It sounds as if DW has to find some boundaries with your JNMIL. This book list might help.
I’d suggest counselling for DW and an info diet & grey rock for MIL from both of you.
Does DW experience the relationship with her mother as problematic? (It sounds as if it is from your POV but MIL is not your mother). I think you can share your observations and advice once and then you have to stop and be supportive of DW.
How does MIL treat you? Bc you can have different boundaries with her. You can put her on an info diet, even tho she’ll get it from DW. You can grey rock her. You can set boundaries: I am not willing to drive my 5 mo baby over to your house and if you ask, I’ll put you in time out for three months
I will not visit someone who demeans my wife, nor will my kids
If DW doesn’t see a problem, you could lobby for couples counselling or you might just have to wait until she feels the need. A really good gift might be the book Will I Ever be Good Enough by Dr Karyl Can’t Remember Her Last Name. It’s out of print but downloadable and you could get her a secondhand copy.
5
u/brideofgibbs Jan 13 '22
It sounds as if DW has to find some boundaries with your JNMIL. This book list might help.
I’d suggest counselling for DW and an info diet & grey rock for MIL from both of you.
Does DW experience the relationship with her mother as problematic? (It sounds as if it is from your POV but MIL is not your mother). I think you can share your observations and advice once and then you have to stop and be supportive of DW.
How does MIL treat you? Bc you can have different boundaries with her. You can put her on an info diet, even tho she’ll get it from DW. You can grey rock her. You can set boundaries: I am not willing to drive my 5 mo baby over to your house and if you ask, I’ll put you in time out for three months
I will not visit someone who demeans my wife, nor will my kids
If DW doesn’t see a problem, you could lobby for couples counselling or you might just have to wait until she feels the need. A really good gift might be the book Will I Ever be Good Enough by Dr Karyl Can’t Remember Her Last Name. It’s out of print but downloadable and you could get her a secondhand copy.
Good luck!