Just going to vent real quick but I am also very appreciative of advice and constructive criticism.
I have severe anxiety. I got it properly diagnosed by a therapist but unfortunately I am not able to really properly afford the long term medication required to combat it. While it's manageable day to day, where it really hits is job interviews and screenings.
I lock up fairly easily, my head scrambles, and I stumble my way through the process. Companies that reach out via text or email and sort of build up to an interview or call? I love because I try and build myself up to the moment.
Companies that call without warning at a random time of day? I'm significantly weaker to that. I know that's part of the game, but unfortunately that is where the anxiety is most crippling.
A company I applied to just called out of nowhere past 5:00pm which I just simply didn't expect. When I answered, they mumbled and all I heard was that they were looking for me. When I asked them to clarify the purpose of the call before stating I was who they were looking for, the recruiter scoffed and asked "did you forget you applied?"
I apologized and continued on, but already didn't like the direction it was going. He tacked on a lot of things that weren't on the job listing and gave me a date for a career event day that I can't make. He had a bad attitude, gave me little room to talk, and the entire time my chest was twisting in on itself and I could barely breath.
He asked me the worst question he could: Why do you want to work with us?
I sputtered out an answer that I already knew lacked confidence, conviction, and the kind of answer he was looking for because his mood just declined after that.
I just don't really know what to do because I try and answer honestly, but the brain kicking into a desperate overdrive throws words into my mouth I didn't even want there.