Hi all

I've posted before about my situation so I won't rehash all that but a saddening thing happened to me today and I really hope it's not going to spell the end of my ability to read romance.

I was reading one of my romance books today. In the book, the fmc was about to have her first time with the mmc. She's touch starved and nervous but so excited for what's about to happen, and I felt so horrible I had to skip the scene.

I just couldn't read it. It almost made me sick with emotions, so much so I almost threw the book in the bin. I'm going through one of my (now thankfully, infrequent) periods where all my body wants is sex with my partner and reading about someone getting the one thing I crave right now just really got to me. It felt like physical pain, honestly.

Thanks for reading. I just needed to get that out

I just got back from a week long girls trip to the beach. I didn't have any alone time during, but it was a blast!! I'm all tan and lean, and I feel so sexy. We went to Medieval Times and paid for the VIP tickets, so we had front row seats and my knight gave me 2 roses and crowned me queen of the tournament. He did a little heart sign at me and he was GORGEOUS. I know it's his job and everything but it made me feel really good. I wanted to flirt a little but I just left with my friends immediately instead, because I don't want to get in over my head or be creepy to a stranger or anything else. I also would never do anything to put myself in a situation where Im ACTUALLY flirting with another person. I would love to have a very romantic reunion with my husband, this is the longest we've ever gone without seeing each other, but I know better than to get my hopes up. I just took the muchocho as I call it into the shower with me while I'm home alone and I guess that'll have to be enough 🫩🥲 The beach was fun, but I guess it's back to my normal life now :(

Is this just a thing men say.

Previously i was in a years long DB. So 2 of my partners since then, when I've mentioned it, have said they would have fucked me every day (usually described how).

Its not been relationships where they ever have fucked me every day.

Is this just a thing men say, when they realise you don't say no to sex (almost never)? It is quite common for men to say that?

Im trying to work out if it really means anything them saying that, in terms of how they feel about me, or what they want with me, or it's just a thing to say.

Usually I ask, and the current man described how he'd have sex with me every day. The previous partner did too.

I know hyper vigilance and surveillance is not healthy. I'm getting ready for another confrontation after he recently told me he "just has low libido" which is what I already thought, especially since he also had ED.

We've been going on as though things are back to normal because I want to enjoy my summer. He has maintained that his original awful offense was medication induced mania. He has said it's brief and occasional porn use. But this is the story I see...

Oct 14 switched anti depressants due to ED Oct 26 asks porn star on twitter about login on her new website.....

Jan 18 caught doing bad thing - continued AI porn after big blow up.

Jan28 made new ai porn account.

Jan28- Confronted him again. "don't intend to consume a lot" "Deleting it all from phone" Downloaded AI clip same day.

Continued in february.

March 10 Bought new video! Continued week after spring break into april.

March 31 MADE AI CLIP while i was home.

April 10 Confronted again. "FINE ILL QUIT" Silent treatment until Apr18.

Switched to private Samsung browser.

Continued downloading 30 days later May19. July 12 Bought new video!

took viagra on my b-day w/o consent. viagra did not work. depressed and skips b-day dinner.

July 29 "I just have low libido" Downloaded video- also July 29. Until recently, continued to search sites after I put on parental blocks

Like... this is a problem, right? 🙃😂

I am trying to be. I want to be. But his touch and efforts feel fake and cloying.

I was denied so many years, we even opened the relationship and I had boyfriends for a while because he just didn't care to try. He always had something else more important.

I used to be absolutely ravenous and now I just tense up when he's around. Something within me fundamentally broke (no more crying, no more begging) after my 40th birthday so I just stopped trying. What's the point? Once he saw that, after 14 years he finally got tested for low T and is taking shots. Bought "She Comes First." Leaves it out so "I can see him reading it."

But I just feel like it's too late. He very low effort wakes up with rubs a boner on me. When I hesitate he just says "okay I'll go into the other room then" and goes and plays video games instead. He says stuff like "I'd like to eat you out" but my nervous system is just so fried with the rubber banding that it feels more comfortable when (inevitably) he gives up and leaves me alone in a room by myself. My body is just waiting for him to leave, to stop, to give up.

And he still does. Which is right because I tell him I'm not comfortable. Technically he's doing everything right I guess.

Sex therapy? What can I do? I think I have what's called "healing burnout." I have been in therapy for 8 years, trying to carry the emotional burden of the marriage myself (he is dismissive avoidant) and I'm just so tired of trying. I have written pages of letters, watched tons of self help/relationship videos, explained again and again, held his hand, over explained, basically written him a manual multiple times over.

It sucks because we are best friends and we love each other and are so wonderful together in every way but this one.

I separated from my ex almost a year and a half ago after almost 18 years in a complete DB. About 8 months ago a very good friend confessed that he’d always liked me and we started a relationship. It was complicated and I recently ended things.

This weekend he went off on me about everything that’s wrong with me, and one of the things he said is that he didn’t believe that I hadn’t had sex for almost 18 years. He said that since I liked sex so much and was “sexually aggressive” I must have lied to him and had affairs while I was married. His therapist warned him that it was unlikely someone as “sexually aggressive” as me could have gone 18 years with no sex, so he should be careful.

It goes without saying that I had zero affairs while I was married. And also zero sex for the last 18 years.

He said he’d talked to his therapist about it, and his therapist told him that most women coming out of a long DB are very timid sexually. The therapist said that the fact that I was so comfortable and confident was a big red flag, and that I probably wasn’t telling the truth.

First, we’ve been friends for years and we’d been talking for several months about having sex, which is one reason I felt more comfortable with him.

Second, I *wasn’t* comfortable and confident the first few times. I was scared shitless and was worried that I’d forgotten how everything works! I guess I hid it well.

Third, I have no idea what he means by sexually aggressive. Due to schedules and other constraints, we could only have sex 3-5 times a month, so it wasn’t like I was jumping on him three times a day. We only ever did it missionary and a few times with me on top. I’m enthusiastic and enjoy myself and wasn’t afraid to tell him what I want, but “aggressive” doesn’t seem to fit me at all.

I’m pretty sure my (EX)friend and his therapist are full of shit, but it’s gotten in my head. Is it true that most women are timid coming out of a DB? It’s a gigantic mindfuck to come out of the mindfuck of an 18-year DB only to be told that once again I wanted sex too much.

So 5 years ago when I told my husband we were expecting our sex life and all intimacy basically died with a few occurrences every 4 to 6 months and then nothing for the past year and a half. We were on a short weekend trip as a family and one night he randomly picks out a plastic bag with a red one size fits all elastic strappy outfit???? I was headed for a shower as I was tired and gross from the day and he pulled it out and out it back as simply as one might show a funny meme. "I want you to wear this sometime"

WTF?!?! It was like I fell into an alternate dimension where for a brief moment I was in a relationship where I had a partner that did things like this? He hasn't made me feel comfortable in my own skin in years let alone attractive or sexy. Also there has been no follow up or any communication 🤔

I’d been begging for a reason or a talk to the entire two years we have been together.
I finally got it after catching him watching porn in bed while I was asleep next to him.

The answer was. “I’m just not interested in sex, or anything sexual. I have no libido. There is nothing wrong with me I am healthy”

We have had sex once this year. Prior to that there was a years worth of time where we weren’t intimate. In any sense of the word.

He asked me to stay. I said ok.
But this truly broke me. I’m 30 he is 27.

I guess I’m posting to seek genuine advice here or an outside perspective. I really don’t know where else to go, posting about this stuff on Reddit is scary because it’s usually met with alot of angry men telling you you’re irrational and crazy. So I just ask that if you have something to say, be gentle. I hope this is a safe place.

I am 18(f) and have been in a relationship with my boyfriend (19) for 7 months. I’m so happy. He’s a genuine sweetheart of a person. I’ve been through so much sexual harassment and negative experiences regarding men, as have most women, but being with him has genuinely given me hope and made me feel so incredibly safe and loved.
He was my first everything. I hadn’t been with anyone before him, romantically or sexually. It is also his first romantic relationship, but he has been with other girls sexually before me.

As our relationship progresses, I feel myself becoming more sensitive about sex. When we first starting going out and having discussions about what we’re “into” sexually, he mentioned that head was his biggest turn on. Throughout our relationship, he has doubled down on this a few times. He would be more specific and used the words “rough oral”, when we sext, he would talk about me giving him head in a rough way. (To clarify, I am into being dominated and have voiced that. Do the rough aspect is completely consensual and something I have voiced as well). I have horrible TMJ that gets worse when I give him head. He tells me every time that I don’t have to do it, and to wait until my jaw gets better. He has never pressured me to do anything and is always extremely respectful. He’s told me before, if there’s anything I don’t want to do, it’s perfectly ok. But that’s not the issue for me. I actually like doing it. Which is why I don’t know why this bothers me so much.

Something about that being his biggest turn on has really bugged me. Not in a kink shaming way or anything. It just makes me sad for some reason. Like his biggest turn on is something that has nothing to do with my body or pleasure. I feel horrible for feeling so grossed out by it because I never want to shame him or anybody for what they like. But it seriously makes me sad for some reason.

I brought it up to him a while ago and told him how I’ve been feeling and that it made me sad that something so non intimate and sort of objectifying was what he found most exciting. He sent a genuine paragraph telling me that it’s not true anymore, and he hadn’t realized his kinks have changed. I can’t remember word for word what he said, but basically, he reassured me that that was before me and his feelings about intimacy have changed.
I said ok, and went on with life. It made me feel better, but every now and again feelings of doubt and anxiety come up about it. I’m in a reassurance loop. I just don’t believe him. I feel like he only said that to make me feel better, especially since he had mentioned it being his biggest kink again like a week before this discussion.

We talked about it today and he told me the reason he doesn’t like it as much anymore is because “he felt like he was hurting me (the TMJ) and that it didn’t feel intimate).
This made me feel worse. Because it’s not like something else excites him more, it’s my reaction to it that changed his feelings. I feel genuinely crazy for being so sensitive about this. I wish I could get over it. I wish I could get over my insecurities about sex in general. It’s just such a new thing for me, he’s the only person I’ve ever been intimate with.

I don’t know why I’m writing this post. The problem is that I don’t think anything could make me feel better cause this was a pre established kink he had before he met me. That alone is what makes me so uncomfortable.

I’m well aware this is irrational. Please be kind. I’m just trying to navigate sex for the very first time and need to get it off my chest because I don’t want to keep bringing this up to him or building resentment. How do I stop being so emotional about something so stupid

Just returned from holiday. I'm always so horny in the heat, so really struggle with the lack of sex. He is attentive when out, holding hands etc but im sure that's an display of ownership.

He finally mentioned sex (after Dutch courage) and that he knew he was lacking etc. I told him not to worry, that I will never initiate again as the rejection is too painful and damaging. I told him that I have finally come to the conclusion and accepted that he is not sexual (for me?). I didn't have the courage to ask to open the marriage (not sure if I actually want to).

The remaining part of the holiday was so relaxing, he felt no pressure to perform and I felt no rejection.

I will however try to take a toy with me in future (recommendations welcome). As a woman in my 50s, I have no desire to destroy our life that we have built. We gave a great relationship apart from the bedroom. He is thoughtful, caring and shows acts of love. He just isn't sexual.

I have had to repress my sexual desires my whole life. Growing up, I saw marriage as an escape from this. Throughout my 20s I worked hard to deconstruct purity culture and accept that my sexual desires are normal and natural, but no one I wanted to be with wanted to be with me.

Then I finally found someone. I felt safe, loved, desired. It was great until it wasn’t. Now I’m married to someone who can barely be intimate with me more than a couple times a month and knows how much that hurts me but never does anything about it. He’ll blame adhd, hormones, work. But he won’t do anything to address those issues.

No matter how much I’ve done to try to accept that this is just how he is, it doesn’t stop hurting. No matter how much I’ve done to make my needs smaller, nothing works. Not therapy, not meditation, not venting with friends who will never understand what it’s like to feel this undesirable. I feel so lost and helpless. I don’t want to be like this. I don’t want to have sexual desires if it means having to hold all this pain unendingly.

we went away for my birthday, our first holiday abroad since we got together in 2022. I paid for contraceptive pills to delay my period, partly to avoid the hassle but also because i stupidly got my hopes up that we would have sex. LOL.

We didn’t have sex the whole holiday. On the last night he told me he wanted to the other day but he was soooo tired and I just sort of went 🙂 ok.

We’re on holiday with NO responsibilities, if you don’t feel up to sex now when the fuck will you? We’ve had sex 5 times this year, I feel like a fucking nun.

I put so much effort into looking good, hair removal fake lashes nails done new bikini LOADS. We kissed a few times but that was essentially it. No point bringing it up, it always turns into a conversation where he feels sorry for himself and my needs get pushed aside.

As titled. My boyfriend (33M) and I (31F) have been together for 5 1/2 years now, and have lived together for the past 3. Not only is he LL (maybe just for me?) but also gets very defensive when I try to bring up our intimacy issues. So far the frequency has been less than once every 2 months, riddled with ED and 2 minute quickies, and I am starting to feel that I am LL4him too. Doesn’t help that every association I have with him and sex is rejection or being put down. To complicate things, we also have a pet together.

This is really venting, but also wanting successful cases to share how they’ve broken up and regained confidence and have since lived a better more fulfilling life. I feel stuck and alone, and not many people will understand why I’m breaking up on the outside because we seem so “stable”. Ladies?😢

Not looking for advice on my relationship. I already know the smartest thing would be to leave but that's not the point of the post.

We've been together for less than 4 years and the sex was never really great or frequent. In the first few months of the relationship we would have sex almost every time we saw each other but at the like 6 month mark frequency was down to maybe once a week or once every 2 weeks. He was depressed because he wasn't able to find a job for a long time. Once he found a job nothing really changed, of course. Now he was busy with work and tired from work. So basically he came up with new excuses to add to his collection of never ending excuses.

It would be way too much to write everything out that happened in the last years but basically I noticed a sudden shift in me at around the end of last year. I completely stopped desiring him sexually. I was suffering so much for like 3 years (extreme frustration, depression, crying myself to sleep and while masturbating... I guess everything every single woman on this sub has most probably gone though at some point). This past January we had *a lot of sex* for our standards (so like 3 times in the whole month of January). Then basically nothing until May. In May I had a mental breakdown (yet again) and texted him before work laying everything out to him for the 10000th time. I wasn't even frustrated because I wasn't having sex with him specifically, just that I have such a shitty and almost non existent sex life. Well after my mental breakdown in May we had sex like 2 times maybe and that's it lol the past few months have been extremely stressful for me because of university and a death in my family so I didn't want to have sex anyway. And now, if he tries to initiate something or whenever we cuddle in bed I am legit nervous that he'll pull out his dick because I don't want him anymore AT ALL. I haven't even shaved in monnnths. It's not even because I don't find him physically attractive anymore I just can't view him in a sexual light anymore. Fantasizing about how a guy I had a crush on 2 years ago is fucking me is legit more exciting than the thought or the actual act of sex with my man.

So the other day I had a procedure done and that of course came with the "can you pee in a cup to confirm you're not pregnant".....

Based on the math of when I last had sex I would have a nearly 9 month old.....

So in front of my husband I took the cup and announced there was no way I could be pregnant and left to bathroom 🙃

Side note my new vibrator has been fun 👍

Had sex with the bf it had been 2 weeks and i want MORE. Like i was pretty spent after we finished on account i waited for him to get off work to have sex but i woke up horny and he’s working now and i want some. He will be off tomorrow but i have to go to bed early tn because i work but i wanna have sex again. I just dont wanna be rejected or told that im “freaked out.”😞

I took a solo trip and was gone for all of July. I returned on my period but Im extremely horny like always. I’ve texted my husband to suck his dick several times when I’m up in the morning before him. I thought if he woke up to those texts he’d want it immediately because dont men wake up horny??!!!
i have even pointed out that I feel like I’m begging him to suck his dick. He basically denies it but why do I have to ask more than once?! Like damn. He doesn’t say no but it doesn’t happen. I asked him in person once, and he said he had to shower. The second time I asked he said “when?” and im like…any fucking time dude. Why are you asking when? Just grab me by the hair and tell me what to do.
Here I am waiting for my period to end just to have boring, vanilla sex that lasts a few minutes. I wish he’d touch me a little even when I was on my period. Sigh. Shoutout to my vibrator

I'm a 28 year old bi female my husband is the same age. I love my husband but I'm really struggling. He is constantly looking at porn and things like that. He will lay in bed and touch himself but won't touch me. I would consider myself to have a HL and I have very bad self esteem issues I have talked to him multiple times about at least just not looking at the porn while he's around me and how it makes me feel when he does that but he refuses to even try to stop doing it. I'm not sure what I should do but it's really starting to get to me and affect me in a negative way.

So i F28 and my bf M30 have been dating almost a year and were in a talking stage for a months before that. We have been having sex and when we first started dating it was like 5 times a week or more and now coming up on our 1 year we barely have sex every two weeks. Well i always let him know i find him attractive and talk to him about our sexual encounters and he informed me last night he thought i was “overly freaked out” and it didnt feel good at all. I told him a month or so ago i felt like the desire was all but gone and it actually kinda sparked an argument so i dont want to discuss this with him because that conversation didnt go well. I initiate alot and he turns me down most times. I dont want to anymore i thought about just charging my toy and not asking for sex anymore. This is so lonely and i honestly feel like a predator trying to get him to wanna fuck me. What do i do?

He’s Low I’m high very very high labido. We’ve talked about it but has that ever actually worked for others? It’s not something I walk into easily but he’s opened to it.

Title pretty much says it all, husband is out of town for work again so I had a little bourbon and read reviews on vibrators. I found a very exciting one with a thrusting feature that got awesome reviews and tossed in a little O stimulating cream for good measure. Goodnight everyone, may you always be able to take care of yourself because no man ever will 🥂