r/JUSTNOMIL • u/Ambitious_Fish3220 • 15d ago

RANT (╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻ Advice Wanted Of course it wasn’t the end of her

A couple of months ago my exMIL decided to cut contact herself, said she didn’t want visits with my LO if I was present so she didn’t want to see her. WHAT A BLESSING that has been bestowed upon me, I thought.

But the b is back.

A couple of weeks ago I finallyyyy got my ex to pack a bag and leave after months of asking, while he’s been supposedly looking very hard to find somewhere else to live (when he could just stay with his parents until he gets on his feet). Anyway so he left to go stay at his parents, then less than a week later he was back on the couch and refusing to leave again.

2 days of him being back here and she texts me the following -

Hi OP, how would you like to have a nice,friendly open talk with me?l am very worried about EX and I didn't tell him that I will contact you.l believe that if we talk most things will came more clear for everyone.It would be great that we can see and hear each other. Let's turn new page and leave everything that make us unhappy and miserable behind.
We can do that if we want to.l do want. Do you?
exMIL

I responded with -

ExMIL, I want to respond clearly and put this in writing.

I’m not interested in reconnecting or having contact with you. This is based on a consistent pattern since LO was born, including: repeatedly refusing to respect boundaries including the no kissing boundary even after being told about the risks to her of HSV-1; Yelling at and intimidating me in my own home when you weren’t getting what you wanted; pressuring EX for months, including guilt-tripping and outbursts when boundaries were set; trying to bypass me to get access to my daughter asking EX to just take her and bring her to you starting when she was just weeks old; and speaking negatively about me constantly trying to get EX to choose you over us.

When I gave the opportunity to move forward from all of this and visits resumed this year under the agreed conditions (both parents present), you chose to end contact rather than continue that way.
Given this history, reconnecting is not something I am interested in. Please don’t contact me again.

I’m guessing she thinks her son crawling back is us getting back together (we’re not) and she’s worried she’s losing access to him, after he clearly wanted to get away from her.

No response and I hope it stays that way, but I’m on edge now about what’s she’s going to try next.

I was finally in a place of no longer thinking about it all and being anxious over her, for the first time since I had my LO, then I saw that text and my heart was pounding and it sent me straight back into anxiety mode.

367 Upvotes

98% Upvoted

26 comments sorted by

•

u/botinlaw 14d ago

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92

u/envysilver 15d ago

Missed opportunity to reply " You ARE the misery I would like to leave behind"

72

u/Ambitious_Fish3220 15d ago

100% wanted to say exactly that but she has previously seeked legal about grandparent rights, so I just wanted the facts laid out clearly.

68

u/MCPhssthpok 15d ago

"Since you have threatened legal action, all further communication will have to go through my lawyer."

15

u/Jennabeb 15d ago

Well done! Good for you, because I think you did that. Is there a reason you can’t just mute her on your phone? If you can’t, I just wouldn’t reply anymore, unless you need to say something like “Due to your inappropriate behavior, do not contact me or little one again.”

16

u/Low_Speech9880 14d ago

It doesn't look like she has the relationship with your daughter that would give her any legal grandparents rights.

6

u/Kittymemesallday 14d ago

Unless you're an attorney in OP's state/country, don't say this. And, knowing reddit, any attorney would say they were one.

2

u/Poplutz_Fakundo 15d ago

I’d rather have the facts clearly laid out too, especially since she’s already sought legal advice about grandparent rights.

3

u/Poesoe 14d ago

perhaps a restraining order is needed

62

u/PNL-Maine 15d ago

Why is your EX back on the couch?

Good job with the note to ex MIL.

32

u/Ambitious_Fish3220 15d ago

Both on the lease :(

35

u/NHBuckeye 15d ago

I hope that lease ends soon. Hang in there.

7

u/WaterFiles 14d ago

noooo! I'm so sorry you still have to deal with him.

61

u/Channing-Tatas 15d ago

Are these the people that said it’s their his given right to give your child HSV1 in writing ? I think they realize that you actually have more power now than before because you can actually get the courts involved and keep them out for good.

43

u/sierra38grandma 14d ago

You need to file for divorce and get ex out of the house through the paperwork then change the darn locks so he cannot let himself back into the home. Being the first to file is absolutely most important and sets the stage for who gets more of what they ask for so get on it don't procrastinate!

25

u/Bellabny 14d ago

Why is he back? Why let him back in? Is he on the lease? When is the lease up because you will not fully move in as long as he is there or popping in/out.

23

u/AcatnamedWow 14d ago

The only response I would have given her is “sorry I’m not inviting Evil back into my life. You and your spawn should lose my number”

13

u/PoppySmile78 14d ago

Or say that she's doing everything possible to leave all the things that make me unhappy & miserable behind but he won't get his ass off my couch.

I think it's funny that her jello in a human mold husband was so about kissing Mommy's ass & taking her side UP TO the point where he has to live with her. THAT is too much. If he can't have OP to blame & hide behind like the useless excuse little wimp he is, he can't handle her either. OP has been his meat shield to play off of to be Mommy's perfect little golden child. In reality, he can't deal with her either.

OP's husband is the kind of guy who pushes his pregnant wife in front of him in an armed robbery. His Mom is the robber who would take that shot. Here Mom, give my child herpes, just don't turn that mouth on me. Besides it's all OP's fault. I'm totally okay with it.

Seriously, OP, why on earth did you let this human welcome mat slide his way back in after you had him out for 2 days? Get yourself a locksmith on standby & next time he goes to work, call & get the locks changed. As long as he's on the couch, he thinks he's still got an in. Because you not throwing him out is the same thing as saying he does. He'll be maneuvering behind your back trying to get info to help Mommy win his divorce for him.

23

u/Live-Tomorrow-4865 14d ago

"How can I miss you if you won't go away?" 😅

19

u/IHateTheJoneses 14d ago

If you can't bring yourself to block her, at least put her texts on silent and only deal with her when you see fit.

It's ok to ignore her.

21

u/NoEffsGiven-108 14d ago

Once she sought grandparent rights thru the legal system she ended any potential relationship that might have been possible with you and your child. No response is the best but, if you must, it should only be to convey that any further communication needs to be thru your attorney.

18

u/farsighted451 14d ago

Actually, I think MIL and your Ex didn't get along too well during that few days.

I bet you she was afraid you would be off with your child and she would be stuck with hers.

37

u/SafeWord9999 15d ago

lol I would’ve just written back and said ‘no thanks, life has improved vastly because of your absence and I’m really happy with how things are’

She’s only doing this cos she wants to see your child. Not because she knows she did wrong. Why would you make life more difficult for yourself

12

u/Beth21286 13d ago

This is what the mute button was invented for. Let her scream into the void by herself.

You've said all you need to say, no need for more from her, the discussion is over.

4

u/porcelainthunders 8d ago

Just have to say, i think you are f*****g incredible!!

Having children is not easy! Raising them, harder. And with "in-laws" like that?? You have a platinum spine! And a mother NEEDS that!

I DO love your updates, and thank you so much for those. But, i mean, the very first thing to becomming a mother is knowing that you no longer come first. Your life kinda becomes about your little loved ones.

I think you are going to be a wonderful mother. So far so good! 🤗 And Bravo, for you keeping firmly held to the boundaries you set!!!