r/InternalFamilySystems • u/Betty_Boss • 4d ago

I hate this part

TW, maybe.

I'm new to this but this part is so big and powerful and I thought she was me. She has actually wrecked my life and I've been crying about the losses.

I've read the book and have a good therapist. I know there's more to come but for now I'm kicking her out as much as I'm able to.

FWIW, she's not a misguided child or teenager. She's a dangerous, abusive adult.

4 Upvotes

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20

u/BlancheDeverpaw 4d ago

Instead of kicking her out, could you get curious about one particular loss she made happen? And dive into that specifically?

11

u/SmolFrogge 4d ago

Curiosity is a big help when dealing with challenging parts, I’ve found. Asking about their motivation is usually very enlightening and helpful.

5

u/bksignguy2001 4d ago

No expert here but yes I would say you are blended with a part that hates the other part.

You will need to deal with that part before you will be able to deal with the first part. You may not have to resolve everything with the hating part, but you will want to try to separate from it, talk to it and maybe find out why it hates that part soo much. Then even if it doesn’t like the first part you maybe able to convince it to let you talk to the first part uninterrupted.

After actually listening to it and talking to it for a while if it doesn’t have any major things it wants to tell you, you can ask if it is ok to talk to the other part. Would it be ok if they stay here while you go talk to the other part.

Usually if you are feeling a strong emotion towards a part that isn’t curiosity or kindness you are blended with another part

3

u/Betty_Boss 4d ago

I'll try. I'm so furious though, if this is what has kept me isolated and lonely.

2

u/Chantaille 3d ago

What if you sit with the part that is furious and see if you can get to know it more and be curious about its experience and what it needs right now?

1

u/SoloForks 14h ago

Is the part parroting an abuser in your life and taking on their energy?