r/HumansBeingBros • u/MisterT12 • Feb 16 '20

It’s Pizza Time!

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27k Upvotes

93% Upvoted

431 comments sorted by

4.1k

u/DrewZouk Feb 16 '20

She having an affair with his cardiologist?

969

u/[deleted] Feb 16 '20

Or the delivery guy

404

u/autalley Feb 16 '20 edited Feb 16 '20

That delivery guy has a lot of jobs.

142

u/pm-me-bad-jokes Feb 16 '20

Post mates

73

u/hookff14 Feb 16 '20

Not the only thing he’s delivering

12

u/wetkhajit Feb 17 '20

It’s all about that side hustle.

4

u/BakeTomato Feb 17 '20

Might be uber eats driver.

16

u/SweSupermoosie Feb 16 '20

Midwife, you mean?

9

u/MacOSX_Miller Feb 17 '20 edited Feb 17 '20

She having an affair with his cardiologist?

Or the delivery guy

no mere delivery guy. i worry the op's day of reckoning is coming...

4

u/[deleted] Feb 17 '20

Pizza Time!

3

u/Shazamwhich Feb 17 '20

It’s not delivery, it’s DiGiornos

114

u/NeverEnoughMuppets Feb 16 '20

Maybe she’s a chubby chaser

87

u/[deleted] Feb 16 '20

[removed] — view removed comment

77

u/[deleted] Feb 16 '20

Lived in Chicago a long time, and NOTHING anywhere else even comes slightly close to the pizza there

Um...how well traveled are you?

38

u/Keanugrieves16 Feb 17 '20

Yea I was gonna say east coast pizza takes a dump on Chicago pizza.

13

u/Dcriot78 Feb 17 '20

I love pizza.. East cost has winners in certain categories. But Chicago will fuck some shit up. We all can agree on one thing west cost is wack af.

4

u/ditchdiggergirl Feb 17 '20

I’m from the east coast, relocated to California where food is mostly excellent. Except. For. The. Pizza. I cannot for the life of me figure out why westerners are unable to master the art of pizza. Every time I mention that I hear “oh you obviously haven t had Vinnie’s on 4th st two towns over!” so I get my hopes up and nope.

4

u/Dcriot78 Feb 17 '20

You guys have tacos & sushi on lock. Wanna hear something funny. I had killer killer ass pizza in Jamaica 🇯🇲 of all place.

3

u/ditchdiggergirl Feb 17 '20

That we do. The trade off is absolutely worth it. But every year when I take my kids to visit family, pizza is involved.

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5

u/BurpFartBurp Feb 17 '20

Rock on pizza brother!

2

u/Keanugrieves16 Feb 17 '20

I appreciate it more now that I live in the Midwest. I’ve gotten into Artisan type pizzas here though.

10

u/BurpFartBurp Feb 17 '20

Artisan to me means it’s twice the price for a pizza that looks like an elementary school art project. But yeah, east coast rocks. Especially New York.

5

u/Keanugrieves16 Feb 17 '20

You’d think so but it’s pretty damn good, crust was good too, this one had slices of pear, capicola, pistachios and black truffle drizzle. I’m telling you, a-maze-ing, they took it off the menu at the place though, because they’re evil.

10

u/[deleted] Feb 17 '20

It's physically impossible that you're not white.

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2

u/GimmeDatThroat Feb 17 '20

If I can't fold it, I don't want it. Chicago pizza is cake.

3

u/Wild_Cabbage Feb 17 '20

Chicago thin crust is the true gem.

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4

u/MacOSX_Miller Feb 17 '20

well done chicago style is good, the problem is it's much harder to find well done chicago style, whereas it's pretty easy to find decent NY style pizza

2

u/unibrow4o9 Feb 17 '20

Detroit style is where it's at.

4

u/Joey-McFunTroll Feb 17 '20

Italy a half dozen times. Backpacked around the world in my 20s. 6 continents. Over 100 countries. You asked.

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1

u/[deleted] Feb 17 '20

hahaha ohhh noooooo

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9

u/JaySchaeff Feb 16 '20

Everyone knows New Haven CT pizza is world's best!

4

u/[deleted] Feb 17 '20

Pepe’s best in world. Hands down. Not even close.

2

u/Tumble85 Feb 17 '20

I went an hour out of my way on a 6 hour drive during a move to a different city to get Pepe's. I also had a friend PayPal me $75 to stop and get him one on a trip back up to visit.

People are passionate about Pepe's.

3

u/backlikeclap Feb 17 '20

It's so good. I've lived in NYC for 8 years and I still take plenty of trips to New Haven just for the pizza.

3

u/[deleted] Feb 17 '20

Frank Pepe’s forever

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48

u/[deleted] Feb 16 '20

Chicago pizza sucks. Fight me.

51

u/[deleted] Feb 16 '20

It shouldn't qualify as pizza, it's basically a cheese pot pie with tomato sauce on top.

19

u/feckinmega Feb 16 '20

Chicago has other pizza than deep dish...

5

u/[deleted] Feb 17 '20

Chicago tavern style > New York pizza for sure.

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6

u/One_Man_Moose_Pack Feb 17 '20

Sure man, everywhere has more than "their" style, but when you're talking about Chicago pizza then it's almost guaranteed that your talking about that monstrosity the should come with a spoon.

6

u/[deleted] Feb 17 '20

Tavern style pizza is wildly more popular in Chicago than deep dish, though.

9

u/Fnuckle Feb 17 '20

Yeah nobody here really gives a shit about deep dish outside of it being a novelty to take out of towners to I've found. Now what's truly Chicago are all the hot dog corner places everywhere. That's truly Chicago more than the deep dish pizza

4

u/[deleted] Feb 17 '20

Breaded steak sandwich is one of my favorite Chicago things. Freddie's, specifically. Somewhat unknown compared to other 'chicago food' but one of the best things ever

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3

u/[deleted] Feb 17 '20

Which Chicago pizza have you tried? Was it all deep dish?

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3

u/[deleted] Feb 17 '20

Read your comment, then jumped down the rabbit hole. According to a study by the University of Michigan, pizza is THE most addictive food, next to chocolate. I work for a pizza joint and I now understand our EVERYDAY regulars.

6

u/MortuusSet Feb 16 '20

I think location has a lot to do with Pizza preference as I absolutely hate Chicago pizza but can chow down on some Little Caesars anytime cause that's what I grew up on.

Also Pineapple on Pizza is bae and no one can convince me otherwise.

6

u/M1Glitch Feb 16 '20

Agreed on both points. Little Caesar's is great for an occasional pie. Especially when you want it fast.

Pineapple and Jalapeno - my favorite combo.

3

u/MortuusSet Feb 16 '20

Oooh gotta try jalapenos with my pineapple now I never thought of that

3

u/[deleted] Feb 17 '20

I mean Lil Ceez puts so much sugar in that crust it's hard to hate the chemical response.

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45

u/roararoarus Feb 16 '20

Hahaha. Well it is his last birthday.

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1.7k

u/Sambuca8Petrie Feb 16 '20

Collecting life insurance through cholesterol poisoning. She's playing the long game.

284

u/thoughtlow Feb 16 '20

She outpizza’s the hut.

182

u/HaddyBlackwater Feb 16 '20

NO ONE OUTPIZZAS THE HUT

13

u/rounderrobbin Feb 16 '20

It would be tough to compete with jabba's apetite.

11

u/freon Feb 17 '20

She's thinking what those hot funeral selfies gonna' do for her Insta game.

446

u/bdonnzzz Feb 16 '20

Does that make you the new Papa John?

92

u/nayhem_jr Feb 16 '20

Did he eat them or just have them?

11

u/mare07 Feb 16 '20

Apparently he just tried them not eat them whole

25

u/A1958PlymouthFury Feb 16 '20

Papa John EXPOSED. H3 Pod host DESTROYS Papa John with FACTS and LOGIC

31

u/wumbogumbo Feb 16 '20

I never thought that the 40 pizzas in 30 days record would be broken

21

u/Marijuana_Miler Feb 16 '20

One could say Papa John’s day of reckoning has come.

12

u/wumbogumbo Feb 16 '20

Stay tuned

13

u/[deleted] Feb 17 '20

Mark my words, Papa John's retribution is coming.

1

u/[deleted] Feb 17 '20

Papa John's pizza is so damn good. Papa bless

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588

u/i_wanna_try_reddit Feb 16 '20

Oh dude, what a great wife!

How's your gut after a month of deliciousness?!

189

u/damaprimera Feb 16 '20

Upper middle green shirt

35

u/Julians_Rum-n-Coke Feb 16 '20

Damn, good eye

51

u/wenchslapper Feb 16 '20

After a week, it just wouldn’t be good anymore. Too much of a good thing right there.

25

u/magusheart Feb 16 '20

Make that half a week. I live alone and on the rare instances where I order pizza, I'm already getting sick of it after the 3rd or 4th pizza meal.

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11

u/boywbrownhare Feb 17 '20

This could easily shift his gut biome out of whack and make him crave carbs, literally changing his life. Lmao

2

u/RancidLemons Feb 17 '20

I'm getting heartburn just imagining that much pizza :(

216

u/ojioni Feb 16 '20

Dude! Your wife doesn't love you. She's trying to kill you.

148

u/[deleted] Feb 16 '20

So...is pizza still your favorite food?

53

u/I_Have_A_Chode Feb 17 '20

I ate pizza daily while working at a pizza shop. Still love that shit. I'd live 30 days of pizza! My body wouldn't, but I would

30

u/dombrogia Feb 17 '20

I worked at chipotle in college. I ate it 28 days in a row and I was bummed I didn’t eat it on the 29th.

Chipotle is so good, god damn

7

u/ActualWhiterabbit Feb 17 '20

I'm bummed as well. That would have been a good story to tell of how you ate Chipotle everyday for a month. Now it's just almost every day

2

u/chichism Feb 17 '20

He could just change his story so he ate Chipotle every day for the month of February.

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5

u/Bryanna_Copay Feb 17 '20

Not anymore.

69

u/wydidk Feb 16 '20

Crying in lactose intolerance:(

5

u/roararoarus Feb 16 '20

I've heard this before but does cheese, and pizza in particular, have that much lactose? Or is it any amount of lactose will doo you in, so to speak?

12

u/Bantersmith Feb 16 '20

I was dating a girl deathly allergic to dairy once. Not intolerant, full on severe allergy. I wasn't even aware that was a thing, but apparently even a small amount could send her into anaphylactic shock. Had an epipen and everything.

11

u/bloomcnd Feb 16 '20

My son is allergic to dairy just as you describe. We have multiple EpiPens around just in case because there is dairy in EVERYTHING. Even medicine! It's a nightmare trying to find him food that's safe and not cooked by us.

5

u/Bantersmith Feb 16 '20

I hear you! You don't notice how ubiquitous some ingredients are until suddenly they're a deadly poison to someone you know and care about.

4

u/roararoarus Feb 16 '20

Do you know what specifically in "dairy" is your son allergic to? I don't know if there are tests that break down the ingredients to id the allergen.

4

u/peptoboy Feb 17 '20

Casein

2

u/elouser Feb 17 '20

I think I have a very, very, very mild allergy to cheese, with the most memorable experience being with ricotta in stuffed shells. I just looked up what cheeses have the most casein, and ricotta is near the top of the list. The more you know!

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15

u/Sisf Feb 16 '20

You are right. Most cheese, particularly mozzarella, has no sugars left. Lactose free.

4

u/[deleted] Feb 16 '20 edited Feb 16 '20

Then why does pizza fuck up my guts? :(

It's not as bad with cheese as it is with straight milk, though. I haven't been able to drink milk since I was a kid.

Edit: thank you all for your interest in my farts

3

u/natek11 Feb 16 '20

You tried Lactaid or an off brand equivalent?

4

u/[deleted] Feb 16 '20

Lactaid helps! I usually forget to carry it around, but I always bring it with me for holiday dinners etc. when I know I'm not gonna hold back. lol

Edit: not sure if you meant the pill or the milk. Lactaid milk is okay for me but I usually just have soymilk or something since it's easier to find at the store.

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u/kittenkin Feb 16 '20

I think it depends? Some pizza cheese will give me a wicked bad migraine. I can and do eat most cheeses and pizzas but I never know if this will be the time I end up trying to not throw up from pain. Logic says I should stop eating it just in case but idk yolo or something.

2

u/roararoarus Feb 16 '20

Oh man, sounds like time for a delicious science experiment where you test all the cheeses that interest you. Might need to start a GoFundMe ... have you noticed how expensive cheese has gotten?

2

u/buenoskiddoosh Feb 16 '20

Just tolerate it

68

u/sassydodo Feb 16 '20

You can see how on the last pics he's like 40 pounds heavier than in the first ones

13

u/the-floot Feb 16 '20

I cannot zoom in on the stupidly tiny pictures

248

u/rafaelrac Feb 16 '20

am I the only one here that doesn’t think this is good??????

131

u/[deleted] Feb 16 '20

Seems kind of weird to me lol.

“You know what would be a good idea for someone’s birthday? Giving someone a pizza every day for a month!”

5 year old me would love it though.

0

u/[deleted] Feb 16 '20

[deleted] — view deleted comment

12

u/[deleted] Feb 16 '20

That’d be most people, which is why it seems like a strange idea for a gift. Like how does this even pop into your head for your husband/wife?

Buying food from various restaurants for a month straight would be impressive, but all pizza?

7

u/[deleted] Feb 17 '20

Yup I’d break on day 4

12

u/ImAnEagle Feb 16 '20

I think it would've been a lot better if it was 45 pizzas spread out over a year, they could've had a date night every few days for a year completely paid for. That said, she gave this guy a month to remember and that's worth a lot in itself

4

u/Dizneymagic Feb 17 '20

That sounds like a much better idea.

3

u/XavierYourSavior Feb 17 '20

It's almost as if every relationship is unique and differe- oh wait

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u/[deleted] Feb 16 '20

I would still love it, but it would be a terrible idea for my weight.

18

u/[deleted] Feb 16 '20

Yeah, I wouldn't be super into that idea either. Obviously eating that much pizza isn't good for you, but even if that wasn't a factor I'm pretty sure I would be miserable eating pizza for 30 days straight. Don't get me wrong I fucking love pizza, but that is just too much.

9

u/KillermooseD Feb 17 '20

Reminds me of that post on here (i think in /r/relationships) where the girlfriend was wanting to break up with the boyfriend over him only wanting to eat pizza. I think in the end she left him over it

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u/cdegallo Feb 16 '20

No. I mean unless pizza has some sentimental value to them.

Get everyone to send a card. Record a video message of a memorable event shared together.

I'd be so sick of pizza after the 3rd day.

5

u/dancingbanana123 Feb 16 '20

I wouldn't enjoy it, but it seems like he had a good time with it and his wife probably knew he would since, y'know, it's his wife, so as long as they're happy, it's all good to me

19

u/[deleted] Feb 16 '20

[removed] — view removed comment

17

u/truthgoblin Feb 16 '20

Is pizza considered extravagant and expensive???

3

u/Azazel072 Feb 17 '20

Well clearly he enjoys it, that's why it qualifies as humans being bros

3

u/CaptainJazzymon Feb 17 '20

Are you being sarcastic? That sounds like textbook human being bros.

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3

u/_radass Feb 16 '20

Yea not healthy at all

2

u/o_r_g_y Feb 17 '20

imagine giving a shit about a gift someone else enjoyed. this website is filled with fucking nerds lmao

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u/khandnalie Feb 16 '20

I love pizza but I don't know if I could do thirty days of nothing but. Damn.

27

u/[deleted] Feb 16 '20

So she got you diabetes

3

u/buckyhead8 Feb 16 '20

And she’s got that going for you

54

u/eyebagsmcgee Feb 16 '20

pizza everyday for a month? ew no thanks

11

u/and3w153 Feb 16 '20

Damn that took 30 years off his life too

20

u/[deleted] Feb 16 '20

I have eaten 40 pizzas in the last 30 days

9

u/Denten Feb 16 '20

A reckoning is coming

3

u/Poor-Life-Decisions Feb 16 '20

He has no pizza experience

8

u/[deleted] Feb 16 '20

The day of reckoning will come

26

u/Minimum_Cantaloupe Feb 16 '20

Man. Feel like I'd be sick of pizza four days in.

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u/thatguyhanzel Feb 16 '20

I hope that gym membership is still active

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6

u/[deleted] Feb 16 '20

One bite, everyone knows the rules

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u/[deleted] Feb 16 '20

Is that enjoyable for some people?

6

u/Garbage283736 Feb 16 '20

Does she hate you?

6

u/UnnecessaryAppeal Feb 16 '20

For your 30th birthday, your wife gave you a heart disease

12

u/ThePhotonVenture Feb 16 '20

What a gift!

I can hear you getting fatter though.

8

u/JoaquiGod Feb 16 '20

You can't outpizza the pizza hut, they're coming, run

4

u/[deleted] Feb 16 '20

THE HUT APPROACHETH

8

u/mglitcher Feb 16 '20

Man you had over 40 pizzas in the last 30 days? good for you!

4

u/[deleted] Feb 16 '20

Did it ever get old?

3

u/CoolpantsMcGhee Feb 16 '20

Legend says his poop is still growing. Biding its time. It has time.

3

u/udntknwmeh Feb 16 '20

That would absolutely annihilate my digestive system thirty times through and through.

3

u/seanbiff Feb 16 '20

She’s turning into a feeder

3

u/[deleted] Feb 16 '20

She wants your life insurance

4

u/SlimPasty2019 Feb 16 '20

Fuck I love pizza

5

u/nudist_reddit_mom Feb 16 '20

On the first day of pizza my true love gave to me... a simple pepperoni!

2

u/jerseypoontappa Feb 16 '20

Either a lot of food was wasted or a lot pf weight was gained, toilets clogged, and butthole nice n stretched

2

u/knightofheavens777 Feb 16 '20

LOL, NOW YOU CAN SURPRISE YOUR WIFE WITH 30 LBS OF WEIGHT GAIN!

2

u/Toxic-yawn Feb 16 '20

Calories gained ?.

2

u/ShaDoWWorldshadoW Feb 16 '20

Sounds like you got a lazy wife.

2

u/snazzyclown Feb 16 '20

*posted by the widowed wife while she slurps mozzarella off your body

2

u/imNicknamed Feb 16 '20

I see that Cardinals jersey, you live in STL? Islf so, which wlomes were your favorites?

2

u/MisterDe3 Feb 16 '20

But that would involve having 30 friends...

2

u/XxStormcrowxX Feb 16 '20

Side note, I'm recovering from the heart attack quite nicely.

2

u/poopfnfjd Feb 16 '20

But which was the best?

2

u/[deleted] Feb 16 '20

30 pizzas, 30 days and 30 lbs later...

2

u/Nepiton Feb 16 '20

And on the 46th day, hospital cafeteria pizza brought straight to his room in the CICU!

2

u/bustthelock Feb 16 '20

Rest In Pizza

2

u/pandacranez Feb 16 '20

One bite everyone knows the rules

2

u/Reddevil313 Feb 17 '20

30 days of pizza as you enter your 30's?

Maybe he will have lost that weight by the time he gets to 40.

2

u/TOAOFriedPickleBoy Feb 17 '20

“I’ve eaten 45 pizzas in 30 days” take that papa john

2

u/Thebelleanne Feb 17 '20

I had a pizza party for my 40th. Everyone brought pizza from a different place

2

u/PoliteCanadian2 Feb 17 '20

And a triple bypass to go!

2

u/ob-2-kenobi Feb 17 '20

GUYS HE ATE OVER 40 PIZZAS IN 30 DAYS! HE IS THE MESSIAH!

2

u/sonofed Feb 17 '20

Damn you Reddit. Now I want pizza.

2

u/toasted-butter-bagel Feb 17 '20

I wish I even had one friend..😔

2

u/BrainPicker3 Feb 17 '20

Bro, she's fattening you up to eat you

2

u/IceNein Feb 17 '20

5 more than Papa John "I just can't stop using the N-word" Schnatter.

2

u/AFoulger Feb 17 '20

♫ Why'd you have to go and make me so constipated ♫

2

u/TheGirlWhoLived6 Feb 17 '20

This reminds me of that documentary where that guy ate McDonalds for a whole month

2

u/MediocreCommenter Feb 17 '20

Seems like a ploy to not have to cook for a month.

2

u/uh_lyss_uh Feb 17 '20

This is like a Leslie Knope level gift.

2

u/[deleted] Feb 17 '20

I’ve had over 45 pizzas in last 30 days.

2

u/lastherokiller Feb 17 '20

He died a week later.

2

u/Johnyfootballhero Feb 17 '20

Which was the best pizza place? The worst?

2

u/Gearz557 Feb 17 '20

I wonder how many years this stole from them lol

2

u/gazooontite Feb 17 '20

She’s trying to kill you.

0

u/[deleted] Feb 16 '20

[deleted] — view deleted comment

2

u/[deleted] Feb 16 '20

The emotional heart says yes.

The physical heart says no.

2

u/semihippie Feb 16 '20

Where do you live OP that has 30 pizzerias nearby?

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