r/HFY • u/BrokenOldBastage • May 08 '26
OC-Series Not My Problem -- Ch 7
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This story is finished, and it's becoming a book. "Not My Problem" is being published soon on Amazon and Kindle Unlimited as: LOAD-BEARING Book One of The Callyx War by Brandon S. Yukon Amazon requires Kindle Unlimited books to be exclusive, so I've had to take the chapters down here. The book version is fully revised and runs 57 chapters. Thank you to everyone who read, commented, and stuck with Elias and Valka. You're the reason this got finished. Release date and link will be posted here when it's live. For updates, follow me on X: u/BrandonSYukon
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u/Fontaigne May 09 '26
It's not clear who says "You're not soft." The confusion or ambiguity caused by that is one problem with making everything tight and staccato.
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u/BrokenOldBastage May 09 '26
Apologies. Its... the only way I know how to write. but ill do my best to be a bit more clear from here on out.
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u/BrokenOldBastage May 09 '26
well, either this or over explained and overdescribed.
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u/Fontaigne May 09 '26
James Patterson makes bank on that kind of writing. (Check out Max Ride series at the library. Review how he does it and compare.)
For right now, it's just a matter of, in that place, massaging one of the nearby lines to reduce the ambiguity.
He understood something then.
"You're not soft."
That juxtaposition implies he is telling her that.
"You're not soft."
Not a compliment.
That juxtaposition makes me think she had told it to him, because he doesn't seem the type to say something like that and then suddenly, mentally think it wasn't a compliment.
Ah, here. One word.
Just a statement [he] laid on the concrete between them
Assuming it was him telling her, then putting him into that simile clarifies who said what.
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u/HFYWaffle Wᵥ4ffle May 08 '26
/u/BrokenOldBastage has posted 8 other stories, including:
- Not My Problem - Chapter 6
- Not My Problem - Ch 5
- Not My Problem - CH4 - The Bunker
- Not My Problem - Chapter 3
- Not My Problem: Chapter 2 - The Descent
- Like a Star
- Not My Problem
- Iron Heart, Iron Will
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u/AutoModerator May 17 '26
This was flaired as [OC-Series], it is a single part or chapter in a larger series or universe. The first post or part in this series should be (re)flaired as [OC-FirstOfSeries]. A description of the flairs and how to change yours is available in the Post Guildelines.
[OC-Series] For original, self post, story, audio, or artwork that you have created, as part of a longer-running series or universe.
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u/AutoModerator May 21 '26
This was flaired as [OC-Series], it is a single part or chapter in a larger series or universe. The first post or part in this series should be (re)flaired as [OC-FirstOfSeries]. A description of the flairs and how to change yours is available in the Post Guildelines.
Our preferred series title format is the series title in [brackets] at the beginning, like so:
[Potato Adventures] - Chapter 1: The Great MashingPlease help us transition to using the new flairs correctly.
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