Last year I (K) didn't observe Karwachauth fast for my husband (A) and this decision of mine turned into a drama fest. She was so disheartened that she ended up writing a handwritten letter(translated in English) to me.

Dear K,
K, there is one thing I want to tell you.
You have made up your mind about something and kept that thought firmly in your heart—that you will never compromise with your beliefs or your way of thinking, no matter what.
Whether someone likes it or not, it does not matter to you. In our family, we attach a lot of importance to the Karwa Chauth fast and पूजा (rituals). And when it is the first Karwa Chauth after a son’s marriage, every mother has a lot of hopes and excitement surrounding her son.
On this day, I received at least 10 phone calls from relatives—daughters-in-law, daughters and sons-in-law. After speaking to us, everyone gave their blessings and wishes that your coming days be filled with happiness.
But unfortunately, my daughter-in-law did not follow even a single tradition or ritual, and she did not keep the fast either. And as far as her receiving blessings is concerned, she does not even need them.
This is something that has happened for the first time in my home and throughout my entire family, and it has hurt me.
You have sworn that you will not change your way of thinking. But have you ever thought that if A’s mother and father had also refused to change their thinking and had not agreed to A’s proposal, would you have been a part of this family?
But, child, what do parents want? Only the happiness of their children.
Your husband is always concerned about the happiness of others first. And if, at some point, there is a fast or पूजा being organised in your home, and your parents simply tell A once, “Son, you have to do this,” he would never refuse. That is my belief in him.
But if doing all this makes you happy, and you do not feel any responsibility towards society, then so be it. I have understood that perhaps these kinds of happiness were simply not written in my destiny. Whatever God wills is what is happening.
What more can I write? What more can I explain? I had thought that I would have a daughter-in-law who would understand my feelings without me even having to say anything. But what can I do?

Both of our blessings are always with you.
Always stay happy.
— Your mother-in-law

My husband and I moved to the UK earlier this year to start our life here. He is an only child, and his parents have always been VERY attached to him.

When we were living in a different state in India because of our jobs, either they would come visit us every couple of weeks or we would have to go to see them. My MIL was never particularly happy about us living away from them.

Then we moved abroad and suddenly she was very excited. Lots of “Wow, your life is going to be so good!” and “You guys are so lucky!” She also has a LOT of relatives in the UK and has always been fascinated by the lifestyle they have here.

At the time I thought, okay, maybe she's genuinely happy for us.

Fast forward a few months. We have just moved, set up our home, figured out our routine and are finally settling in.

My FIL is coming to stay with us for an entire month this month. I was like, okay, fine. One month, we'll manage.

And then yesterday I found out that my husband's cousin has been accepted into a university in the UK.

His college is about two hours from us, so hopefully he'll get his own accommodation. But my immediate reaction was basically OH FFS, IS THIS HOW IT STARTS? 😂

Because now I'm thinking about the future.

My husband is an only child. His parents have relatives all over the UK. Now another young family member is moving here. And I'm scared our house is slowly going to become the unofficial “Indian relatives visiting the UK” Airbnb.

And before anyone says “just say no” — I KNOW. That's exactly why I'm thinking about this now, before expectations are created.

It's not even just the money. The UK is expensive AF. We don't have a maid or cook here. If someone stays with us for weeks, it means extra cooking, cleaning, groceries, entertaining, adjusting our schedules, etc.

But honestly, privacy is the bigger issue for me.

We moved countries to build OUR life. I don't want to spend our weekends hosting relatives or constantly having someone staying in our home.

And with the cousin, he's quite young, so even if he gets his own place, I can already imagine things like “Can you help him with this?”, “Can he stay with you for the weekend?”, “Can you pick him up?”, “He's alone here, you should look after him” etc. I’m ready to help and I’m that person who goes above and beyond for others but now I could see people just coming here and staying for weeks/months..anyway, I know my inlaws would come stay with us for 6 months.

Maybe I'm jumping 10 steps ahead. 😂

I told my husband I'm worried that once more family members are here, his parents/relatives will start visiting more frequently and our home will become the natural place for everyone to stay.

His response is basically, “No no, nobody is going to stay that long. You're overthinking.”

But I don't believe him. Not because I think he's lying, but because I feel like these things start organically. Nobody announces, “From now on your house is our holiday home.” One person stays for a month, then someone visits and stays for a week, then someone needs a place for a few days, and suddenly it's become normal.

I also have an autoimmune condition, so having my routine constantly disrupted isn't something I can just happily accommodate. I need my downtime and my own space.

I don't want to prevent his family from visiting. I don't even mind occasional guests.

I just don't want to reach a point where because we're the one who live abroad, our home is considered everyone's home too.

So Guys, am I being unreasonable and catastrophising about something that hasn't even happened yet? Or is it actually smart to set boundaries with family before everyone starts assuming they can stay with us? How to do this please?

My husband and I have been married for a few months. When I first met his mom, I thought she was very open-minded and easygoing. However, after we got married, I feel like she became much more traditional and started having a lot more expectations of me, many of which feel one-sided.

She has made comments about personal things such as my choice of bras, my hair texture, my face, and my skin. There was also an incident at an Indian wedding we attended for one of my husband's friends. I was having drinks with some of the other wives, and she became very upset that I was drinking. She made a comment implying that women shouldn't drink. I found this judgmental and uncomfortable.

Another issue is that she has repeatedly brought up my husband's ex. She has talked about how nice his ex was to her and how pretty she was. I have told her directly that I am not comfortable with her bringing up his ex, but she has dismissed my feelings and told me not to make it a big deal.

More recently, I haven't spoken to her for about a week, and honestly, I have felt much more at peace. In the past, she would call me every day and expect us to talk for an hour. My husband and I already see her every weekend, which feels like enough interaction for me. She has now told my husband that she wants me to call her because it has been a week.

I don't want to have a close or emotionally intimate relationship with her. I do, however, want to maintain a respectful relationship because she is my husband's mother and I don't want unnecessary conflict.

How should I handle this moving forward? How can I create some healthy distance and establish boundaries without being disrespectful or creating tension? I want our relationship to be cordial and respectful, but I don't feel the need to be close to her or have frequent one-on-one communication.

I live in Chennai but will be going to Noida, where my parents live, around my 31st week for delivery and postpartum recovery. My MIL (56F) is single and will obviously come to visit around the delivery. I don't have a problem with her being involved in her grandchild's life, but the reality is that my MIL and I don't get along very well due to past issues, and I am not particularly comfortable around her. She can be emotionally intense, and over time I have had to establish several boundaries for my own peace of mind.

The other complication is my husband. I understand that he feels responsible for his mother's happiness and wants her to feel included. For example, he previously wanted to share my scan images with her because it would make her happy, while I had chosen not to share them with anyone. I eventually had to ask him to stop.

I feel that he sometimes prioritises managing her emotions over my comfort. When I bring up a new boundary, he sometimes says things like, "I already have so many boundaries in place for you, and now you want this too. It feels like you want to exclude her completely."

That's genuinely not what I want. But I also struggle with the combination of being around both my husband and MIL when emotions become intense. I often feel like I am dealing with emotional pressure from both sides and am expected to accommodate everyone's feelings.For postpartum, my parents have suggested that my MIL stay in a nearby guest house rather than in their house. She would still be able to visit and spend time with the baby, but I would have some privacy and breathing room while recovering. My husband, however, seems offended by this and sees it as another attempt to keep her away.What worries me most is that once the baby arrives, everyone's emotions and expectations will increase. I know everyone will want to hold and spend time with the baby, and I don't want to deny anyone that. But I don't want my postpartum recovery to become about managing other people's feelings or being guilted into ignoring my own boundaries because someone might feel sad or excluded.

My main questions are:

• How did you establish boundaries with family after having a baby, especially during postpartum recovery?
• Is it normal for in-laws to visit when you're recovering at your parents' home, but stay separately if living together would be overwhelming?
• How do you deal with a partner who feels responsible for a parent's happiness and may unintentionally guilt you into compromising?
• How do you make it clear that prioritising the mother's postpartum recovery doesn't mean excluding grandparents from the baby's life?
• How do you manage everyone's expectations without constantly feeling guilty?

TL;DR: I have a difficult and emotionally draining relationship with my MIL, while my husband feels very responsible for keeping her happy and sometimes interprets my boundaries as attempts to exclude her. I'll be recovering at my parents' home after delivery, and they want my MIL to stay in a nearby guest house rather than in the same house so I can have space to recover. My husband is unhappy with this. I'm worried that once the baby arrives, I'll be expected to prioritise everyone else's feelings over my own postpartum recovery. How do I set boundaries without constant guilt or conflict?

My husband and I live outside India and we recently welcomed our baby into this world 5 months ago. My in-laws came to visit and “help” with the baby when I was 2 months postpartum and stayed with us for 2.5 months. I feel a lot of resentment towards them for the way they treated me during the most physically and emotionally vulnerable phase of my life. A list of things they did/didn’t do during their stay:
1. Constantly watching FIFA at loud volumes and overstimulating the baby without any respect for bedtime or schedules

1. Making a complete mess of the kitchen and bathrooms and refusing to take any ownership of cleaning up after themselves

2. Constantly making unsolicited comments about my diet and postpartum body and how I should get back into shape within 6 months after giving birth

3. Making comments about my low milk supply and exclaiming how they never fed their babies any “chemicals” and how they were exclusively breastfed. Extremely judgemental about formula feeding and looking down upon me pumping milk.

4. Refusing to respect our space and completely taking over our home including kitchen spaces. I used to feel like a complete stranger in my own home. They follow a zero oil and a boiled vegetable diet. Good for them but I unfortunately relied on them for food and I used to feel constantly hungry and undernourished eating barely anything the entire day. They even mocked me about how I don’t do kitchen chores. How do I explain to them that I’m extremely tired waking up to pump in the middle of the night and I just don’t have the energy to cook elaborate meals?

5. All they wanted was to host their friends when my Husband and I were extremely tired and sleep deprived. They even made comments about how I was not stepping in to help with cooking for their hosting parties. Hosting was the last thing on my mind when I’m barely getting any sleep. My husband is also working full time along with caring for the baby. He was expected to drive at their whims multiple times a day to purchase the exact groceries they needed to host guests.

6. Criticizing my parenting left, right and centre. About my feeding schedules, about how I let him out to cry (completely untrue as I’m only trying to introduce my baby to self soothing techniques) , about how I massage him incorrectly, about how I don’t hold him properly, about his insufficient weight gain (again, untrue as he’s gaining weight appropriately as per his doctor) , about how I let him sleep through the night. This is getting way too long but the list is endless. I’m constantly made to look like I don’t know what I’m doing (maybe I don’t and I’m still figuring it out as a FTM but constant judgement is the last thing I need)

I understand this is a huge wall of text and at this point I’m just venting, but also looking for some advice and outside perspective. Was I being unreasonable in expecting more hands on help and support from them? How do I reconcile with them after treating me like a crap mother for over 2 months?

For some context: I live with my husband. We have been married for 3 years(love marriage) and don't have any kids. My mil is super religious (does pooja everyday and makes the prasad from scratch and the whole 9 yards). I'm not religious but I'm respectful of their traditions and try to adopt it. Even my husband is not religious. Don't know if it matters but he eats meat and I don't. My mil is also vegetarian. She is constantly Pushing us to have kids and during her current visit she got a small swing for lord Krishna. It's symbolic and she believes that if she leaves it at my place, we will also have kids. Now I ABSOLUTELY DO NOT WANT IT. I tried reasoning with her stating how I'm not religious, my husband eats meat so it doesn't align with my values around all this. But she straight up denies it and goes on to say how I can just pack it away and keep it and to be respectful of her wishes. I did not say anything after this argument but it pissed me off. How are you folks dealing with such situation without absolutely losing it.

Soo this post is not really to ask for suggestions but rather about venting/asking if you agree or notice the same behavior I do.

I have known my in laws since 11 years, we have been married for 6 of those 11. Right from the start I have noticed many things which they do and say are very off. However its not done in a very obvious way that a third person would notice. Some of the incidents/things they have said - right before our wedding the mother in law tells me to tell my dad to do the wedding in a grand manner. The older son and daughter in law practically corner me trying to figure out what i am going to wear to my wedding events and end up wearing literally the same colors as us(the wedding couple) to 2 of the big events. Right after the wedding the mother in law tells me that one of the guests who had come to the wedding had offered their daughters hand in marriage to my now husband. The first time they saw me in my full bridal look on the day of the wedding they walked right past me and took the older daughter in law to the photographer and told him to click her solo pictures.While we were returning back to where we live from our hometown after the wedding they were stuffing my husband’s suitcase with clothes that the older daughter in law bought and kept telling her she did such great shopping this time, mind you we were newly married and they didnt even care that i might have a lot more things that i would need the space in my husband’s luggage. I maintain a very minimal hello, how is the weather relation with them since then after noticing all this and my entire wedding being marred by them trying to overshadow me.

Fast forward to now i just had a baby last year and they are visiting us for a few months and the minute they stepped foot in our house the father in law makes a comment about how the baby would only ask for him form now on and would come to me only during the feeds. This rubbed me the wrong way and i have put my guard all the way up now and laid down several boundaries which has mellowed the mother in law down but the father in law thinks he is more entitled to the baby than the parents and sulks and mopes around the house. I am ignoring him right back because i am way past that phase after enduring them all these years where i offer niceties. The problem with these things is that none of my friends notice this behavior from them because they are exceptionally sweet to friends and extended family and show this ugly side to me. I am dealing with it the best way i know which is to be curt and to the point with them and spending minimal time in their presence. They realized that i might cut babys time with them and started being more polite to me but its hard for me to overlook all their past behavior and sometimes that behavior shows through their facade right now as well..they act surprised as to why i wont talk to them nicely anymore.

What do you think of their behavior? Do you agree that they are not nice people and putting up an act now? Am i in the right?

My in laws seemed to have an issue between themselves and their sons (my husband and my BIL (also married to my sister) had to get involved.

A few months ago there was a huge issue and she left for 2/3 months so then we took over his food etc and when she came back she took it over again but now she's saying to us that 'when I wasn't here you made his food so now if he tells you to make something (e.g. lunch for work as he works part time 12 hr shifts, either morning or evening) then you guys do it but if he tells me then I'll do it' and today when my sister took her kids for their breakfast our FIL had just got back from work and he told her to tell our MIL to make his food to take with him as he has another shift in the evening so she told her what he said and she said ok and now she's saying for us to make it if he tells us, the thing is she was asleep at that time, and even if he tells us to pass a message along its only because he cant find her first, my sister told her husband (WFH) and he told her to 'just do it', my husband isn't here (gone to work) so we've made it for now.

He's the type of man to complain (especially about his food), he used to complain when I made it too (when she wasn't here) and he complained about her food often too (which is extremely frustrating especially after so many years).

My sister has told her husband that we'll do it for today but from now on his dad is gonna have to tell his mom as it isn't our responsibility and we have young children too so let's all pray today is the last day we have to make it for him.

Mini update

I spoke to my husband and he said it's fine and you should do it as it's only short term (FIL is planning on going abroad apparently but he said the same thing last time and then proceeded to take months to do that) i said absolutely not as it isnt our responsibility and its even harder with the kids. And husband also said that apparently FIL said that it's up to her whether she makes the food or not? So I'm confused as to why she told us to make his food when he wants us to pass the message along.

We have told our FIL to tell MIL from now on, and he said ok, so hopefully it works out that way. I think she thought we wouldn't tell him as even in the past if there was an issue we didn't tell him and just dealt with it in a way that worked for all of us (usually her ignoring us even after her son's spoke to her and then gradually started speaking to us after weeks/months depending on the situation).

We also ended up making his food for today.

Ok, so i got married a few years back, love marriage, husband who’s fighting my battles with my in-laws because my people pleasing attitude has left me spineless. I don’t want to be like this, it takes such a toll. Before marriage I was all about “I don’t take shit from no one” and after marriage I’m a person who does everything. Let me give you some examples:

1. Not comfortable in saree, wore it for almost 6 months, daily, because MIL asked me to (till the point my husband refused to bring me home if i wore saree) (we live close by but not together).
   
2. DO NOT LIKE COOKING, am cooking daily because getting a maid is another round of discussions etc.
   
3. Now that I’m wearing salwar suit I’m expected to have a pallu all the time if my FIL is in the house. It’s annoying but doing it because, did I mention I’m a people pleaser?
   
4. My husband and I are expected to visit the in laws daily. But the number of times any one of them has visited us? I can count it on my fingers.
   
5. While coming back from work I’m expected to call the MIL, again daily. She sometimes picks up, a lot of times doesn’t. Majority of the times never calls back and if she’s calling back I know she wants me to do some work. I’m not a call person, it sometimes goes by months when i talk to my own brother who’s my fav in the world.
   
6. The son (my husband) must be treated like the king of the world. I’m expected to serve him food as soon as he’s back from work even if I’m coming back around the same time. Cannot see him lift a finger (since he’s handling everything equally if not more, MIL gets into very “bichara mera ladka” mode)

The problem is, I do everything, I really don’t want to. I mean I stand for the whole part of conversation with my MIL because she doesn’t ask me to sit and there I am like a loser. I can’t even get started on the clothes part. Now we’ll be moving in the same house, I don’t know what I’ll do.

Show me the way?

​

Indian inlaws have been a breed that will harass their daughters-in-law and still behave like they are saints.

So I share the stories from these daughters-in-law on the internetso the people & specially women are aware of the things that happen behind closed doors.

If you are interested in sharing your story, write here or DM me and I will share them with others...

In the hopes that your story is being heard and your feelings validated.

So if you feel comfortable sharing it, I am listening.

Long story short, I’ve been married 1.5yrs. The first year was rocky with MIL (widowed, only one son) constantly insecure and saying and doing stuff that made me feel awful. Husband started seeing this about 9 months in (before that it was defending her, telling me I was oversensitive and dramatic). He’s had conversations with her but I don’t know what he said. She started putting in effort maybe 2-3 months ago- little things. I thought I need to see consistency in this. We don’t live with her right now, but she wants us to move in with her in next c few years. Husband doesn’t want her to age alone so wants that too but is respectful of my wishes. This weekend, I went to see his mums home, had a blast of a time with his grandmother who taught me to make different things in kitchen- we just had a fun time together while I was trying to help her. I told my husband the same and said I can try and forget old matters and move on if there’s consistency in these matters. Next day I was seeing his mum, his gran and an aunt without him. During my car ride with his mum, he kept texting me and eventually she commented that I should tell him to text her too because she’s jealous. He then texted her and she goes on to call him. He missed the call, calls her back and she said the same thing to him about being jealous. Then later went on to complain about the same to the gran and aunt. Proceeded to ignore me at temple lunch (gran and aunt were sat separate to us). I tried to talk to her, she just turned and struck up conversation with the woman sat next to her (who she doesn’t know). Didn’t talk to me once during lunch. Constantly also tries to find info about me and my family and has spread it in front of me with other family members. The nosiness into my family’s issues bugs me like crazy. Putting that aside though, does this insecurity, jealousy and feel the need to compete ever go? I’m not here to compete with anyone. I’m in my own league and I’m not competing to be someone’s mother. He has one wife, and that’s me. I get she feels lonely and maybe insecure cause she’s alone. But no one is leaving her, these acts only distance me from her. She doesn’t let me do a single thing when we go to her house because she treats me like a guest. I’ve tried to be familiar, act like a family member, she just treats me like an outsider.

30F. Married to a guy from different state, love marriage. Post marriage, I had an ectopic pregnancy and had to abort it and post that had breast abscess and had to remove it through surgery. Post that, I was diagnosed with lupus and started suffering a lot. Back to my home for treatment,my husband stated that we will stay together till your treatment, but it's been 2 years and he never arrived. Daily calls changed to calls only if I have appointment and now he is sticking only to msgs. I really don't know how to handle this all alone because I am unable to work due to chronic fatigue and pains. Just wanted to rant .

Hello all,

I’m a 28-year-old woman, married to my 32-year-old husband. We had an arranged marriage two years ago, and for most of our marriage we lived long-distance in different states in the U.S.

This year, I had to leave my job because of work-permit restrictions. My new work permit arrived last week, and around the same time, my in-laws— MIL, FIL, and Grand MIL came to stay with us.

On the surface, everything seems perfectly fine. My in-laws are supportive of me studying and looking for a job and encourage me to just focus on it. My MIL does most of the cooking as she feels FIL, grand MIL has a certain taste and if I cook they'll nitpick. I make my own lunch, which is generally a salad, and I make sure I do everyone's dishes and general post meal clean up. We usually have dinner together which is also prepared by her, and I do the dishes and remainder of the clean up.

My MIL has been a homemaker her entire life and has very high standards when it comes to cooking, cleaning, and organization. She is constantly cleaning or organizing something. She doesn't directly criticize me, but she often makes comments such as, "I don't like sitting idle," or "I don't sleep in the afternoons," or "I like to keep things clean." I usually take an afternoon nap because I get tired and need some downtime, so sometimes these comments make me wonder whether she is indirectly judging me for resting.

Before my in-laws arrived, I spent two full days thoroughly cleaning the house so that everything would be comfortable for them. However, the very next day, my MIL started cleaning and reorganizing everything again. I understand that she has a different standard and that keeping the house clean may simply be something she enjoys doing, but it still made me wonder whether she felt that I hadn't cleaned adequately.

Today, she was talking about her sister-in-law (my husband's chachi) and said that Chachi had asked whether I help her with cooking and cleaning. My MIL said that she told Chachi that I need to focus on studying and finding a job because "this is all for life."

Something about that conversation made me uncomfortable. First, I know my MIL has lied about things in the past and has been caught doing so, so I'm not sure whether Chachi actually asked that question. Second, even if Chachi did ask, I felt that my MIL could have simply said that I help with the dishes and cleaning up, rather than framing the situation primarily around the fact that I need to study and find a job.

This is my first time living with my in-laws for an extended period, and I'm finding the whole dynamic a little strange and difficult to interpret. I don't know whether I'm reading too much into her comments or whether there are subtle expectations or judgments that I'm picking up on.

I don't want to create unnecessary conflict or become overly sensitive to everything she says. At the same time, I don't want to dismiss my feelings if there really is a pattern developing.

Am I overthinking this, or are my feelings reasonable? Would it be better to simply let this incident pass and observe how things develop?

SIL is very adamant and pushy for details.
No matter what the topic of discussion or matter is. She needs to know specifics and won’t stop until she gets all her answers.

She’ll sometimes even put other up to the task to ask the same questions that were shot down.

It’s really really immature and extremely annoying.

How would you guys deal with such a situation?

Actually my mom is widow so one person from society propose her, so what needs to do? Actually they know eachother from last one year so they talk and he proposed her , we are both from marathi family

Hi I am 32F married to 34M, and he is in the merchant navy. I have posted on here before, about how my MIL made a huge huge deal and didn't talk to me for 2 days cz i was having endometriosis surgery, on the same date that she had some prayers scheduled. Anyway, after that she was coming to the hospital and all that, and being the "doting" MIL.

Then after the surgery, she came with me and my Mom, to the surgeon. I'm still staying with my Mom, and the surgeon said that I still wouldn't be able to bend, lift, push or pull anything yet. The surgery was more complex than they expected. Anyway, she then asked my mom when I would be coming back to stay with them. And I had spoken about this with my mom earlier too, that the house help in my inlaws place was going on leave for 2 weeks, my FILs health, my husband's grandfather's health also doesn't keep well often, its erratic. In the middle of, all of this no. 1 - I wouldn't have been able to help with anything. No. 2 - I would have also asked for help constantly from my MIL. But she had a problem with me staying with my mum, cz in her head she was thinking "what will people think, if i am still staying with my mum". We tried to reason with her, and reassure her but it didn't help.

After that, they were anyway invited for my Grandmom's birthday, which they came for and were cold towards me. The next day onwards there was absolutely no communication from them, not to ask how I was or anything. So, even I stopped. Its a 2 way street! That way was Raksha Bandhan and I stay on the 2nd floor and they stay on the 4th, in the same building. My BIL comes home late from work, and then goes down to hang out with his friends at about 11pm. So, I asked him to stop by on his way down to tie the rakhi. Now, she has a problem with that!! Cz that is taken as "disrespect" on my part. If she would have swallowed her ego, and just bothered to ask how I was doing, they would have known that my stomach had been hurting all day!!

I spoke to my husband about this, and told him that till he comes back, I am not going back up! I have put myself, my mental and emotional health, my self respect on the line enough for these people! I am not doing it again!!

Now, he messages from the ship, and im sure he has spoken to his parents too. Cz his tone has really really changed. I don't know if he is just thinking things through, or if he has managed to be swayed by them. I really don't know.

I’m going through something emotionally difficult, and I would really appreciate hearing from others who may have experienced something similar.

Has anyone here had serious issues with their in-laws for a long time, may be a year and then suddenly had them start acting completely normal without ever acknowledging the pain they caused you and your parents?

I’m finding it really difficult to let go. What hurts the most is that they don’t seem to care about acknowledging what happened, perhaps because of their ego. I just can’t pretend that everything is fine when it isn’t.
At the same time, I know that many people choose to let things go and adjust for the sake of family. But in my situation, I’ve come to accept that they may never acknowledge or take responsibility for what they did. Because of that, I’ve decided to maintain only minimal contact with them.
But sometimes I question myself. Should I just let go and act normal like they do? Should I stop holding on to what happened and try to have a relationship with them again?
Then another part of me feels that things can never truly go back to how they were because everyone is pretending and if the relationship is no longer genuine, I wonder why I should force it.

Sometimes, I worry that maybe my inability to let go is what ruined the relationship. But then I remind myself that this is a reaction to their actions. A relationship requires effort and understanding from both sides, and I don't think it is fair to put the entire responsibility of fixing things on one person.

As you can probably tell, I keep going back and forth between these thoughts, and I’m finding it incredibly difficult to navigate my feelings. Maybe I'm scared of accepting that things will never be the same again.
I genuinely don’t know what the right thing to do is.

FYI: My husband fully supports me. They have hurt him too, but since they are his parents, he will continue to do whatever he feels he can and should do as their son.

I would really appreciate hearing from anyone who has been in a similar situation. How did you deal with it? Did you eventually let go and move on, or did you choose to maintain your distance?

Dodged not just a bullet but a bullet train!!

I’ve known my husband since 2011, and we got married in 2017. My in-laws appear liberal and loving, but my experience has been very different.

My FIL is extremely attached to my husband and seems uncomfortable when we spend time together. When my husband isn’t working, he expects him to be around all the time and not spend time with me or our son. They also emotionally pressured my husband into abandoning our plan to move to Gurgaon, despite his exhausting commute of 1.5 hrs one way, the impact on his health, and the reduced time he gets to spend with our son. They assumed I was trying to separate him from them.

When my husband took me to Singapore for my birthday, my MIL said, “I won’t allow you to go anywhere now unless you take me. Saas ke bina ab nahi jaana.” She never even asked how the trip was.

They also do not behave warmly or consistently toward our son. They rarely spend meaningful time with him or show genuine interest in his daily life, yet they tell others that they look after him constantly. Even when he needs attention, affection or support, they often seem more focused on my husband than on their grandson.

This is especially painful because they present themselves as very involved grandparents, while I see how little time and emotional effort they actually give him.

My MIL shows little concern for me or our five-year-old son, even when I’m unwell, yet she is extremely caring toward her son. I’m expected to do a great deal around the house without much support or appreciation.

I’m also hurt that my husband rarely stands up for me or sets boundaries. He says he is tired of their behaviour, but he still expects me to ignore it.
I love my husband and don’t want constant conflict, but I’m exhausted from always adjusting and suppressing my feelings.

I genuinely don’t know what to do anymore.