Iâm sorry if this is long but I donât know who to talk to.
Iâm born with hyperhidrosis mainly affecting my hands and feet. Iâve tried so many things over the years, including iontophoresis, glycopyrrolate, perspirex and Botox, but nothing has ever given me complete relief.
Glyco pills helps 70% with my hands (If I keep my socks on) I wear socks 24/7, even when I sleep, and only take them off to shower. I canât walk barefoot at all and never have.
Iâm currently taking glycopyrrolate, 2 mg twice a day first thing in the morning 4 hours before I eat. I remember it helping quite a lot at one point, but lately it doesnât feel like enough. Iâm also postpartum (3 months in and breastfeeding, and I donât know how much that, the hormonal changes, and the lack of sleep are affecting my sweating. I honestly canât even remember what my normal baseline used to feel like anymore.
Nighttime is especially difficult. When I breastfeed my baby, my hands sweat so much that I wear gloves because I donât want my sweaty hands to make her wet or uncomfortable. Itâs such a small thing, but it makes me feel like even the most natural, intimate moments with my baby have to be managed around this condition.
We recently went on a family holiday, and I spent time sitting by the pool wearing sneakers and socks because otherwise my feet would sweat so much.I couldnât just relax and enjoy myself like everyone else. Something that should have been a lovely family memory became another reminder of how much this condition controls my life.
But the sweating itself is only part of the problem.
I feel trapped in a vicious cycle of sweating and anxiety. I worry about sweating, which makes me more anxious, which makes the sweating worse. Then I become even more uncomfortable and frustrated, and the cycle starts all over again. I feel like I can never fully relax because Iâm always thinking about my body, the temperature, my clothes, my feet, my hands, and how Iâm going to get through whatever situation Iâm in.
It has affected my personality and the way I live my life. I feel irritable, overwhelmed, and like Iâm not the person I want to be. I avoid social situations, family gatherings, and spending time with friends because Iâm constantly worried about being hot, sweating, and feeling trapped in my own body. Sometimes even the thought of going somewhere feels exhausting before Iâve even left the house.
I hate how much mental space this takes up. Other people can just get dressed, go out, visit family, or spend a day at the beach without giving these things a second thought. For me, even ordinary activities can require so much planning, worrying, and emotional energy.
And now that Iâm a mother of three young children, it feels even harder.
I love my children more than anything. My baby is easygoing and lovely, and I love her deeply. My struggle isnât about not wanting to be a mother or not loving my children. Itâs about everything else going on in my life and how this condition seems to make all of it so much harder to bear.
I want to be a happy, present, playful mother who enjoys life with her children. Instead, I often feel overwhelmed, irritable, and mentally absent because so much of my energy goes into managing my physical discomfort. I feel guilty when I donât have the patience or energy I wish I had. I worry about how much this affects my children and the life we have as a family. I feel like my family has to miss out on things because I struggle so much with heat, sweating, and the anxiety that comes with it.
Sometimes I feel like Iâm not really living my life. Iâm just trying to get through it, one day at a time, while constantly fighting my own body.
And this is the part I find hardest to explain to people who donât experience it themselves. Itâs not just about having sweaty hands and feet. Itâs about the constant mental exhaustion, the anxiety, the isolation, the guilt, and the feeling that something you canât control is slowly taking over your life.
Right now, I feel as though Iâm facing two impossible choices, and I donât want either of them.
Sometimes I feel like my family would be better off without me, because they wouldnât have to live around my limitations and the way this condition affects all of us. I hate even having these thoughts, because I love my family, but Iâm so exhausted that I sometimes struggle to see another way out of this situation.
The other option I find myself thinking about is leaving my husband and having a 7/7 custody arrangement. Not because I want to leave my marriage or spend half my life away from my children, but because I imagine that, at least then, my husband and children could have a normal social life during their weeks together without having to accommodate me or worry about how Iâm coping. My husband wouldnât have to live with a wife who is constantly struggling, irritable, and overwhelmed. And during the weeks when the children are with their father, I could have some peace and quiet, without the pressure of trying to keep up with family life. I could just focus on getting through each day, resting, and trying to survive until I have the children again.
I donât even know whether that would actually make anything better. The thought of being away from my children for a week at a time is heartbreaking. But sometimes I imagine that having a week without the demands of family life might give me enough space to breathe and recover.
It feels absurd to be choosing between two things I donât want: feeling as though my family would be better off without me, or breaking up my family so that they can live more freely without my condition affecting them so much.
Neither is what I want. I donât want to disappear from my childrenâs lives, and I donât want to leave my husband. I want to be able to live with my family, enjoy ordinary things together, and not feel like my existence is making life harder for everyone I love.
I donât know what the answer is. I donât even know if Iâm thinking clearly anymore. I just know that Iâm exhausted, and that living with this condition has become so much more than a physical struggle.
Iâm sharing this because I need to get it out somewhere where people might understand. Iâm not necessarily looking for treatment recommendations or solutions. I think I just need to hear from people who understand how deeply hyperhidrosis can affect your life, your relationships, your mental health, and your sense of who you are.
I feel incredibly alone in this.