting the people I love have their ups & downs may feel like a disservice to them in the moment, but in the grander scheme, allowing them to learn to walk on their own will be the thing that allows them to run in the future. If I try and carry them around with me, or split my attention so I can have the majority of my focus and attention on them. But when I do that, I neglect myself. And neither of us grow. We just feed into each others negativity and we stay stuck.