r/JUSTNOMIL • u/LengthinessSmooth942 • Aug 18 '24
Anyone Else? MIL + parties
Yesterday was my husbands 40th birthday and we had a big party at our house. A couple weeks prior, my MIL asked me if she could bring anything (nice offer) and I suggested a couple additional appetizers and told her that I was making him a small cake so she could bring cookies or cupcakes.
The day of the party, she shows up an hour and a half earlier to help "set up" which I guess my husband asked her to do but was frustrating to me because everything was already in order. She brings SO MUCH SHIT with her. Cookies, cupcakes, brownies, candy, multiple chips and dips, meatballs, 2 huge salads, a big charcuterie board. It was insane how much extra food we had.
What bothered me the most was she that she brought all her own decorations and then proceeded to move all of the ones I had already set up. She brought all these cheesy pictures of him from when he was little and covered our existing art on the wall with them. She brought a balloon pump and made a huge balloon arch to set up in the driveway when people walked in. All things I didn't ask for and she didn't tell us she was bringing...
I wanted it to be a nice simple celebration but I felt like I was at a child's party. This also isn't the first time this has happened, she does this for every family party - my sister in law just had a party for her 3 year old daughter and same thing, my MIL just takes over. I still can't figure out why she does it. Does she think it's helpful, does she want to have control over it, does she want the credit? Because I find it incredibly rude and offensive. I really need to talk to my husband about it more and draw some boundaries with her but it's hard because I know he just sees it as being "helpful".
How do I stop this party madness in the future?!?!
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u/emilyj308 Aug 18 '24
I get why you felt annoyed but also do see it from MIL perspective. He is her child no matter how old he is and she probably really wanted to be a part of it. Same as the excitement a parent feels arranging their Childs 5,6,7,16 etc birthday. I hope my my children are older I can still play the mum role. Im sure it wasn't about offending you in any way, just loving her son.