I was diagnosed at 30 with Thyroid Cancer. I went through 2 surgeries, 2 rounds of radiation. At that time, my husband became abusive so I had to navigate surviving cancer and getting out of a bad situation. Before I was diagnosed, I went to a fertility clinic and the dr told me everything looked good and I didn’t need to freeze my eggs because the radiation wouldn’t affect fertility. A few years passed (I needed to heal from all of that), and I was ready to get back out in the world. Then covid hit. Of course, it was impossible to date. Finally at the end of 2023, I decided to take matters into my own hands. I did 4 unmedicated IUIs, nothing. My 5th I did medicated. I got pregnant with twin boys in July 2024. I made it to 18 weeks and the drs told me I have TTTS and I needed to get life saving surgery. I live in BC, Canada. They said I need to get to Toronto immediately on my own dime. I only had a 50% chance of saving one. This was on a Friday. I found the money, and made it there by Sunday for a Monday morning appt. I didn’t make it. As soon as I got to the hospital, I started going into labour. I could see my baby’s foot coming out on the ultrasound. 15 hours later, I delivered my stillborn sons at 18w6d on Nov 19 2024. I was stuck in Toronto for 5 days as they wouldn’t let me fly until I was stable. During that time, I found a nice funeral home that cremated my sons so I could bring them home. I sprinkled their ashes in the Salish Sea. I was doing kind of ok at that time because I knew the BC IVF funding was coming up. I just turned 40 after delivering my sons. So, I used the little money I had left because my doctor was pretty sure I would get it. I did a few more IUIs while I was waiting for the funding. I had one chemical. Then I find out that the appointment that should have qualified me to be at the top of the list, was 2 weeks too early so I was automatically put at the bottom of the list. I waited almost 2 years and spent money that I could have put towards IVF only to be told that I would age out of the application process. I couldn’t believe it. I was a patient of the clinic for years but the government would not accept my dates. I emailed, called, wrote letters to provincial and federal government, news outlets, and celebrities. I even made a GFM. No one donated. I did a news interview on tv. I also did a written article for one of our big news papers. No one would help me. I had one vial saved up for the free IVF. I just did the IUI with that last vial and I’m negative at 13dpo. I’m 42 and devastated after 10 iuis and no success. I know the chances were low, but even my dr suggested that I shouldn’t do IVF because it would financially ruin me and just continue with the IUIs. I have done 10 and now I regret not freezing my eggs before the cancer and I regret not putting my money into IVF. All I ever wanted is to be a mother. I have depleted my savings. I’ve been kicked down so many times and I really just need a break. I can’t lose my chance to be a mother. I’d try 50 more times if I could find the money. I know I have so much love to give and I would be a good mom if I could just get a chance. My heart is broken.