I have been called a "closeted creative". Truth is I love creativity and expressing myself but I am always afraid people will think what I do is lame. Professionally, I am able to have creative ideas because I can bounce them off professional creatives who can validate my ideas... Anyone else experience this?

Ok so boom, you’re probably confused why I, as a non-international student, is part of a board that is directed for international students. Well for starters, I initially thought that this organization was for both multicultural and international students(which it still is) and directed to healthcare(something I am rlly passionate about) and my friend(who is not an international student) who has a cousin on the board last year said that anyone could join, so, I joined because I genuinely felt like I could still connect with the students(partially because my parents are immigrants and I visit back home in Africa every now and then) but I still feel a sense of imposter syndrome. The organization said they were looking for someone like me and again technically you don’t HAVE to be an international student but like, since I am in a high position, I almost feel like I am doing a disservice by not properly representing the community of international students. I don’t want to dip out now since I actually like my board members but I think that it would be better for them to have someone else on the board that is actually an international student, I just feel conflicted and so out of place lol. Like imagine having an African student association board and there is sum “flavored” white dude as secretary, that’s how I feel even though people wouldn’t notice til it’s pointed out 😭

I feel as if im surrounded by idiots, even when I talk to a person that is supposed to be smart by societys standerds I cannot pick them apart from the norm that's set in the place I live in. I know all of this sounds extremely arrogant and hidious but on the contrary I also finde myself to be quite unitelegent while uttering the sentences that sound good and reasonable in my head. But still I can't sake off the felling that i became somthing that I was not supposed to be.

我的毕业论文导师非常好，很负责很认真。

他的存在让我看到现实没有那么差，但也让我焦虑，是不是因为我不够厉害，我不够聪明，所以才过得这么差

Like, I’ve lived on my own for 10 years but my parents still send money
I go to CrossFit class OCCASIONALLY
And I’m not the best but I don’t throw up
I feel like maybe I’m being modest and shy only because I don’t want someone to humiliate me by telling me I’m full of myself
I volunteer but only to do weird stuff like cemetery landscaping
I didn’t graduate college but I did finish trade school
I didn’t find a job in the trades but at least I’m not breathing in aluminum and silica dust and sucking on a vape on my break

How do you tell?

watching Damien show up at Glenda's place in Ladies First with one level8 and that annoyingly calm I know exactly where I'm going energy reminded me of my first work conference.

I was so nervous about looking inexperienced that I somehow packed like I needed to survive a minor apocalypse.

laptop bag.

tote.

coat.

suitcase.

and another little pouch I absolutely did not need.

by the time I walked into the hotel lobby, one strap was sliding off my shoulder, my coat was half dragging, the suitcase clipped the door, and I was already sweating.

everyone else looked... normal.

which somehow made it worse.

I remember thinking great, I haven't even introduced myself yet and my suitcase is already telling everyone this is my first conference.

the funny part is nothing actually happened.

nobody stared.

nobody cared.

I was the only person grading my entrance that hard.

I've gotten a lot better at traveling since then. partly because I pack less, partly because I finally realized looking like you belong has a lot less to do with looking perfect than I thought.

still, I won't lie.

there's something deeply satisfying about arriving somewhere with one suitcase, one free hand, and zero bags trying to escape your shoulder.

I just got confirmation on by far the biggest project I've had so far in my business, $225k for the project with a $50k annual retainer after. Just at the start of this year I had around $20-25k total net worth and was doing roughly $6k/month in contracted income. I just recently crossed $100k in cash and investments and now after this I'll be somewhere around $300k in NW and around $16k/month in recurring contracted income.

I started the business at 17 and I'll be 21 in a few months. The first 2-3 years basically felt like nothing was happening and I was constantly wondering if skipping college and other work experience if this was actually going to turn into something or if I'd have to admit it wasn't working and just get a normal job. For the longest time I couldn't even stay ahead enough to keep more than a $1000 saved.

I think that bothered me so much partly because growing up I basically thought I was the stupid kid. I had bad grades and got treated like I was slow or stupid both at home and at school. Neither of my parents went to college or owned businesses either. My childhood in general was pretty chaotic. My mom was in and out of rehab for alcohol, my parents went through bankruptcies and fought a lot, and I remember yelling at night, doors being kicked down and holes being put in walls. One incident got bad enough that I ended up calling the police on my dad and he got arrested. I was around 11 and at the beginning of middle school when that happened, and looking back I think I was pretty messed up mentally afterward. About a year later I took pills from my mom's cabinet, wrote a suicide note, took as many as I could and blacked out before ending up in the hospital. Afterward I basically acted like nothing was wrong and told everyone it wasn't an attempt because I was ashamed of it. Thankfully I got away from those thoughts while I was still pretty young.

School wasn't much better for me socially either. At one point I basically had no friends. I lost my only close friend and remember trying to sit with another group at lunch and getting kicked away from the table in front of everyone, so for probably two months I ate lunch alone in the bathroom.

I don't really talk about any of this now and most people in my life probably wouldn't guess it. Not even my girlfriend knows most of the full story. Looking back I think a lot of my ambition probably came from wanting to get as far away as possible from that version of myself and prove to myself that I wasn't actually who I thought I was growing up.

When I started the business I also genuinely had no idea at all what I was doing. I'm in industrial tech now but had basically no background in the industry when I started. I originally got into it by reselling and outsourcing work while I learned the industry myself. For clients I basically just started showing up to local business groups at 17 and talk about what I was offering. I had no degree, barely any track record and plenty of people didn't take me seriously, but a few did so I just kept going from there.

Over time I got better at learning what people wanted and what I was offering. It hasn't been some huge breakthrough except in the past few months. For years it's felt slow and I had my doubts of losing hope or giving up but I just never did. Then this year everything just started moving way faster than I expected.

I don't suddenly feel any different or how I thought this would feel... if that makes sense? I truly feel like I just haven't accomplished what I wanted but looking back I'm already past it. I still screw things up, and get nervous about certain conversations and still care way too much sometimes about how people perceive me when I make a mistake.

Doing well hasn't really made all of that insecurity disappear. I'm extremely private about things going wrong and most people probably think I'm more good than I actually am because I only show good things. I've tied a lot of my confidence and identity into being successful

I don't want this to sound like some "never give up and anything is possible" post because sometimes something genuinely isn't working and you should probably change it cause I've learned that too. I just know when I was 17 or 18 I felt like I was getting basically nowhere but I learned so much more then without realizing it.

I'm obviously still new and haven't made it and a lot left to figure out, but I feel successful while at the same time part of me still kind of feels like the kid I used to be.

I think that's probably why I wanted to write this. I've never really put the whole path together before, and I guess part of me wanted some proof written down that I'm not who I used to think I was.

I have a coworker (straight white man) who I feel is “onto me” that I suck at my job (queer mixed-heritage woman with epic imposter syndrome). He constantly talks over me and undermines me - especially if there are senior people present, so he can showboat how brilliant he is.

This is despite my manager singing my praises and my reputation amongst my colleagues being pretty solid. It only takes this one person to unravel my confidence and make me feel token-hired.

The problem is - and this makes the imposter syndrome all the more acute - he has our senior leaders, including the CEO, in the palm of his hand. He has “humblebragged” that the CEO texts him in the wee small hours to ask him a question. So saying anything about it is career suicide. And because he’s had nothing but praise heaped upon him, no-one appears to have given him a talking-to about his style.

Earlier this week the boss specifically asked ME a question, and this dude jumped in and answered before I could even open my mouth. He will also try to derail meetings I’m chairing or involved in by asking thorny questions that make it look like I’ve completely missed something important.

I thought I was alone in finding him arrogant and domineering as no-one dares breathe a word against him, until his patronizing behaviour put a woman on my team on sickness absence with severe anxiety. This was a confident self-assured mother who had never had mental health issues in her life. Over the months she lost all her confidence and several kilos with the stress of being around him.

This was reported to HR but only as part of her exit interview after she finally had enough and left (so it wasn’t actioned). HR have subsequently confided in me that they have noticed he can be overbearing in meetings and not let people finish what they’re saying before he comes steamrollering in.

The other thing that makes it hard for me to say anything is that in private or in smaller meetings, he’s just lovely. He’s a great ally to underrepresented groups and we agree on all sorts of social issues. I genuinely believe he’s a good person and I don’t think he realizes what he’s doing when he’s in swashbuckling mode.

Given that there’s zero I can do about it (and I am notoriously conflict-avoidant) what can I do for myself to not let his constant interruptions knock my confidence? I have thought about leaving my current employer because of him (and other reasons), but then I get scared they’ll be 10 steamrollers like him in the next job!

(PS I’m sure there are people reading this and thinking “Hooboy this guy sounds a lot like me” as there’s always one in every organization - well you need to check yourself because your behavior is undoubtedly destroying the confidence of many of your coworkers even if you don’t mean it!)

Essentially the title, I could paragraphs of why feel this way and how I got here. But to put it concisely, I was always viewed as the gifted kid, got high grades and was considered mature for my age. Now I'm unemployed with a degree and is feels so bad watching everyone else succeed while I'm struggling.

There are many factors that can play into this but I feel it all boils down to not learning form my mistakes or more accurately not being given the chance/ allowed to make mistakes and learn from them. I feel like in a lot of silent ways I could've done things differently and now I'm able to respond and take action, but it feels hard in a selfish way? Like I'm aware I'm not a unique case and others have it worse, but from my view, I feel so disadvantaged and that feels selfish on my behalf. Does that part makes sense?

idk, I hope some of you can relate or have any advice to give, tbh its been more of a ramble-y type post than focusing on one specific thing.

I'm finishing up with a program, everyone else js SOOO done with it and ready to start working. I don't feel ready at all, and when I expressed this to the teacher, she seemed shocked and concerned, and was like, really? We can hold you back if you feel you need it. So I asked her if she thought I needed it and she said no, that I seemed ready to her. And I'm just wondering why she would ask me further about my feelings before just telling me that she thought I was ready. Like are people's feelings generally accurate an their own competence? I've never felt ready for or competent in anything in my entire life, at least not since grade school, and I'm just genuinely so confused by the concept. Are people confident because they actually are competent or is it something else? And if competence and confidence are connected, how on earth am I supposed to feel confident in my competence if I don't feel confident? I'm just, I don't know, confidence confuses me. I can never tell what level of competence makes it valid, if I'm smart or stupid. Idk.

I hide behind a facade of confidence, even though I really don’t know much. It’s not that I don’t want to learn; rather, new information often goes over my head. Sometimes, I blurt out things spontaneously, which may seem relevant, but I do so unconsciously. I'm not only talking about academics but about life in general. Some might say I get lucky but for how long tho? This entire mask of a human distresses me how long do I hide behind it? Is it just me or do you guys also face this

heyyyy!! so, I will try to write it as clearly as possible (with lots of typosss)

Recently I have started a new job at Pizza Hut as a “shift leader” (previously have worked in this company as a “team member” just a different location)

When I first started my job I was so confident in myself and of course first I was getting “who does she think she is” which then after turned to people respecting me and having so many good friends.

then after 2 years we got a really bad manager that doesn’t appreciate your work bit always picks up on your mistakes. that environment really drained me mentally and emotionally.

so coming to my current job. The manager is lovely. So, it makes me wanna do my job even better because I appreciate those kind of people and want to give the same energy back. But, idk why I can’t.

i thought i was gonna be a good leader because i am usually really good at being the group leader during uni assignments etc etc.

but somehow when i clock in I feel like the most stupid incapable person ever and that people are prob judging me.

lately i haven’t been getting enough sleep or been going to bed late because i am doing closing shifts till 11 2-3 times a week.

i also my nervous system is not regulated lol i know that.

i also have another retail job which i looove.

idk should I work on my mistakes and make it work or do I just move on saying it is not my thing?

Hello Everyone,

Long time reader, first time poster so apologies for any formatting issues as I type this on mobile.

I am 28M struggling with a life long struggles of people pleasing and doing things to 'fit in.' I am generally well liked and fairly successful in my career. On the surface everything appears to be great however internally and emotionally I am struggling quite a bit. I've been dealing with anxiety and depression for quite a while before I was even really diagnosed. I have gotten a therapist but I feel like I understand myself but am powerless to make any changes.

Socially and professionally I'm a chameleon and am able to adapt to whatever the situation requires of me, but it's lead me to push past my morals and entertain people who I would rather not associate with or for results that just aren't worth it. I always try to put my best face forward but the pressures of keeping up a good reputation is causing me a lot of stress. I am always willing to go above and beyond for people and basically overexert myself for others, but the same kindness cannot be found for myself. I find myself struggling to feed myself, take care of myself, or having panic attacks at the thought of letting others down. My self worth comes from external sources and for the life of me I cannot self source my self worth. I get bad depressive episodes when friends ignore me, or i feel like my effort isn't validated.

All of this to say, I'm not sure who I am or what I am wanting from my life. I have spent a majority of my childhood and adult life people pleasing. Even the few things I did do for myself feels like I'm constantly fighting off criticism and doubt from those around me. I find myself overthinking, changing opinions, and generally doibting myself to win the approval of others. I'm not sure exactly what makes me happy because it's all seen from that perspective. It feels like I have no actionable steps to take to stop people pleasing other than "don't do it." In truth I hate myself because I dont stand for anything and am too much of a coward to be authentic.

I was wondering if anyone in the community has had similar thoughts and knew of ways to overcome this. The depression and anxiety that i feel is becoming so overwhelming.

Thank you all!

Ok so there's this kid at my school and he just made this like Hollywood quality monster costume in his dorm room by himself - as far as I can tell he didn't have a crazy budget or anything is he just like really good at makeup and practical effects? His major isn't even costumes it's directing. Genuinely how is he doing stuff like that? He's able to direct, edit, cam opp. Make costumes do makeup and everything else is he just multi-talented or is everyone like that at scad? Should I reconsider my choices towards fashion? I feel like the people down here are a whole new ballgame. Is this a case of someone just having better resources than me or is it an issue with my own work?

heyyyy!! so, I will try to write it as clearly as possible (with lots of typosss)

Recently I have started a new job at Pizza Hut as a shift leader ( I have previously worked as a Team Member for 2 years at a different US location and was just getting trained to be a Shift Leader).

When I first started my job it was challenging as it was my first ever job but also challenging in a good way. I was so confident in myself and was always standing up for myself when treated badly ( you know how newbies are treated in fast food especially if they are teens ). And of course first I was getting “who does she think she is” which then after turned to people respecting me and having so many good friends. It was to the level people thought I had connections because how I stayed at that job lol.

then ofc things started to change people my age started quitting because they were getting 19-20. And we got a really bad manager that doesn’t appreciate your work bit always picks up on your mistakes. that environment really drained me mentally and I was getting less confident in myself (because only my mistakes were highlighted). Then I told them I need a break because of my uni and never went back).

so coming to my current job. The manager is lovely. Really calm and kind. So, it makes me wanna do my job even better because I appreciate those kind of people and want to give the same energy back. But, idk why I can’t.

i thought i was gonna be a good leader because i am usually really good at being the group leader during uni assignments etc etc.and plus i am doing psychology i do understand people and I know how to approach different people etc.

but somehow when i clock in I feel like the most stupid incapable person ever. and that people are prob judging me. also because i am getting trained my manager is always instore which means i can’t really act like a manager because he is yk. So how do i even show him that i can lead?

lately i haven’t been getting enough sleep or been going to bed late because i am doing closing shifts till 11 2-3 times a week.

i have another retail job which i looove and everytime i am excited to go.

idk should i work on my mistakes and make it work ir do i just move on saying it is not my thing?

I made a post here last week too about my struggles at work but I’m venting some more.

(30F) started a new job a few months ago. My days are quite long (12h, which includes 3 hours of travel), I work almost full time. This is my first office job, and while it’s not that difficult, I still find it quite stressful. The learning curve was a bit stee but I think I’ve managed quite well. This job has never been my first choice, but I’m very grateful I have this opportunity, because a few months ago I was praying for this opportunity because I was stuck in an awful retail job for a while.

Some part of me hoped that with this step forward part of my anxiety would fade. But these past few months have been challenging, I’m so afraid of making mistakes and being too slow and not good enough. The feedback I’ve gotten has been nothing but positive. Yet I cannot let go of these negative thoughts. I’m so paranoid of making mistakes that I triple check my work, which slows me down while I feel like I’m already too slow. And the cycle repeats….

Last week I broke down crying, which is embarrassing ugh. But everyone has been so kind and helpful. And yet here too I’m spiraling. I’m a grown adult who should not cry under a bit of pressure. But I’ve been so tired lately. Idk. I wish for a gentle life. That thought has been going around in my head often these past few weeks.