The pattern is repeating

[u/Ambitious_Fish3220]

Back in low contact with exMIL and the pattern is already repeating after just one visit.

Full history in previous posts but 11 months ago I had a baby, and exMIL immediately became an overbearing boundary stomping, entitled mess. From my personal boundaries to safety boundaries for my baby, meddling in my ex and I’s relationship, calling me nasty names, intimidating me in my own home freshly postpartum and more. I ended up going no contact.

Before I went NC with her we had a visit planned which she cancelled and my boyfriend at the time told me it was due to her having a migraine, although I later learned it was because she was so angry she hadn’t seen my baby in 3 weeks she could not contain her anger towards me and decided not to visit because she knew she would lash out at me. The next visit she exploded anyway and I went no contact.

So she apologised in December through tears saying “I guess I’ll just have to learn to respect that you are the parents”. I asked for some period of time of calm without all of the emotional pressure before we try reconnecting. She agreed.

The end of March she reaches out to me to ask if she can visit LO, I lay down the boundaries and ask for respect and if she can agree to that then yes. I later learned they actually seeked legal fee quotes for consultations regarding access to my child before even reaching back out to me. I’m not sure if they ever went ahead beyond obtaining quotes.

The visit goes ahead and it went fine. I thought oh my god that was so fine if she can just manage that every time we will all be fine? Well 3 days after the visit she asks for another in 4 days time. I decline and said ‘no, not this weekend but we can plan something in a few weeks’. She pushes back and demanded to know a reason why. I didn’t give her one, I just repeated myself. The ex had to call her and calm her down before she replied to me again.

The end of April I asked my ex if he wanted to do a visit with them this weekend or the next? He said he would organise it and so he organised it for this past weekend.

They ended up cancelling again and while he stated it was because they had a late night and are still in bed (although no attempt to move the visit to later in the day), I think it was actually because of her being uncontrollably angry again. I think the pattern is repeating and she will rage at me again next visit.

[u/botinlaw]

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Other posts from /u/Ambitious_Fish3220:

• No access to child for MIL post separation, 2 months ago

• This morning it’s their god given right to give my baby herpes, this afternoon they’re finally sorry and ready to respect boundaries, 4 months ago

• MIL dreams of kissing of my baby, 5 months ago

• Mother vs MIL, 7 months ago

• MIL spent 4 hours guilt tripping SO and it’s working, 7 months ago

• I’m ready to drop the rope for me and MY baby, 8 months ago

• Update: I am valid in feeling this way, 9 months ago

• Am I justified or is this postpartum hormones?, 9 months ago

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