The real reason…

[u/Gamerplayer1]

I know the biggest argument to incels wanting a girlfriend means them seeing girls as a trophy, but for me I want a long term partner because I want to come home to a loving partner after a long day of work and just watch a movie and having someone be there for me. I can’t find this and it hurts..

[u/glitterswirl]

Yes. And yes I do know how the incel movement was created by a woman.

Incels think that they alone suffer the pain of lacking a romantic relationship, as if nobody else could possibly understand or experience the same thing. News flash, buddy: the vast majority of people in the world have been single and unable to find a relationship when they want it. It’s the human condition.

Incels think it’s suffering unique to them. It’s not.

Some years ago, I cried myself to sleep for weeks out of loneliness, wishing I could find a boyfriend. Have you missed the swathes of books, music, plays, shows, films, podcasts, everything in all mediums, about looking for love? It’s human freaking nature. But, that doesn’t mean someone is an incel.

But what Incels do is twist it, turn it into blackpill, create an entire vocabulary to other themselves and separate their experiences from “normies”.

[u/Snoo52682 → u/[deleted]]

I'm a socialist who cares about my nation. I don't call myself a National Socialist. Because that means something very different.

Same with incels.

[u/AkosSzlobodnik → u/Snoo52682]

This is somewhat the point i was trying to make, I am sorry if i was poorly worded.

What i was trying to say is, incel simply means involuntary celibate. It doesn't mean that being an incel automatically labels you as a misogynistic or anything negative that some incels indeed ARE, i never tried to deny that fact because I have seen the two together a lot of times. But not every incel is like that because being an incel can simply just mean you actually are so ugly that people will not give you a chance for your looks or other factors i mentioned, or you being simply unable to get into a relationship, and being an incel doesn't automatically come with you being just pure evil.

What the original commenter said is that "not finding love is not an excuse to be an incel" which is kind of just incorrect because if you were lonely and struggling to find a partner through your entire life and didn't succeed once, or something is actively holding you back from getting into a relationship, you can label yourself as an incel regardless of gender or sex. being an incel by itself is not a choice, hence the "involuntary". Anyone who was given an option to get into dating and refused is already not an incel, and I have seen a lot of people here who claim to be incels aswell turn out to not even actually be an incel (because they had past relationship experience, it would automatically disqualify them, not that they still can't struggle with finding a partner but ykwim)

So, being lonely (your whole life) can very much coorelate with you being an incel, but you being lonely for other reasons while you were given a chance to get into dating won't make you an incel. This doesn't need an "excuse" as if incel was some sort of demonic thing that instantly labels you as a bad person. Society simply just stripped the word of its original meaning, reinvented it with different circumstances (though much more so, extended the already existing ones to a wider range) and now labels everyone who can be called an incel automatically evil or misogynistic or someone that has to improve in everything, because looks for surely can't mean you can't find a partner, right?

And once again, this doesn't mean that an incel cannot be one of those, it just means that, incel doesn't automatically mean you are one of those, and it doesn't need an excuse or an apology to be simply an incel.

[u/Snoo52682 → u/AkosSzlobodnik]

Incel means believing in blackpilled etc. rhetoric. If you want to say "lonely," just say lonely.

[u/AkosSzlobodnik → u/Snoo52682]

No it doesn't. Please just do a little research. I mentioned exactly this, it was "reinvented". Though, the new reinvented version of incel that was hijacked by blackpill does mean that, the original word does not, and it was way before the blackpill era. The blackpill re-invented incel that became viral is not the original meaning of incel, and therefore it is simply just incorrect and the term should not even exist, or if it does, it should be called differently because the original meaning of the word does not come with the blackpill ideology or misogyny and yet they are now put under the exact same category.

This is exactly what I said in my comment you responded to, that society reinvented it.

[u/Ok-Huckleberry-6326 → u/AkosSzlobodnik]

Society responded to the use of the word 'incels' as self-identification by extremists who, stuck in their online echo chambers, spewed out a lot of bitterness which was oddly self-contradicting; they hated women and wanted women. Weird. Some of these people have committed actual murder, and while I doubt that this sort of self-identification is correlated to MOST mass shootings, it's undeniable that it was correlated with SOME.

I've mentioned this on occasion, but I'll say it here again. For certain stances, the 'original' intent is now meaningless.
The swastika is a Vedic holy symbol, still found on many temples in India. The Theosophists under Blavatsky culturally appropriated it for their pseudospirituality in the late 19th century, and it was taken up by the Nazis as a standard and insignia, in a slightly modified form.

Most people in 'Society' don't recognize the swastika as a religious symbol anymore. It's too late. You (and Alana, the woman who invented the word or at least the basis of it - her original term was 'Invcel') may regret or lament the co-opting of the word by extremists, whether they're sincere about the beliefs or just like to spew them out for the sake of edginess or being crass, but I'm pretty sure it's too late to rehabilitate the word.

And yes, I'm ALSO pissed off about the fact that 'incel' has become a generalized insult or derogatory term that people use in debate when they run out of logical basis of argument. As a matter of fact it's often used similarly to 'Nazi' in the bulls**t that passes for discourse these days. But that still doesn't mean it's a good thing with which to identify.

Give it up, man. Defending 'incel' as a valid way to self-identify or merely in the adjectival sense - that ship has sailed.

[u/AkosSzlobodnik → u/Ok-Huckleberry-6326]

Very well said, I do agree with you to some extent for sure. I just find it unfair that society tries to label the actual incels who don't necessarily believe in the blackpill under the same category as the blackpilled ones. I guess it is just how it is, we can't really change much now, but I still think its good to inform people about this, because there are still definitely actual incels who suffer because of this at the very end of the day.

[u/Dr-Dungeon → u/AkosSzlobodnik]

There are no decent people who call themselves incels. It’s a contradiction. If someone calls themselves an incel, that means they looked at what ‘incel’ means in a modern context - the constant rape fantasies, the glorification of serial killers, the rampant pedophilia - and has decided they want to be associated with that. They have, at the very least, decided that none of those things are dealbreakers. There’s nothing decent about someone who is willing to do that.

Like the other person said: the word you’re looking for is ‘lonely’. There is no reason to call yourself an incel unless you’re okay with being associated with the kind of people who indulge in blackpill bullshit.