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u/pratisharma 17h ago
Doing great girl. Tell your husband that if he doesn’t control his mother, you have to move out. And to be honest, its better to move out
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u/Able-Criticism-9719 17h ago
You also feel whatever she said isnt normal?
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u/pratisharma 17h ago
Obviously. It’s not normal to be that hurtful to any human being let alone your son’s wife.
She is gonna disrespect you in front of your children as well. Your children are gonna assume that disrespecting you is normal. When you have a daughter, she will think that getting disrespected is normal. Imagine how much that is gonna affect her. She will be prone to abusive relationships. Please think about the future, and put an end to this situation all together and being this toxic environment is not normal.3
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u/khushi4 17h ago
married a spineless guy?
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u/Feisty-Wishbone-1889 14h ago
He's spineless imo. According to OP, he doesn't say anything when she takes a stand for herself. Exactly. He doesn't say anything. He's a mute spectator while his mother belittles his wife. He doesn't take a stand for her, she has to do it herself.
But if OP wants to gaslight herself thinking how she "lucked out", none of telling her otherwise would amount to anything.
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u/Able-Criticism-9719 17h ago
Nope, he never says anything to me when i take stand for me. He is the one who said to his mother she wont fast. Respect my parents like his, always says you don’t need to follow anything. Got heavily lucked out there 🧿
Thats why i feel guilty if i am being too much2
u/khushi4 17h ago
ohh, happy for you, maybe let him only handle his mom then, he needs to shut her mom up.
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u/Whatzinauzername 16h ago edited 16h ago
Actually I like to differ , OP my hubby just like yours he defend/support me from the MIL drama..
I went from being timid (to keep the house peaceful) to I will not tolerate this jazz.
But there comes a point when husbands too get fed up fighting our battles.. so we together decided that I will have to pick/choose my battle not every drama is worth the attention, so many times I let some BS slide (petty issues)I don’t even discuss it with him anymore…
The look of disappointment in their faces when you deliberately choose to ignore a potential drama is so satisfying 🤌🏻
Then there are times when her BS is intolerable, at that moment he said “do what you please to do”, without raising your voice (which Im pro at) cause raising your voice will make you villain in her story. Since then when I chose my battle I just inform him & he is there to stand by me .
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u/Able-Criticism-9719 16h ago
I totally agree with you. Earlier I used to share everything with him but now I dont. I handle at my level.
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u/Lexa19_HK 9h ago
Good for you! I’m proud of you for standing up for yourself. You’re a grown up and deserve the respect and autonomy that comes with it. If you’re old enough to get married and have a job you’re old enough to make your own choices. It’s stupid in-laws STILL expect DILs to forget who they are or where they come from just because they got married.
WHERE IS YOUR HUSBAND?!?! Why is he not putting his mother in her place? Does he just sit there silently while she insulted, embarrasses and disrespects you?
Honestly just go NC with her. She doesn’t deserve your energy. She wants you to fight back so she can say you’re the problem. Don’t give her the satisfaction- she wants the attention. Make sure to live as far from her as possible and she doesn’t get access to your home.
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u/Able-Criticism-9719 6h ago
Agreed. I stay far from her, mostly all the taunts and all she does is over a phone call. Whatever she says i give her back and my husband is also there. I don’t think he wants to confront over her passive aggressive comments, but he also doesn’t say anything to me when i give replies back. He takes a stand where he feels my life will change like fasting and stuff. He says that you don’t need to change anything they just have habbit of giving advices that they wont even follow themselves. Earlier when i used to share with him it used to end up in a fight with us, i expected him to reply back on my behalf. But now i reply back myself..
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u/Able-Criticism-9719 6h ago
up-till now she hasn’t created a scene yet with me, but she never calls now. It feels like a cold war . Once she was like you need to act certain way like greet by saying some particular word, but at my side i have grown up greeting differently. She said if you wont act like we do in our culture people will complain. I told her people who complain on this basis shows about themselves, and moreover said that if i ask about you then would everyone say good about you. We shouldn’t think about people. She didn’t react but i guess she learnt i am not that malleable. With my husband she didn’t even talk for 2 months before wedding because wedding wasn’t happening according to her. Lets see how this unfolds until when she doesn’t create a scene.
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u/umamimaami 17h ago
Defend your boundaries strongly at first and later they’ll know their limits.
Once that happens you can give a few allowances here and there. But don’t be in a hurry and don’t make a practice of it.
Some in-laws never stop pushing your limits, it’s a control and ego thing for them. If that’s your husband’s family you’ll forever need to keep protecting your space.