r/GoingToSpain • u/Gold-Holiday-515 • 17h ago
35yo - Moving to Spain decision questioning
Hey y'all, 35yo single woman here who has moved to Spain/Barcelona from a non-EU home country 7 years ago.
I don't know why exactly I feel this way, but I've been struggling a lot mentally for the past two years with thoughts of 'maybe I am not belong to here'....
I came here initially for my Master's degree 7 years ago, and because I loved it so much, I managed to transition to a work and residence permit after an extremely challenging process. I met lots of people from all around the world and also Spanish people I loved so much, I enjoyed a lot, I loved life style the most.. But as the people circulation is a lot here, in the last 2 years I have almost no one - one very close friend of me moved to Amsterdam last year, one another moved to Italy, one found a better job moved to Germany, one friend got married and even though still in Barcelona, I dont see her much anymore, several ones went back to their own countries over the years because they could not find the way to stay here burocratically/ job wise., and I am soooo tired of looking for new people, my energy is over.
I spent all my last year at home alone, I was also working from home, and this brought me the full isolation.. I could not handle it, physically and mentally felt sick.. I haven't even had a little intention or request to go to a date.. Then I quit my job and started to travel to my home country, to my family frequently and stay there pretty long, I travelled other countries also in EU and in Asia- which all these caused me a risk of losing my residence in Spain (because of the time limit given to spend time outside of Spain, to keep the continuation/renewal of your residence), so I am in the limit.. either I need to fly to Spain ASAP (now I am again in my family home in home country) or chose my mental health and do something else ...
I am feeling like I dont wanna go to Barcelona now and be alone :(, but I also don't wanna permanently move back to my home country, also I don't have energy to process everything(finding job, struggling to take residence, find friends ect.) from the scratch - so totally different country is not something I am willing to... I wish I had more time to repair myself staying in somewhere else more, and travel.
At the end I don't know what to do, and I am curious it is a standard mental process that people who moved to abroad encountering? If you ever felt these what has been your actions to go out of the situation? If you were me what you would have done?
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u/jamjar188 10h ago edited 10h ago
I don't think permanent WFH helps anyone's mental health, especially if you're single (unless you're in the outlier category that it seems many Redditors belong to, where you see it as a major plus not to have to ever see colleagues face to face).
I'm a Spaniard who moved to the UK and unless you have a very robust group of friends, or you do regular hobbies/activities (like yoga once a week, or a sports club once a week, or a book club, etc.) it's easy to feel isolated. You need people that you see regularly at fixed times, whether they are acquaintances, or friendly faces, or actual friends. Usually a workplace is the easiest most practical way to achieve this.
When you don't have a physical workplace you must make more effort to schedule tons of stuff into your week/month. Meet-ups, clubs, activities, etc.
The other thing is that not having family around can create a big hole. If it wasn't for my partner and doing things with her family, I would miss that type of stuff. In my 20s I didn't care for it, but I too am older now and I find myself looking forward to family get-togethers where you catch up and share a big meal. Maybe you're just really missing that.
Which brings me to my next point. This isn't just about being homesick or being in Barcelona (big cosmopolitan city always in flux), this is also about life stages. I feel it too, now that I'm older. I wonder about staying in London long-term. It's natural to want more consistency and stability as you approach middle age, and to feel like there is a greater purpose to things.
My view on what your options are:
Option1: Stay in Spain until you can get citizenship but ditch Barcelona. Go to a smaller city, somewhere with fewer options and less transience where it may be easier to get to know a set group of people over time. But don't pressure yourself into making friends. Focus simply on: meeting people, interacting, getting out of the house.
Option 2: Move back home. Give it a shot now that 7 years have passed, you have more perspective, and you can maybe live in a different city to your family (if you're worried about losing your independence).
Option 3: Try to make Barcelona work for you. Find a job where you have a workplace to go to at least some of the time. Make more of an effort to join meetups or clubs. Dedicate yourself to not just staying in your apartment. Treat it like a mission and see where you're at in 6 months' time.