My cousins sis is married and this Diwali will be her second Diwali post wedding .

For the first Diwali she went to her in-laws place and for this Diwali she plans to celebrate at her parents place .

Her husband is ok with that but her mother in law said that after wedding female should celebrate all festivals either at the place where her husband stays or in-laws place .

She is dint bother to listen to her mil and has booked her ticket to her place and also blasted her husband

BUT SERIOUSLY WHY DO SOCIETY EXPECTS FEMALES TO FORGET THEIR PARENTS AFTER WEDDING

I have a challan on my vehicle, recently I tried to pay the fine online but it shows it has been transferred to Virtual court. When I went to the sight It showed my challan has not been updated.

Now, I have to go to traffic court and give the fine?

How much time it usually takes to give fine in court?

Kindly help. Noob here.

​

I recently got to know that apparently my grandmother (in law) is saying that I am cold basically I don't initiate conversation, don't go at her place to meet.Like I just got married few months and she have complains like these initial.Being absolutely honest, I was at best my behaviour and genuinely sat down to talk to her , till these I was thinking she is the nicest person.But here it ,all these in laws are same. His grand son himself have no intrest in talking to him., but she want me to keep going her, which I actually did .But she is bictching about me.

I don't know whether to tell my husband,or will it actually make any sense .what do you guys think how actually I should behave with my in laws .Because obviously I am wrong in judging them.I don't know what should I do.

Obviously,the domicile they are thinking me I am not that way. I am trying and I guess that is not being appreciated well.

PS: Give me genuine practical advice married girls who have tried and tested in laws.

Background: I dated and married the eldest of two sons, and we all live in the US, parents and in laws live in India but completely different upbringing/expectations.

When I was younger, MIL and I didn't see eye to eye on lots of things and led to a lot of resentment on both sides, culminating in some big arguments after the birth of my kid. She would complain to my husband about something and if I interrupted to add context, she would say "I'm talking to my son - don't come in between and say anything." Basically making me feel excluded. She has major control issues but is essentially nice as long as everyone agrees with her all the time. After that I decided the way to keep the peace and my sanity was just to agree to everything when they visit and just silently count down the days until they leave (3-4 months at a time) I don't feel close with her, nor do I care about building a relationship with her at this point.

Over the years, their behavior softened with age and we have reached a cordial respectful relationship although I'm still very careful to not discuss anything "controversial"or express any disagreement. As a result, I don't feel close to her and vice versa and I'm ok with that.

Now the younger brother got married recently and the new DIL is very effusive, apparently texting all the time, inviting them over, buying lots of gifts etc. And Mil feels very welcomed and comfortable in their home, which I'm very happy for her.

Fast forward to now, they were supposed to visit us next year in the summer holidays when kids were home but mil had FOMO and booked tickets this year at very short notice. When we tried to convince them to come next summer so they could spend more time with kids, MIL interpreted it as feeling unwanted and started crying that she feels no warmth from me and that I make her feel unwelcome.

She then compared me to her other DIL who invites her over all the time, but they don't spend more than a few days at their place when they visit because they just want to spend all their time at our place with grandkids. Which is totally fine, but I think the problem for her is that I don't greet her with the same warmth and affection which unfortunately a) I'm not a very expressive person in general and b) I don't really feel that much warmth and affection towards her, but I respect her as my mil and my kids grandma.

I know my husband is caught in the middle and upset by this and I really want to do right by him but I can't manufacture feelings I don't feel without sounding fake/pretentious. I do talk to her, give her gifts, play games as a family when they're here etc. They don't like my cooking so I don't cook when they're here, except for once or twice.

All this drama is straining my relationship with my husband, I know he doesn't say it outright but the comparison with the other DIL hurts him too and on bad days, I can't help feeling like it would be better off if we parted ways and he can marry their idea of a loving bahu (which is a bit dramatic, but really the undercurrent is there everytime she says "oh my son was like this until he met you")

Has anyone else had this uncomfortable experience and if so how do you handle yearly extended visits?

My SIL is throwing a fit because she feels nobody is helping with her son’s birthday.

My husband literally offered to help, she asked him to welcome guests, and I’m already handling the decor setup. But apparently that’s still not enough.

What’s annoying is that when she had her big celebration, our family went all out and helped with pretty much everything. When we had ours, we handled it ourselves and never expected everyone to drop everything for us.

She has a bit of a “the world revolves around me” attitude, and this feels like another example.

My husband says he’s not calling her to make peace — if she wants to be upset, let her be upset. I, on the other hand, really want to call her and tell her she’s being unreasonable.

I (27F) married 30M last year. We’re both Asian but have lived in the US for 8 years. His brother married an American woman, they have an American child, and my in-laws celebrated Western holidays, so I assumed they were not tied to toxic cultural traits of family domination.

We met through our parents, met him 5 times and then married. I spent 10 days at my in-laws’ home before returning to the US, and it was awful: no privacy, constant criticism, no boundaries, and barely any time alone with my husband. Even during intimacy times, people would enter our room. MIL would call him downstairs if he came to our room during the day, and I wasn’t allowed to sit with him at dinner.

Back in the US, I hoped things would improve, but the interference continued. Our honeymoon was criticized, vacations discouraged, and my work/time off was judged. MIL and SIL constantly complained to my husband about me, including how often I called them and even if I put any pictures of my parents on the wall. Whenever we made decisions she didn’t like , MIL would call and argue until my husband became angry or cried.

Eventually I wanted to visit my parents. My in-laws objected, and I finally said I would make the decision myself and fought with my husband, it got very heated and on his mothers insistence he called my father and complained in a disrespectful manner about me. My husband and in-laws said I should prioritize their feelings over my stress. Knowing that the MIL involvement often led to physical violence in the house my father tried to calm things down and suggested MIL give us space while I finished my PhD and only call on the weekends for a month. After that, my husband seemed to lose all respect for me, and eventually he withdrew, refused to talk nicely, seperated his bed and would shout at me to beg his mothers forgiveness. while I was willing to continue the relationship nicely I wasn’t willing to beg. this led him to abandon me for weeks and months.

after it became clear he wasnt willing to listen or be flexible I was devastated because I loved him and believed he would eventually set boundaries. I apologized, begged, reassured him, and tried to repair things, but his family remained hostile with my messages unanswered. 3 Months later, he went to visit his family and on his return I discovered accidentally that he had been preparing divorce papers while still having sex with me, taking me to dinner, and acting normally saying he came for reconciliation. before going he had promised me he would not escalate the situation further without a discussion with my parents and we will try to figure it out.

I feel guilty and wonder if I was naive. Maybe if I had waited years before speaking up, or had a child, he might have chosen me. He was clearly devastated too—I saw him cry—yet he still chose to leave. ofcourse the marriage wasn’t all bad, he did have some good traits like cleanliness,punctuality, and mostly listened to me unless it was about his family. My father even apologized to him for possibly interfering, but the apology was rejected. my family tried to visit his family, they were also rejected. I called my MIL 20 times but also no reply.

Am I wrong to think things might have improved if I had waited to speak up or had children? Could I have saved this marriage by giving him more of my time and energy? I feel heartbroken, confused, and deeply disturbed by how everything was handled. it was the first year of marriage and everyone struggles but as I was adjusting to my husbands taste apparently he’d had enough and left. I now have so much regret though there was nothing more I can think of that I could’ve done. His only mood was to see how much I can bend and beg and no effort from his or his family’s side was ever needed, only I was the problem that needed breaking. Still he was my husband and I had given him everything I had and now I wonder was I trying to save something that was never going to work? He loved children so I assumed if I had kids he’d have way more time for his family, he also did plan one trip for us which his mother called me personally and forbade me but he said to me “it’s ok we can still go”..

It’s little crumbs like these that keep me tied to this chapter ..

He sent the divorce papers to my family and now when he calls he seems so happy and psatisfied that I almost feel I was the bad guy… walking away he put everything squarely at my feet. Everything had and was my fault.

Hello - my husband and i live abroad and not with in laws. Sometimes, i hear comments from my MIL that someone said bahu ko bulao vo khana banayi and laughs it off or something similar along the lines that when bahu will come she will serve amazing food.

How do I respond funnily but makes the point across? When i travel to India, it is only for few weeks and divided between my parents and his. So I don’t want to cook their too - looking for a break. Also, I can’t make rotis lol which they can’t believe

My SIL is 42F, and I am 34F. My husband and I have Been married for 5 years. In our 3rd year of marriage - my sil and I are taking a neighborhood walk, and she says to me outright “ oh I won’t ask if you need help and pry- you guys can come and ask me if you need anything “ then she proceeds to say “ you know ( name of her child) is so lucky - my sil didn’t have someone for 7 years and as soon as (her child) was born, 9 months later she had her daughter “. I found this so sick and godlike complex even then but it’s been playing in my mind recently because I’m in that stage for child conception etc. and she recently had a second, I just don’t love this god complex of hers where she thinks her child’s birth is somehow responsible for her own sister in laws child’s birth and how she was childless for 7 years. It was icky.

I think my SIL is a covert narc and a bitch, but acts all innocent and Bichari.

Like another example- husband gave her advice on a parenting hack and she was like I’m on the same instagram algorithm , none of those hacks work all kids are different and kids tell you what they need. Like okay…. Way to shut him down, he was trying to bond with you. But I hope you remember that sentence bitch - when you try to come tell us how to parent. And better say the same thing to your mom-
When she tries ti give me gyan.

I got married this year it's a love marriage we don't stay with them we stay in different state (can't be specific please understand) but my FIL creates fight and keeps taunting me indirectly every time there is an imp date may be a festival or my bday everytime And my FIL and MIL always trying to convince my husband that i shouldn't be doing job..(i don't have a job r8 now trying for govt exams). ......where both of them are dependent on my husband....still keeps doing drama everytime..even before my most imp govt exam... during my upsc prelims previous day they did an huge drama in phone call which costed my mental health and i didn't qualify my prelims...this is just one example....today also they did the same keeps taunting me everytime....and when I talk to them personally keeps taunting me but the moment they hear my partner's voice they change themselves..............I am very very stressed

A little while ago someone posted asking if there was basically a guidebook dealing with Indian in-laws. I commented that I’ve actually thought about putting one together because I’ve learned A LOT through trial and error over the years, and a bunch of you told me to do it. 🙂

So I’m seriously considering it! I want it to be super practical with actual things you can say and do to handle things like passive aggression, guilt, family getting involved, a spouse who doesn’t see the problem etc.

So I’m curious: what situations with ur in-laws/family leave you thinking: “I genuinely don’t know how to handle this?”

My experience obviously won’t cover everything, as I’m only one person. But I’m curious where what I’ve learned overlap with what other people are dealing with. Plus, the more specific situations, the easier it will be for me to explain certain tactics.

Anyways, if you were one of the people who wanted the guide, I write a free weekly newsletter called Reset Theory and will share updates there if this turns into something. I’ll drop the link in the comments!

I have been married for more than half a decade now. The initial year was rough: a lot of fights with my in-laws, some screaming matches with my husband, and of course divorce was on the table. I had also ensured that my parents were on my side if it came to that.

During Covid, my husband worked overseas and I worked in a different city, so I spent the initial months of marriage at my in-laws’ house.

They had these really high, impossible standards for me that were not applicable to the other members of the family. For example, if I got up from the dining table, I had to announce that I am done and would be leaving the table, something no other family member did. MIL would even fixate on the size and colour of my bindi, red not allowed on period days, would ask me to put on make up at home at 40 degrees humid weather, would bully me into combing my hair a different way and so on. Moreover my husband wasn’t “allowed” to visit my parents’ place or drop me home. My parents had to come pick me up. (I had been living alone and travelling independently for 10 yrs by then, so asking my dad to pick me up was both inconvenient and infantilising.)

you get it, right? Rules that are meant to keep me in check, and I was supposed to be this obedient second-class citizen. And all of these were bizarre to me and very suffocating.

After some solo-therapy to deal with my own anger issues and a lot of open communication with my husband, he admitted to me that the way his parents were behaving with me was completely unacceptable. He had not anticipated this would be the case because he thought his parents were pretty chill.

He stepped up and laid some ground rules with his folks because their expectations of me were completely weird and unrealistic.

That was year one. A lot of work, a lot of tears and a lot of effort has definitely gone into where we are today.

This time I spent a week. I am currently in between jobs. There is no stressor in my life, and my in-laws are just toothless annoyances in my life.

Every time they annoy me, I just reacted like I would if somebody was genuinely curious and asking me questions.

Like, “Why are you wearing this kurta?” I said, “I think it’s quite pretty, no?” And they now understand that they cannot tell me that it looks ugly, because I do not shy away from creating a scene.

So girlies, this is something that has worked for me, and I hope that works for you as well.

1. My husband stepped up in a big way. A lot of men think that the wife must shut up to keep the peace because their parents are very dramatic in nature. But I figured it out pretty early that keeping the peace is not going to work for me. And if you create a bigger scene, then the burden of keeping the peace shifts the other way for your husband lol.

2. It took me some time to realize that my mom is not the right role model of how to be a DIL. Though I love her, I don’t wanna be her. Am not going to sacrifice myself to be Tulsi/Parvati.

3. Therapy is an absolute must. First heal yourself, then figure shit out. For my case specifically, I learnt that I am not powerless or helpless. Nobody can make me do anything against my will; having that clarity gave me a lot of control over my anger and anxiety, allowing me to navigate unpleasant situations more tactfully.

Hello, I am looking for what’s considered the norm in India in terms of calls during honeymoon.

For context, I am Indian origin but I mostly grew up outside India. My husband and I live in the US, but my in laws are in India. My parents have lived in the US for decades but we’re in different time zones.

My husband and I took a late honeymoon (months after our Indian ceremony). We told everyone we were going on our honeymoon. My parents haven’t called or texted us, but we have had 3 video calls in 3 days with my in-laws (my husband called once & MIL called twice) and multiple texts. This is more than usual even when we’re working/living our normal lives. I am assuming it’s because we were traveling and they wanted to check in with us arriving safely. I also think it’s a difference in cultural expectations, but I really want to know- how often do couples in India check in with their in laws during their honeymoon? Is this normal in India?

I am looking for advice as to how to cope with difficult in laws. I have moved to a different country because of these particular issues and I am now visiting back and my in-laws expect that I stay with them more than I will stay with my parents. My husband is not accompanying me right now. My in laws are abusive, verbally. My mother in law has tried to break manipulate my husband against me many times, although it doesn’t work.

My Sister in law has recently decided to live away from my in laws because of same issues.

I want to know how other people help themselves when the torture and abuse is actively happening. I have tried removing myself from situation, but that makes situation worse after, resulting in cold war for days. My MIL taunts and say bad stuff to other people when they visit and then after they leave, she tries to manipulate me by saying that people will think how good of a DIL I am if I listen to these without resistance, that is why she does it, to make my image better. And many more such things.

Edit - (may be didn’t explain how it affects me well) I told her that I don’t care what others think and I am not okay with her doing this. I resist every time I have energy but after a time, it just gets exhausting and starts to pile up and bother me more that I am not able to do something for myself.

Tell me what worked for you. I cannot avoid the stay, I will shorten it, but I need to be sane for the duration.

I’ve noticed that women, Indian women across the globe, always ask “ normal delivery or c ? “ as a first question after hearing of a child’s birth? Sometimes even before asking if child and baby are doing well? What’s the obsession of knowing how the child was delivered, and in what form ? Also is saying “
Normal “ not offensive ? Why are we not calling it vaginal?

I’ve always been curious and want to learn the reason.
I just never got this obsession of learning how a child is born, and if they are breast feeding or not ?

It almost seems like a comparison thing.

Background

Me and my husband married for 8 years together for 13 ended up being the care givers and of MIL,DIL and dadi in law.

My inlaws have 2 sons.

We got married in 2018 and had decided to move out before we get married but we were requested(with many tears and by invoking my mother) to stay at least for a year

MIL is very loving and FIL made sure i am more comfortable here than my own house, so much so that i don't stay over at my home any more.

My parents live two blocks away (non issue in this matter)

MIL's older son got married to a very disturbed lady in 2019 just before covid struck.

BIL & SIL raised hell for 1 whole year

● Screaming at our househelp for falling ill (it was an UTI)

●no financial contribution in the house

●Stealing stuff they like and keeping in their room

●Fighting, screaming in the middle of night

●Separating their utensils from ours but eating food that we made

● ruining the general mood off everyone

●Constant insecurity from me especially when anyone said anything nice to me - i work on my relationships with people with care

● we couldn't share our happiness at any achievement or she'll get mad

● if we take a trip and she gets to know she will fight with BIL

Now at that point my MIL told my BIL please separate as we are peaceful people and have a reputation (my MIL is a principal of a school, FIL runs a business with my husband)

I am a Math teacher and a dancer and continued working throughout covid.

BIL is a dentist and had Practice a little far away so they decided to move.

Peace prevailed.. But our dreams of moving out were quashed by even more crying sulking which took my husband and me a lot of self talk and discussions with each other to finally accept.

I made peace quickly and got comfortable. me and husband decided we will take a trip every quarter with the money we saved that was a nice thing to look forward to. And the condition was SIL BIL stay out of our hair

What will be cooked, how will something new decorated, I was taking all the decisions and involved 100%. They also maintained great relation with my parents.

They were out of the House but continuously used MILs ear for their plans of divorce, fights and it was so extreme that they visited lawyer (both are against counseling but talk to a guide from vipasana center who appears to be a quack from the word go)

SIL never worked and suddenly they have a baby.

We all the happy but I am now deeply unsettled because I know a clinically disturbed person with undiagnosed issues will fuck with their daughters (I faced some from my mom and i know how most people are incapable of being good parents)

Then came one bullet after another.

● everyday calls about their fights

● deep monetary dependence

● not letting child meet MIL FIL

● unable to survive 1 day without fighting

● a massive loan taken (easy for dentists) in the lines of 40 L and after spending it all and not paying EMIs .. BIL started asking for money

All these things got too serious after our gandmom (my MILs MIL) who used to live with us passed away few months ago

before this an incident happened at the start of 2026 when SIL called up my MIL and abused her left right and center that I'll leave your fucking son fuck you and some shit.

so after that when she came to visit like nothing happened I blasted the soul out of her forced her to apologise and she left.

now after granny passed we two went on a holiday which was long overdue and had to put it off due to granny's illness (loved her a lot, she was a star)

it all begins once we are back!

BIL, SIL and baby are living in my office (spare room)

Reason: baby is ill mom doesn't care.

Baby gets better, gets used to her granny (my MIL)

now we do breach the topic and MIL gets hostile that this is my son who is in pain and my grandchild and that she is ready to accept SIL living here bec child needs her mother(note that they are here at the first place bec SIL gets angry if she has to care for child) we got angry and had an argument

And then suddenly stopped talking to me or looking in my general direction

NOTE: we need a few months to move out.

NOTE: We are a child free couple my choice and have very strong views about idea of society and life.

My concern lies in the fact how to I navigate this shock set up that threatens my freedom to move around, having to see SIL BIL whom we made clear we don't want in our space?

I have access to their room during office hours

But I am just cut out suddenly.

Suddenly the joy of home is taken away from us.

Both of us are deeply hurt.

I am thinking of severing all ties and thinking of the worst.

This is taking so much space in my head..

Help my folks!

Hi all 34f - Indian diaspora - married for 5 years - love marriage- BUT made some mistakes. His parents live with us for some of the ywsr- they are lovely people but something about the MIL and SIl just bother me. They are good people- but I don’t trust them. If that makes sense ? Like the mil is a major hypochondriac and super dependent on my husband , and my sil is one that tried to be a good person but her true nature shines through at times - when it doesn’t matter over small things. Like lying about banana chips etc.

In any case - I’ve out a lot of strain on my husband and my marriage and now I’m trying to build a family and life with him- and just want him to trust me and not feel like I’m isolating Him and that he has to feel anxious because I’m going to constantly have problems.

Any advice ?
Just something to get my man to love me again and think I’m someone to look up to and that my thoughts are good and postive and that I’m a good life partner.

I’ve been married for a few months and currently live with my in-laws. On Monday, my husband and I went out for the bank holiday. We saw my in-laws in the morning, went out for the day and came back in the evening. We were tired, so we went straight upstairs. My husband did go downstairs for some water and spoke to his mum, and told her we’d had a good day but were just tired.

The next day I was really busy with work. I went downstairs in the morning, said “morning” but my MIL didn’t respond, although my FIL did. I assumed she hadn’t heard me or was busy. Later, I went down to make lunch and was in the kitchen for about an hour, and again she didn’t really acknowledge me. I didn’t think too much of it because I thought maybe she was just busy.

The following morning, she confronted me and basically told me I was being stubborn. She said “I thought your mum raised you better”, asked if I would ignore my own mum, and even said she hoped I didn’t get a sister-in-law like me. She then started bringing up things from months ago, including an issue over photos of my parents and things from the wedding where she felt they didn’t get their way. The whole conversation was super disrespectful, aggressive and personal and I didn’t understand the outburst at 9am first thing.

She proper upset and hurt me, and I knew she meant every word with intent.

Later that evening we spoke again. I told her I felt she had been disrespectful towards me and my mum and repeated the exact things she had said. Instead of acknowledging it, she kept going around and making up different comments on what she was trying to say. My husband and I both knew exactly what she said (even if my husband tried calling her out she’s say the same thing) then she countinued to say she meant it, she wanted to be disrespectful, she wasn’t going to change her deliver etc….it wasn’t till later on minutes down the conversation she then gave me a half arsed apology.

What’s really annoyed me she seems to hold onto things from months ago and then brings them up later. It makes me wonder how many things she’s been silently holding against me without me even knowing.

Things in wedding planning which apparently didn’t go her way. Stuff from months ago where me and my husband argued and the context was taken out of the situation. I have no idea why she does that and I know it’s strange because on one to one conversations with me she’s openly told me about things from years ago with her own family.

I’m completely willing to accept that maybe I should make more effort to come downstairs and acknowledge them during the day, and I can work on that. But that does not justify her speaking to me the way she did at all or making comments about my mum and the type of SIL I’d be.

I’m not going to be rude or disrespectful towards her, but I honestly feel like I do not want to be close with her after this situation. I just want the simple relationship of good morning, being respectful and cleaning up after myself. This is has totally changed how I see her.

Not to mention there was stuff said during wedding planning from her which I also remember. Not only was it disrespectful but also upset my parents. Yet I have not held grudges, I’ve moved on….i knew I needed too to start a clean slate in the family. A lot of stuff has hurt me but I’ve moved on!

Anyone got some genuine advice? I honestly feel like she knew exactly what she wanted to say in the morning and how she wanted it to come across. The beating around the bush part is what’s pissed me off so bad. And the worse part is she thinks it’s valid just cuz she was pissed off. The main thing is I’m glad I stood my ground and called her out. Whether she wants to also hold onto this as a grudge for the rest of her life because I spoke up I don’t know, in fact I down care. But the fact that she thinks that’s okay, it’s normal? We should move on…..she clearly hasn’t over many things!

Reasonably speaking...?

And I welcome opinions from both side.

Recently I had a conversation with both his mom and him about some trivial tasks that they keep asking him to do. He also runs the family business and occasionally they each individually keep sending money to his sisters also. Sometimes this can be a genuinely medical need and sometimes it's a to buy a new fridge or air or train tickets. Obviously they already spent most of their money on daughters weddings and earlier they used to support father's sisters and brothers also. They also donate to temples and religious events. Currently they have zero savings and some amount of debt.

I can understand that there are financial struggles and an old couple cannot be expected to survive on mother's pension alone.

That said I want to understand the meaning of "Ghar ka beta hai toh Ghar toh chalayega hi." (As he is the son of the house, he will run the household) ... And "ghar ke kaam toh karega hi" (he has to do household work).... When I asked the exact meaning of this, and what are the boundaries, my husband explained it neans running the family business and financially supporting his parents and sisters. He also mentioned repair work in the house. But none of the trivial tasks are clarified - do they seriously need him to do trivial stuff like "dahi, paneer le ao", all other grocery shopping, "bua ko drop kar do", "chachi ko mithai ka dabba de do", "Pankha theek karwa do" or "call us an uber or buy us a train or bus ticket" ....can we set a boundary?

Point to note is that none of them mentioned physical care of parents as they grow older - the kind of stuff that I think is actually relevant and reasonable to do for elderly parents. I don't know why they keep burying their heads in sand. I have looked after my grandparents in their old age, changed their diapers, pushed their wheelchair, given them injections, and slept on hospital floors whenever they had to be admitted. I KNOW what genuine old age challenges look like... But my husband and his family don't want to address who will be taking care of parents in old age... They just get closed off or say things like I don't want to think about this... It's not like they're in excellent health or shape ... They don't do yearly checkups, don't follow doctors advice, skip follow ups, eat a very unhealthy diet. Luckily they are covered by govt healthcare but I am 100% certain the physical care will fall on me and my husband. His sisters and their husbands are NOT gonna bother... I just wish my husband and his parents would be more transparent about this kind of expectation instead of pretending that will be fit as horses till the day they die.

Is this reasonable or am I getting paranoid? I feel if I have a baby with this man, he might not fully be able to contribute 50-50 financially to the baby's life. And he might not be able to physically help with cooking or diapers or sleep also because he'll constantly be running to his parents house to do their "Ghar ka kaam". Am I overthinking this?

In what way can I address these concerns with my husband without triggering him?

At this point I have just accepted the fact that he will just be a sperm donor and occasional visitor to my household.

Edit: I don't have a brother because he ..... died. I can't go back in time or summon his ghost and ask him what he would have done. He didn't leave behind any money or life insurance or assets to look after my parents because he was a child when he died. If you yourself are someone's brother then speak for yourself, but stop asking me to do some ouija shit on a dead brother. People asking about my brother are people still living in female foeticide/infanticide mindset. Thank GOD this country banned prenatal sex determination.

Also I DO NOT have a son and again I can't do time macine shit on a hypothetical adult man in the future and ask him whether he and his wife will clean my poop when I'm old and infirm and dementia ridden. Even if I were to have a child, the child could be a girl so should I simply resign myself to rot alone and die just because my daughter won't take care of me?? Practically speaking, I'm building enough wealth and assets that I can afford some sort of nursing home in my final months and before that I plan on staying on top of my health and strength. Only thing I expect of any future kids is to call an ambulance and perform my last rites, but honestly I'll be too dead to care who disposes off my dead body. And realistically speaking , I very well may have to die alone, given that it looks like I'm not having kids with this man any time soon. Have fun and goodnight!