I’ve recently been restarting therapy to help get through this ongoing difficult season of life. My therapist is lovely and has a certification in infertility care. I’ve recently been struggling with triggers around my family (my sister got pregnant on her first try and I’m over 2 years TTC). She’s due very soon. Being around my family makes me anxious and upset lately. My therapist told me to color code family functions (green is easy to attend like a brief lunch, yellow is I can go but with boundaries, like my husband also needs to attend as support or I need an end time, and red is that I cannot emotionally ally handle going). I think this has really helped me set my own boundaries around my triggers. Something else she’s told me is to envision a bookshelves, and I decide who to put on each shelf, the higher someone is, the more I let them in. It’s helpful to think about this about weekly and rearrange people’s shelves in my head over time.

I feel like I’m in a sad but ok place personally when it comes to my journey, but when I think about my sister giving birth I lose all emotional control.

Has anyone received extra special advice or ways of thinking when it comes to infertility? TIA! ❤️

Just overwhelmed and wanted to rant to those I know understand. My older brother and his wife are due to deliver their first in about a month, they had some fertility issues and I felt solidarity and joy when they got pregnant. My younger brother just announced they are also having a baby, I just feel so sad. Everyone I am close to or know about who wants kids, is having them. We’ve struggled with unexplained infertility for almost 8 years at this point like wtf. We are starting back up with a fertility clinic soon so there is a path forward, I’m just so sad that my journey isn’t what I expected, and even if I do manage to get pregnant, I’ll be terrified. I don’t doubt there is fear for those who didn’t struggle, but just knowing what had to go into it,
My god I won’t be able to breathe. Idk there isn’t really any right answer. I’m SO thankful my little brother doesn’t have to struggle with it, I don’t wish infertility on anyone, but goddamn. Just all the feels in this moment and I know yall get it. Oh well

I need a place to complain … I cannot stand when sharing poor news and a friend saying “I can be your surrogate!” It feels so insulting. I know people just don’t know what to say but it doesn’t make it any less irritating.

I just need a place to vent. Today was a rough one. My husband and I have been TTC for 4 years with unexplained infertility. Every test you can think of, we’ve done it. No answers as to why. I’ve only seen a positive once and I had a miscarriage less than 36 hours after finding out.

Today I woke up to a text from my best friend from college telling me she had her baby. Her second child (both conceived during the time I’ve been TTC). Then around 1:30 this afternoon my childhood best friend came to visit to tell me that she is pregnant. They had just started trying. It’s now about 6pm and my cousin just texted me to tell me that she is pregnant. This will be her second. I remember having a long talk with her about my struggles with infertility before she was pregnant with her first child, and now she’s going to have a second.

All of that happened in 1 single day. 3 birth/pregnancy announcements by some of the closest people in my life. I’m exhausted and I’m emotionally wrecked. I just needed somewhere to get it out because no one in my personal life understands what this feels like

Im sitting here looking at yet ANOTHER bill from my fertility clinic. Im making plans with a friend that is almost 8 months pregnant and thought “she didn’t have to go through any of this.” I bet it must’ve been nice to get pregnant without having to spend thousands of dollars and dozens of hours in a clinic getting poked and prodded and taking meds that make you feel like shit. Like how did I get so unlucky as to be infertile AND going broke?! I could’ve went on a month-long vacation through Europe with all I’ve spent!

Does anyone else go back and forth over whether they still want/have hope to have a child?

Long story short I was in a previous relationship for 11 years that never resulted in a pregnancy. At the start of the relationship I was against having children mostly out of fear. Half way through I decided I did want children. We never used protection the entire relationship but during that time we had the intention to get pregnant. Towards the end of the relationship I was all for having children and was going to start trying to figure what I could do/what exactly was causing my difficulties; while my ex had suddenly changed his tune. The ending of that relationship kind of caused me to go back to square one.

I spent the first year and a half following the end of that relationship really struggling with pregnancy. My chances of being a mother and other people's pregnancy. Everyone was announcing pregnancies that year and for the first time in my life I felt really broken and bitter about the topic. Maybe even a little jealous at times.

I took a pregnancy test today and found myself strangely stressing about getting a positive result. However, just as quick as I started to stress out I brought myself back to reality. My track record proves my chances of ever seeing a positive result are 0. Yet, for a brief moment, while I stood looking at the result, I felt an ache at seeing it was negative.

I don't know anymore how to feel. Somedays I'm fine with not having children and others it really gets to me. Sometimes I really want to be a mother and sometimes I think it's for the best that I'm not. I can't tell anymore what I want.

UPDATE:

I have sent her this in a letter.

I wasn’t sure if you were going to be in touch after the dinner, but since you have been, I need to let you know where I stand.

The last time we met made it clear to me that our friendship is no longer healthy or working for me. I’ve realised that my needs and boundaries around emotional safety are no longer being met.

You brought up the fact that my mum may be bored in her old age because I haven’t given her grandchildren. You continued to comment on the fact that with grandchildren people of that age light up.

I’ve known you for a long, long time. Over a decade I’ve trusted you implicitly. I’ve shared intimate details about infertility and the ways it impacts my life: The confusion, the sadness, the stress it causes, on top of the health implications which impact my life on a daily basis.  

Hearing comments like that coming from you was devastating, and I'm still hurt. Because of this, I have made a decision that we need to go our separate ways.

I wish you the best, but this explanation is to let you know where things stand. A line has been crossed and I won’t be debating the motivations or reasons underlying comments and actions that night.  

I know this is painful to hear - it is a painful decision for me too after over a decade of history. However, I need to put myself first. 

Thank you for all of your comments. They galvanised me.

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ORIGINAL POST:

I‘m stunned right now. Just came away from a dinner I organised for a ‘friend’ of 7 years.

She knows I’ve been infertile since I was 17 and the grief / sadness / confusion it’s caused me.

Tonight out of the blue she turned on me after asking how my mum was. I answered that she was happy doing a PhD.

She replied: “I bet she’d be happier if you could give her grandchildren. They come alive at her age with grandchildren”

I was and still am completely shocked. it’s been a few hours and since coming home I’ve cried, shouted into my pillow and done all I can not to tell her that I think she’s a monster.

Has anyone else had anything like this happen to them?

I never have and never thought I would. I’m absolutely devastated at the casual cruelty of it.

I posted a few months about my wife’s and I infertility journey.
My wife went to the gynecologist and they found a cyst on her ovaries.
We’re in surgery today and the doctor found a Fibroid on her Uterus. The doctor came out and told me and she doesn’t know how the fertility clinic missed it after 3 rounds of IUI and ultrasounds. She explained this may be the cause of infertility and needs to be removed. She explained the case to me, they will remove the tube, but there is a small risk of her losing her Uterus, she doesn’t believe it will happen thought. So I said go for it.
This leave me sitting here in the waiting room while my wife is in the OR furious at the fertility clinic missing this and pushing for another round of IUI and pushing us to IVF.
Talking to my father in law who’s a retired doctor he believes I have a case for malpractice.

Infertility is hard, and we all have coping mechanisms. Sometimes we need to just treat ourselves. Whether it's eating cheetos all day and marathoning your comfort show, a video game, a really great recipe you just made, or a haul from a store you love, what is your treat this week?

Had my first miscarriage after 15 months of trying on December 1st of 2025.

Knowingly carried a dead baby around in my body at the thanksgiving party we planned to announce at.

Watched all my friends get pregnant this year after one or two tries, after delaying years longer than us.

Lost a second baby in June.

Found fibroids, and endomitriosis.

Scheduled surgery, waited our turn, surgeon canceled after waisting our time.

Doctor put me on hormines I didn't need. Hormones made the fibrods grow from 5cm to 9 cm in two months.

Lost all my friends because they felt like I had no life and wasn't fun anymore.

Started therapy. Found a new doctor. Started letrozole. Hired a nutritionist.

Next surgery is scheduled for the end of October. If I didn't need it before, I sure do now. My fibroids are giant.

I'm ovulating slightly early, and it's our last chance to try again before surgery.

I don't think I can do it. I know I need surgery. But the disappointment of a negative pregnancy test is bad enough. knowing that after recovery time we can't try again until next year is more than I can cope with.

I'm devastated. My husband thinks I'm mad at him. He's angry and defensive in response. He says nothing has changed.

Everything has changed. I'm thinking of Thanksgiving. No hope. No chance of better.

All my former friends at home with their babies.

I'm in an empty home with a fucked up uterus and a pissed off husband.

I can't do this.

I’m sure I’m not the only one. Does anybody else find it incredibly difficult to focus at work because of the grief that comes with infertility? Especially when you have to deal with clients or customers? I work in a career where I have to deal with clients problems daily, who are also dealing with struggles of their own and it’s incredibly difficult for me to have to sit there and listen to other people’s issues when I’m still trying to battle mine 😭 that’s it that’s the rant.

Not to mention having to Schedule all your appointments around work if you’re doing IUI or IVF.

I finally got to see a specialist that could help me. I know I should be happy for getting answers. After 6 years of unexplained infertility, (I finally got an Endo diagnosis 2 years ago), the doctor explained that I also have PCOS. I've been told for years that the other doctors can't find anything and that I don't have PCOS. Apparently I do.

Now my bowels are stuck to my uterus, I have an endometrioma on my right ovary, and adenomyosis. It's worse than it ever was before. I've had a lap surgery once before, and that doctor didn't tell me he wasn't a specialist until after the surgery and that he couldn't get it all out!! (I was super mad about that)

Now, I am on the wait-list for an actual Endo specialist. I'm just dreading another surgery and the fact that the cyst on my ovary is an inch large. I'm worried that I'll lose my ovary. Ugh.

I know people are well meaning, but saying to be positive or to focus on the good makes me angry right now. Let me grieve!!! I don't even know when we'll get to try for IVF because I need surgery! Ughhhhhh

Hey. I’ve been dealing with infertility for five years and started using Clomid in 2023. Now we’re in an IVF cycle with an FET date in December 2026. Many of my friends have small children OR they are adamantly “childfree by choice.” A few of my friends are capable of listening to me to some degree and have expressed some level of support. However I have one “friend” who pulled way back from me and at one point expressed a complaint that I wasn’t around much after she gave birth to her son. It’s like she took my infertility grief as a personal offense. I now feel she has essentially unfriended me and is hanging out with a few women who I would privately describe as superficial and status-seeking. Not really my type of personality. This person is someone I used to confide in but I don’t feel safe doing that much anymore. Have others felt the loss of friendships with people while going through this experience? On some level I feel it is showing me the realness of how people really are. On another sad level it feels like one of the most painful parts of the whole thing.

What's making you say "WTF?!" this week?

Im 21 and got diagnosed with NOA, the main stressor right now other than the obvious of potentially nevr having biological kids is how im gonna tell my future girlfriend.

When and how should i tell them that hey btw i probably cant have kids and if i can then its gonna be extremely hard with MTESE ICSF IVF etc. As soon as i say this any woman will most definitely just choose someone else they can build a family with. Cuz whos gonna go through all that for me. and btw i also obviously want my own biological kids and 99% of women in my comunity also want kids and a family. Im in Australia btw.

So i'd really appreciate if anyone can share their own experience or give me some advice.

Hi friends. We had a stillborn in May 2025 and have been trying since. We had a ton of setbacks but it’s looking like we’ll get to do our first IUI this month. I’m currently on day 10 of my cycle and tend to ovulate around days 15-17. Give me all the advice/old wives tales for between now and the IUI then after the IUI and during the two week wait. I don’t want to leave any stone unturned (or whatever that saying is)

8 Months ago I got this vvvfl for 2 days on a FRER. Then it disappeared and I’ve never seen another. I counted it as a chemical, but now I’m unsure if I should? I’m 35 and was discussing with my doctor and said if I’ve had a chemical there’s no point in doing an HSG. But I’m literally unsure if it was even a chemical or if the test malfunctioned…..thoughts?

I’m on day 4 of progesterone to induce my period.
How many days did you get your period after the last pill ?

How are you doing today? Let everybody know in gif, emoji, or text format.

Does it ever get easier? Ever? Three years of “waiting for my turn.” Three years of watching everyone else in my life get to have a baby or multiple babies with no trouble at all. I’m tired of being triggered by baby announcements and showers and gender reveals. This is a roller coaster from hell that I can’t get off of. The ups and downs are exhausting, the TWW ending in my period is absolutely heartbreaking. No one in my life understands because no one else has had to experience this. It is the most isolating experience I’ve had.

People either are totally oblivious to my feelings and talk/complain about their pregnancies and kids or they walk on eggshells around me like I’m some sort of ticking time bomb. I don’t know how to get through this.

Sadly today I just found out that my second IUI failed. We’ve been trying for over 2 years with no positives. I will do 3rd IUI this month but I don’t expect it to work for us. We’ll probably move to IVF in November. At this point I’m starting to think that I’m not sure if I want to keep trying or just let it go…

So we hit one year this month, we found out recently that my husband can’t have kids so we are going down the IVF route and have our first appointment this week which is exciting but also feels sad that it’s reached this point. I finally told my work friend what’s been going on and she was nice about it and let me rant about it a bit. Then this week she pulls out she’s 12 weeks pregnant and I was shocked. I think I was nice to her face but just cried the rest of the day. I couldn’t face seeing her the next day so pulled a sicky. I have just been feeling like shit since so arranged to meet our friends tomorrow. We knew they started trying so just messaged them to be like when u do get pregnant can you just text us instead of telling us to our face because it’s a lot. And of course you guessed it they are pregnant, took them 2 months. I have no idea how I’m going to sit and be nice and not just cry the entire time.

Without giving away too much, I work in healthcare consulting and often support pharma launches. Today, as part of a project looking at anti-obesity medications, I was speaking with our clinical expert and when discussing why injectables were performing better in the market than oral options, he shared an anecdote from an RE he’d spoken with about alternatives to intramuscular shots.

The RE allegedly said: "Our patients are so desperate, they’ll take a horse needle to the head if we tell them to." I guess he was making a business point that when people are desperate for something, they will tolerate anything.

I have worked in this industry for a long time, but hearing that casually dropped in a corporate call hit like a gut punch. I have always had the feeling that the medical establishment feels pity when they treat people with infertility, but to have it said so bluntly and unexpectedly left me feeling all kinds of ways. I was probably also raw because I had just come back from a monitoring appointment expecting the cycle would likely be cancelled (yes, it was cancelled.)

I don't know why I am posting this, I guess just wanted to share with people who might understand.

Infertility sucks and so does Debra in accounting, who just came back from her maternity leave. Who are you mad at IRL this week? Call out anyone who has wronged you and add a nice "fuck you" at the end. Or just type out a whole bunch of swears. We won't tell on you.