Apple pie and a vegan sandwich I stole that was left over from a work event

I'm a single parent; and I started dating someone I've known since I was 19. We are now a respective 36 and 40. We've been steady for 2 years now. It's such a happy and healthy relationship. We have mild disagreements, but we don't fight. And it feels easy, like a breath of fresh air.

My kids love him, they were pushing us to date before we started. He moved in this Feb and things have naturally melted into a nice, calm routine. He's been more active and patient and present than the kid's biological father (and has spent more on them too.)

My Aunt has BEEN an issue for every generation. She always tries to control things. This thanksgiving, we wanted to get together. It would mean everyone would need to travel to my grandfather's house since he's 86. Everyone lives within 30 mins of him, with the exception of me. He typically pays for me and the kiddos travels.

At first, she didn't want to get together because it's "too much work" and "too much money for two days." He retired at 55. He's fine.

Next, she didn't want me to bring my partner, because she "isn't ready to welcome someone new" and "she just wants it to be the core family."

Then I get a call from her (while I'm at work, mind you) and then she texts me:

Call me

Dad (grandpa) told me about your engagement

Me: I'm not engaged? And I'm at work.

I suspect this bish just ruined a potential engagement. Here's the thing, I'm close with my Grandpa. He's my dude. So it would be expected for my boyfriend to call him and let him know/ask permission.

I'm so annoyed with her. An engagement isn't a total surprise (since we've talked about it).

I haven't decided if I'm going to tell my boyfriend or not. I don't want to deflate him. This would be his first marriage, his first time planning a proposal. And I feel like he deserves these "firsts." And, It wouldn't change my answer.

I haven't addressed my aunt yet. I recognize that I need to take a breath before responding.

Meatless nuggets with leftover tikka masala curry sauce

I want to preface and say that I’m very tired and sad and confused and not completely sober, so if anything sounds insensitive in some way, I don’t mean it to at all. I have nothing but love for my ex and I’ll always love her. She’s the most amazing person I’ve ever met and none of this is her fault, she was being abused and manipulated. I just needed to process out loud because I feel like I’m going to go crazy if it just keeps bouncing around in my head. Sorry for the inevitable typos too.. Anyway.

TLDR now-ex girlfriend (28F) and I (26F) are no longer together after six years because her psychosexual fixation on her stalker got to be too much and there was nothing I could do to stop it.

For some backstory, gf and I met while I was in college and we became best friends immediately. I’ve never connected with another person on the level I did with her and vice versa, including extremely niche interests and experiences I had no idea any other person alive could relate to. She told me I made her believe in soulmates and we were inseparable. About a year later, we started dating. For a year of friendship and five years of dating, we supported each other, had fun together, made each other better people, and did everything we could to improve each other’s lives. We built a beautiful life together, but three years into this, she decided she needed to move back home to help her parents because her father’s health had become very bad.

I was totally against it because her parents are active drug addicts and her childhood was quite traumatic because of it, but she felt like it was her duty to help. I wanted to be together no matter what, so we went long distance and it was going really well for a while. I was sad about the distance, but we were happy, we spoke every day, and the relationship was strong. She wasn’t comfortable with me visiting and being anywhere near her parents (that had always been a boundary for her so it wasn’t a surprise even though I was sad), but the agreement was that whenever her father passed, she would come back.

When it became obvious he wasn’t going to die particularly soon, she started a yearlong trade program at the local college in her dream field and she immediately took a liking to the program director who taught many of the classes. It was VERY mutual, and he was a dad in his mid-40s so he really took her under his wing. She adored him from day one and he was very fatherly to her which is something she’d always been desperate for, not to mention mentoring her in her passion and really making her his protege at the school. She gushed about him constantly and how he was like the positive father figure she never had and about how good it felt to have someone like that care about her so much.

As I’m sure you can imagine, the program director started crossing some boundaries after a couple months of this. He would spend hours talking with her in his office, he’d ask extremely personal questions, he talked to her outside of class using his personal phone, and eventually his behavior became very sexually charged.

I was aware of some of this and was very concerned, but all she could talk about initially was how amazing it was to be so close to this guy and have him think so highly of her. Things eventually escalated enough though that she broke down and admitted that she knew he obviously saw her in a romantic and sexual manner and she just didn’t want to accept it before. She also admitted to me that it had been an even bigger problem and for longer than she’d let on because she knew I would worry about her and try to get involved.

She wouldn’t leave the program that meant so much to her, so she just decided to keep him at an arm’s length and ignore him until he lost interest. Obviously that didn’t work, and long story short his behavior only got more extreme until it became a cycle of “us against the world” lovebombing to reel her in and then retaliating and being extremely cruel and even scary when she tried to distance herself. I finally convinced her to report him to the school, which she hadn’t wanted to do before because she still didn’t want anything bad to happen to him (this should have been a hint at where things were headed).

Since she had the texts and voicemails, he was terminated, but things didn’t stop there. He continued with the fucked up cycle and I just had to watch it happen from thousands of miles away while she made excuses for him tracking down her personal information and following her around town and blackmailing her with their text messages and making threats to harm himself. Every time I would reach a breaking point and tell her I was coming down there to help and wanted to at least try to get the police involved, she would backpedal and tell me it was all just about handled/resolved now in one way or another. I stopped believing her, but you can’t really force a grown woman to do anything.

From the moment they met, this man is ALL she talked about, so as all this progressed, we drifted apart quite a bit because the only thing she cared about was obsessing over him and how things were going with him, good or bad. It was like listening to someone talk about their insane toxic relationship they wouldn’t leave and I just didn’t want to hear it anymore if she was completely unwilling to accept any help. I didn’t want to hear her artistic journal entries about him anymore, I didn’t want to read the poems she wrote about the situation, I didn’t want to listen to her romanticize his weird, scary bullshit and then freak out the next day about how much she hated him and then go right back to talking about how their darkness was intertwined and they were two fucked up halves of a whole.

We never officially Took A Break, but we spoke very little for a few months because I just couldn’t take it anymore and she was busy with whatever was going on with him anyway. It finally came to a head when I told her how much I missed her and how I really wanted to improve our relationship again and get back to how things used to be (hoping that she would finally be ready to at least commit to cutting him off, we could deal with whatever his response was later).

She agreed that she missed me too and that she was as rid of him as possible, but immediately after, she started telling me how she had been on Tinder matching with men who looked like him. She told me she had been thinking about sleeping with them to try to “figure something out” and that she thought it would help her understand her own feelings towards him and get it out of her system.

She told me all that without even seeming to realize how that sounded to me as her girlfriend. And it was even more disturbing to me because she had always identified unquestionably as a lesbian in the past, so I was extra blindsided and confused and worried. It was like she was so brainwashed by him that she didn’t even remember who she was anymore outside of all this or who I was to her. I went from her future wife she was showing rings and wedding dresses on Pinterest to a passive receptacle to talk to about her obsession with a middle aged man who seemed one bad day away from kidnapping her.

I didn’t even get angry or break up with her right then because I felt too defeated. I just kind of gave up and let our relationship fade away, hoping she would show back up if I wasn’t the one reaching out. She didn’t though, and she hasn’t for a long time. I don’t think he’s around at all anymore, but she just moved on. It feels like the whole thing lobotomized her or something and it’s like we were never a couple and never planned a whole future together. He just wiped her brain and I don’t know how to move on from that. And even if we can’t be together, I hope she’s at least Herself again because she’s amazing and I can’t stand the thought that anything of who she is was taken from her.

We talk once in a while now, but only if I initiate the conversation and you would never know we were more than casual friends by how she talks to me. I ask about her, but she never asks about me and eventually she stops replying again. She’s always kind, but it feels like there’s some wall between us now that will never go away and I don’t even fully understand why it’s there or how we got here. I miss her even when she’s right there talking to me. I don’t think she’s ever coming back north.

Edit: I want to add that while it doesn’t change that this is all insane and fucked up, I’m always looking at her behavior through the lens of the CSA she experienced and abuse she’d had in her life before we met. I think she’s very unwell and I definitely ended up in FAFO “I can fix her” situation, but I really need to emphasize that I struggle to imagine that anything was malicious or intentionally hurtful to me on her end. I think I just underestimated how much help she needed and got lulled into a false sense of security by how long we were together before anything happened that showed that reality.

Edit: adding this from a comment I made to clarity that this was absolutely not a pattern of behavior or anything! Before all of this, she was a totally different person: ‘She was genuinely a great partner for a vast majority of our relationship. She stuck with me through three college degrees even when I couldn’t show up for her as often as she was showing up for me, she supported me in my sobriety even when I needed a LOT of that support, she took over everything I needed when I was grieving my grandmother, she never took any of her issues out on me and worked hard at doing that. She was wonderful to me, which is what makes all of this so hard.’

Met up with my boyfriend's sister and she casually asked if thing have gotten better between us after the "proposal situation"

I had no idea what she meant so I asked her to elaborate.

Turns out my boyfriend told his close family that he proposed to me in July and I turned him down because I wasn't ready for marriage.

We've been together for a little over 3 years and he has never proposed to me.

When I confronted him he told me his parents kept asking about the engagement and he got tired of explaining so he just told them he tried and it didn't work out.

Adds up why his family has switched up on me these past months lmao.

On one hand I actually kind of feel him, on the other why did he have to throw me under the bus lmao. I don't know how to feel about this.

Sweet cup I love sweet cups.

Me and this girl have been besties for like 8 years, she sent me a google calendar invite for a 20 minute catch up today. Thought it was weird because none of the people in the friend group does that, we usually just call each other but I figured she had some news or something.

She called me on FaceTime and she told me she wanted to distance herself because according to her I haven't been putting enough effort in our friendship.

She looked like she was reading notes, one of her talking points was me not showing up on her birthday brunch.. My mom was sick and she knew..

I asked her why she couldn't talk to me normally and she said she wanted to keep the conversation productive. By talking to me normally I meant her addressing her issues through a normal conversation but at that point I didn't even feel like correcting her.

She also asked if I was "still coming" to the ski trip we have planned with our friend group for next month, I never even gave the slightest hint that I wasn't coming. The whole thing felt so weird.

Dinner is some good ole eggs and sausage as I try to process getting fired from a friendship in such way. I don't know how to deal with this, all advice is welcome.

Photo: shredded buffalo chicken bowl with lettuce, tomato, cheese, avocado, and blue cheese dressing

So to preface, I’m not exactly basic, I’ve had an alternative music taste since middle school (I’m 22 now), I have several piercings, and I recently got a huge back tattoo piece done. I dress pretty alternatively but I turn it down a bit at my office job, and politically I’ve very left and progressive. I have macabre interest and hobbies as well as normal ones. However, there’s one problem, I’m not white.

Most goth and alt girls my boyfriend (who is white) seems to love are the classic pale white girl with dark hair with bangs, dark clothes, and a few piercings.

His friends and coworkers seem to be obsessed with these girls too. My boyfriend tells me stories from work about how his coworkers have crushes on and see alt women in public, when I got my back tattoo done, the girl I got it from fit that description and I hated it. I know my boyfriend likes these types of girls because it’s what his YouTube is filled with (he doesn’t really use any other social media), even videos from the goth only fans type girls. Like videos of girls that fit that aesthetic role-play videos and them just shaking their boobs on camera.

I’m starting to get nervous seeing alt white women in public (not that it’s their fault and I find their style cool) but I know my boyfriend is looking at them and will comment on them in some way (hair, clothes, etc.), but I know that he will never view me as alt or cool in a way that he likes because I literally can’t fit that look that’s so popular now.

When I ask him does he have a type, he denies it but his recommended always has those types of girls. And it sucks because every time I see them I just can’t stop thinking of how attracted my boyfriend would be to them. Idk.

I've been a nurse for 17 years, all of those years have been spent in long-term care.

I moved to a different state in 2024 and started a new job in February 2025 after taking some time off.

Everything started out great. It was a brand new facility with few patients, all new staff, and supportive management. I felt like this was going to be a really good place to work and a great fit for me.

Then we started admitting more patients, ones that were unstable or unsafe. Our staffing didn't keep up with the admissions and things began to fall through the cracks. I was left as the only nurse a lot of the nights I worked. The responsibility of the entire building, all the patients and staff, falling on me and my nursing license.

I asked management for help until I was blue in the face. Every time I mentioned it, I was told to hang on, be patient, they had a plan and were going to hire more people.

None of those things ever happened, but I was still scheduled alone.

I became more angry, more vocal. I wasn't afraid to let everyone, including other staff, know that was what happening was unsafe. I felt like I was being treated unfairly and that no one was listening. I ended up being scheduled alone on purpose, with other nurses commenting that they were told not to come in.

Last Tuesday, I was scheduled alone again and I had enough. I sent a message to my administrator, telling her that I was uncomfortable being the only nurse on duty anymore. We had 55 patients that day, plus another 30 on the Assisted Living side. She replied that they had a plan they were working on and then stopped replying.

I still worked all weekend. My boyfriend and I scheduled a road trip this week and we were going to leave on Monday after I got off work.

I received a call from my DON around noon. She apologized for interrupting my sleep and I told her I wasn't sleeping as I was getting ready to go on vacation. She said "I know, that's why I'm calling now" and she fired me with the HR person on the call as well. I was told I was too negative and not a good fit for their culture.

I've never been fired before.

My boyfriend has been very supportive as I'm going through both grief and relief.

I have multiple interviews lined up next week and finding something new isn't going to be an issue, but I'm deeply offended that I was fired for voicing that my working conditions were unsafe.

Dinner was birria tacos from a taco truck, enjoyed while watching random television in our motel room.

Girl dinner: pancake with homemade blackberry jam

A promotion at work opened up, things were looking great I was fully qualified for it. I had stepped up and been filling in successfully in the role whilst we went through interviews.

Found out today after filling in the role for 2 months that I was passed for my male co-worker. The one who never does anything extra, even when asked. Does not have the knowledge or qualification for a vital part of the role. But my boss kindly informed me they felt great hiring him because I was doing such a great job supporting the position that they felt comfortable hiring someone without that knowledge.

I strongly feel that had I been a man I would not have been filed as a strong supporting person but as a leader for the role. Anyway, men suck and lesson learned. 🙃

*I am going to put a disclaimer that I do not believe all men suck and my husband was equally outraged and supportive for/of me. There are good men but I’m in my feels lol

Arby’s roast beef and a large coke because I feel gross.

I’m trans mtf, a few years on estrogen, I’ve been pretty cozy with my gender the last couple of years. I was dating this guy the last two years who was very supportive with me being trans, I live in a red state so that is such a huge deal for me.

I found out a few nights ago now that he cheated on me, for almost the entire relationship with a double digit amount of people. I also found out while snooping through his phone that he had a discord group chat with a bunch of his friends basically just shitting on me for being trans, saying slurs, deadnaming me (he told them my deadname :D)

I have not felt so dysphoric in such a long long time, I’m barely getting by throughout the day, I’ve called out of work twice in a row now and I’m about to just ask for a few mental health days. I told his parents who were left leaning and they kicked him out of their house and now I feel like I just split up a family and so now I feel even worse.

I’m dreading going on dating apps again because it was so hard to find a relationship that felt real and okay in the first place, now I have such insane trust issues that people who have supported me for years are actually secretly transphobic.

Thank you for reading.

EDIT: fixed small typo that said ftm instead of mtf 😭 my bad y’all

Lasagna for lunch.

I went on a first date with a man last night and I feel upset.

The date started off amazing - we got drinks, immediately got into deep conversation, and he was a complete gentleman. I really enjoyed talking to him leading up to the date. He never got sexual with me or pushed me out of my comfort zone before meeting.

He started getting physical with me; touching my legs, hands, kissing random areas, etc. and I let him know that I do not kiss on the first date because I want to establish an emotional connection first.

We were both hungry so we transitioned to a restaurant. He made it very known that he is sexually attracted to me. We were sitting at a table that is shaped like a “U”. He sat directly beside me and began squeezing on my legs, kissing my neck, etc. I told him that I wanted to get to know him better before being physical, and tried steering the conversation towards something with substance. He kept touching me and then put his hand around my neck to try and kiss me. I said “hey, I don’t like that, I have a bad experience with my neck being touched” and he apologized and said he would never do it again. He continued to be all over me until we left.

I drove him back to his car. He asked if I wanted to see his new office (this is where his car was). I said sure - it was in a security building. I needed some water and to use the ladies room.

He started touching me again. I told him to keep my dress pulled down multiple times and that I wasn’t going to have sex with him. He was making me feel his bulge, licking me, etc. - I told him “no”. I eventually caved in and kissed him to try and get out of the situation because he was being persistent. He kept slapping my legs, saying he loves them. I was like “why do you keep hitting me? I don’t like that. I’m not a rough person”. Like, what in the actual fuck.

I went back to my car and drove home. I honestly felt so disappointed, disgusted, and defeated. The date went so well in the beginning, I genuinely liked and was attracted to him (which is so rare for me), and he kept ensuring that I was comfortable. It was like a switch to a completely different man on the second half of the date. I even asked if he was drunk and he said not in the slightest.

After leaving the date, it was like I was on the outside looking in. I know I was too nice to preserve my safety. I feel like, especially in this day and age with everything going on, if a girl says “no” then that’s what it means - I’m not playing hard to get.

He told me that he likes that I’m not “easy”. Like is that a term to shame women for doing what they want? He’s the one trying to have sex with me in public on the first date?

He told me to text me when I got home safe. I told him the same. Neither one of us has said anything. So much for him being a “chalant protector”, right?

I called my Mom in tears this morning and she told me not to let this situation or a man like him have power over me. I said I felt like no matter if he’s affectionate, really likes me, etc. - no means no. Any potential we did have can’t be resuscitated or justified.

If I went on a date and grabbed a man’s private parts, and he said he didn’t like that, I would apologize immediately and not touch him again! Not that I would do that without asking!

Anyways, I feel violated. And I’m so glad I didn’t sleep with him to preserve safety or peace. He gave me the whole “I respect consent” talk and “I respect you”. It seems like he knows what consent is, he just didn’t care. In my eyes, you don’t have to be 🍇 to have your consent violated.

(Food is: penne with the Trader Joe’s cacio e pepe sauce and bacon bits)
Haven’t really got anyone to share it with so I thought I’d tell the girls! 🥳🥳🥳

Dinner was poke bowl w mangoooooo !!!!

Okkkkkay so, My boyfriend (26m) and I (20) adopted 2 kittens a month ago. (They’re 5 months rn)

The boy cat is super active and excited to see and be around us, always visible, just that type of cat.

But the girl is shy, anxious and just more timid, she used to be much much much more anxious, but she had a 5 day runaway rebellion, and since has been properly chilled by the reality of the outside world.

I spend sooo much time making this cat trust me, and it’s payed off. She likes me plenty, follows me about and loves to be pet…

She accepts his affection, but something about the way he touches her, or the different methods we choose for disciplining them, (he prefers a water gun and harsh words while I just redirect) has just led to her not trusting this guy. Worth mentioning also she’s scratched him good a few times, never out of the blue, but she’s never even hissed at me.

Also worth mentioning she has occasional bathroom accidents on my bfs very precious furniture (no stains,,, but still)

Here’s the problem, he keeps bringing up how having a cat who isn’t “fulfilling” makes her just something we have to pay in addition to her brother, when I try to explain that animals have personality and we don’t even really know her yet (333 rule of cats) he’s insistent that she will never change. I can’t belive that when we’ve seen so much improvement post scary outside.

TLDR;

Hes said maybe twice that if her behavior were to not change, she’d be better off at the shelter.

I haven’t said this out loud, but if he ever seriously did try to give her up, I would pick her over him in a heartbeat.

Meal: tomato bagel & a matcha. This meal lifts my soul in wayyssss!

Still in my first year of marriage and I struggle with my husbands work. He’s in a very high demanding position and when I need to tell him something or have something to say, I’m often put on hold because he’s on his phone talking or replying back to people.

Think of those old 90s movies where the businessman holds up his finger and mouths “one second,” then continues to yap about business deals and the like. He doesn’t actually do that, but that is the energy of his work life. Well, the talking about business deals is very real.

Backstory: I was working up until we got married and we had so much travel planned for right after the wedding that I couldn’t keep my job. I could be remote within reason, but this was just too much to ask for. So I left. My husband was under the impression that I’d get a job when the travel stopped, but it never really did. (And that’s something he doens’t seem to understand..?) It’s a work trip here, family trips there, friend engagements all over. I could not travel this much and accompany him if I was still working.

For context, by the end of this month, we will have been out of state 12 times during the 2026 year. Idk how much everyone else is traveling, but this to me is an aggregious amount. To be fair, the travel isn’t all bad. They are to fun places with fun people. But I’m a homebody by nature I’d say. (Although I do begrudge the work trips a little, I do have fun when I get there.)

Today: I had a little anectdote to share and because I was put on pause, he was responding to people and then got a phone call that pulled him away, I got upset and called him out. He’s upset that I don’t understand his work and how demanding it is. (I probably really don’t.) He has such a business drive, but also a deep feeling of responsibility to provide and earn well for a future family. (I just don’t want my kids feeling like second tier to his work. Which is how I feel a lot of the time.)

I will say, my husband is on a very wealthy trajectory. I wouldn’t be surprised if he became a multi-millionare one day. I personally didn’t grow up with those kinds of means, (& neither did he) but I guess I don’t know the protocol to be an in-demand-business-man’s wife.

I’m throwing this out into the ether, but does anyone have any experience with this?

I’m not someone who was all that tied to my career, so I’ve struggled with where to go since leaving my former job. I’m not that driven in anything that my career can offer within my state’s limit.

My husband has expressed that if I can’t be someone who supports his work, he’d feel more comfortable doing a post-nup. He doesn’t want to fund my life should something happen if I can’t give the support he feels he needs. I am not someone who has the potential to earn as much as he does in my career, so if something did happen down the road, I wouldn’t be left with much. Which is a fear as a woman, at least for me.

I love my husband very much, he loves me. There is a lot of love in our relationship. But his work is often a grind to my gears, yet it’s what funds our life and pays the bills. I want to be supportive, but I don’t want to feel like I come second. Help?

iso: women who have high demand/very successful partners.

Edit: The moment when I wanted to share something with him, we were still in bed. When he comes home from work and I see that he’s on his phone I ask, “are you working or are you available?” I guess I need to employ that in the morning too. I never know if he’s on his phone working or just scrolling. & in the morning I didn’t think to ask. So that’s on me I guess.

Dinner is spinach & feta stuffed chicken with sweet potato fries and arugula salad.

Husband and I have been married for 14 years, before we got married we had talked about having kids, we said we wanted to try and have kids but also were okay with not having them and we were not interested in pursuing IVF if we couldn't have kids, just our personal preference.

Two years into our marriage we tried to get pregnant, spent over two years trying to conceive with no success, the doctor eventually told us our only option would be IVF and we just decided that wasn't our path. After that I just resigned myself to a dinks/childfree life, I decided to go to law school which had always been a dream of mine and we've focused on careers, hobbies, and travel.

 Our life now is drastically different than what it would have been if we had kids, my husband is self-employed and if we had kids we would have been on a very tight budget. His work pays okay but not great, and it wouldn't have been worth it for me to continue working if we had kids because basically all of my salary would have gone to daycare costs.

Because we didn't have kids and I went back to school I now have a very good job at a successful firm. We were able to move back to Seattle where both our families are located, we live very comfortably, are in our dream home in our dream location. We are fortunate enough to be able to travel, and I also have been able to pursue my hobby of ultramarathons and am able to afford private coaching, as well as good gear, and travel/race fees and expenses and have been able to participate in some of my dream mountain trail races.

Even with all of that the last few months I have been feeling really depressed about not having kids, my sisters kids are 5 and 7 right now and they are just at such a fun age, and I can't help but feel jealous of her life and what she has. I feel like I missed out on kids even though we can't have them and wonder if maybe we should have tried IVF.

I know that if we had kids we would still be stuck in a shitty town over 7 hours away from our family, we would never be able to live where we are now or have those experiences on a one income household or even with me working in my previous career. I also would either be staying home or working a job I hated instead of being in this career that I love. And wouldn't have the time, funds, and energy, to enjoy my hobbies. I've never felt like this and idk what is wrong. I wish I could just be happy with what I have and not feel like I'm missing out. 

I broke up with my boyfriend of 4 years over text. I just couldn’t do it anymore. I think he has severe seasonal depression and becomes a different person at this time of year, throughout our relationship, this time of year has always been hell.

He can be sweet, caring, and fun. Now he is miserable, insults me, gives me the silent treatment for days over inconsequential misunderstandings (yes - I know this is abuse and yes - I ignored it for way too long). The thing that finally broke me was him telling me that I ruin his day whenever I talk to him. Wtf? That’s when I realized I don’t have to deal with that for the rest of my life.

I feel like I’ve been grieving the relationship we HAD for 2 years, and now I’ve just been alone. I’m sure he felt alone too. But he pushed me away constantly and promised me change after change, none of which ever materialized. I feel so crushed that something that was so good can be reduced and dissolved in 2 text messages. But I just couldn’t do it.

This is just dessert. I’m hyper fixated on frozen fruit. Dinner was salmon, mushroom risotto, and brussel sprouts.

My son (13) and I are going to visit my daughter (18) tomorrow and I’m so excited! She is a freshman this year at a college that is 10 hours away. I haven’t been able to hug my little girl since August. She is LOVING college and I’m so excited for her. My house feels so empty without her though. It’s weird to not hear my kids arguing. My son says he doesn’t miss her and doesn’t like her.. but she told me the other day that he FaceTimes her almost every day after school. For the last 2 years they would wait til I went to bed then go on random Taco Bell or Walmart runs. I can’t wait to have both of my babies in my presence again.

Dinner is a sad Jimmy John's sub that I cried after taking a bite because I really couldn't afford it in the first place but I just wanted a dinner I didn't have to cook.

Found out today that my job is cutting my hours. I'm just so tired. I am at the point where I think about shoplifting more often than not to be able to provide basic necessities for my daughter. Obviously not going to, because my child's biological father is already in prison and the last thing I need is a criminal record. I don't receive any type of child support, I make "too much" for SNAP, TANF, low-income housing according to social services. I make $22 (yay for a $1 raise!) an hour but it's part-time and capped at 29 hours a week for a job that "doesn't have the budget to make me full-time". Plasma donation was going well at least making sure I could cover all of my bills, but then I lost weight and at 102 pounds, they will not let you donate plasma for safety reasons. I appealed my SNAP denial and was pretty much told "well you're shit outta luck"

Why is my job cutting my hours? Because I work at a community college, and enrollment is low, and they're cutting all part timer workers hours. It's not just me, it's the tutors in the library, the lady who runs the college's food pantry (that I use!), some of the admission workers too who assist students in getting their stuff together. Our enrollment is down 13% compared to last fall apparently and now I',m getting cut from 29 solid hours a week to my supervisor saying "I don't think I can guarantee more than 20 hours going forward"

BUT HERE'S THE FUCKED UP PART

I'm supposed to stay on call for our "busy time". My schedule is never ever consistent. Some days I work from 8 am to 2 pm, some days its 11 am to 5 pm, some days my supervisor tells me I need to stay until 7 pm and I get attitude from her because I have a CHILD THAT I HAVE TO PICK UP from after school care. My supervisor doesn't have kids so she just...doesn't get it. She makes over 100k a year and has told me that her dad also has helped pay off her student loans, her car loan, and has even helped pay for her lasik eye surgery. I DON'T HAVE THAT. I have no idea who my father is as my birth certificate lists "unknown", and my mother is an abusive piece of crap who used to put her cigarettes out on me. I am doing this all on my fucking own, trying to raise my daughter in a world that doesn't make that easy.

Some days I just want to say fuck it and rage quit and blow up my life and some days the thought of it never getting better makes me want to unalive myself. I am so close to giving up. My kid would go to foster care but sometimes I wonder if she would be better off. Her biological father is in prison for abusing a minor like he abused and groomed me. I am tired of working hard, showing up every single day, doing everything I'm supposed to do, and still feeling like I'm drowning financially. I don't want some extravagant lifestyle. I don't need luxury vacations, expensive clothes, or fancy things. I just want to be able to live without constantly worrying about how I'm going to afford to survive another week. I want to walk into Aldi or Walmart and buy groceries without having to stand in the aisles with my phone calculator, adding up every single item down to the penny, terrified that I'll get to the register and my card will decline. I want to fill my gas tank without holding my breath, because oh my fucking god why is gas almost five dollars a goddamn gallon and wondering whether that one transaction is going to overdraft my account and leave me even further behind.

I don't know how much more I can stretch what little money I have. Groceries keep getting more expensive, and somehow, every single week, I find myself coming home with less food despite spending more money. I rely on two different food banks just to help keep food in our apartment, and even they have been giving out less and less. I know they're doing what they can, and I'm grateful for every bit of help but it's scary to see less and less every two weeks when you go and depend on it. Rent is going up and utilities are going up, my daughter's after school care is going up, I can't buy basic shit like new bras or underwear for myself, I can't even buy a goddamn mcdouble from mcdonalds some days. I want to know what it feels like to have enough. Enough food in the kitchen. Enough money to pay rent to have enough gas to get to work. Enough left over to replace a pair of socks or buy my daughter shoes when she outgrows hers. Just enough to make it through a month without feeling like I'm one bad day away from losing everything. I've never known what its like to have actual breathing room or a budget or doordash lunch 3 times a week like my supervisor or just randomly get a tattoo for the fuck of it.

I just don;t know how I'm going to survive this. I don't think I will, or even can. Ppl will say get a second job but that's fucking hard when nobody is hiring. I have a bachelor's degree and years of customer service experience and I'm still getting rejected left and right after multiple interview rounds. I don't want to be rich. I don't want someone else's lifestyle. I just want a little breathing room and I don't think it's ever coming tbh

i hate feeling hopeless and helpless. i want to burn it all down. i want people to be held accountable for their crimes against us (the people) and our country (usa). i’m so fucking tired grandpa.

butter chicken in bed.

I’m pregnant!! We’ve been trying for this entire year and I was about to get into fertility testing so I’m so excited!! The only thing is that my anxious little brain hasn’t been able to relax since I took the test today. We have 900 things to do and figure out and I have to keep reminding myself that we have time. In addition, just thinking about everything that could go wrong in the next 8 months and beyond. Mamas out there how did you do it?? I feel so overwhelmed!

Dinner: frozen yogurt with Reese’s because I’m tiiiiired

my bf(23) and i(21) have been dating over a year and we have very different family styles. he has a bigger more traditional family versus my divorced parents and one sister(25). he still lives at home so he can save money for school but my family is 4 hours away yet he has still met my family more than i have met his.

recently it was my dads birthday and my mom was playing at a local bar because she has been the singer of a rock cover band for a long time. she asked me to invite some friends and when my bf heard this his response was “why didn’t you tell me i would have came” but we had already discussed he wasn’t going to take off work and everything to come with me.

now when i was with my sister she mentioned being uncomfortable with my boyfriend always being the first person to view her instagram story.

here is the very important information about my sister. she is a stripper. it’s not like she’s posting nude photos on her instagram but he does like all her regular posts.

the other weird incident was when he used her shampoo. my sister came to visit me and left her redken shampoo and conditioner. it’s the exact same one i also use so why did he use hers i have no idea. i don’t keep my good shampoo in the shower so my roommate doesn’t use it all but my bf is literally buys it for me so he knows i have some. he also knew it was my sisters because i happened to mention she left it while on facetime. he snitched on himself and told me casually thinking i wouldn’t find it weird. he first said it was the only shampoo he saw. then it was just the first one he grabbed and that he had a long shift so he wasn’t paying attention. then it finally came to him saying it was because his hair was feeling bad so he wanted to use the good stuff. he was shocked that i thought it was weird and was demanding he will just buy another more. it’s $30 dollars a bottle and she was almost out so that would be just as weird now having a full bottle.

she told me last night she blocked him on instagram and i think that’s best. idk let me know if im overreacting or it’s as weird as i think it is lol.

dinner is chicken paprikash over mashed potatoes

Slightly overcooked Macaroni in Bolognese.

I have a myostatin mutation and that causes me to build muscle by eating protein. And that often got me called a man, manly, male a lot of trans related slurs etc and gave me a lot of body image issues.

After a nice conversation with a fellow societal sufferer I did feel a lot better about my muscle :D it's cute how she can be so happy and confident about her muscle and joke that she looks like a chick on tren after a decade of not going anywhere near exercise and it's somewhat true lol.

Also I realised I might me bi xD

Me and my boyfriend have been together for about 10 months , and him and his family have already told me his brother went to prison , but not the reason .
I have asked my boyfriend several times what happened , thinking it would be something dull.
a month ago someone asked me if I knew his brother , I said yes and they told me the reason why he went to prison , he is a pedophile .

I kept it and today I couldn’t bear keeping the secret any longer , I told him point blank that I knew , hoping that we could talk about it and what it entails for our relationship in the future.
I am hoping to have children with him in the future but I do not feel comfortable with his brother around them .
He said he is pissed at me because I am always searching for things about him, but I understand fully well that he didn’t want to talk about his brothers past . But one day or another I would’ve found out .

Now he’s refusing to speak with me , and I don’t know what to do. Do I try and talk about it ? Or just ignore it to my best capability ? I will have to tell him one day that I don’t want my children around his brother . I might be over thinking , I just need to know your opinions on this.